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10 Reasons Not To Marry - Why Men Should Avoid The Trap
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10 Reasons Not To Marry - Why Men Should Avoid The Trap
By Winston Wu (Founder of HappierAbroad.com)


"A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished." - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Society says you are incomplete until you're married. It is part of our social programming. Your parents are expecting you to get married, to follow on with their tradition and give them grandchildren. Your friends are all getting married too, leaving you left out. So, if everyone is doing it, doesn't that mean it must be right? Are there any reasons not to marry?

You bet! Many good ones. There are many disadvantages, risks and opportunity costs that come with marriage. But society will never tell you about them, because society is not there to give you truth or freedom. It is there to CONTROL you and make you a conformist. But I am not. I am here to tell you the truth and give you the other side to consider.

And no, just because everyone is doing something doesn't mean it must be right. As my school teachers always said, "If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?" And Gandhi said, "Even if you are a minority of one, the truth is still the truth." In other words, everyone doing something has no effect on the truth. The truth is, there is no one thing that's right for everyone. And society does not tell you the consequences of what it expects of you.

So before you get married, understand what you are getting into. Here are the many disadvantages, risks and opportunity costs that come with marriage which you may not have yet considered.

1. You might regret it.

Believe it or not, you don't really know your partner. You may know his/her surface personality, but not their real self or innermost thoughts and feelings. Later down the line, they may change and you may too. You might grow apart. You might become incompatible. What then? Are you going to stay together and be miserable just because of an artificial marriage vow to stay together "til death do you part"?

What if your spouse becomes a monster? What if you no longer love him or her? What if you love someone else? You can't know what's going to happen down the line, so why make unrealistic promises? That is foolish and unwise. It is also dishonest in a sense too.

Furthermore, you may also regret it for the next reasons mentioned below as well.

2. It will kill your sex life.

Most people about to marry never consider this, but marriage kills your sex life. After a few months, the sex will no longer be interesting. It will become a routine. And the longer the marriage goes, the less sex the couple will have. After a number of years, it will eventually be reduced to little or nothing. In fact, it is not uncommon for long-time married couples to only have sex once a year, or never even! So you gotta ask yourself, if sex is important, why kill it off?! By doing so, you've shot yourself in the foot - all because society told you to. Now how do you like that?

3. You can never experience romantic or sexual variety again without breaking your vows.

Guys, think about this: There are millions of attractive women out there. You will never be able to romance them or sleep with them ever again, if you keep your marriage vows that is. Think about it. According to the oath you made, you are supposedly never going to sleep with another attractive female ever again until you die! How do you like that?

Well I don't like it. Why restrict and bind yourself for life like that? Isn't that crazy? Isn't variety the spice of life? Remember that fantasy you've always had about being in a foreign exotic country and having a beautiful woman smile at you and wink? Well if that happens, you won't be able to follow up on it, at least not without being unfaithful. You won't be able to "go with the flow" so to speak due to an artificial bind. How do you like that?

See what happens when you listen to society? Would you swear for life to only eat vanilla ice cream and no other flavors? No. Would you take an oath to only eat fried rice and nothing else? No. So why would you swear to only have one woman forever and never experience any others? It doesn't make sense, and it's unnatural and difficult to keep such an oath. One should not make promises that one can't keep, right? So why do it? Aren't you being dishonest by taking such oaths? Is it right to lie to appease your family and peers?

The grass is always greener on the other side. If you are married to a brunette, you will be lusting after blondes and redheads, because you don't have them and can't have them. If you are married to a blonde, then you will be fantasizing about desirable unattainable brunettes. If you are married to a white woman, you will be lusting after exotic silky feminine oriental women you can never have. If you are married to an oriental lady, you will be lusting after hot white women. Etc. It's inevitable.

When you are married, you can never experience the thrill of the chase again, or love at first sight, or the special moment of a first kiss, not without being unfaithful to your spouse. You are not supposed to experience that electric volt you feel when you touch a beautiful woman for the first time. No more sexual adrenaline rushes for you. Nothing in marriage can replace such things, for marriage does not provide such stimulation. Marriage is nothing but monotonous routine, kept stable just for the children, not for you.

What if you are no longer sexually attracted to your wife? And then this hot young woman who looks like something from your fantasy comes into your life, or becomes your secretary? What are you going to do? Deny that you want her? Deny that you fantasize about her?

What if you fall in love with another woman who has qualities your wife doesn't? Then you have to keep it a secret from your wife. What if you love another and can't stop thinking about her? What then?

But that never happens right? Well according to society it doesn't. So was society right?! You tell me. An artificial marriage contract cannot control your heart, feelings or lust. But of course, society forgot to tell you that.

Moreover, this has got to be a guy's worst nightmare: Imagine being already married and taken, and then one day your ideal perfect woman comes along who is far more attractive than your wife, and has all the qualities you've dreamt of which your wife doesn't, and takes an interest in YOU! If that happens, then you are MAJORLY F***ED aren't you?! LOL (Murphy's Law will have had the ultimate laugh on you)

(To women: Go see the film "The Bridges of Madison County" and you'll understand and sympathize with what I'm talking about here.)

