Is sex a need separate from love?

[mattyman]

In the same way that the trust and the need to be accepted for who you are is a need?

When people report poor mental health from lack of sex, is it really lack of sex, or is it a lack of something deeper, that people might mistakenly think might be fulfilled by no strings attached sex?

I don't believe that sex on it's own is the ultimate 'need', but more the icing on the cake with someone you trust, you know well and are attracted to for more than pure lust. I think that the belief that more sex with more beautiful women will make you fulfilled is ultimately damaging.

Does lack of sex on its own kill you, or is it loneliness that kills you more? Is sleeping around an coping mechanism to cope with loneliness. Do you believe that 'scoring' with many women will make you feel less lonely and unhappy? It's important to stop and ask yourself.

My concern is a lot of the posts brought-up here are based on the idea that shagging about with randoms is the key to happiness and will solve all your loneliness. The belief that sex on it's own is a need of which unfulfillled, will have the same mental health consequences of loneliness is a belief that I think is erroneous. A lot of justification for promiscuity, mongering and ruining nice girls is based upon this idea. Why does no-one question it?

How come many serial womanizers seem like such miserable, cynical little cunts? How come many tend to be braggards and still looking for ways to one-up people (if they are so happy and fulfilled)?

I don't believe the base desire for sex is important enough to be prioritised to be the sole goal but each to their own.

Discuss and debate.

[Shemp]

There is certainly no NEED for partner sex, any more than there is a NEED for grade A sirloin steaks for dinner versus beans and rice. Masturbation is almost as good in providing physical pleasure. If you can't/won't masturbate, your body will do the job automatically with wet dreams as necessary.

Partner sex is a luxury, something to focus on when true needs have been satisfied and you still have time, energy and money left over. Or at least that's how a sane man sees things.

Love, on the other hand, is a real need with some men and women, and it is true these people often mistake the need for love with a need for sex.

Other men have little need for love. There's actually a gene for explorer type men, who can't stand living in one place but rather thrive on moving around and do well with extended periods of solitude. Mongering or relationships that don't last long are normal for this type of man. I'm clearly in this group: no fixed residence for past twenty years but rather always living in hotels, never last long in relationships, happy alone for months at a time in the wilderness. A lot of ex-military are like this. Also, a lot of contact technical types in mining industries, who move from job to job in remote areas. When men like this focus on sex during down time, it's because they have nothing else to worry about, so why not focus on sex? I'm retired, so all my time is down time. What time, energy and money I don't spend on other hobbies, I spend on women, mostly thinking about them, sometimes actually physically involved with them. If I wasn't spending time on HA, I'd be researching the latest smartphones. The time has to be spent somehow.

A lot of men are desperate for validation and that is why they are driven to run up their notch count. The audience they are trying to please is in their own head, but they can't see this. That audience is never pleased, no matter what they do, which is why these men are so pathetic.

[Kradmelder]

It depends and may change during your life. I have no need for relationshits, but do want sex. I'm very happy at the moment with a regular sex partner every 3 weeks or so with no relationshit and no sleep overs. I wasn't always like this. I never liked the singles bar scene and was happier with a partner. But you are never happy tied to a modern woman. You just put in and in and only get sex back. Modern white women have cured me of any desire for more than sex and taught me to see them purely as sex objects. You don't need to be partnered to them for that. Cheaper and more peaceful single. They themselves market themselves like that and don't want to offer anything more. Women have taught me true love is a sick joke which people throw their lives away on.

I have kids to raise which also provide a purpose and bikes satisfy my soul. Unless you know the feeling of being alone far away from anything on a bike in the bush you won't understand.

Also no one is ever truly alone if you have God.

Chasing heifers in pubs and clubs is pointless and boring. Internet dating worse. And usually only mediocre sex. I just line up 1 or 2 that have busy lives and just need a man with a fit strong body once in a while and don't push too hard for more. After a few times such women are on fire in bed.They give the relationshit ultimatum I dump them as no sex is worth all the shit of being tied to a heifer. Only kids are. Even then, probably better to raise kids apart from them if you can afford the cost of 2 households. The price is worth the peace of mind of being away from them.

I don't see notch count of being of any value. Better to have good sex with a regular than 1 time with many. The problem is the regular soon wants to fill the house not just the bed. And turn your house into he'll for you that you don't want to come home. Many women make me not want to come home to my own house. So best they stay out of it and once out the bed keep going out the door. A need to trust Them? Madness. Rather put my head in a lion's mouth and trust it won't bite.

