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Observations on Women in China

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Observations on Women in China

Post by Winston » October 4th, 2007, 1:39 pm

Posted long ago on the forum: ... wtopic=977

Posted: May 20 2004, 05:34 AM

Cpt. Kirk,

what you mean 'beam' to Beijing? Just for a visit or a long term assignment? I lived in Beijing for somehing 1.5 years over various stays and all in all in China and Taiwan 3.5 years starting from 1996. If you are serious (i.e. long-term) about going to China, let me please know. Want to know details.

Now what vaughn42 described, I basically do agree with. Basically.

What however puts it into perspective is the following:

If you stay in China longer, you can literally meet hundreds of gals who will be interested in you. Even assuming most will NOT fit you culturally, you still have the chance to meet one that does. And you see, you usually just need to find ONE good one if you are serious. And if you are a player, it does not really matter if they are perfect fits. So both the player and marriage-oriented guy have it not too bad when staying in China.

Let me describe two things. Problems one can encounter with Mainland Chinese girls and some 'types' I could cluster.


Of the country, not of the girl. China is not a country it is a continent. Very diverse. What I describe is mostly applicable to the affluent costal cities, i.e. including Beijing. But I also have been to very third-worldish provinces. Provinces - i.e. entities as big as a European state. So this all here are generalizations. For Beijing they may hold though.

You all get those incense sticks out of your ears and simmer the Sinophilie down, the true religion of the Mainland Chinese is materialism. As simple as that. Giving that they just this generation left Socialism behind, I think it is understandable. Shallow maybe, but understandable. Given another 20 years of prosperity, this maybe will change from a purely materialistic society to a more leisure oriented society. Yet, Chinese will always have a certain materialistic streak. It has to do with face. Education equals wealth equals face.

Inferiority Complex
China means Middle Kingdom and this is how the Chinese always viewed themselves. And it irks them terribly that by the end of the 19th century they had to realize the hard way it was not the case any more and their society has actually become inferior. The aftermath of this revelation is far from over yet. So many Chinese when dealing with Westerners are in a pretty uncomfortable position. On one hand, they have this 3,000 years of culture (which they generously blow up to 5,000 years) on the other hand they face someone from a now more developed society. Hard for them to cope with, many head for varying degrees of inferiority complex. A high degree of that is no fun in a girlfriend.

Not worldy
Mainlanders are not %$#$%, but their government does its best to filter news. It is not that they now live in total ignorance anymore. They in particular know and openly complain about corruption and abuse of power of their ruling class like people everywhere. But about the outside world, views can be very hazy. This makes outlooks sometimes incompatible. For instance - they will insist Taiwan has to be brought back to the Motherland, even by force. Telling them you have been in Taiwan and the Taiwanese do not want this and for good reasons will not sway a Mainlander. And I am not talking about public discourse, I mean between friends. Not to offend anyone, but when putting a Chinese (on average not worldy by design) and an American (on average not worldy by choice), well ... : two people on the large clueless about the outside world and convinced their cultural system is the center of the universe. Spare you the details ...

The ladies one will meet as a foreigner are very probably educated. Otherwise, extremely unlikely they speak any English at all. Such girls however have been employees of their family from the age of six (grade one), working 15 hour shifts a day, 7 days a week, to enter university. Entrance is based on competitive exams, keepin in mind less than 1% of the Chinese can enter university, do the math. Either study mind bogging volumes for 12 years (mostly rote memorization of dubious long-term use) or give up any hope right away. Such a program comes at the expense of maturity, social skills and developing interests. Personally, I stay away from any girl under 25 (at least). On a large, they are not beyond the level of teenagers. Teenagers with a university diploma. Couple this with being raised prudish and often gender segragated and you can guess how much they know how to deal with a man. Some may find it charmingly naive, I consider it inappropriate.

Or rather the lack thereof. As described above, there is usually no time to develop any. Coupled this with that Mainland China is still in its purely materialistic stage and not yet a leisure society, guess what people's minds usually revolve around. Money and shopping. As an example, they probably will buy a (pirated) hollywood flick and watch it. But just because they can. Ask them about the movie and what they think of it (or actually remember) and answers get very shallow. The focus is on 'I can afford and buy the latest flicks and play them on a big screen' as opposed to 'hmmm, what kind of entertainment do I actually like'. BUY not LIKE. With regard to girlfriends now, many young Chinese women came over as very bland to me. Lack of personality and interests by the age of 24-25 still. After that, when getting into contact with real life, it gets better though.