Guys, imagine having to keep the same car for the rest of your life, and never being able to "upgrade" it to a new or better one. Now wouldn't that suck? LOL

Also, when your life becomes a routine with no variety, time goes by faster, your life slips by faster, and you get old before you know it, never having experienced more variety or adventure. Think about that. Remember that.

4. You can never make any new friends of the opposite sex again, without your spouse becoming suspicious or jealous.

Guys, I'm sure you already know this, but when you are married or in a committed relationship, you aren't really allowed to make any new female friends, or else your wife will become suspcious and jealous. This means that you will be forced to keep them from her, because if she does find out, she will demand that you hide nothing from her and let her see all the communication/correspondence you have with your new "female buddy". If that happens, it goes without saying that you won't be able to show any affection or say anything "sweet and caring" to your new female friend, not with your wife watching. LOL. Now, doesn't it suck to not be able to say what you want and feel to another female? Smile

(Now this is a little ironic because for some reason, by some act of Murphy's Law, when you are single, such opportunities to come across great females you have a lot in common with do not occur as often as when you are already taken or attached. That's the tragedy of life - for the universe only gives you what you want when you are no longer able to have it anymore...)

Furthermore, your wife will usually demand that you tell your new female friend that you are already taken, and that next time you meet her, to bring her along to show her that you are taken - thus stifling the possibility of anything growing between you and your new "female friend". Your wife will not let you see your new female buddy alone, but will require you to meet with her as a "couple", if at all.

What this means is that if in your everyday affairs, you come across a charming endearing female who enjoys talking to you, and has something in common with you or a common shared purpose with you, or has attractive qualities you like which are lacking in your spouse, you cannot really befriend her or get to know her without getting into trouble with your wife and ruining the peace in your marriage. Now doesn't that suck? Smile

To avoid that, you'd have to hide your new female friend's number in your cell phone, and hide her emails in your computer, etc. (You know how it is.) It's a very hard game to play, obviously, and the more you do it, the more suspicious your spouse will become, and start checking your cell phone and emails. Eventually you end up getting caught. And when that happens, it creates a scene... which goes without saying. LOL

I'm sure you guys out there have experienced this - when you are in a committed relationship but constantly have another female that you care more about and is more interesting to you on your mind, to the point where your partner has to inquire: "Why do you seem so distracted lately?" Now doesn't that scenario suck? LOL

As the old saying goes, "The trouble with resisting temptation is that you may not get another chance." - Edwin Chapin. And in this case, you are likely to succumb to the adage that, "You regret more what you didn't do than what you did." So much for restriction and suppression.

5. Marriage does not necessarily make you happier.

It just keeps you looking normal to society and to your peers. Most marriages do not result in lasting happiness. Couples either argue or just tolerate each other out of commitment. The myth of "happily ever after" has been disproven endlessly, yet people still believe it.

Look, there's no perfect world. Everything in life has tradeoffs and opportunity costs. When you gains something, you lose something. Marriage is not what it's cracked up to be. It may bring you some things, such as stability and a family to raise (if that makes you happy), but it takes away other things, like personal freedom, privacy, adventure, other women, travel time, variety in life, time to develop your soul, etc. You're always going to be happy about some things, but unhappy about others.

After you get married, somewhere down the line, you're going to miss the freedom of being single. You're gonna feel like you're in a rut, where you've given your whole life away to an enslaving job, nagging wife, spoiled kids, and a monotonous routine sexless life. Your playtime will consist of cliched family outings with kids, not the fun and freedom you enjoyed in your youth.

6. Divorce rates are high and rising.

“Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they don't like him.” - Marlene Dietrich

In America, the divorce rate has now risen from 30 percent to 50-60 percent. Russia has similar high levels of divorce as well. If you know there's a high probability of that happening, then why promise to stay together "til death do you part"? Wouldn't you be lying to yourself and others? Besides, how many people can be 100 percent sure of something or anything?

Divorce is expensive, complicated and messy. I don't have to tell you that. Many men lose half their property and assets, or all of it. It ruins lives. Many of my friends say that marriage was the biggest mistake of their lives. Why go through all that trouble? Why not just avoid all that just by not getting married, especially with the previous reasons mentioned? Why waste all that money? Why go through all that trouble? Why risk losing all your hard earned assets? It doesn't make sense! Just because society says so?! F*** society!

7. A man could lose his property, assets and children in a divorce.

"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house." - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Many divorces end in the man losing his house, assets, and children, all going to the mother since courts tend to favor them. A man can lose everything, leaving him in grief, depression, and even suicide. A divorced man who has lost a lot is not going to be desirable to women.

Therefore, a man stands to lose a lot or everything in marriage, while a woman stands to gain a lot. Not fair of course. But ask yourself this: What advantage is there for a man in marriage? Nothing! Except maybe some stupid tax breaks.

