Falcon wrote:How do you guys initiate dating with Chinese women? More specifically, I mean urban Sinosphere women, such as Taiwanese and urban Chinese.
Latinas, Europeans, and Southeast Asians (Thais, Filipinas) generally give off signals quite easily, so for me it's easy to move from regular chatting to actual flirting or dating. But except for a few of the more aggressive Cantonese girls I had met and some rural Chinese women, I find that
most urban Chinese and Taiwanese women do not seem to give off signals. It's just constantly friendly talk and platonic chatting. We talk and talk, then talk and talk, and nothing ever happens.
Yes, they're friendly, easy to approach and talk to, invite to meals, get phone numbers and QQ's off of, and so on. But all that happens is that we become great friends. They simply won't give off any signs of interest or show that it's appropriate to actually start flirting with them. I feel like I have to be their friend for an excruciatingly long period of time before it's appropriate to show interest, or before the romance part actually happens (I've heard that's how some couples in Taiwan would eventually get married).
Now, being obvious and sexually aggressive works very well with Latinas, but not with urban Sinosphere women.
Even the Latino guys I met in China were having trouble initiating romance with the local Chinese women.
Both of us were used to Latino-style dating and didn't know how it should be done with Chinese women. For example, a Latino guy and I were at a hostel in China, and were chatting with one of the girls working there. He tried being a wingman by pointing at me and telling her, "This guy's super smart, tall, and handsome, isn't he? Maybe you'd like to marry him!" Yeah, in Latin America, the ladies would laugh really hard and love that, but this doesn't work in China. She was a bit taken aback by that and said, "Umm, I think you must be mistaken." I then explained to her that it was just typical Latino humor, and that she shouldn't be shocked by that.
Another time, a Latino guy and I were walking around downtown Guangzhou. He wanted me to pick up girls with all those aggressive Latino pickup lines, and wanted me to translate them into Chinese for him. Yes, I can imagine that those would work perfectly fine in Colombia or Mexico when said in Spanish, but something like, "Hey, where's the nearest church, because I want to get married" does NOT work in China. So we actually tried that on a group of women hanging out in Guangzhou. Of course, it turned out to be very, very awkward for them, and they were saying, "Huh? What?!" My Latino friend said that in Latin America, the women would start laughing right away, and bingo!
Sometimes I wonder if it's lack of estrogen on their part.
Thanks for bringing this thread to my attention via PM Falcon. I had initially opted to ignore it since I'm not speaking from a NE Asian man's perspective but it seems u would like a response from me anyways so here goes.
1. Interesting you are starting to shift focus to urban girls which is what I suggested u try in a post a few months ago. Time to move in a direction of higher challenge. Have u tried out urban girls in Mexico yet?
2. As far as Taiwan is concerned, it seems your impression or perhaps experience is quite different than Winston's in some ways since u wrote "Yes, they're friendly, easy to approach and talk to, invite to meals, get phone numbers and QQ's off of, and so on".
I firmly believe the experience with women will vary significantly in a given place depending on the person, how people there tend to perceive him, and how he relates to and perceives the people and environment around him.
3. Usually, and perhaps in contrast to some of the other HA regions u mentioned were people tend to be very open, I've found its more effective when approaching girls to just express interest in striking-up a friendship and behaving rather innocently when chatting them up. U need to come up with creative excuses for approaching and perhaps for obvious foreigners, its a bit easier - I'm new in town, trying to meet a few new people and you really caught my eye, would like to practice speaking Chinese with a lovely girl like yourself, ha ha, etc. It doesn't hurt to throw out subtle half joking compliments or even flirt a bit in subtle ambiguous ways. You can read about my tenant Monkro or perhaps even talk with him directly if he agrees. He's approached a lot of girls in Taipei fairly recently.
4. Once u r able to fill yr dating calendar, the bigger challenge for someone like u might be moving things from platonic to romantic level. Monkro has struggled in this area too. Personally, I've been able to know wht my chances r within 1-3 dates and proceed up or out. U can try have a sit-down date (coffee, food, lounge bar, or anywhere its quiet enough u can feel her out and warm her up verbally). A lot of clues come out in convo session if u r good and depending on circumstances, u can work in kino or even sit with her. Step 2 should be getting her to a more private area in evening if possible - big park, mountain trail which ends at some sort of vista for view, beach or secluded coastal area, or even an MTV room for private movie. From there, u work up the kino. In all your touching, u shld go subtlety forward then step back for awhile (2 steps forward, 1 step bak as you've prolly heard before). Depending on the convo and her responses to yr subtle 'touch escalation', u should know within 2 or 3 private dates whether or not the girl has any interest in u romantically.
5. One type of rice raises 100 types of people - everyone is different, even in one location. So wht I just wrote in Pt. 4 above is an example which is doable for some girls. But all kinds of alternative scenarios are possible. Some girls can be worked up to romance just thru lots of What's App/SMS/Facebook chat or even phone conversation. But if u r perceptive, good at interviewing and interpreting the data she gives, and sensing when the iron is hot, u will figure things out quickly and be able to take action at right times.
6. I suspect you might come across as young, inexperienced, and perhaps a bit lost to some of the urban girls u meet in a place like Taipei. That might be ok with some and perhaps they might even find it cute depending on the gal. But if u wanna be generally more effective, u prolly need to learn to behave in a confident and manly manner and strive to be in control of the show. This works better with some girls than others tho and some may even challenge u on it.
7. If u wanna behave more directly the way u do with some Latinas, there are certain clubs where u can encounter more slutty types in the larger cities w/Chinese. I used to have a French tenant who pulled fast local women back to his room about every week-end and he had no Chinese language skills plus and even his English was not very good.
8. As I mentioned in Pt. 2 above, mileage varies. Foreigners can prolly get by breaking unwritten social rules a lot more than Chinese looking guys (tht's the way they do things where he's from, he's just acting normal for foreigner, etc.).
9. Some girls will want a serious relationship with u or nothing. So best u don't pretend just to get into her pants. If u play that game, the karma will come back at u in short order one way or another I believe. Pursue those types IF u too might sincerely be interested in a serious relationship w/her. Otherwise, better to move on to more casual targets.
All that comes to mind at the moment. If u ever come (return) to Taiwan, be sure to meet-up w/myself and/or Winston if we happen to be there then.
