Feminegress Infiltrator

[abg98]

Hey! I'm sure the title caught your attention. lol

I'm a proud Black American feminist** ^_^

I'm also a Nigerian girl who likes to cook, clean, sew, and help/understand others and can't wait to be a mom (in a loving, nurturing family).

TL;DR: Black feminism is what taught me that's it's okay (and actually just as "revolutionary"!) to be feminine and enjoy being treated like a lady and that it doesn't make you backwards, weak, or stupid.

These seem like polar opposites to most people I've come across, and I feel that the externally influenced conflicts have really worn on me. I'm only 20, but I feel like I've already been through so much unnecessary emotional distress (albeit in tiny but regular bits spread over those 20 years). I'm notoriously quiet and "smart." I put smart in quotes because I get good grades like everyone else, but I also only tend to speak when I have something to say, which I feel is different from just knowing a bunch of stuff. I've always liked "White" things. My favorites have always leaned towards oldies, rock (of all eras), country, and Asian pop/rock. I believe this combined with my unconventionally Nigerian upbringing as an only child has always made me very aware that I'm "different," but I've never wholeheartedly agreed as I believe everyone's an individual even if patterns do exist.

Anyway, as I grew older and learned more through my navigation of Texas suburbia, I became very aware of the disparities that persist in the US, albeit in subtler manners. This consequently led to feminism. However, no later than middle school, I started to run into conflicts with what should be "my" movement. Being the only Black girl, I ignored it and kept on trudging along. Despite getting caricatures of my quiet, nerdy, damn-near frumpy (I think I have a complex from developing early and the consequent harassment) self as a prostitute, being written off as incapable of sexual/romantic attraction (y'know, since I'm not a video girl), and never actually being cared about despite being there for others, I still considered them my friends.

In trying to ignore these seemingly small but persistent slights, I had unknowingly began to internalize them. In addition to what the media and society put out about Black women, my so-called friends reinforced the ideas that I could never be even remotely female (forget feminine) outside of being a sassy slut of some sort. It continued and hit me in the face in college, with new not-necessarily-feminist "friends" who were uncomfortable with my existence and avoided me as much as possible. I wasn't a skinny (<size 2) and/or petite Asian girl (therefore, not really a girl), but I also wasn't a guy. Things were similar and much more severe with the comp sci classmates that was supposed to be a community, with the exception of one classmate who made it a point to be friendly with EVERYone. I bring up race and build because those were really the only things that differed between me and every other girl who was otherwise welcomed into the groups. Most people call my size average, but I think big (in contrast to fat) would be a better description since I'm 5'9" and not skinny. Once you start nearing model heights, it's really easy to appear more extreme just by virtue of approaching 6' lol. I'm also a strange mix of pear and rectangular (with a waist) shapes. I'd say similar to Rihanna's body: small up top, low belly potential, thick legs.

Moving along, this environment led me to isolation and depression and delving into the depths of the Black feminist realm of the internet, which I had merely skimmed in my previous years of social justice interests. Here, I was truly enlightened to just how deep the system went and why I felt so stifled. I had essentially been stripped of a pretty significant part of my identity, and I was being told by women who benefited from it (i.e. upper middle class White feminists who are regarded as female/feminine by the mainstream regardless) that I should be proud and embrace it. Unlike them, I wasn't given the choice to wear pretty things and have doors opened for me. Actually, it was during this time that I realize that that one classmate was the first person outside of my family that actually opened a door for me. Before, I would routinely open doors for others without the action ever being reciprocated. It was Black feminists who taught me that I had every right to have the door opened for me. They were the ones who showed me that it was mere self-flagellation when I'd insisted on not having doors opened for me. I have every right to be as feminine (or not) as I want to be, and anyone who says otherwise is not working with my interest in mind.

All that said, I'm still in the process of breaking down (or remodeling) the wall that others have laid down for me. I'm aware that I'm precious and worthy and, as such, should be protected, but I'm also aware that I'm detrimentally guarded. I don't believe in changing who you are (unless you're Hitler 3.7...in which case, I'd kindly suggest you consider it lol), but I do believe in improving and being the best you possible. I don't believe that women in particular should be seen not heard, but I also don't believe that everyone should aspire to be the douchey rich White men we supposedly despise (as is the underlying theme of most mainstream feminism). White feminism and society as a whole have persistently laid down the bricks that are blocking me from thinking it's okay for me to wear dresses/skirts, smile, and be more open to people. It doesn't help that I'm INTJ lol. I believe I have at least some potential since most Nigerian parents seem to already be making brideprice inquiries and people generally seem to be really intrigued once I open up. Nigerian parents also love to laud me as "not one of those American kids." I guess I'm here to get yet another perspective to help my journey and encourage some sort of discourse. Obviously I probably disagree with a lot of members on a lot of things, but I hope that won't stop us from dialogue.

[abg98]

I'd like to add that I'm also quite interested in learning about and from different cultures (mainly Chinese, Taiwanese, and Korean since I'm learning the languages) as I assume lots of you are. ^^

[Yohan]

Hey! I'm sure the title caught your attention. lol

I'm a proud Black American feminist** ^_^
I'm also a Nigerian girl who likes to cook, clean, sew, and help/understand others and can't wait to be a mom (in a loving, nurturing family).

TL;DR: Black feminism is what taught me that's it's okay (and actually just as "revolutionary"!) to be feminine and enjoy being treated like a lady and that it doesn't make you backwards, weak, or stupid.

.....

Obviously I probably disagree with a lot of members on a lot of things, but I hope that won't stop us from dialogue.

Welcome,

We will see later, if you are for real or if this what I read here is a troll posting.

This forum is accustomed to any kind of threads and comments. Do not expect too much attention.

Why should these members pay attention to your comments anyway? Some are married with a foreign wife, some consider relocation away from the USA or Western countries, some already decided to remain single....

Yes, you can expect, many will disagree with you, but there are some female posters with Happier Abroad.

I personally consider feminism in any form as a hateful movement which has nothing to do with equality or with being feminine.

About race itself, I am not from USA and therefore not into all this black/white racist BS. I am open to all races.

[Ghost]

.

[abg98]

Yohan: I'm not seeking attention. I'm just recognizing that I pretty much fit the bill of public enemy #1 of this forum but would like to dialog. Also, not to be mean, but you're ignorant (in the most literal sense, not as a euphemism for stupid) to what is my lived reality. I don't expect you to have the same perspective. I'd just appreciate a fair chance.

Ghost: hey~ lol

[Yohan]

In most forums which are serving mainly men and their issues, any reasonable voice from any female is welcome.

Just the opposite of a feminist forum, where any man, except an openly male feminist, will be banned quickly.

I do not think that you fit the bill of a 'public enemy' in this forum, why should you? I see no reason for that.

This forum is mainly about Western men, looking for travel abroad, for relocation overseas, looking for a relationship with a foreign woman, as they had bad experiences in the past with local females.

Most men here are from USA and still looking, but not all of them. I am not from USA but from Central Europe, and I am not alone but married with an Asian woman since over 3 decades and have 2 daughters and 1 fosterdaughter.

About a 'fair chance' - you can post here whatever you want, there is not much moderation going on with this forum.