Isn't it better to just keep your property and assets separate? Sheesh. You see how society complicates things and gets into your own affairs? Stupid isn't it? So just avoid it then! It's that simple. Stop being a conformist and caring what others think of you.

Look at the big picture and you see it's a raw deal for men. Marriage protects women and children, at the expensive of men, who are expendable. It gives security to women, and stability to children, but nothing to men. That's because society cares about women and children, but not men. So don't let them take advantage of you.

8. Marriage is artificial and unnatural.

Love is a wonderful natural thing between two people that cannot be expressed in words. It lets you experience your biggest highs and lowest lows. It is highly personal too. Now what does that have to do with an artificial government contract? NOTHING! So why does society say it does? Because society wants to CONTROL you!

So you see, it doesn't make sense to invoke an artificial contract into a relationship or love affair that places a bind and lock on the couple. Why not let love bloom, run its natural course, however long that may be, and die out on its own? Why try to force people to stay together with a chain and lock, even if they shouldn't? That's imprisonment. It interferes with the natural cycle and flow of things, and with human will too. Love cannot be controlled or tied down with a contract.

Furthermore, it is reckless to swear an oath to love one person for love. You can't keep that promise any more than you can swear to only eat fried rice for life. It's unrealistic, unnatural, and unnecessary.

Now I'm not saying that one should be alone (unless he wants to be). Most people are happier with partners, companionship, and loved ones. And some are happier having a family to raise. That is natural and normal. There is nothing wrong with that. Humans are happier when their happiness is shared with others. Sure. But why can't they have all that without an artificial bind, like a rope tying a dog to a tree? It's like society doesn't trust men, so they have to be shackled and chained up. That's not good.

And if a couple wants to commit, why can't they just commit with an oral agreement without the interference of marriage? What can the institution of marriage bring them, that they can't get on their own? It is nothing but a lock and chain with consequences. Unless you are really religious and your beliefs demand marriage, it isn't really necessary.

9. Marriage takes away your freedom and liberty.

"In our part of the world, where monogamy is in force, to marry means to halve one’s rights and to double one’s duties." - Arthur Schopenhauer, On Women

Every man naturally fears marriage, because it carries with it a connotation of "permanent closure" and bars him from the joy of "open possibilities". Despite this, many men go through with it anyway, while others, like me, stop and think: "Wait a minute. Let's think about this. This doesn't feel right. There's something wrong with this. Why should I do something so disadvantageous to me just because society says so and everyone else is doing it? If everyone else jumped off a bridge, should I do it too?"

As the quote from Arthur Schopenhauer above noted, marriage reduces your rights and doubles your responsibilities (and triples them when children come onto the scene). Why would anyone want that? Clearly it is disadvantageous to one's liberty and freedom.

From a certain point of view, marriage is essentially SERVITUDE - to your spouse, to the relationship, and the family as well. It is not freedom. You can't just do whatever you want or put your own interest first. In fact, you must appease your spouse by conforming to her wishes and standards, and accept her friends and in-laws (or at least pretend to). You cannot make decisions as an individual anymore, but must seek her consent on everything. You must "run everything by her". Many men in America even refer to their wife as "the boss" for some reason.

And of course, if you marry, you are not free to love other women, date them, or even befriend them, ethically speaking that is. Your wife will not even be comfortable with you having any other female friends, even if they are innocent ones, for she will always be suspicious of them and watch how much attention you give them. What this means is that all female contacts are off, except your wife, unless she approves of them or you spend time with them only with your wife around. Therefore, you are not free to do what you want in terms of other women.

Furthermore, your wife will expect you to keep a stable job to provide money and security for her and any children you may have together. Unless you really love your job, it is basically slavery in a private dictatorship. But what if you don't like your job? What if you get tired of your job and want to take off and travel the world? Or move somewhere else? Or decide you don't want children? Unless your wife agrees, it will be hard for you to do that. You kind of have to do what she says most of the time. Hence, no freedom for you.

What this means is that if your dream is to have a life full of adventure, travel and freedom, then don't get married, cause marriage will take away all that, unless you're lucky enough to find a partner who shares your same lifestyle.

What I've never understood, is why anyone would want to give up a life of freedom, traveling, and dating different hot women, for the boring monotonous routine life of marriage, responsibility and raising a family? It just doesn't make any sense.

In the latter, your freedom is totally gone and you are tied down into commitment, obligation and responsibility, which people call "life". Why would anyone choose such a predicament, let alone be fulfilled by it? Such a lifestyle embodies nothing but routine, burden and imprisonment. The former is obviously a thousand times more fun, exciting, interesting and pleasurable than the latter. So why would anyone choose the latter? I don't understand. It's mind boggling.

Could it be because Mother Nature has programmed people to want to raise a family, to ensure the survival of the human race? Is that the only reason? Or because society told people that raising a family was the purpose of life, and so people followed it?

