Russia for a Rasta

[chad-crader]

I met a Russian woman who came to Hawaii to learn English. We hit it off and she broke up her 4 year relationship with her boyfriend, she was going to marry me and we were going to travel as she does not like USA. But her parents freaked out that i'm black, half-black. Her mom would not talk to her and we decided that she should go back to russia, spend time with her parents and then decide if she wants to cotinue our relationship. Three days before she left back to Russia she found out that she was pregnant. She was not sure who the father was as she had been with me and her ex boyfriend during the time period. She just found out the child is mine and she is not happy. She thinks i got her pregnant to "keep" her, which is completly not true. It never even got close and i was very supized to realize that the child was mine. $1500 DNA test... My question is two fold. 1. Is it safe for her to raise a mixed child in Russia? Is it safe for me to live there to be near my only child when that day comes? She lives in Moscow.
Thank you for reading this and responding to this question of mine!
Aloha

[Jester]

I met a Russian woman who came to Hawaii to learn English. We hit it off and she broke up her 4 year relationship with her boyfriend, she was going to marry me and we were going to travel as she does not like USA. But her parents freaked out that i'm black, half-black. Her mom would not talk to her and we decided that she should go back to russia, spend time with her parents and then decide if she wants to cotinue our relationship. Three days before she left back to Russia she found out that she was pregnant. She was not sure who the father was as she had been with me and her ex boyfriend during the time period. She just found out the child is mine and she is not happy. She thinks i got her pregnant to "keep" her, which is completly not true. It never even got close and i was very supized to realize that the child was mine. $1500 DNA test... My question is two fold. 1. Is it safe for her to raise a mixed child in Russia? Is it safe for me to live there to be near my only child when that day comes? She lives in Moscow.
Thank you for reading this and responding to this question of mine!
Aloha

I'm sure the guys here on HA who have been there - both Black and White - are going to answer yes to both your questions. You might get called names there a little more than here, but not always in a mean way, and probably less of the silent racism that Anglo Whites do. Over there once they accept you, they accept you.

I just want to add that my sense is you're going to have a great life over there.

[chad-crader]

Thanks very much

My child is the only reason I would go,.. I desperately want to be in my child's life as that was something my parents were not able to provide... will i have the right to see her/him by law or is itup to the mother in the case she wishes to not be with me? Thanks again for the support! !!

[***JP***]

I would recommend to be cautious in Russia just like in any other city around the world. Moscow is a modern city but just like anywhere else there is crime so avoid dark areas and if you travel around night time it's best to use the taxi service from known licensed companies. Some russians are racists but I wouldn't label all as that cause like Jester said. Once they accept you they will be loyal friends and also people who will let you know which areas are safe and which ones are not. If you have friends from Russia it's always good to ask them for advice before traveling so you have an idea of the country. I know the 2 of you mentioned that you keep in touch but are the two of you still a couple?

[Jester]

Thanks very much

My child is the only reason I would go,.. I desperately want to be in my child's life as that was something my parents were not able to provide... will i have the right to see her/him by law or is itup to the mother in the case she wishes to not be with me? Thanks again for the support! !!

I should probably add that I wasn't suggesting you have to continue to date the lady in question, that's completely up to you. Sounds like it might prove difficult. The reasons for my optimism are:
(1) you are biracial, from a multicultural island with a lot of multiracial people, so you probably have learned to adapt
(2) you seem open-minded and intelligent, probably will find ways to cope with whatever you encounter
(3) the story you will be telling russian girls, of how you came to russia in order to be near your son, will melt their hearts. old babushkas will shed a tear and introduce you to their granddaughters.

re the law, others can answer, or you can google russian family law. but rest assured, if you are around, you will see your son at least now and then.

[Jester]

If you do this you should do it with the intention of becoming Russian. otherwise don't.

I know you're not all-Black, but here's something that might be of interest:
http://www.ksu.ru/eng/ahern/493/mod2.htm

and then there is this guy - actually an ancestor of Prince Charles, heir to the British throne:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abram_Petrovich_Gannibal


So you won't be the first Rasta in Russia!

[djfourmoney]

So you have seen the DNA test????

[Teal Lantern]

So you have seen the DNA test????

I've been thinking of this same thing since first seeing the OP.

The OP should also consider that the future rights of the child (citizenship, university costs) and himself (father's rights) may depend on whether or not he and the mother are married at the time of the child's birth, since only the mother is a citizen.

I say "may" because this varies by country and can be QUITE different than the "anchor baby" way it is in the USA.

[patrick]

unless she's been with other black men you don't need a DNA test

[Teal Lantern]

Thanks very much

My child is the only reason I would go,.. I desperately want to be in my child's life as that was something my parents were not able to provide... will i have the right to see her/him by law or is itup to the mother in the case she wishes to not be with me? Thanks again for the support! !!

If the child is the ONLY reason you would go, then make ABSOLUTELY sure DNA testing says it is your child. This ALWAYS requires a sample of the purported FATHER's DNA.

Do not accept some b.s. claim that you don't need paternity testing because you're the only one or only BLACK one she was with. You have no way of knowing that. For all you know, Yuri told her to kick rocks, after finding out about the pregnancy or finding out about you.

What you DO know is she was shtupping with more than one man in close enough timing to have to wonder who the father is --- This should be a hint as to what you are dealing with.

