Are Filipinas you meet online *generally* trustworthy?

[pensiveman]

how old are you and how old is your Filipina?

We are both 30. I am older than her by a few months.

[WorldTraveler]

Hey guys I'm back. It seems my post was removed when I was banned so I'll have to type it all again!

So after reading the comments in this thread about multiple FB pages I decided to go onto FB and Google and type in variations of my lady's name (she has first, middle, 1st last name and 2nd last name). Now, I did know she had another FB page (henceforth: Forgotpw) she said she lost the password/got hacked and I checked it a few times; very out of date, last post was years ago. I'm unable to relocate it in my searches but the story checked out so whatever. I also know there was a shared FB between her and her last boyfriend (henceforth: Shared). I think I remember her mentioning she changed the password or he changed the password or something.

This really raises my eyebrow. Why would she make a 2nd Facebook page and like her posts on her main page? Was it the shared FB page with her last dude that she mentioned before? If so why does it say "engaged" and why does it have recent photos uploaded to it?

If she's scamming me, she's doing a terrible job. I never sent her any money; all I ever sent her was a digital camera for Christmas '13. She still had it when I visited her in September '14, so she didn't sell it. And as far as when I was there, yeah I paid for everything, but it's not like eating for 2 people is really expensive there, and I left her with a few thousand peso for food and stuff when I left, but that seems like a lot of effort and time just to scam someone out of a few grand peso.

If she's still with the other guy, then why mess around with me? I don't understand it.

This is all very confusing but definitely raises my suspicion levels. I told her about the FB page and she hasn't said anything about it yet so I guess we'll see... I'll give it a few days but it's looking like this is one I'll be letting go. I don't like shady secret shit.

EDIT: Finally got her to talk about it. I told her I was worried someone might be stalking her! Apparently it's an old account that she "never uses" because she "forgot the password" and it's a shared account with her ex from a different part of Asia. And she says it's temporarily locked because someone is trying to access it. HM.

Pensiveman, let me clarify what you said: her shared Facebook with the other man is being updated with new photos and comments? Are the pictures the same pictures she's uploading to your Facebook account? If this is the case, then she's updating it. If they are totally different then someone else is maintaining it.

I will tell you how to find her other Facebooks or accounts. Go to her fiends Facebooks. If their friends are not locked, you'll find other friends of theirs that may be your girlfriends other Facebooks. She will be using different names. I know one girl that has about 4 accounts. She actually has a kid with an Australian man. She doesn't know how I know but has admitted it. I wonder if the guy even knows her real name! Another girl I know is engaged to guy and has an account with him and has a general account. Usually girls create new accounts as they get new boyfriends. They'll get their friends on there so the guy won't be suspicious that it's not a real account. That is why on their friends accounts will show their other FBs.

You asked why would she do it. She's doing it because she maximizing her chances to find the right man. She will keep talking to all the men and telling them they are her only one, until you put a ring on her finger and marry her. If you not supporting her, I can't blame her. 30 in Philippines is very old for never being married.

I'll tell you one more little story. A friend of mine is "dating" this Filipina that he met on Cherry Blossoms that is in the top 5% of Pinays and in the top 1% of Pinays for her age group. I've see her FB and she's very classy looking. She tells him that he is her only boyfriend. He and I laugh because she's fallen in love with him and never met him in person. She expects him to believe that no other guys are communicating with her and he is the only one that is special!

As far marrying your Pinay, you have to decide if you believe that once you marry her she'll be happy and settle down for life. My X Filipina girlfriend tells me that the reason Pinays cheat is because their man is not with them all the time.

Good luck!

[pensiveman]

Pensiveman, let me clarify what you said: her shared Facebook with the other man is being updated with new photos and comments? Are the pictures the same pictures she's uploading to your Facebook account?

The account only shows 3 pictures, and all 3 were uploaded in August '14. One picture is found on both of her accounts,

As far marrying your Pinay, you have to decide if you believe that once you marry her she'll be happy and settle down for life. My X Filipina girlfriend tells me that the reason Pinays cheat is because their man is not with them all the time.

This is very disappointing - this is why I've abandoned American women!

[Bao3niang]

Jenny is 19 and does say "I love you" sometimes. She does add foreign men from time to time, recently it has been Arabs and Indians / Pakistanis. She has a few older white guys in her FB that she confessed she got to know from DIA. She told me she doesn't really talk to those men and doesn't like them.Maybe she just wants to get more likes?