[nomadphilippines]

"I don't see notch count of being of any value. Better to have good sex with a regular than 1 time with many"

for you maybe, after about 3 rounds with most girls my dick is bored and has moved on

[Kradmelder]

"I don't see notch count of being of any value. Better to have good sex with a regular than 1 time with many"

for you maybe, after about 3 rounds with most girls my dick is bored and has moved on

The problem with the constant moving to other women is all the bs of talking and dating to get their panties off. The whole process is such a drag. I don't want to talk to them, jump through hoops and play games. I just want to empty my balls. So for me it is get one to stage where we don't go out, just into bed with little of the time wasting that women like. After months to a year, when they start with where is this relationship going, then it is time to move on.

The alternative is p4p. However, in my experience the best sex is not in the first few times with a woman.

But the whole true love thing I can do without. I am quite happy single and unattached.

[nomadphilippines]

ya but we are all different, my dick gets bored after the 2nd or 3rd visit from most girls

i dont like dating either, i live in easy countries to get laid and have all first dates at my place, if girls dont wanna come over then thats fine ill find another, that way like 80%+ of first dates end in fun

[mattyman]

What I was getting at in the OP was that do some people who are feeling they're missing someone who understands and is willing to get to know them for them to get drawn into a life of promiscuity and think that it will make their loneliness problems go away?

@ Kradmelder. You have some interesting points.Western women don't reciprocate.

For me, I'm just looking to meet someone I can have a nice time with, do things together, share darkest secrets etc. but without the pressure of settling down and having kids. Strangely enough, your philosophy on life is quite appealing. I don't agree with one night stand pumping and dumping, but at the same time I don't want be with someone who's 100% focused on settling down and having kids.

From what I'm picking up, it seems like you've had some bad experience of long term relationships. You sound like you've had some bad experiences, and like many here, don't feel ready to settle down and want to live life a bit. I understand where you're coming from. There's no way I'm expecting long term relationships to be all sweet, happily ever after and all that rubbish. That isn't to say that it's impossible, maybe not realistically with western women.

What I am concerned about is that some men who might be feeling lonely might think sex with loads of women is the answer. I made this thread because so many 'lay reports' kept cropping up. I don't agree that sex is a 'need' per se, but more the icing on the cake. Feeling wanted or needed for deeper things than swagger or the way you look. That's what I think

Anyway, it's very hard indeed to put your finger on what's making you feel lonely.

[Citizen]

You must remember that animals don't experience love. They experience pain and pleasure. They are greedy and selfish. They understand the natural order of submitting to dominance. Since you even feel the need to ask the question go watch or read the Island of Doctor Moreau. Some people are the hybrids. Tick tock can't stop the clock. No need for hybrids anymore. Alternatively, you can read the Wheel of Time series. In that series hybrids are the Trollocs. Charlie Sheen says he has tiger blood. Look at how he is greedy, selfish and a sex fiend. So many animals masquerading as people.

[Winston]

Sex and love are both needs for me, as well as romance. I enjoy women's company too, not just for sex. As long as they are feminine and down to earth that is.

There is a saying, "Sex is like air. Its no big deal..... Unless you're not getting any." Lol.

Sex and love both are a trick of nature to get you to reproduce so the human species can survive. Thats what they say.

[Kradmelder]

My mistress was supposed to come around tomorrow afternoon but is not coming now due to her period starting. If you are not going to have sex what would be the point? Spending time and money on women without it ending in sex = date. Something to be avoided. It only leads to them thinking this may be a relationshit and love and kill the notion of it being just for good sex.

I am relieved common sense prevailed and she cancelled. She did mention something about a pill to stop a period she can get monday and then come. Weekday nights are better as no pressure for a sleep over.

Sex is a need that can't be avoided. This true love kak is to be avoided at all costs.

[Wolfeye]

I think that if you're missing one or the other, it would be a problem most of the time. If you're missing love, it'll be worse than missing sex- but if you have the former without the latter, it will be quite frustrating & probably reduce the first to some extent (at least over time).

I've been deliberately single for years, but entirely because of logistical reasons. It was that it was a high-maintenance & high-risk environment with an overbearing work situation that made it so I don't really want to involve myself too much in LIFE here- "sex life" & broad "romantic life" is, unfortunately, included in that. I didn't have problems with women or sex. I didn't get shot down. I don't have any timidity issues. I'm not even poorly endowed, even though I'm of short stature. So, "ironic" would be a good term & the irony was/is a major problem.

It wasn't from being shot down or being "problematically aligned" (ex: too timid, too paranoid, too unsociable, having issues with the act or the gender, etc...). I would imagine that would make things a lot worse, since you at least have hopes that are falling short. I was thirsty, but other people are trying to "drink the mirage" & "sand" is scratching their throat.

Another point is that even BEING able to make assessments on that level seems to count against you greatly in an informal way & another huge problem. How are you going to have a fulfilling relationship if it's not even a notable subject matter? No one's going to be able to count without thinking of numbers, no one's going to be able to shoot well without the subject of guns coming up, and no one's going to be any good at relationships if they don't pay any attention to the situation- or if they only focus on themselves, which is a very common trait in Americans.