Back to China in July

[magnum]

I've been working my ass off to get back to china and my GF who seems to always bee too busy with her university to give me any attention, I'm not sure if that's a excuse or not she always seems burnt out and tired the FEW times we skype....I'm going back around july 11th or 15th, I'll be heading to shenyang, and we're going to take a train back to her home town.

If things go bust with my girl friend, and I suspect she has at least a few moments a day to send a few messages and her skype contact list is always growing in number... so point being is, I'm wondering if I'm setting my self up for failure....but I'm a man who believes in action and moving forward, besides, I'm 28, I don't think I'll be able to pull off dating 19 year olds for very much longer AT ALL....I could be wrong though, I hate to think of dating much older then 23, I've met chinese girls who are 25+ they are workaholics who are so focused on career they don't have time for a relationship, don't get me wrong I can respect that, just don't expect to catch me dead trying to date a girl who's already in a relationship with her job.

Ah well, if things go badly with her I'll see if I can't find a train to Guangzhou maybe I'll say hello to xiongmao, though I understand he isn't in that part of the country at the moment.

this will probably be my last trip to china, I can hardly afford to go a second time as it is and honestly, I'm not going down without a fight, I'm spending and risking a lot on this trip to get back to this girl so we'll see.


When I have the money saved up again to head out of country in a few years, I'll probably pick Thailand of Vietnam to find a wife, but honestly....I'm only getting older, it's almost more to my advantage to pay a girls way to come see me, but then who knows what the girls would "plan" while your at work, hard to win in this situation, but still a better deal then what you can get back home.

[xiongmao]

Lol, 28 isn't old. I think I'm a bit crazy to wait to 37 to start dating... on the other hand I have enormous choice at my age, and a lot less competition. Plus a huge smug grin on my face from knowing that most guys of my age are stuck in their cubicles.

About your girl, one thing I picked up from studying in a Chinese university was that students work, work, work and don't have a whole lot of time for other stuff. The teacher I was helping suggested the students should have more parties, but I can't see that ever happening.

Don't worry about age - I met a couple of 19 year old students in Guangzhou (not students where I was studying) and with a bit of work I think that could have gone somewhere.

As for China, well I'm now in Thailand. This place is great for finding a girlfriend, but I'm not sure about finding a wife here.

I baled from China for a whole host of reasons. But if I return to China I don't think it will be to Guangzhou. None of the ladies I got on best with actually lived there - I had better luck in Dongguan and Shenzhen.

Maybe a smaller city would be better, but then it's down to the whole problem of the Chinese climate being so hostile in so much of the country.

[magnum]

Hmmm what city do you think a guy my age could have better luck in china?


I could give up on china, but its where I had the best results, though it's the only country I've been to with direct access to the women so..that could by more why.


Never made it to japan or korea, but they're so expensive, and the women from what you all said are so picky it sounds pointless.

Vietnamese women are very physically attractive, but I'm clueless how they are regarding attitude and personality, though I did meet a acquaintance of mines wife, she seemed very feminine and really attractive so that might just be my next country of interest for a bride.


My current girl friend will probably insist waiting a few years to get married even if she gets serous, if that happens I'm not so sure I want to wait that long.

[Adama]

Who is she skyping with? See, I dont know if I want a woman who loves Facebook, Tagged and chatting online with people, unless they are her family.

[magnum]

Exactly, I don't know who she's skyping with... and the number went from 32 to 51, so lets be honest, I'm sure i"m not the only guy she's speaking with not to mention her English was better last time I skyped with her.

Point being, 1. why would she not want to practice with me then....and 2. if she is talking to others, it's probably guys.....


I did a test, I had my buddy sign up with a fake account, message her on skyp and have a conversation, and she not only told him she had a boy friend, she told me about the encounter.

So...she's on the level...or at least I think she is, or she's so damn smart she knows I tested her.



At this point she's so stressed out, and we had a fight not too long ago that I think its best to just go to china and see her otherwise I might not get a chance to see her ever again.


I know I'm foolish for flying back to china, but I have to try, its not like I get that many chances, and I gave her my word, despite the poor choices I hope she hasn't been making, I'm a man of my word and I will honor it.

[aozora13]

It does lead to suspect. I think she is attractive to men because her English is good (compared to many Chinese who are abroad). I met a few in Vienna (Austria) who knew no English only German (which was not that good) or a few who knew both. I think your best bet is to see if you can keep your options open and to look for other Chinese women. Xiongmao is correct about Chinese women. I know a Chinese woman who at 26 studying in Europe (masters degree taught in English) was engaged living with her boyfriend. It is common that at 25-26 your family wants you to be married or about to be married soon.

