Seeking Advice: Dealing With Obnoxious Americans Abroad

[pete98146]

Ah this is an interesting topic indeed! My wife and I were in Chatuchak Weekend Market in Bangkok during our latest trip to Thailand last February. If any of you have been, it's one of the biggest outdoor markets on the planet and at any given time, there are thousands of people there eating, shopping, hanging around.

I'm standing in front of a small shop and this American walks up and says "what part of America are you from"? He then goes on give me his life story, now he was an extra in Bangkok Dangerous and how he met Nicholas Cage blah blah blah. He then invited me to his Super Bowl party which we didn't attend. It was all innocent enough but yes it was somewhat obnoxious.

But from what I can tell you after taking over a dozen trips overseas is that for the most part, Americans are rather benign and well behaved compared to people from other nations. To be honest, I've had more encounters with obnoxious Brits and Aussies than the dreaded Ugly American.

Then we come to the new kids on the block when it comes to irritating travelers. Yes the good ol' Chinese! They are the kings and queens of pinging the obnoxious meter these days and I don't see this changing anytime soon.

[Adama]

I don't mind meeting Americans abroad, as long as they are not asking me for money or something. Many of them have some very helpful information which they have shared with me. Sometimes they even had people they introduced me to who also helped me out.

Some people are happy to see others from their home countries when they go abroad. I guess it depends on how much you truly hate "home" or your country of origin.

In a way, you might consider it your "brothers." Your brothers abroad, the diaspora, who stick together, and almost form their own underground community. Just like the Polish go for Polish neighborhoods in the USA, the Spanish and Portuguese have their neighborhoods.

It's not necessarily nefarious, unless you just hate your countrymen.

[Contrarian Expatriate]

I don't mind meeting Americans abroad, as long as they are not asking me for money or something. Many of them have some very helpful information which they have shared with me. Sometimes they even had people they introduced me to who also helped me out.

Some people are happy to see others from their home countries when they go abroad. I guess it depends on how much you truly hate "home" or your country of origin.

It's not necessarily nefarious, unless you just hate your countrymen.

Hate is too strong a word. I certainly do not hate other Americans (Although I intensely dislike American women), but I just do not like interacting with them. I find most of them fake, annoying and far to quick to cross my boundaries. Americans also tend to get offended or confused if you have different tastes, opinions or worldviews than theirs. They also like to try to fit you into the roles they think you should occupy. Only in America will people contort their faces with confusion if you don't care for the NCAA tournament or the Super Bowl. Only in America will you get scorned for having a preference in women whom are not from America. Only in America are the men manginas and white knights par excellence, and the women are more powerful and dominant than the men.

Also, I tend to warm to individuals who are like-minded, not just other people who happen to use he same kind of passport as I use. If I wanted nothing to do with most Americans while in the USA, I for damn sure want no contact with them while abroad!

The longer I am away from all things Americanness, the more I want to avoid them.

[Mr S]

Try to dress and look entirely different than how an American would typically be. I almost never get approached by foreigners or native strangers at that. If I do they are usually odd-balls and probably the reason they happen to be talking to me in the first place. If I happen to be asked where I'm from I usually just say I have no defined 'home', planet Earth or something logical/illogical like that. If they press me I ask them are you asking where I was born & raised, or something similar. I don't really define myself as American anymore even though I carry it's passport.

I suppose it's probably also due to ones general mannerism/aura and how they come across to others. I have my own style and look that doesn't resonate with mainstream anything so as most people are just sheeple following fashion trends or whatnot, they tend to avoid me. I don't really go out to bars or clubs anymore so there's probably less interaction meeting people randomly. I run around the city and country like a typical average Filipino would and thus don't run into foreigners. Filipinos and Asians don't talk to me randomly so I'm pretty much just on my own doing my own thing. Even though I have a pretty standard American accent, most people think I'm from everywhere but America (I've heard everything). I'd like to see how my incognito status works in countries outside of Asia, but pretty much in Asia I'm invisible unless I make an effort to talk to someone.

[Contrarian Expatriate]

Try to dress and look entirely different than how an American would typically be. I almost never get approached by foreigners or native strangers at that. If I do they are usually odd-balls and probably the reason they happen to be talking to me in the first place. If I happen to be asked where I'm from I usually just say I have no defined 'home', planet Earth or something logical/illogical like that. If they press me I ask them are you asking where I was born & raised, or something similar. I don't really define myself as American anymore even though I carry it's passport.

I suppose it's probably also due to ones general mannerism/aura and how they come across to others. I have my own style and look that doesn't resonate with mainstream anything so as most people are just sheeple following fashion trends or whatnot, they tend to avoid me. I don't really go out to bars or clubs anymore so there's probably less interaction meeting people randomly. I run around the city and country like a typical average Filipino would and thus don't run into foreigners. Filipinos and Asians don't talk to me randomly so I'm pretty much just on my own doing my own thing. Even though I have a pretty standard American accent, most people think I'm from everywhere but America (I've heard everything). I'd like to see how my incognito status works in countries outside of Asia, but pretty much in Asia I'm invisible unless I make an effort to talk to someone.