I just don't understand "normal people". They've never made sense to me. Am I liberated or crazy? Oh well.

It's funny how people always want to HEAR that they have freedom (or political freedom rather) but when they follow what society taught them - by getting a job and raising a family, they reduce their freedom to ZERO and don't even think about it! It's like people want to hear that they have freedom but don't want actual freedom itself. How weird and ironic.

10. Marriage was created to benefit society and women, NOT men.

Given all the disadvantages mentioned above, marriage was clearly created to benefit society and women, NOT men. It provides a proper environment for children to grow up in, gives women security while raising children, and stabilizes the structure of society, preventing "free men" from doing whatever they want and following their hearts and passions. While doing so, it treats men like wild dogs who need to be locked and chained up lest they roam free.

This is why society rewards marriage with tax breaks, economic perks and bonuses, and punishes divorce with such harsh consequences. Of course, society HOPES for a win-win situation in which men are "happily" married, so that both men and society get what they want. But that is often not the case, for the reasons mentioned above.

You have to remember that society is not there to give you freedom or truth. It is there to CONTROL you and mold you into a certain way that will best serve its interests. This is why society treats you like a product on an assembly line in a cookie cutter factory, and assumes that you are the same as everyone else.

Conclusion

So you see, there are many good reasons not to marry - many disadvantages, risks and opportunity costs that could turn out to be a monumental mistake with disastrous consequences - which society never tells you about.

Furthermore, if one wishes, one can have commitment in a relationship or raise a family without the institution of marriage, which is really unnecessary and nothing more than a bind and lock on a couple. Marriage doesn't really bring anything to your relationship that you can't have on your own, without the interference of society's laws.

Now, I'm not trying to tell you what to do. I'm not saying that you shouldn't get married or that you should. Obviously, some people are happily married, and some are unhappily married. Marriage is not for everyone. But there are many logical reasons against marriage, such as the ones above, which society never tells you about, that should be considered first before entering into such a serious commitment and contract. But society is one-sided. It presents marriage as a wonderful dream come true - along with a happy expensive wedding - and preaches that it is a good and morally right thing to do. It never gives you the other side - the consequences, disadvantages and opportunity costs. And that's the purpose of this article, to fill in that information gap which society doesn't.

Whatever decision you make, it is in your best interest to weigh everything out first before getting married. The decision is ultimately up to you. Only you can know what's best for you and what will make you happiest. I can't tell you what is best for you, but I can at least inform you of what society won't. Thanks for hearing me out. Best wishes to you all for success and happiness.

For more of my freethinking and truth articles: http://www.happierabroad.com/articles.php

Update:

Jezebel, a Celebrity/Fashion Blog, has written a funny hit piece about this article. You can see it at:
http://jezebel.com/5873827/founder-of-possible-sex-tourist-website-creates-elaborate-ad-campaign-telling-men-to-beware-of-marriage




Last edited by Winston on Mon Jan 23, 2012 9:50 pm; edited 24 times in total

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That is a good essay regarding why men should avoid marriage. Just look at the high divorce rate in the US, 50%, America has one of the highest divorce rates in the world! Shocked

Some people after they get married have "buyers remorse" meaning, they wish they married someone else, or wish they never got married at all.

Here is Tom Leykis talking about marriage.


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If men did not marry and remove themselves from the market, what would the level of competition be like for young fertile women?


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You cannot appeal to logic in dissuading men from marriage. Men get seduced by clapping females, their mothers, and their female associates and they marry, in part for female approval.

Only the most erudite men can overcome these obstacles which are powerful.



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I am waiting for somebody to sell me on the reasons not to get married that aren't mired in fear mongering.

I don't have to get married, nobody is forcing me and nobody is "selling me" on any idealized version of being married.

@jamesbond, if you get married and experience buyers remorse, its called DIVORCE. You don't need a lawyer either.

@Contrarian I believe I am using logic when weighting the pros and cons of marriage. I have never looked for approval nor would I get any from other women.

Now for the essay itself -

1) Most of these things can be screened out during the dating cycle talks online. Men are usually afraid to confront women as the retaliation for doing so will be withholding of sex from them. If this happens, DROP HER! This is your life your talking about, take it seriously, ask questions, ask a ton of questions.

2) Variety is overrated and let me explain. If I haven't said it once, I have said it several times; I have generally no problems dating. I could likely get laid as much as I would like too. Now having said that, economies put restrictions on who you can chase and who's willing to be caught. At the $17-$25K range, that means middle class to working class women usually.

Now if I increase my income, I could likely move to a swanky part of town, buy an expensive European car, buy some nice clothes and move up a range of available women.

Because I like to date White Women, this narrows my pool of available women as we all know not all White Women are comfortable dating outside their race.

So this "variety" you speak of is basically overrated. I don't want to "buy" a woman's attention with the clothes I wear, the place I live or the car I drive. These things do not make me a better person.

That is a key distinction you need to make.