[Bao3niang]

Most of the people she adds to her FB are Filipinos, both male and female. The foreign male pops up evert now and then. She also has a British female in her friends list.

[davewe]

I was surprised to see you live in the USA with your “child” bride as you referred to her. You mentioned being friends with a 100 American – Pinay couples. Are their age differences typically so great? I’m not trying to say this is negative, because all the girls I date are much younger than me too. I just know Americans are very critical about age differences. I have been given shit from family and friends for not dating women my own age. What kind of experiences are you and your wife having with this?

Shameless plug - read my blog and you will get a good hint at what our life is like so far.

But to try to answer your questions. Almost all the couples have an age-gap that in the US would raise eyebrows; 15, 20, 25, 30, 35 - you get the idea. I have a good friend, 72 who's been married 10 years to his wife, 40 years his junior. They have an 8 year old. He's a very very happy guy and from what I can tell, so is she.

I know lots of couples all over the country and typically there is an age gap, though not always as large as ours.

Are Americans critical? Of course. But they are also critical about most everything when it comes to sex, love and marriage. The truth is with a couple of exceptions most people have been very nice to us. If they are judgmental (which I am sure many are) they keep it to themselves, which is all I care about. Now that being said, people sometimes ask questions and I know where the questions are coming from, but again as long as they are polite to me and Janet - who cares.

In a couple weeks I am taking my wife back East to meet what is left of my family. I expect no issues, since my 65 year old cousin is married to a woman 30 years younger than him and my grandfather (long dead) was married for many years to a woman much younger than him. I guess it runs in the family

[davewe]

Back to the OP. You may have said it or the post may have been removed, but how often have you seen her. You met her 1 1/2 years ago online. In Filipina time this is a long courtship and you should have already had 3 or 4 babies by now lol.

What I mean is if you have only been there once, she may feel you are not that serious. Since you are only 30 in Western terms you may believe you have many years till you get married. But in her mind as a 30 year old Pinay, the time may be now. So she may be hedging her bets by chatting with others hoping you get going here.

You defined your relationship as engaged but have you started the visa process or made actual marital plans? If not she's gonna keep her options open.

I would think you need a more open discussion about where you are going together and when.

[MR2]

Are Filipinas you meet online *generally* trustworthy?

No, no they are not!

But if you keep at it you will find one or two that have good intentions.

[MR2]

I will tell you how to find her other Facebooks or accounts. Go to her fiends Facebooks. If their friends are not locked, you'll find other friends of theirs that may be your girlfriends other Facebooks. She will be using different names. I know one girl that has about 4 accounts.

This ^

Sometimes they are lazy too, and will just have all the accounts linked. If you have time to go through all of her friends, and she does not have them hidden then you can find the other facebook accounts. It will just be very time consuming.

Many of the girls I have talked to online have several facebook accounts. I know many girls with three and four accounts. They act naughty in one account, and conservative in another. They use a third account for their boyfriend's family here, and a fourth account for their own family here. Some are also bisexual or lesbians who use a seperate account for that. They will only tell you about one account. You will have to find the rest yourself. They will have reasons why they have so many accounts too, and it will be convincing.

As long as they think you are in love with them and they have you hooked then you will be fed lies.

If you are talking about a girl with good intentions that is completely and totally different.
They may have 2500 friends, but they have only ONE account.

[pensiveman]

We met in August '13 on a Filipina dating site. I was still in nursing school and she knew it would be a while (1-2 years) before I was ready to start a family. We added on Facebook that month and got engaged fairly quickly; our status on FB was "Engaged" by November '13 (I mean, I know moving quickly like that is considered a "red flag" for American/American couples but I was pretty much looking for a woman to marry and bring home to the US so moving quickly didn't bother me.). We have talked about the Visa process and what we need to prepare ahead of time to be ready for it. Recently she has expressed an urgency to get pregnant (she wants to get pregnant this year, IDK if I'll be ready - even if we break up I don't think she could accomplish that unless she has another man hanging around).

Nursing school didn't work out but I quickly recovered and took an EMT class that following semester (spring '14). I just got certified and am looking for work. If I can find a position for 30hr/week at $10/hr I will meet the income requirements to marry her in the PH and then apply for a Visa. I won't qualify for a K-1 Visa unless I make a bit more so I'm planning to marry her in the PH. She wants to get married in the PH anyway because "there's no divorce" (even though we could still divorce since divorce is legal in my country and PH honors that). She has also said some things and sent me some links that are suggestive of her wanting me to move to the PH.