Okay, so far for some problems to watch out for, now to some types you may encounter. Of course, there are ALWAYS exceptional girls. And the number game makes it actually not unlikely you will meet one. They are exceptional and as such do exceptional things. Like dating a foreigner. But here the ...


Gold diggers
You can find these also in China. From the totally rotten lazy and spoiled gal spreading for a meal ticket over the dragon lady that will make you labour like a slave to gain face to the green-carder. And they can put on great acts and hide it patiently. Be a bit on the look-out and keep your finances in your own hands. And get a prenuptial.

20-24 year old students
I would stay clear. You think you talk to a woman while you actually deal with a teenager. Except when you find immaturity very attractive, be very careful. If you do find it attractive, I think you will head for desaster anyway and I wonder why you actually read that far.

Career woman
Marriage should settle in by 25. Many parents pressure for it. But some women do a year abroad. Pursue a degree there. Pursue a second degree. Etc. etc.. When coming back, they are maybe too old by 27. Or they just found no acceptable suitor till 25. Or they got dumped. Marrying up then gets difficult. Many a Chinese city bloke can easily get a wife from a poorer province. This leaves a large pool of educated women with fluent English on the marriage market.

White fever
As much as we can have Yellow Fever, some Chinese women have White fever. Exotic looks, different culture, other attitudes - this is all a two-way street. On this instance however, don't let yourselves be blinded (yes, both of you). Being exotic and interesting helps to initiate a relation and is a nice bonus, BUT it is offset by need for adaptation. A White fetish meeting an Asian fetish alone will not carry the day.

Happens a lot in China too. Remarriage being very difficult for women. There are also Chinese players, losers and bums, just like in our own countries. Considering the family pressure to marry at an age when still immature (24-25) one shall not be surprised that there are a lot of unhappy and dead marriages, only held together by peer pressure.

If you ever see a barber shops with tarty looking girls waving you over - don't get a haircut!!! I once saw a guy who got one there. Looked as if he got them cut in a whorehouse. Hope you catch my drift. Oh - and when you are called up right after you checked in in your hotel room and some girl ask if you want a massage ... ah well forget it ... I guess you all got some common sense. WHO says China heads for a big AIDS disaster btw. ...

ADDED: Tres-Chic
Some girls may try to meet you to gain face. Looks cosmopolitan and very worldy to have a foreigner in your circle of friends. This actually is not limited to girls, some people just want to look modern and international. Let them, as long as you do not read too much into it, you should do fine.

ADDED: Study English
Some may try to be with you just to improve their English. Again, not a phnomenon limited to just girls. Do not let them monopolize your time this way I would say. Think yourself what you get out of this for the free English conversation you provide. If these people are just a bore and drain your time - launch them. But if they are helpful, help you enlarge your circle of friends etc. etc., then we can start talking.

Okay boys, that's it for now.

Do not want to put you off, but think you better get my view too for a broader picture.

And as said, though many Chineses gals are maybe not what you look for, who cares. Play the numbers game, all you got to find is ONE right one.

And you vaughn42 - as said, if you go to China long-term send me a pm.
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Post by Winston » January 12th, 2012, 4:43 pm

Wow I can't believe I found this thread posted long ago. Do you guys think the observations above are still true and accurate?
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Post by xiongmao » January 12th, 2012, 5:20 pm

I guess it's still accurate. Gz was awash with the career girls who'd left it too late to find husbands - they're the majority of the Chinese girls I've dated.

Immaturity is quite common - a few girls have been totally clueless about men. This was hard going for me since they wouldn't start anything and I wasn't sure I wanted to make the first move.

I think if you want a Chinese wife you're gonna have to date a lot of women. Only my current gf is what I would consider top notch wife material. Oh she is really lovely in so many ways. The others have had terrible defects in one way or the other.

Oh, and Chinese hairdressers are good fun! If you think you want a Chinese wife, then it's essential to inspect the goods so to speak.
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Post by Rock » January 12th, 2012, 6:26 pm

Winston wrote:Wow I can't believe I found this thread posted long ago. Do you guys think the observations above are still true and accurate?
I like the guy's writing style and it all sounds credible. Perhaps some of the bad points (pure consumerism) have improved a bit since he wrote that. So at the minimum, there may be more positive exceptions than when he wrote this piece.

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