I like your evasive answer approach and I'll use that "I have no home/citizen of the world" response, although I'm prone to use the look at them, then look away, with the waving finger of don't bother me.

As for the appearance issue, I don't at all dress "American." When I am in Europe, most people ask if I am Brazilian as that is the international look I guess I have. Americans, for some reason, hone in and simply presume where I'm from. Africans in Africa could also tell I was Black American. When I asked them, they all said my body size/dimensions as I am a muscular 6'3" and 280 with about 18% body fat.

[MrMan]

I think it's pretty common to be happy to see someone from your own country. I'd imagine a lot of blacks from the US would be especially happy to see another black American. It's a double whammy. But I've noticed that when I got really acculturated to Indonesia, knew the language, had friends and a social network, I didn't care as much if I met an American there. But when I didn't know the language, it was a bigger deal.

The OP reminds me of the posts I read from men who meet women who aren't friendly to them, cold to them, etc. Except in this case, instead of a girl a man is hitting on for a date giving him the cold shoulder because she isn't interested, it's an expat giving another expat looking for friendship or comradery the cold shoulder.

[E Irizarry R&B Singer]

I think it's pretty common to be happy to see someone from your own country. I'd imagine a lot of blacks from the US would be especially happy to see another black American. It's a double whammy. But I've noticed that when I got really acculturated to Indonesia, knew the language, had friends and a social network, I didn't care as much if I met an American there. But when I didn't know the language, it was a bigger deal........

See, Mr. Man, you relegated it to black Americans. ConEx's dilemma is a cultural-nationality one, not a subgenre one. He feels that both the white and black American he encountered were beyond annoying and of paltry use to him. As LadiSlav said a year or so ago, "why do we have to hyphenate Americans? We are all Americans. The rest of the world looks at us as such.".

[Contrarian Expatriate]

I think it's pretty common to be happy to see someone from your own country. I'd imagine a lot of blacks from the US would be especially happy to see another black American. It's a double whammy. But I've noticed that when I got really acculturated to Indonesia, knew the language, had friends and a social network, I didn't care as much if I met an American there. But when I didn't know the language, it was a bigger deal........

See, Mr. Man, you relegated it to black Americans. ConEx's dilemma is a cultural-nationality one, not a subgenre one. He feels that both the white and black American he encountered were beyond annoying and of paltry use to him. As LadiSlav said a year or so ago, "why do we have to hyphenate Americans? We are all Americans. The rest of the world looks at us as such.".

Nicely put..... MrMan is a victim of conventional thinking so I don't expect any less from him. The expat who isolates himself with other expats is someone to avoid abroad where locals and other international people can enrich your life far greater.

All from the questions Americans abroad ask, all they care about is my wealth and how I attract the girls that I do. Non-westerners are simply not interested in these things as they never ask so the relationships are more genuine.

[droid]

The expat who isolates himself with other expats is someone to avoid abroad where locals and other international people can enrich your life far greater.

I avoid western expats like the plague, with all their disgusting tattoos, fake mountain-man beards and other "statements", can't stand it.
Fortunately their journeys of 'discovery' don't extend beyond three blocks from their hotel rooms (after having flown 15,000 miles) and the surrounding "bar scene", where they can "socialize" among themselves with a beer in hand, while occasionally sporting a conical hat or krishna pants.

[Contrarian Expatriate]

The expat who isolates himself with other expats is someone to avoid abroad where locals and other international people can enrich your life far greater.

I avoid western expats like the plague, with all their disgusting tattoos, fake mountain-man beards and other "statements", can't stand it.
Fortunately their journeys of 'discovery' don't extend beyond three blocks from their hotel rooms (after having flown 15,000 miles) and the surrounding "bar scene", where they can "socialize" among themselves with a beer in hand, while occasionally sporting a conical hat or krishna pants.

Precisely!

[MrMan]

I think it's pretty common to be happy to see someone from your own country. I'd imagine a lot of blacks from the US would be especially happy to see another black American. It's a double whammy. But I've noticed that when I got really acculturated to Indonesia, knew the language, had friends and a social network, I didn't care as much if I met an American there. But when I didn't know the language, it was a bigger deal........

See, Mr. Man, you relegated it to black Americans.

No I didn't. I said it was pretty common, and I'd imagine a lot of black Americans would be especially happy to see a fellow black American. See the quote above.

Come to think of it, when I was in college, I had a conversation with a black friend of mine who'd spent a little time in Japan. He was learning Japanese in college, and got a chance to practice there. But even so, he said if you saw someone from the US, that was a big deal, and you were happy to see each other. And if he saw another black American, he was especially happy.

ConEx's dilemma is a cultural-nationality one, not a subgenre one. He feels that both the white and black American he encountered were beyond annoying and of paltry use to him. As LadiSlav said a year or so ago, "why do we have to hyphenate Americans? We are all Americans. The rest of the world looks at us as such.".