As for lusting after different kinds of women, actually no. I like White Women I don't find anything special about Asian Women and especially not Black Women. If I want a Latina, I'll marry one, I won't want a Asian, White or Black Woman later on.

As Mark Rustov has said, Boys chase Women like Dogs chase cars, they are mostly interest in the chase not so much the conquest. I'm too lazy to chase, if a woman makes me chase her, it won't happen.

3) That is completely subjectivity. If A, B, C and D happens, likely E (unhappiness) will happen.

4) Yeah and you can die every time you pull you car out of the drive way. This also is based on several dating myths that don't make marriages successful. One of my favorites is marrying somebody near your age. That is completely false, normal age differences in Western culture are 8-10 years between husband and wife. Just because you're both 30 doesn't mean you're marriage will be better, but that's a persistent myth.

It doesn't have to be expensive, if you're lazy and can't read it will be expensive. Otherwise there are legal workshops in most major cities that can help you file paperwork for minimal cost.

This is similar to saying you need a lawyer for K-1, its a lie. The paperwork which can be downloaded from the US State Dept web site is written in simple English.

5) This is a possibility however the more things you buy together and I have seen this myself, you are told by the judge to sell the property and split the profits. Outside of that, if your soon to be ex-wife is willing to fight you tooth and nail for other assets, then its about 50% you're fault of marrying this woman, of course depending on what is causing your divorce.

I can always find a Sob Story from some guy who is living in a studio apartment in North Hollywood who's wife took it all. This again is likely not setting ground rules deep into the dating process. Again most men don't want the sex faucet turned off, so they will try and not rock the boat. I have always challenged the women I have dated and guess what, I still get f***ed and my dick sucked, try it some time.

Also make it crystal clear that SHE is lucky to have you and not the other way around. Best case scenario is for you BOTH to believe your lucky to have found each other and this is easier to accomplish than most people think.

6) Artificial? Yes its a Man Made Creation, who denies that? Of course you can do what Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell have done. They aren't married and have been together since 1983. In fact there are many people that haven't married but have been in long term relationships. Does that mean marriage is not needed? No because for legal reasons, like in the event of a death or near death hospital visitation, etc; Its very hard to get access to assets, make judgement calls like ending life support, etc, etc. These are some of the same legal challenges Gay Couples face in States where marriage is not legal. Custody of children also becomes a very sticky issue, if not married, even if you're the legal parent ie: Micheal Jackson/Debbie Roe.

7) What Freedoms would be taken from you? I find this notion puzzling at best. What would you want to do that you can't because your married? Now having said that, do you really need to be out with the fellas five times a week? Do you really need to be at strip clubs which I always thought were a rip-off anyway? Are you forced to go to work at a job you don't like? That usually only happens in Shotgun Weddings and accidental pregnancies. If you know what you want to do, work is never seen as actual "work" when you enjoy it.

How is this Servitude?

I am not interested in loving other women, I know that's hard for some people to believe but its true. I haven't loved anybody but my parents/sister... So I don't think I can love multiple women. If I get what I want, I won't need to look elsewhere and won't be interested.

Stable Employment, hmmm. So you're saying if you want to live with your parents and do what I do, which is collect money for donating Plasma and get $200 from EBT for a total income of $490-$520 a month. No woman would be interested in me? I beg to differ, I have not been asked what I do. I know what I must do, if we build a lifestyle that's typical middle class in America or abroad, I know I have to work. Do I have to be the bread winner? No and if you feel that you need too in order to for fill some dominate roll in your relationship, you're still living in the 1970's-1980's. The fact is more women are graduating college than men are. Only American Women are slow to realize this. If you're GF is worried about what work you do and how much money you earn, this is not normal and you better drop that tramp or regret it later.

The Finish -

Define "Hot Women" because I've never dated one and don't think I will. The Hottest Women I have known I f***ed it up some how by being unemployed at the time and not being honest about it. The other is the girl I am talking too via Skype, the Brazilian Blond Bombshell.

I think society does tell people about these issues you raise especially in the last decade as the Men's Rights movement has gained steam. The MSM (Mainstream Media) does such a poor job of informing the public that, you have to use your noodle to find these opinions and stories on the internet.

There are advantages and disadvantages to almost everything in life.

The advantages I see are -

Companionship

Doubling of Income and Assets, while taking advantage of various tax breaks because that's how Governments modify behavior.

Regular Sex, again as Mark Rustov has said, if you have to open your wallet to get laid, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG! My friend Doug even though he should leave his wife, doesn't but managed to have another child after having the last one over a decade ago. What does that mean? Despite the arguments and fighting over money they still manage not to go to bed mad and have sex.

If you're wife is withholding sex from you, there is a much bigger issue than just her not f***ing you. It is likely not even your fault, its her fault, which I again, I blame YOU for marrying her and not seeing these signs. Don't give me that BS that women are on their best behavior while dating. She better be on best behavior at all times, if not call her on it! Demand an answer for withholding sex, if she refuses to answer threaten divorce.