I went and visited her in September '14. That's when I discovered she was still using CherryBlossoms (that's not where I met her).

Her profile photo is us, and I know you can't make those private (I mean, you can, but it will still show the photo on the page), and she often posts lovey-dovey photo collages of us publicly on her page.

At this point IDK what to think/feel. In a way it would be a relief if we broke up because then I could go back to getting my life in order (since I was thrown off track when I flunked nursing). But if we didn't break up and she stayed with me during these hard times of my being unemployed and being entry level in my field then I'd know she'd make a good partner.

[pensiveman]

We met in August '13 on a Filipina dating site. I was still in nursing school and she knew it would be a while (1-2 years) before I was ready to start a family.

So when will you be starting that family, then? It's been two years. And is she still the woman you would like to see as the mother of your children? Ask yourself that.

At this point IDK what to think/feel. In a way it would be a relief if we broke up because then I could go back to getting my life in order (since I was thrown off track when I flunked nursing). But if we didn't break up and she stayed with me during these hard times of my being unemployed and being entry level in my field then I'd know she'd make a good partner.

Marriage is for better or worse. You are engaged to this woman, and when you got engaged I bet things were closer to "better" then they were to "worse". Now with you flunking out and potential hard times ahead, you may be lean more toward worse. Do you think she will stick with you no matter what, or is she the type of hypergamous woman who keeps open her options and maintains four different facebooks and several dating profiles?

You have to ask yourself, and her, the hard questions. And you have to ask yourself what you want with your life and if she is the girl you want it with. And does she want the same things as you want? Does she have the same hopes, dreams and goals? Because as a 30 year old American man, you could do a lot better then a 30 year old Filipina, who by her country's standards is already an old spinster at this point. You could just as easily marry an 18-22 year old, which would also buy you a lot more time in terms of starting a family; the biological clock of a 30 year old woman will be ticking loudly by now and soon her reproductive prime will be behind her (one might argue it already is). If starting a family means a lot to you, think of these things. Weigh your options. And ask yourself... do you love her? That's perhaps the most important question of all.

Regardless of what decisions you make, good luck.

Thanks for all the replies. I apologize if I see like I'm arguing; I promise I'm not!

I think I will give it a couple of months and see how I feel. We can't move forward until I'm working anyway. We'll see if she's willing to stick with me even if it means having a child when she's a little older.

Me, I'm only 30 years old, I've got tons of time to find a lady. Hell it's SE Asia I can wait until I'm 50, lol.

[davewe]

We met in August '13 on a Filipina dating site. I was still in nursing school and she knew it would be a while (1-2 years) before I was ready to start a family.

So when will you be starting that family, then? It's been two years. And is she still the woman you would like to see as the mother of your children? Ask yourself that.

At this point IDK what to think/feel. In a way it would be a relief if we broke up because then I could go back to getting my life in order (since I was thrown off track when I flunked nursing). But if we didn't break up and she stayed with me during these hard times of my being unemployed and being entry level in my field then I'd know she'd make a good partner.

Marriage is for better or worse. You are engaged to this woman, and when you got engaged I bet things were closer to "better" then they were to "worse". Now with you flunking out and potential hard times ahead, you may be lean more toward worse. Do you think she will stick with you no matter what, or is she the type of hypergamous woman who keeps open her options and maintains four different facebooks and several dating profiles?

You have to ask yourself, and her, the hard questions. And you have to ask yourself what you want with your life and if she is the girl you want it with. And does she want the same things as you want? Does she have the same hopes, dreams and goals? Because as a 30 year old American man, you could do a lot better then a 30 year old Filipina, who by her country's standards is already an old spinster at this point. You could just as easily marry an 18-22 year old, which would also buy you a lot more time in terms of starting a family; the biological clock of a 30 year old woman will be ticking loudly by now and soon her reproductive prime will be behind her (one might argue it already is). If starting a family means a lot to you, think of these things. Weigh your options. And ask yourself... do you love her? That's perhaps the most important question of all.

Regardless of what decisions you make, good luck.

Thanks for all the replies. I apologize if I see like I'm arguing; I promise I'm not!

I think I will give it a couple of months and see how I feel. We can't move forward until I'm working anyway. We'll see if she's willing to stick with me even if it means having a child when she's a little older.

Me, I'm only 30 years old, I've got tons of time to find a lady. Hell it's SE Asia I can wait until I'm 50, lol.

Ok, so now that we have a few more facts, let's summarize.