You can stick your head in the sand if you want to. A lot of black people in the US, maybe not all, have a sense of cultural identity with other blacks. That's not a bad thing. That's just reality. There is nothing wrong with that. You can deny it, or deny that it should be the case for the sake of political correctness. But why not just accept it?

[MrMan]

I think it's pretty common to be happy to see someone from your own country. I'd imagine a lot of blacks from the US would be especially happy to see another black American. It's a double whammy. But I've noticed that when I got really acculturated to Indonesia, knew the language, had friends and a social network, I didn't care as much if I met an American there. But when I didn't know the language, it was a bigger deal........

See, Mr. Man, you relegated it to black Americans. ConEx's dilemma is a cultural-nationality one, not a subgenre one. He feels that both the white and black American he encountered were beyond annoying and of paltry use to him. As LadiSlav said a year or so ago, "why do we have to hyphenate Americans? We are all Americans. The rest of the world looks at us as such.".

Nicely put..... MrMan is a victim of conventional thinking so I don't expect any less from him. The expat who isolates himself with other expats is someone to avoid abroad where locals and other international people can enrich your life far greater.

When I have lived in Indonesian, I've made Indonesian friends. I talk with them in Indonesian. My wife is Indonesian. I got adopted in as a member of one of the tribes over there. I have a family name. I occasionally wear a bit of the cultural garb (a cloth on your shoulder while you wear a suit or batik.

But I keep up some contact with the expat community, too, not just Americans, but other expats. I don't do the 'expat bubble' thing. I've always worked with local employees.

For new expats who don't speak the language, it is normal to seek some social interaction with someone they can communicate with and relate to. That's a normal thing, and not an immoral thing. For myself personally, if I see some other white person from the US walking around in the mall, I don't generally feel a compulsive urge to strike up a conversation. I might be only slightly more likely to strike up a conversation than I would with a local stranger. But if I met a young newbie expat who wanted to talk or wanted help, I would try to be friendly.

[MrMan]

I think it's pretty common to be happy to see someone from your own country. I'd imagine a lot of blacks from the US would be especially happy to see another black American. It's a double whammy. But I've noticed that when I got really acculturated to Indonesia, knew the language, had friends and a social network, I didn't care as much if I met an American there. But when I didn't know the language, it was a bigger deal........

See, Mr. Man, you relegated it to black Americans. ConEx's dilemma is a cultural-nationality one, not a subgenre one. He feels that both the white and black American he encountered were beyond annoying and of paltry use to him. As LadiSlav said a year or so ago, "why do we have to hyphenate Americans? We are all Americans. The rest of the world looks at us as such.".

Nicely put..... MrMan is a victim of conventional thinking so I don't expect any less from him. The expat who isolates himself with other expats is someone to avoid abroad where locals and other international people can enrich your life far greater.

When I have lived in Indonesian, I've made Indonesian friends. I talk with them in Indonesian. My wife is Indonesian. I got adopted in as a member of one of the tribes over there. I have a family name. I occasionally wear a bit of the cultural garb (a cloth on your shoulder while you wear a suit or batik.

But I keep up some contact with the expat community, too, not just Americans, but other expats. I don't do the 'expat bubble' thing. I've always worked with local employees.

For new expats who don't speak the language, it is normal to seek some social interaction with someone they can communicate with and relate to. That's a normal thing, and not an immoral thing. For myself personally, if I see some other white person from the US walking around in the mall, I don't generally feel a compulsive urge to strike up a conversation. I might be only slightly more likely to strike up a conversation than I would with a local stranger. But if I met a young newbie expat who wanted to talk or wanted help, I would try to be friendly.

[Contrarian Expatriate]

For new expats who don't speak the language, it is normal to seek some social interaction with someone they can communicate with and relate to. That's a normal thing, and not an immoral thing. For myself personally, if I see some other white person from the US walking around in the mall, I don't generally feel a compulsive urge to strike up a conversation. I might be only slightly more likely to strike up a conversation than I would with a local stranger. But if I met a young newbie expat who wanted to talk or wanted help, I would try to be friendly.

I'm so happy for you, but that was not the case.

I'm noticing the trend that you don't have a very good working memory when it comes to critical details. Not quite sure what that is all about, but perhaps if you reread the scenarios you might get that these two individuals were obnoxiously presumptuous not to mention under the influence of alcohol.

Finally, per-incident indicators are very valid red flags for me so I pay attention to them and shun or reject accordingly. This has served me quite well in my travels to over 100 countries.

[MrMan]

My last wasn't directed at the particulars you mentioned in the OP. But in both of those cases, it does sound like the men were overly familiar. But it sounds like you overreacted in both cases, especially decking the drunk guy, who, based on your story, didn't seem like he was trying to hurt you, just acting foolish when drunk. His friends probably would have kept him away from you. You probably could have gotten away from the other guy without making him feel insulted.