As I keep saying BE A MAN, ACT LIKE ONE. As long as you don't yell or raise your hand, you're perfectly within your right to challenge a woman.


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If you say your essay is meant to apply to marriage in American or western society, I suppose I could agree, but America is not the world, and as such, I disagree with some points for a few reasons.

1. Anyone who marries someone expecting them to stay the same has made a mistake. They should never have married in the first place. People can grow and change together. If the girl grows into a crack addict, the man has every right to kick her to the curb and society won't have much to say about it. The same if the man grows into a wife beater or drug abuser. Still, two people can grow, change and maintain a perpetual courtship, constantly winning each other's love just as they did in their first months together. It is, in fact, stagnation that leads to regret.

2.Those ethics you speak of are ALSO just something society tells you. There are plenty of couple making success out of open marriages. I heard that in France, two can people can be married and really love each other but have liaisons on the side. In Japan and Korea, many marriages are somewhat like a business arrangement, the purpose of which is to create a family. This is not to imply love isn't involved, but the family is first. Both the husband and wife may have affairs and flings and as long as it is kept discreet, everyone moves along fine. In muslim countries we know the men can have many wives and even concubines and flings etc. THAT SAID I think this is why it is better for men to marry when they are older, after they have had their fun so to speak. I still get girls smiling and winking almost everyday, but it just doesn't interest me anymore. I did that for years. It was fun. Now I am done. I want one good girl with whom to settle down and make a family.

3. If family is the goal, I still believe it is a good idea. It works. Marriage does not lead to "enslaving job, nagging wife, spoiled kids, and a monotonous routine sexless life. " Certainly not in Asia anyway. Too many times I hear the stories of the girls whose husbands are always out all night "with the guys" or play majong with all their free time, drink and have fun, even go to KTV and massage. Why does marriage have to lead to an enslaving jobs. Ever see those guys on the side of the road rubbing their pot bellies in the Philippines? They ain't working! Their wife works and feeds them. Some couples do online business together. I even know couple who makes video games together and another just completed an animated film together.

4. Divorce rates in Asia might make one feel a lot safer.

5. Also less of a problem in Asia. In some cultures the man can't lose jack. If a woman leaves, she's out in the street and thats's that.

6. and 7. The book How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World can talk on these points better than I could. He explains how many have become more free by being married. And remember, those ethics you speak of come from the same place as those words saying you must get married or do this or that. If you find a partner truly fit for you, you can marry and still do what you want with your life.

Maybe the problem is most men, especially in America, simply chose the wrong partner, or, more realistically, took what they could get.



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Check this out. When I posted this essay on the David Icke forum, scores of people agreed with it, including women!

http://forum.davidicke.com/showthread.php?t=193714

I also found this quote there that's so true too.

“Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they don't like him.” - Marlene Dietrich



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Check out this short documentary that explains why marriages fail in modern society. It makes a lot of sense.


Link



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Winston you knocked another ball out of the court on this one. Speaking for myself with my son's mother i never got bored with our sex in fact i miss the sex with her, i just hated the other nonsense she brought to the table. I agree with your article and i am rethinking things. 1 I am getting fixed soon as i am done with having children.
2 My thoughts of getting married are starting to die.
I am talking to a nice young lady yet i see not benefit to marriage so why do it?


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These are pretty good.

http://stevethornton.wordpress.com/2008/06/25/100-reasons-not-to-get-married/

100 Reasons Not to Get Married

Posted by Steve Thornton on June 25, 2008

This week we discuss the last of five “family matters” subjects in our Sunday gathering. And the last one is about singles, how to be single and satisfied. Sound like an oxymoron? Well it really is possible to be satisfied and single at the same time. My teaching on Sunday will offer some practical insight into how that might be possible. If you would like the entire message it can be accessed from relaxedchurch.com after June 30, 2008.

Meanwhile I want to introduce you to a list I happened to run across on Google Answers about reasons why not to get married. The list was compiled by Tutuzdad-ga – Google Answers Researcher. I love it. It is hilarious at some points and shockingly true at others. If you look closely there are a few numbers missing. They are the ones that were a little over the edge. Enjoy it and pass it on to any of your single friends or to your married ones who might wish they were single.

And if you have any additional reasons for not getting married that are not on the list, pass them on to us in the comment section.

“When you’re single…”

1.You get the whole couch to yourself.

2.There’s half as much housework, cooking, and cleaning to do.

3.You can watch whatever TV channel you like, without arguments.

4.You can get home from work at whatever time you like.

5.You get to eat the whole “meal for two” by yourself.

6.There are fewer important birthdays (spouse, kids, spouse’s parents,
etc) and no anniversaries to accidentally forget.

7.Without a spouse you have can still have a decent social life in your 30s.

8.You don’t keep catching every sniffle, cold and flu bug that your
spouse brings home.

9.You don’t have to live halfway between your workplace and your
spouse’s workplace.

10.Once you’re married most of your friends will also be married, and
coincidentally (like you, if you marry) they will mostly be staying
home with their own spouse’s instead of hanging out with you.