Yes, I believe you should try to see if you can try to find a English teaching job (helps with legal visa) and try to see if you can stay with her. She will give you more credit for trying to do that than do your military idea.

[Adama]

Exactly, I don't know who she's skyping with... and the number went from 32 to 51, so lets be honest, I'm sure i"m not the only guy she's speaking with not to mention her English was better last time I skyped with her.

Point being, 1. why would she not want to practice with me then....and 2. if she is talking to others, it's probably guys.....


I did a test, I had my buddy sign up with a fake account, message her on skyp and have a conversation, and she not only told him she had a boy friend, she told me about the encounter.

So...she's on the level...or at least I think she is, or she's so damn smart she knows I tested her.



At this point she's so stressed out, and we had a fight not too long ago that I think its best to just go to china and see her otherwise I might not get a chance to see her ever again.


I know I'm foolish for flying back to china, but I have to try, its not like I get that many chances, and I gave her my word, despite the poor choices I hope she hasn't been making, I'm a man of my word and I will honor it.

Did the two of you discuss exclusivity? Friendship with men? Monogamy? Some guys can pin all their hopes on one girl. I like putting my eggs in more than one basket.

[xiongmao]

I'm rethinking the whole China thing. In fact I'm rethinking the whole whole thing.

I still like being abroad, but I need a serious rethink about China.

Guangzhou is a fabulous city but none of the best ladies I met actually lived there. If my Mandarin was better I'd go to Changsha or Dongguan. If I wanted to date more English speaking alpha females I'd go to Shenzhen.

Having heard some terrible life stories from the ladies I've met, all I know is that marrying a lady who can't express herself in English is highly risky. And it would be some years before I could do psychoanalysis in Mandarin!

Also Chinese ladies are hot but when I went to the singles party and the marriage agency of the company running it, they asked all kinds of questions about my job and house etc. etc. etc. but nobody really talked about love.

I am liking Thailand though, and maybe I'll find some way of living here for a year.

Well I'm here for two weeks and I'll see who I can find on Thai Love Links.

I've only been here a day or so. Already I can see that Thai ladies come in all shapes and sizes. There are more taller ladies here than I thought there would be. Also I thought Chinese ladies were hot but there are plenty of absolutely smoking hot women here. That's if they're really women!

I'm not sure that Thailand is good for marriage minded ladies. But after talking to Rock and Falcon last night I think it is a good place for me to work on my game so I can try and find a really awesome wife. Plus Rock showed me that it's easy to find English books and stuff, and the hotel has English TV. China was great but it can get very boring after a while, especially if you haven't got a date and the Internet goes down!

Plan B is to go to the Philippines. I've been offered a job there (not a teaching job) but after reviewing the contract it sounds too restrictive.

Anyway, I still think you should go down the English teaching route. A teaching certificate is useful, but when you're there you can find jobs by word of mouth and also do private tuition.

Also as I said before other jobs do crop up on eChinaCities and other sites.

In the longer term though a Chinese woman would be more impressed if you had a career, so give that some thought.

[magnum]

Actually, I'm staying for her entire holiday, we're going to teach English together to kids and the like, so it'll be interesting to see how much money we make, she said we'd be teaching up to 50 at a time...that's quite insane, she seemed to be really sure about the number too, so we'll see....as long as it's all verbal because I'm sure as hell not qualified to teach English grammar punctuation or anything of that sort.


Yeah, well I guess language is really the limitation maker isn't it...


Maybe I'm a fool, but I seriously can't pretend I'm ok growing older and devaluing everyday to the younger women....the problem is, I used to have self doubt ect in my early 20s because I was fat and had horrible social skills, now I'm increasing my value evreyday and you know what I'm finding...and you can call me arrogant but I'm actually a very humble guy..

Women are starting to have too little value for me to consider a relationship with, but the catch 22 is, they don't know a good thing when it kicks them in the taco, the only time people gave me credit for my values were in china to be honest, it's sad how little value is put on honor morals and athleticism, it all boils down to money nowadays.

My favorite moment is when my buddys wife lectured me on a career and not having a home, when she's 20 years old, and has nothing to her name if it wasn't for the fact that my friend sold his ass to the navy to give her a life, interesting double standard, in fact she would get mad about how I always talked about how great things were and how much better they were in china and held a grudge, and she's mexican, so go figure you'd think he'd be a little more open minded, all she can talk about is drama at work, how much she loves star bucks, and how she always wants new cloths, yet I'm the jack ass for talking about my experiences in another country with meaning behind them.

