Nice post and reply, @Maverick. You clearly came to the Philippines with the dual advantage of being young and single, and with a gameplan most foreigners just don't have, at least not at the beginning. Most of "us" foreigners who land here are socially awkward, incel or divorced, traumatised or stressed out by life events and in need for healing. Going from sexually starved to getting laid 3 times a day, maybe with different girls, is a rush most men cannot handle rationally. I admit it happened to me, too. I wanted more and more, quantity over quality. I had some savoir faire with the ladies and got addicted. Meeting 3 different girls every week was like shooting fish in a barrel.Maverick wrote: ↑November 3rd, 2023, 8:34 amBefore I respond to this, I want to make it clear that I'm a youngish guy (30s) in the Philippines. My "circle" in the Philippines consists of my wife's friends, many of whom are highly educated professionals, business owners, and politicians. My wife and her friends are/were very open to dating foreigners, but nobody would go over 40 in terms of age (some wouldn't even go over 30). So what's been possible for me may not be possible for someone twice my age.
It took me about 2 years to reset myself and get back to my initial proposition of looking for the kind of girl I really wanted to be my lifetime companion, possibly my second wife (I was divorced back in the UK). Needless to say, when I got back on that track, finding a girl who was young, pretty, fair-skinned, well-educated, never married, hailing from an upper-class family, open to date a divorcee 15-20 years her senior, proved nowhere near as easy. Nevertheless, despite still living in impoverished Davao, I had some business connection with Manila and was lucky enough to meet "my" girl.
May I ask: did you got acquainted with her while still home, or you met her in the Philippines? You have been lucky to find a girl from a self-sufficient family, as you say, and who was open to dating a foreign young man, rather than someone from her own social circles.Maverick wrote: ↑November 3rd, 2023, 8:34 amI've been in the Philippines since it opened almost 2 years ago. Met my wife immediately when I got there. I haven't given a dime to her family (except gas money to her father when he drives me around since I would never drive myself here).
You can avoid supporting the family as long as you pick an educated girl from a good family that has some degree of financial literacy. This is not super easy to find since the IQ in the Philippines is through the floor, but they're out there.
Smart, smart move.
The matter of "self-sufficiency" is a complicated one and has much more to do with financial literacy and moral strength, than actual access to wealth. So many Filipino families, even those who claim to be educated and populate the upper echelons of public administration or the industry, are still very undisciplined, when it comes to wanting more than they can afford. They tend to be greedy and take advantage of every situation where they think they have a reasonable chance to get away with free cash, or free favours, or both.Maverick wrote: ↑November 3rd, 2023, 8:34 amNo. This is bad advice. Please don't do this. Find a girl whose family is self-sufficient. They're out there.So long you are a "good guy", you turn up to the girl's home and vow to give financial the girl and the parents (and siblings...and a couple of inlaws...), that's automatically more than what those girls would receive from 99% of the local prospect they might receive.
You probably found not only the right girl, but also the right family. Sometimes parents, or even just one parent, who worked abroad for a number of years, is all it takes for the entire family to uphold to better ethical standards than the rest of the locals.
I can't be sure but what I think happened with you, just like with @MarcosZeitola, is that your girl and her family perceived your youth, your good looks and your future potential in life as sufficient added value to be happy with your relationship. Had you been in your 50s, not so good looking and looking for a girl in her 20s, they would have either opposed your relationship with the girl, or consent in exchange of you bringing "something to the table", sharing your wealth with them.
This is the common trait. To what extent this trait is exercised, it depends on the amount or moral backbone vs greed and opportunism. I know of girls who married their senile partners and went to live abroad, only to be told by their mothers than they need to send home a substantial sum of money, just to offset the hassle and pain of having their entire neighbourhood constantly gossip about their daughter being a gold digger. So let's add "resilience to peer pressure and gossip" to the mix.
All in all, if you are but a few years older than your Filipina, with desirable traits (fair skin, light eyes, maybe blonde hair) and never married, few families will see a relationship with their girl as less than a blessing. Things change considerably as age gap moves on the scale.
This is true, but let's not forget that "middle class" status in the Philippines is a relatively fragile socio-economic status. A young man and his wife may have a combined income of P100,000 or more, which would put the household in "urban middle class" status. Yet, these couples learn pretty soon that, in order to give their kids a half chance in life, they need to send them to private schools, from kindergarden all the way up to college (UP being the lone exception). Social pressure and the need to perform well at work make it an almost compulsory choice to leave close to the workplace, maybe around one of the Business Districts, which immediately increases the portion of income that goes on rent, or a mortgage (in lucky cases).Maverick wrote: ↑November 3rd, 2023, 8:34 amIt's possible that this was true in the past, but it isn't anymore. With the availability of online, foreign-based jobs, it's possible for Filipinos to lift themselves out of poverty. I've known people who have done this. I've also known people who grew up in bad conditions, put themselves through school and now live a middle class (by Filipino standards) lifestyle.
Now, will a person grow up in the mountains with concrete floors and become a billionaire? Probably not. But it's definitely possible to go from poor to middle class.
The worse happens when a medical problem happens, not necessarily to the couple but even to the parents or in-laws. Quality of private healthcare here is very good, but tends to be expensive. They say middle class Filipinos are only one medical emergency away from plunging into debt, or poverty again.
I might sound overly cynical here but, from what I could observe, the only way to live comfortably, as a Filipino in the Philippines, is by either live off inherited wealth and a cushy position obtained by privilege, or be one of the myriad of corrupt politicians and public administrators, who can rake up tens to hundred of thousands of dollars every year from bribes.
That's true but, as I said, the "call of the jungle" is hard to avoid when you haven't had sex in, say, 5 years and your last "relatioship" was with a slightly psychotic, overweight mom of 3.Maverick wrote: ↑November 3rd, 2023, 8:34 amWhen I came to the Philippines, I specifically avoided girls who were uneducated and/or unemployed. I also made it clear from the beginning that I will not be the family's ATM. I weeded out a ton of girls this way.
From what I've seen, most foreigners just chase looks and want to date the youngest girl possible without really considering anything else. That's where they get themselves into trouble.
You also need to look at things from the point of view of someone older, disillusioned about life. The moment a man learns he can attains sexual nirvana in the Philippines, they will naturally put all other qualities in a relationship, including inner beauty, intelligence and curiosity, on the far backseat. If those men can have a slender girl, with perfectly tanned skin and sensual facial features, give them sex 2 or 3 times a day, without hassling them when they go out for beer with their fellow expats, and keeping the house clean and tidy; that, believe me, is what 90% of what they may desire.
Like I said, if you are young, good looking and never married, you can afford to pull the "I don't have an income yet" card. For most foreigners past their 40, who are expected to have a professional background and some savings, the game is only balanced when the girl's family sees the man putting something on the table. How much he will have to put, it all depends on the girl and the family's moral backbone.Maverick wrote: ↑November 3rd, 2023, 8:34 amI don't recommend this.
From what I've seen, when guys end up with girls like this, the families tend to use him as an endless piggybank. I guess if the guy is old, it doesn't matter much since he'll be dead soon anyway. But, if the guy is young, he could go through his money really fast this way.
I recommend a logical approach to dating in the Philippines (just like anywhere else).
Good luck with your life in the PH!