11.You can lie in bed in the morning for as long as you like.

12.Nobody sees what you look like first thing in the morning.

13.No soap operas (of sports shows, depending on male vs. female perhaps)

14.You can throw your dirty socks on the floor where they belong.

15.There’s no pressure to make the bed in the morning

16.You don’t have to worry about what the bathroom smells like when
you walk out of it.

17.You know where the bar of soap has been

18.You don’t have to put out Christmas lights if you don’t want to

19.When you’re single the lawn looks a lot better when the grass is longer

20.No one snores

21.Folding clothes?….No thank you

22.There’s no fight for remote control ownership.

23.Smelly socks and skiddy underwear are not that big of an issue when
you’re only washing your own.

24.On your way out you know that you’re shoes are right where you took
them off yesterday.

25.We can stay in the shower as long as we want and don’t have to
worry about conserving hot water for a spouse (or kids).

26.You can do laundry – or not.

27.You don’t have to shave if you don’t want to.

28.You don’t have to share your razor with anyone

29.You don’t have to buy Valentines/birthday/Mother’s day cards.

30.You won’t have anyone saying ‘you’re not going to wear that, are you?’

31.If your married and no fashion sense your spouse thinks you’re a
moron. If you’re single and have no fashion sense people think you are
eccentric.

32.Burning the food is not a big deal.

33.You’re not as accountable to anyone – if I want to do something, I just do it!

34.If you mess up your finances you have no one to blame but yourself.

35.You ALWAYS know EXACTLY how much is in your checking account.

36.You get the whole bed to yourself.

37.You can watch a late show on the bedroom TV and no one complains.

38.There are no unexplainable moods to contend with.

39.You have much more freedom to choose.

40.If there’s dribble on your pillow you know where it came from.

41.You never have to say where you’ve been or what you’ve been doing.

42.There’s no curfew.

43.You never have to hide anything in your shopping cart under other stuff.

44.You can spend all you want or all you have – it doesn’t matter.

45.You never have to worry about saying what you think, or having to
pretend you’re thinking something that you’re not.

46.You can be rude if that’s in you’re nature.

47.You can eat what YOU want.

48.You can join a gym because you want to, not because your spouse is
embarrassed by the way you look.

49.If you get fired from work you’re not considered a loser – just unemployed.

50.You can have friends over who behave outrageously whenever you want.

51.You don’t have to worry about what sort of food to buy and you can
eat whatever you want, whenever you choose.

53.You can listen to your favorite tunes in the house or in the car
and no one fiddles with the station or complains about your taste in
music.

54.You can spend all night on the phone without having to justify it.

55.You can go to bed when you please – or not.

56.You can read all night if you want to.

57.No one criticizes the condition of your car or expects you to wash it.

58.There’s plenty of space in the closet.

59.You don’t have to pretend that you’re interested in what happened
to your spouse at work today.

60.When you’re single there is a LOT less drama in your life!

61.You can make a mess – and leave it that way.

62.You can drink wine out of a bottle or milk right out of the jug
whenever you like.

63.You don’t have to write cards on anyone’s behalf for birthdays or Christmas.

64.You don’t have to excuse your behavior to a spouse.

65.You can pass gas at will.

66.When you’re single your opinion is always the best opinion.

67.You never have disagreements with what a spouse when you’re single.

68.When you’re single you can enjoy great performances of gay
musicians and actors without getting that “eye-rolling” thing from
your spouse.

69.You don’t have to listen to your spouse pant every time their
favorite actor or musician comes on the television.

70.When you’re single you can flush – or not.

71.You can put the lid up or put the lid down – it’s up to you.
Whatever you did last is exactly how it will be when you return next
time – just the way you like it.

72.Dragon breath in the morning is no big deal when you’re single.

73.If you’re single you can eat right out of the refrigerator and no one cares.

74.You don’t have to share ANYTHING with ANYONE.

75.No in-laws (this one speaks for itself)

76.Las Vegas is back on the list of vacation considerations.

77.Grow your nails, cut your nails – it doesn’t matter.

78.Pajamas or not – doesn’t matter.

79.Sweatpants and baggy shirt – no one cares.

80.The best parking spot is ALWAYS yours for the taking.

81.Cooking your own meals never ceases to be an adventure, and never
starts becoming punishment.

83.When you’re single you can paint the town instead of the house.

84.When you get home after work, you don’t have to start work again.

85.You can tell people you’re single and not have to lie about it.

86.You’ll never have to trade your interest in miniskirts for minivans.

87.You’ll save about $400,000 in grocery bills alone over the next 20
years if you stay single.

88.College? You didn’t pay for yours so why would you volunteer to pay
for someone else’s?

89.When you’re single you get to keep ALL the money.

90.When you’re single you get to hold the actual credit card and not just the bill.

94.You can use your own name at hotels.

95.When you’re single you can tell the person criticizing your driving
to “get out!”

