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My marriage to my Korean bride

Discussion for marriage-minded members seeking foreign brides for marriage and serious long-term relationships.

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chanta76
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My marriage to my Korean bride

Post by chanta76 » January 23rd, 2013, 12:21 am

hey guys...
it's been awhile.

I did get married. I married a Korean girl from Korea. I had a long distance relationship with her. I am also Korean but Korean American where I am more Americanize. I can go into a long detail difference between American girl, Korean American girl and Korean girl but that's for another time.

Part of the reason why I got married is that the only way for us to be together is marriage. Also because I have Korean parents there was pressure that I should settle down. In Asian culture the pressure to get married is high. Anyway....some things I notice...it's not PERFECT.

This is my first marriage....I'm 36 years old..and well. if this marriage does not work..I told myself..never marry again ..and save and save and move abroad. Part of the reason why I married a girl from Korea is that I find American women to be either too picky or too bitchy.

With my Korean wife she is traditional in the sense that she will cook home meals and clean the home...BUT I didn't marry a girl to be a maid or a cook. It's nice to have...she is not materialistic where I have to go out and buy designer things...which is also good.

So what's the problem.....well...jealous is an issue. I don't look at any other girls nor do I plan on cheating (why marry if your going to to do this.) but I notice that with traditional Asian girls they tend to be possessive of their husbands. I didn't notice this until now.

Maybe it's just my wife...it's not all bad. I had to put the foot down and put her in her place...I imagine if I married an American woman she might think I'm being a sexist or abusive. Where as I'm being the man in the house.

Anyway...I marriage life kept me busy...so I try post and add to this forum.

zboy1
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Re: My marriage to my Korean bride

Post by zboy1 » January 23rd, 2013, 1:05 am

chanta76 wrote:hey guys...
it's been awhile.

I did get married. I married a Korean girl from Korea. I had a long distance relationship with her. I am also Korean but Korean American where I am more Americanize. I can go into a long detail difference between American girl, Korean American girl and Korean girl but that's for another time.

Part of the reason why I got married is that the only way for us to be together is marriage. Also because I have Korean parents there was pressure that I should settle down. In Asian culture the pressure to get married is high. Anyway....some things I notice...it's not PERFECT.

This is my first marriage....I'm 36 years old..and well. if this marriage does not work..I told myself..never marry again ..and save and save and move abroad. Part of the reason why I married a girl from Korea is that I find American women to be either too picky or too bitchy.

With my Korean wife she is traditional in the sense that she will cook home meals and clean the home...BUT I didn't marry a girl to be a maid or a cook. It's nice to have...she is not materialistic where I have to go out and buy designer things...which is also good.

So what's the problem.....well...jealous is an issue. I don't look at any other girls nor do I plan on cheating (why marry if your going to to do this.) but I notice that with traditional Asian girls they tend to be possessive of their husbands. I didn't notice this until now.

Maybe it's just my wife...it's not all bad. I had to put the foot down and put her in her place...I imagine if I married an American woman she might think I'm being a sexist or abusive. Where as I'm being the man in the house.

Anyway...I marriage life kept me busy...so I try post and add to this forum.
Hey Chanta, welcome back. Congrats on your marriage to your Korean wife!

I really wanted to go to Korea to live and work over there--and to find a wife--but it didn't work out...I tried desperately to get a teaching job in Korea, but there was just too much competition and too much discrimination against Gyopo's for me to find any work. Instead, I'm going to Russia to teach English. Hopefully, I will end up with a nice women over there and enjoy my experience like Winston did in Russia, LOL.

drealm
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Post by drealm » January 23rd, 2013, 1:36 am

I'm not married yet, but I actually want my future wife to be possessive and jealous. This shows that she values me and also shows that I can bargain with her by not promising monogamy if she does stuff I don't like (such as refusing sex).

Contrarian Expatriate
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Post by Contrarian Expatriate » January 23rd, 2013, 8:33 am

drealm wrote:I'm not married yet, but I actually want my future wife to be possessive and jealous. This shows that she values me and also shows that I can bargain with her by not promising monogamy if she does stuff I don't like (such as refusing sex).
That is not a good plan. A wife that is possessive is usually a control freak that will likely manipulate you in other areas of your life.

Any woman who has reason to be jealous, should be. But overly jealous is a red flag that you would be best to avoid.

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xiongmao
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Post by xiongmao » January 23rd, 2013, 10:04 am

Well done on your marriage. I hope I can go to Korea some time while I'm in Asia.

Most Asian women are fairly possessive. Especially Chinese women! Good men are valuable in China, and a woman won't let a good one go.
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drealm
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Post by drealm » January 23rd, 2013, 10:08 am

xiongmao wrote:Well done on your marriage. I hope I can go to Korea some time while I'm in Asia.

