WIth as much time I've spent reading this forum, this post is well worth being here. I've never been to the Philippines but after reading this, I don't have much interest in going there other than seeing Palawan and all the beautiful islands that pop up on Instagram. I've seen a few youtube channels of expats in the Philippines (ex: Sunshine Shoulders, World Zoom) and also heard stories about many older men retiring there. I have to also ask why @Rock (who claimed to work in the hard-nosed, no nonsense banking world) chooses to spend time in Manila since after seeing his interview on the Every man has a story youtube channel, he doesn't seem like the type of person who would put up with being around that artificial veneer of friendliness you describe above. Your post above has saved me from fooling around there and choose other places in Asia.publicduende wrote: ↑January 5th, 2024, 7:10 am@Natural_Born_Cynic, the legendary "Filipino friendliness" is a bit of a caricature of the American friendliness, as seen in countless comedies. It's a more outspoken, over the top, warmer and stickier version of the way American are, or, better, pretend to be your friends. Filipinos might come at you all smiles and hugs, ask you personal questions, nodding and smiling whatever you say.
They embrace you in their chitchat, they promise you to invite you to meet their families, or even do business with them. If they have travelled to or around the place you come from, they start waxing lyrical about whatever (stereotypically) good or beautiful there is in that country. Sometimes they only speak based on second-hand information, most "standard" Filipinos will have never even taken a flight in their lives.
Most attention-starved people of the West easily fall into this honey pot. Reality is, they see you, the foreigner, as a person potentially much more well-off than them. They want, or at least try to build what looks like a nice rapport as soon as possible (hence the flamboyant approach) and of course ask for your phone number or social media contact, which one would happily give away, especially if just landed in the country.
Depending on the level of bronze faced-ness and need/desperation, in 99% of the cases, they will call you back or message you on social media to meet for a beer, or invite you for a dinner at their place. How can one say no? Just landed in the Philippines, already made friends...the legend is true, after all.
After that one friendly encounter, often without even that friendly encounter, here comes the open-heart-surgery conversation about whatever is going on with their families. The stories are always taller, stickier and more tragic than they need to be. There's always an unpayable loan contracted in time of extreme need, an elderly relative in intensive care or an up-and-coming, life-saving medical event, or a son/daughter who show lots of potential but cannot go to school because of missing tuition money.
Of course all the stories end up with the promise that "it's just a loan, I will give you back the money as soon as I can". Now, this is the single biggest cultural difference between us Westerners and the Filipino. To a Filipino, words mean nothing. A promise means nothing more than the pockets of hot air that moved from them to you, as they uttered it. A "loan" means not only it's not a loan..it means they have the right to feel uneasy, insulted, even, if the payer of the loan ever mentions that loan a month, 6 months or 6 years down the line. A "loan" means "I have shown you a little bit of attention, now just give me money, white face, and maybe I'll see you again".
The litmus test of all of the above is that those Filipinos who are financially independent and don't need to throw honey pellets to foreigners, will treat you with the same distance, indifference, if not open prejudice, as anyone in the West. A fellow Italian, Brit, Australian or Chinese will at least display a modicum of politeness, if unsolicitedly approached. Some of the upper class Filipinos have the arrogance to actively shoo a foreigner away like it belongs to a dirty underclass or pariah. Trying is believing.
This is the only reality here in the Philippines. I have been living here since 2015 and played the game, both to my advantage and detriment, until it was anthropologically or sexually interesting to do so. Once I arrived in Manila and got married with the best person I could find, my social circle has had the diameter of a pin prick. I keep distant from anyone who, I know, will be back to me bowl in hand. And that's, unfortunately, 99% of the locals I could meet in my daily life.
With all you said above and your last paragraph, I have to ask you why you continue to live there? Would @MarcosZeitola agree with you?
P.S. I'm saving this post for future reference.