96.When asked for their opinion, a single person can say “Yeah…you ARE fat!”.

97.When you’re single you can lick the spoon and keep on stirring like
nothing happened.

98.When you’re single you never miss all the things you used to be
able to do before you got married.

99.Married people with gray hair are thought of as old and tired, but
single people with gray hair are considered wise and distinguished.

100.Finally, when you’re single you can enjoy the silence any time you want



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Oh, I forgot to also add that marriage kills your sex life as one of the reasons. So I'll do it now.

Check out what ErikHeaven said about this in another thread.

http://www.happierabroad.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=12113&start=15

Quote:

50 year old woman on a past job said in front of the group "I only give my husband some on his birthday, i am not kidding and that is the only time and i tell him to hurry up". I was shocked at her comment as many American women are bold like this. So yes once again married people most of the time are not having sex. My bestfriend who is going on 18 years of marriage told me him and his wife have only clocked 1 time this year!
He is 38 and she is 44. They just cannot stand each other, too many fights and what not. I am really changing as i see not benefit to marriage.
Freedom is so much better!



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The_Adventurer wrote:
If you say your essay is meant to apply to marriage in American or western society, I suppose I could agree, but America is not the world, and as such, I disagree with some points for a few reasons.

1. Anyone who marries someone expecting them to stay the same has made a mistake. They should never have married in the first place. People can grow and change together. If the girl grows into a crack addict, the man has every right to kick her to the curb and society won't have much to say about it. The same if the man grows into a wife beater or drug abuser. Still, two people can grow, change and maintain a perpetual courtship, constantly winning each other's love just as they did in their first months together. It is, in fact, stagnation that leads to regret.

2.Those ethics you speak of are ALSO just something society tells you. There are plenty of couple making success out of open marriages. I heard that in France, two can people can be married and really love each other but have liaisons on the side. In Japan and Korea, many marriages are somewhat like a business arrangement, the purpose of which is to create a family. This is not to imply love isn't involved, but the family is first. Both the husband and wife may have affairs and flings and as long as it is kept discreet, everyone moves along fine. In muslim countries we know the men can have many wives and even concubines and flings etc. THAT SAID I think this is why it is better for men to marry when they are older, after they have had their fun so to speak. I still get girls smiling and winking almost everyday, but it just doesn't interest me anymore. I did that for years. It was fun. Now I am done. I want one good girl with whom to settle down and make a family.

3. If family is the goal, I still believe it is a good idea. It works. Marriage does not lead to "enslaving job, nagging wife, spoiled kids, and a monotonous routine sexless life. " Certainly not in Asia anyway. Too many times I hear the stories of the girls whose husbands are always out all night "with the guys" or play majong with all their free time, drink and have fun, even go to KTV and massage. Why does marriage have to lead to an enslaving jobs. Ever see those guys on the side of the road rubbing their pot bellies in the Philippines? They ain't working! Their wife works and feeds them. Some couples do online business together. I even know couple who makes video games together and another just completed an animated film together.

4. Divorce rates in Asia might make one feel a lot safer.

5. Also less of a problem in Asia. In some cultures the man can't lose jack. If a woman leaves, she's out in the street and thats's that.

6. and 7. The book How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World can talk on these points better than I could. He explains how many have become more free by being married. And remember, those ethics you speak of come from the same place as those words saying you must get married or do this or that. If you find a partner truly fit for you, you can marry and still do what you want with your life.

Maybe the problem is most men, especially in America, simply chose the wrong partner, or, more realistically, took what they could get.


I happen to find a copy in pdf format - http://www.bazkhani.com/wp-content/uploads/freedom_in_an_unfree_world.pdf


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Winston wrote:
These are pretty good.

http://stevethornton.wordpress.com/2008/06/25/100-reasons-not-to-get-married/

100 Reasons Not to Get Married


A majority of that list is childish or infantile. Its simple not true that you can't have alone time or any of the things mentioned here.

There multiple reasons why sickness is brought home. Most of it is because people are forced to go to work sick in the face of reduced/stagnate wages, no sick time and no paid family leave.

I can't believe some people are so immature as I posted before some men that complain about married, women and children are a bad deal don't have anything worth loosing even if it does end up in divorce and she gets HALF of his assets.


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I'm not understanding the need to spend this much time/effort to justify one's own preferred life choices to people who are non-factors in the decision making process.

For me, it's not in my best self-interest to flood the market with an abundance of sausages looking for a fresh warm bun.


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momopi wrote:
I'm not understanding the need to spend this much time/effort to justify one's own preferred life choices to people who are non-factors in the decision making process.

For me, it's not in my best self-interest to flood the market with an abundance of sausages looking for a fresh warm bun.


You are very wise and practical, as usual.

But the reasons I write these essays are because:

1. I feel inspired to by my creative spirit.
2. My reasons will plant seeds in others.
3. It helps draws hits to this site.
4. I can use these essays as reference whenever the topic comes up during conversation.

Consider those things.



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