Most Asian women are fairly possessive. Especially Chinese women! Good men are valuable in China, and a woman won't let a good one go.
I read somewhere that Chinese women feel being possessive is how they show their love. For example a Chinese women wrote that when her husband goes on business she expects the following things: 1 email every night, 2 calls a day and 1 text? Is it true that this is how Chinese women express their love? She went on to say something about the concept of western marriage is to provide space so each person retains their individualism but in China the idea is for two couples to become very dependent on each other so they feel like one.

marklambo
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Re: My marriage to my Korean bride

Post by marklambo » January 23rd, 2013, 11:19 am

chanta76 wrote:
Part of the reason why I got married is that the only way for us to be together is marriage. Also because I have Korean parents there was pressure that I should settle down.
From the sound of your post, you don't appear to be as happy as one normally would be. I'm sure you love her otherwise you wouldn't marry but based on your post, pressure had a lot to do with it and it sounds like you rushed into it. That's usually a pretty dangerous situation but I hope it works out. Congrats on the fact that you didn't marry an American feminist c**t though! Either way, your odds are way better because you didn't get married in this feminist disease infested country (America). Good move!
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chanta76
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Post by chanta76 » January 23rd, 2013, 11:32 pm

marklambo,


You are right to say that there was some pressure to get married. You see I'm Korean American with traditional parents. I don't know if you have any Asian friends but even with the Asian Americans there is pressure to get married . It's complicated and I can write a whole essay on this.

Part of the reason why I got married was feelings and part from social pressure. Given a choice I picked a girl from Korea that I was corresponding with. I never been married before.


I think life would of been better if I lived or moved overseas but currently with my situation it's too hard and not sure if I can do that any time in the near future. Now that I'm married ..it has it's ups and down.

One of the biggest reason I got married was loneliness and yes...there is love. I mean just because I am lonely is not enough to get married but I know it sounds weird it's definite a reason that pushes you to find someone. Here in USA..dating or finding someone is hard. I think even harder for Asian American men.

chanta76
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Post by chanta76 » January 23rd, 2013, 11:39 pm

About jealously or possessiveness. I think it's bad for man or woman. I realize my wife has insecurities with herself and that's why she does that.

I guess you can't get the best of everything. I put my foot down hard on this and we do argue. Women are women ...I know some guys here will say there is a world of difference between western women and a women overseas. To some degree there is but still women are women. I realize that after marriage.

I figure try marriage...it's still interesting and has it's ups and down. So nothing is perfect.

marklambo
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Post by marklambo » January 23rd, 2013, 11:51 pm

chanta76 wrote:marklambo,


You are right to say that there was some pressure to get married. You see I'm Korean American with traditional parents. I don't know if you have any Asian friends but even with the Asian Americans there is pressure to get married . It's complicated and I can write a whole essay on this.

Part of the reason why I got married was feelings and part from social pressure. Given a choice I picked a girl from Korea that I was corresponding with. I never been married before.


I think life would of been better if I lived or moved overseas but currently with my situation it's too hard and not sure if I can do that any time in the near future. Now that I'm married ..it has it's ups and down.

One of the biggest reason I got married was loneliness and yes...there is love. I mean just because I am lonely is not enough to get married but I know it sounds weird it's definite a reason that pushes you to find someone. Here in USA..dating or finding someone is hard. I think even harder for Asian American men.
I understand where you are coming from my brother. I am also Korean. Well, I'm half. Half Korean and half Polish but yes I have Asian friends too. I have a wide mix of friends though, not just Asian. I thought you moved overseas to be with her? So at this time, you just visit every so often?

It is true that loneliness can push someone to get married but that shouldn't be too much of a problem if you have "true love" with the person and they have the same mutual feelings for you too. When 2 people know what they want, it can definitely work. The pressure part can be a small challenge though. But if you think to yourself without a doubt that you can spend the rest of your life with this woman, then you made the right choice.

I agree that in the USA that dating is tough. It's really a waste of time in my opinion because the majority of women here are garbage and don't even know what they want. Most women are too into themselves and their so called careers to really give a shit about a quality relationship.

But like I said earlier, you married a girl from abroad and that right there is a good move. Maybe it was a good thing that dating in the US was too hard for you. Just think about it, you could have been married to an American woman! Your situation now is far better than being married to an American woman.
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marklambo
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Post by marklambo » January 23rd, 2013, 11:55 pm

chanta76 wrote:About jealously or possessiveness. I think it's bad for man or woman. I realize my wife has insecurities with herself and that's why she does that.