1. You met her online at about 28 and quickly decided to get "engaged" despite never having met in person.
2. You finally met in person a year later - the only time so far you have actually met. That's when you discovered she was still using Cherry Blossoms.
3. You had a life plan which you dropped out of or flunked out of.
4. You are currently 30 and unemployed and therefore can't get a visa for her even if you decided you wanted to.
5. You come onto HA wondering whether the women (specifically her) are trustworthy.
6. You admit you have lots of time and can wait till you are 50 (which you can).

Sorry if this summary sounds harsh but if the shoe was on the other foot and I was advising her, what do you think I'd say? Run lol

Guys come onto HA all the time and complain about or criticize the women who prefer an older foreigner. This is certainly one of the scenarios that gets some of them to make that choice.

As MZ said you need to definitely consider what you want to do but please also consider what's best for the girl who as he also said is long in the tooth by Philippines standards.

[pensiveman]

We met in August '13 on a Filipina dating site. I was still in nursing school and she knew it would be a while (1-2 years) before I was ready to start a family.

So when will you be starting that family, then? It's been two years. And is she still the woman you would like to see as the mother of your children? Ask yourself that.

At this point IDK what to think/feel. In a way it would be a relief if we broke up because then I could go back to getting my life in order (since I was thrown off track when I flunked nursing). But if we didn't break up and she stayed with me during these hard times of my being unemployed and being entry level in my field then I'd know she'd make a good partner.

Marriage is for better or worse. You are engaged to this woman, and when you got engaged I bet things were closer to "better" then they were to "worse". Now with you flunking out and potential hard times ahead, you may be lean more toward worse. Do you think she will stick with you no matter what, or is she the type of hypergamous woman who keeps open her options and maintains four different facebooks and several dating profiles?

You have to ask yourself, and her, the hard questions. And you have to ask yourself what you want with your life and if she is the girl you want it with. And does she want the same things as you want? Does she have the same hopes, dreams and goals? Because as a 30 year old American man, you could do a lot better then a 30 year old Filipina, who by her country's standards is already an old spinster at this point. You could just as easily marry an 18-22 year old, which would also buy you a lot more time in terms of starting a family; the biological clock of a 30 year old woman will be ticking loudly by now and soon her reproductive prime will be behind her (one might argue it already is). If starting a family means a lot to you, think of these things. Weigh your options. And ask yourself... do you love her? That's perhaps the most important question of all.

Regardless of what decisions you make, good luck.

Thanks for all the replies. I apologize if I see like I'm arguing; I promise I'm not!

I think I will give it a couple of months and see how I feel. We can't move forward until I'm working anyway. We'll see if she's willing to stick with me even if it means having a child when she's a little older.

Me, I'm only 30 years old, I've got tons of time to find a lady. Hell it's SE Asia I can wait until I'm 50, lol.

Ok, so now that we have a few more facts, let's summarize.

1. You met her online at about 28 and quickly decided to get "engaged" despite never having met in person.
2. You finally met in person a year later - the only time so far you have actually met. That's when you discovered she was still using Cherry Blossoms.
3. You had a life plan which you dropped out of or flunked out of.
4. You are currently 30 and unemployed and therefore can't get a visa for her even if you decided you wanted to.
5. You come onto HA wondering whether the women (specifically her) are trustworthy.
6. You admit you have lots of time and can wait till you are 50 (which you can).

Sorry if this summary sounds harsh but if the shoe was on the other foot and I was advising her, what do you think I'd say? Run lol

Guys come onto HA all the time and complain about or criticize the women who prefer an older foreigner. This is certainly one of the scenarios that gets some of them to make that choice.

As MZ said you need to definitely consider what you want to do but please also consider what's best for the girl who as he also said is long in the tooth by Philippines standards.

I have considered her situation. I do feel really bad that nursing didn't work out. Had it worked out we'd be planning our wedding at this moment. But it didn't. She's been so patient so far.

Physical therapy is coming along great and I can finally bear all my weight on my leg, so I started putting mass applications and resumes out. I'll be working as an EMT/tech anyway, but if things work out with her, I qualify for paramedic school after 1 year experience as EMT and after a couple of years as a paramedic I can apply for PA course. Paramedics in my state make decent money compared to other states.

If things don't work out with this lady, well that sucks, but I've been through enough break ups and let downs that I'm not really hung up on it. I definitely walk away having learned a big lesson! I'll probably try nursing school again in that case since I'll have time.