Enough ranting.

[Ghost]

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[xiongmao]

Men do indeed increase in value as they age. I only started dating when I was 37 (what a hopeless loser!!!) but I'm doing OK and really making up for it now.

Mind you, here in Bangkok I seem to be the youngest guy interested in the ladies!

I would have lasted longer in China but Guangzhou is a pressure cooker and my mistake was not getting out of the city more often.

Also China is still relatively unknown and it's a hard place to live, especially if you don't speak or read much Chinese. I can see why so many Brits come to Thailand. It's effortlessly easy to live here as there is Western food, Western newspapers, loads of people speak English and it's incredibly easy to find a date!

Whereas in China I found it an uphill struggle even to buy shampoo from the supermarket.

Chinese ladies are good but do your due diligence because Chinese ladies often won't talk about stuff unless you specifically ask them about it. Especially important stuff.

Also I know that if you marry an Asian girl you marry her family. But we Brits are probably some of the least family orientated in the world, and older people have much less value in our society. So that's a hard thing to take on board. And many Chinese ladies come with huge liabilities to add to your balance sheet.

[Taco]

I'm 28, I don't think I'll be able to pull off dating 19 year olds for very much longer AT ALL....I could be wrong though, I hate to think of dating much older then 23.

I have good news for you, your still in your prime. You can have all the 19 year olds you want in PI and your age won't even come up. If you get them pregnant they'll stay with you forever.

[magnum]

@xiongmao

Well my girl friends mother is actually chronically ill and will probably pass soon, hell for all I know she might pass while I'm on holiday with my girl friend, that leaves her father and older brother....so I'll have 2 male family members who are probably not going to like the fact I'm with her in the first place, though I'm not sure if her brother will even care.

I remember in L.A in thai town that I managed to woo a girl who was singing on stage at a rather fancy thai restaurant, I do find them attractive, but I find a lot of them unattractive too, who knows, after china I'll see what happends, I might just find my self shopping thai, though vietnamese girls seem to keep getting my interest more and more, but I heard it's so difficult to get involved with them it might not be worth the time.


@taco

Yeah it seems the PI would be a god send if I found them attractive...I'm just not in to women from that part of the world, I dislike the language and the look of the average women in that country, I even sometimes get annoyed at my self for it, but I've always been physically attracted to the lighter skinned grils, china/japan/korea.

[kai1275]

Hmmm My wife thinks she is too young and sometimes bringing a white guy that is good enough, to visit the parents, might get her approval to be with you or whatever else... Maybe I should reiterate this in my guide, but meeting the parents is a huge deal. That basically means marriage is next if they approve of the relationship. The fact that a 19 year old is doing this seems strange, because that is a little too young to be doing this, but she might just be super mature for her age. Also the distance could be a result of heavy burden on her school wise and her mother's health.

My wife wonders if she wants money or anything like that. Does her family have money?

She could also just think you are just a "Good Enough Husband", I wrote about this in my guide. Check it out. It goes both ways. Some of them will not be picky especially if you are a young white guy that is a decent fit.

Also does she know you talk to other women? If she found out would she get upset? If no, find you some backups. That can help get her to straighten up on details. When in doubt, sometimes pulling out is not a bad idea. It is easy to get confused or mixed signals when communicating with Chinese women. Many men report that their is distant and does not say lovey dovey stuff. Chinese women express love by DOING things, because talk is very very cheap to them! So once you get there and she rocks your socks off by tending to you (like feeding you food from her bowl or yours, cleaning your clothes, satisfying your physical needs anytime you need it, washing you in the shower, rubbing your back and shoulders, constantly checking on you, etc then you will know where she really stands.

So take your time and see what happens, could be the greatest thing ever.

[xiongmao]

Thailand is different to China. In China the average woman is hotter. But in Thailand there are many, many average looking women but more absolutely stunning women who are way beyond a 10. How many of them are really ladies is open to speculation though!

Young and smart guys can easily date 10's here because let's be honest, we Brits don't exactly send our finest citizens to Thailand. If I went into some of the bars here I'd be the youngest guy!

Saw a young guy here with a P4P girl (maybe it was his first time with a girl?) but what struck me is that he'd actually chosen a P4P girl who looked similar enough to him to be good wife material. So many couples look like each other - go out and look!

Anyway, get yourself back to China as an English teacher because it's practically impossible to advance a long-distance relationship unless you're physically together.