I guess you can't get the best of everything. I put my foot down hard on this and we do argue. Women are women ...I know some guys here will say there is a world of difference between western women and a women overseas. To some degree there is but still women are women. I realize that after marriage.

I figure try marriage...it's still interesting and has it's ups and down. So nothing is perfect.
A little jealousy and a little possessiveness is healthy. If it doesn't exist at all in the relationship, there's a problem. If there is too much of it, it is also a problem. It has to be in moderation. Think about it....if you had a woman that didn't care about anything you did and showed no signs of any jealousy or possessiveness, wouldn't that make you think? It means she doesn't give a shit and could be doing shady things behind your back. At the same time, if she's overdoing it, it can definitely be major insecurities just like you mentioned but that can be overcome if you comfort her a lot.
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drealm
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Post by drealm » January 24th, 2013, 12:21 am

marklambo wrote:A little jealousy and a little possessiveness is healthy. If it doesn't exist at all in the relationship, there's a problem. If there is too much of it, it is also a problem. It has to be in moderation. Think about it....if you had a woman that didn't care about anything you did and showed no signs of any jealousy or possessiveness, wouldn't that make you think? It means she doesn't give a shit and could be doing shady things behind your back.
This is my thinking exactly. I'm accustomed to American women being completely indifferent to me. So to be desired so strongly that I'm actually guarded from other women comes as a sign of validation. But I haven't been in a long term relationship yet with a woman so perhaps this is something I'll tire of.

Jester
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Re: My marriage to my Korean bride

Post by Jester » January 24th, 2013, 3:46 am

chanta76 wrote:hey guys...
it's been awhile.

I did get married. I married a Korean girl from Korea. I had a long distance relationship with her. I am also Korean but Korean American where I am more Americanize. I can go into a long detail difference between American girl, Korean American girl and Korean girl but that's for another time.

Part of the reason why I got married is that the only way for us to be together is marriage. Also because I have Korean parents there was pressure that I should settle down. In Asian culture the pressure to get married is high. Anyway....some things I notice...it's not PERFECT.

This is my first marriage....I'm 36 years old..and well. if this marriage does not work..I told myself..never marry again ..and save and save and move abroad. Part of the reason why I married a girl from Korea is that I find American women to be either too picky or too bitchy.

With my Korean wife she is traditional in the sense that she will cook home meals and clean the home...BUT I didn't marry a girl to be a maid or a cook. It's nice to have...she is not materialistic where I have to go out and buy designer things...which is also good.

So what's the problem.....well...jealous is an issue. I don't look at any other girls nor do I plan on cheating (why marry if your going to to do this.) but I notice that with traditional Asian girls they tend to be possessive of their husbands. I didn't notice this until now.

Maybe it's just my wife...it's not all bad. I had to put the foot down and put her in her place...I imagine if I married an American woman she might think I'm being a sexist or abusive. Where as I'm being the man in the house.

Anyway...I marriage life kept me busy...so I try post and add to this forum.
Koreans all seem to respect toughness. Probably impossible to overdo with a young Korean bride.

But it will also help as you really get to know each other. Where she becomes more than just the cook and cleaning person. Some one-on-one date time.

I suggest you read this.



Your marriage will succeed with or without the book, but it'll be nice to look back in thirty years and know that you really fulfilled a woman's emotions.

chanta76
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Post by chanta76 » February 1st, 2013, 10:58 pm

I told myself if this marriage does not work out..I try out a western white women..haha..

actually now that I"m married it has its ups and downs. Not sure how many of the posters here are married. But women are women....just because she is overseas..doesn't mean she will be this fantasy women..or perhaps I married the wrong one. But time can only tell.

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doraemontweety
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Post by doraemontweety » April 29th, 2013, 6:23 am

Hi everyone,nice to meet you all here, I am Doe. I am a Malaysian, and currently on a long-distance relationship with a korean man. I come to Korea to meet him almost once every month. we love each other very much and we treasure each other all along. he has been thinking and learning how to get us two to live together at one place and work things out. unfortunately, out of sudden, just recently, he told me he might have to give up on our relationship due to his parents are being conservative and firm on restricting him from getting a foreign girlfriend.
i really wish to learn more about this issue and wish i could work out something to assure his parents i am more than loving him but to be ready to go through all hardships along. i have not get the chance to meet his parents yet, though.

we are not kids and we have our decisions to work things out or to let it be. i dont want to give up before i try and i wish i could be enlightened on how i should continue to be strong on the obstacles that come along my way.

im having a tearful heart with confused and helpless mind. i hope to be guided and told that i should be hanging in till i try my best to work things out.
thank you for sharing here!
doraemontweety on board (*.^)

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