Once I'm working I'll be able to visit her again after just a couple of months and start the visa process.

I don't really see irony in my posts. Questioning trustworthiness after finding your partner is still using a dating site is totally legit, regardless of whether or not I encountered a speed bump on my own life path.

[Mr S]

From my experience with Filipinos I do agree that a majority tend to lie on a fairly regular basis, usually when they think they can get away with it. I would say this is more prevalent with the lower socio-economic classes and lesser educated. The higher the economic and education ladder one goes, the less one will have to deal with this occurrence. However, to offset lying, there are other annoyances one has to deal with that occur only in the middle and upper level economic and education levels so it’s a mixed bag. In my opinion women are women and they will all act a certain way and their culture and society will often dictate what they can get away with. Women are adult children in many cases so if one doesn’t know how to monitor and discipline them, then they will act naughty as a kind of thrill in their lives, as long as they can get away with it. Usually when their looks and body starts quitting on them is only when they may get more serious with minimizing their casual deception behavior, but know it’s typically rampant in Filipinas when they are in their teens and 20’s.
The main way to prevent or minimize this from happening is to be a strong Alpha male and make sure you are much smarter than her and can intuitively anticipate what negatives she may be tying to use on you. Filipinas are experts at figuring out how much they can get away with a man when they first are with them, just like a 3 yr. old knows what they can get away with their parents discipline. The man also needs to be keeping them busy cause Filipinas generally get bored easily. Thus, if they are educated and have their own profession then usually it’s not so much a problem; it’s more an issue with the lower educated girls who have a stunted maturity level. They have been conditioned where they need to be entertained by external sources so if you aren’t there to do that, she will find other avenues and this is where the problem with smart phones, Internet, and social media come into play. Young and dumb girls are fun to play with for shot bursts but making a commitment to them is a near impossibility unless they are of the rare kind that is interested in improving themselves to get higher education and become a professional or business person. The other avenue if getting lower class women is to make sure they are the submissive type and you can provide strong leadership in the relationship. Also, low self-esteem helps too to keep her tied to you without wandering off to other guys. If you let a lower socio economic uneducated hottie be the alpha in the relationship, then the guy will eventually be screwed one way or another after they get married and have kids cause usually these women will move on to the next best thing once they get their residency card in whatever country you bring them back to.
Personally, I would only get seriously involved with a foreign women if I could live in their home country for an extended period of time to see if there is true compatibility. Just short visits or communication through social video media doesn’t cut it in the long run and I feel that is going to inevitably end in failure for most men. This may have been possible pre 2000’s but I don’t think the mail order bride thing or internet order bride thing works properly anymore unless the man can make long-term trips to whatever country the women is originally from or living in. I know this isn’t feasible for most men but also the divorce stipulations for most Western countries are not feasible for most men either so which is a harder predicament? Being single but traveling overseas to meet women occasionally and maybe coming up with a future plan to live overseas or taking a huge risk bringing a girl back from whatever country without really being with her for an extended time and them possibly becoming indoctrinated with Western culture and mindset?
I chose to live overseas and date the women in their home country. I don’t see myself bringing a girl back to the USA, it’s just too dangerous, the legal system can’t be trusted there if the marriage goes wrong, especially if kids are involved.

Most Filipinas will always look for the next upgrade unless they feel they can't or they are satisfied that their current man provides everything they need, realize this is probably a rare thing. I met a German businessman who was married to a Filipina and he had I think two or three kids with her. She was cool and still good looking but I guess she was an opportunist cause she ran off with some British guy that used to go to his restaurant/bar. What a dumb idiot Englishman to get with an already used Filipina with kids! Then the German guy hooked up with one of their hot Waitresses and the EX got pissed at him and her, when she ran away from the German guy to begin with and took his kids also. It's a ridiculous scenario to think about, but these things seem to be somewhat common with Filipinas. I've met many other guys with their own horror stories, it never ends. Filipinas can be as good as gold if you get a good one or they can be just as bad as fool's gold, or gambling and losing all your money on a supposed 'safe' bet. Filipinas are not 'Safe' marriage bets, especially with those under 30 as they come from the smart phone social networking generation and their morals and priorities in life are often warped beyond repair in comparison to the ones from the 0ver 30 generations.

[WorldTraveler]

Mr S, as always I respect your opinion greatly. I also agree with you 100%! How many years have you lived in the Philippines? There will always be Western men who believe that Filipinas are sweet and innocent and their Filipina is different!