Tears, tantrums, and "don't you trust me?" likewise get the set aside. That's for dumba$$es to fall for.
There are guys who think they are raising daughters & sons who are not. Some are actually raising nieces & nephews, all because they were too cowardly or cheap to get the testing done in time.

[patrick]

Yes you're totally right teal lantern, if he's really serious about it.

However, i'm not sure if we can give him positive advice of going to or living in Russia as a rasta man cause of all the skinheads and racism.

[chad-crader]

Updat...
I spoke with her on skype two days ago.. I asked her what she wanted and she says that we will not be together, that we can be friends... I asked her why she changed her mind and why she was going to make my worst fears come true, not being in my childs life... I told her i intend on being there no matter if she wants to be with me or not, that i am not going to sit back and let her have my child... We had spoke a lot about children before we found out that she was pregnant, she said that there was no way to raise a dark-skinned child in russia with the social attitudes. She assured me that we would be a family and live somewhere. And now she is saying the opposite... I asked her what i had done... Why... She said that i was too feminine, being a vegan, non-violent, yoga teacher that did not offend me, but that being the reason i would not see my child gretly offended me. I saw in her eye that something was not right. I asked her if she was back with her ex-boy-friend and she said yes.. She told me they were sleeping together like it was so normal, like i was so distand, like i should have known.... I was hurt. I said somethings i cant remember, but along the lines of she wanted to be with someone, didnt matter who and she never cared about me... She lied to me about everything which she had said about our future together. I told her that i did not care, that i wanted to be near my child no materr what. I told her i am coming in febuary and will be there when my child is born in march. she asked where i was going to stay.... I said what? She told me she was going to live with her parents near Ufa and i would have nowhere to stay, no work possible, not be able to see my child often...
Then she said i must pay her boyfriend back the money for the DNA test... She said that he would not stay with her... I said i would pay the money back, when she sent me a copy of the document from the doctor.. This angered her and she hung up. She said she will send me nothing and that was the last i heard from her... Makes me wonder... She said the cost was $2000, but when i looked it up it said $1200. She asked if her tears were proof enough and i said no, she was not the same person i had fallen so in love with. Needless to say, i'm heartbroken, and feel like i will be led into being a worthless father... What am i to do? I will pay her whatever she asks for, but i think its right for her to provide me the documentation , right? I greatly appricate all of your comments! Huge Mahalo

[***JP***]

Updat...
I spoke with her on skype two days ago.. I asked her what she wanted and she says that we will not be together, that we can be friends... I asked her why she changed her mind and why she was going to make my worst fears come true, not being in my childs life... I told her i intend on being there no matter if she wants to be with me or not, that i am not going to sit back and let her have my child... We had spoke a lot about children before we found out that she was pregnant, she said that there was no way to raise a dark-skinned child in russia with the social attitudes. She assured me that we would be a family and live somewhere. And now she is saying the opposite... I asked her what i had done... Why... She said that i was too feminine, being a vegan, non-violent, yoga teacher that did not offend me, but that being the reason i would not see my child gretly offended me. I saw in her eye that something was not right. I asked her if she was back with her ex-boy-friend and she said yes.. She told me they were sleeping together like it was so normal, like i was so distand, like i should have known.... I was hurt. I said somethings i cant remember, but along the lines of she wanted to be with someone, didnt matter who and she never cared about me... She lied to me about everything which she had said about our future together. I told her that i did not care, that i wanted to be near my child no materr what. I told her i am coming in febuary and will be there when my child is born in march. she asked where i was going to stay.... I said what? She told me she was going to live with her parents near Ufa and i would have nowhere to stay, no work possible, not be able to see my child often...
Then she said i must pay her boyfriend back the money for the DNA test... She said that he would not stay with her... I said i would pay the money back, when she sent me a copy of the document from the doctor.. This angered her and she hung up. She said she will send me nothing and that was the last i heard from her... Makes me wonder... She said the cost was $2000, but when i looked it up it said $1200. She asked if her tears were proof enough and i said no, she was not the same person i had fallen so in love with. Needless to say, i'm heartbroken, and feel like i will be led into being a worthless father... What am i to do? I will pay her whatever she asks for, but i think its right for her to provide me the documentation , right? I greatly appricate all of your comments! Huge Mahalo

I don't mean to sound harsh on this one. But if she's refusing to at least send you a copy of the documents that pretty much raises a big red flag that she and her boyfriend might be trying to scam you. Honestly if she has nothing to hide she can pretty much scan the document and email it to you if she's being too cheap to send it through the mail. Keep your eyes open. You might also want to check out Winston's experiences with russian women on how some tried scamming him and I think one got away with scamming him. If you decide to go to Russia you should also have a DNA test done again to see if the child is really yours cause from this last post you wrote sounds to me like she and her boyfriend are just trying to scam you.

[chad-crader]

I understand ... I would love a child, but i will not be too sad it it is not with this woman... I just want to know the truth!

[***JP***]

I understand ... I would love a child, but i will not be too sad it it is not with this woman... I just want to know the truth!

Which is why you shouldn't send any money until you get those documents in your hands. They could be trying to take you for a ride to squeeze out money from you. That's why if you go to Russia you should do another DNA test. Oh and most importantly. Don't sign any document that certifies you are the father until you have the results of your second DNA test.