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A Complete Dating Guide To Mainland Chinese Women
This Guide is designed to help Westerners, find a Chinese wife in mainland China. (中国) (Means Central Country). I am an American, so much of what I write will come from that viewpoint. This guide will be very politically incorrect. This guide is NOT useful for WHOREMONGERING or P4P (Paying for p***y). If that is what you want, you can find that information on other threads on this website, I do not whore around anyway, so I am the worst person for that kind of advice. You have been warned.
Instead of people having to go search for my posts about China all over the various forums, you can get that information here in one place. This guide will be long, but if you are interested, it will be worth reading it. I will break this down into various chapters or sections.
Why Date Chinese Women?
Chinese History, Culture, Language and why it is Important? Do your Homework First!
Understanding Chinese Women
Dating Site Methods, Strategies, and Approaches to Dating Chinese Women
Travel in/Traveling to China
Manners (Do's and Dont's)
Avoiding Challenges/Potential Dangers/You Gotta Understand How China Works
How to Bring your New Wife/Potential Wife back to the US
I am a black American male in my late 20's. I was married to an American woman for 2 years and lived with her for about 3 years before that. That marriage and relationship was terrible for reasons not worth writing about because everyone here knows why and can use their imagination. I tried dating Chinese women here in the US even, only to fail miserably. I currently have a Chinese fiance that will be moving to the US very soon within a month of this writing. So I know many sides of the equation.
I have a bachelors degree in political science and history with a minor in Chinese language. I work in IT but those skills have taken me far in IT, like managing all IT for a Shanghai office once. I have studied, worked with, and dated Chinese people for many years and I saw a big need for real information on this website for China dating, so I stick my neck out to do this, but I will try to keep most of my identity from being noticed on this, because the stuff I write on this guide could piss off some people easily, including my own personal friends.
My basic disclaimer is that I cannot guarantee success from my guide, but you can get very damned close. Don't look at my personal success as just being lucky. That is just not true. Many others have done the same thing. Remember there are 1.3 billion Chinese people. There are roughly 650 million Chinese women. America has roughly 350 million people of all ages! Always remember that.
Why Date Chinese Women
I can say sappy shit like, "They are the best Women in the whole world!", but I will spare you that tired cliche. I will provide a short list of their best qualities many of them have:
1. Are EXTREMELY Loyal!
2. Are Very Practical.
3. Are very dedicated and express love with actions, not words. Talk is CHEAP to them.
4. Most are very traditional!
5. Are very beautiful, and age very well too!
I could go on and list things like their hair is awesome, they look amazing in qipao dresses, eyes, etc.. but those things are just cherries on top for the most part, and not the main focus of this guide.
Q: What is an example of the loyalty Kai?
A: Ever saw that evil old man Rubert Murdoch about to be hit in the face with a cream pie by some UK journalist? His Chinese wife Wendy, quickly dashed pass Rupert's fat a** bodyguard, and smacked the SHIT out of that guy preventing him from landing that pie on anyone. The "Chinese Tiger Wife" can serve MANY functions.... NUFF SAID!
Q: What is an example of the practicality Kai?
A: They tend to be very frugal and do not make unnecessary expenditures. They may even ride you for "wasting money", like for staying in 5 and 4 star hotels, when there are cheaper ones around. Far from the stupid and inaccurate stereotype of "Gold-digger Asian women" you see thrown around. In fact, while traveling around in China with your girlfriend, you may have to insist upon nicer stuff to suit your own levels of comfort!! Do not be surprised if you have to do that! There is a reason why Chinese people have many many times more money in savings than their American counterparts do!
Q: What is an example of this dedication and love expression?
A: I will give you a personal one. My first trip to meet my fiance, we were getting ready to go eat food somewhere, she checked me out first to see if my clothes were too wrinkled, lint, etc. Then she picked a nasty booger out of my nose, finished checking my face, then gave me the OK. Need I say more? There was no hesitation in her movements, she was smiling, and thought nothing of it. I said nothing to her about it either. I double dog dare anyone on HA to ask a AW to do this for you!
Q: Kai what is an example of Chinese girls being very traditional?
A: There are too many examples to choose from, but they are raised to follow their husbands. There is a Chinese parable about wherever the male monkey goes, the female must follow behind. I may have butched the translation a little bit, but you get the idea. They already come with these "built in" qualities. DO NOT be shocked while chatting with Chinese ladies, in person or online, if they ask you if it is time for you to go to bed or have you eaten lunch yet, or many other things. It's like they are wired to tend to a man's needs! Don't be a sandy vag metrosexual sensitive man, whining about "she is trying to control me" bullshit either. Do you want a wife or a new-world-order f**k buddy? Can't have both.
Q: What is an example of this beauty Kai?
A: Dude.......look around. Shit Winston even has a few threads with mind blowing 30 and 40+ year old Chinese women. Some of those are probably airbrushed to some degree, but many of those 40+ women are smoking hot! I struggled at times, wanting to send emails to some of them when I was still single... Ok moving along...
Chinese History, Culture, Language and why it is Important? Do your Homework First!
Chinese history spans at least 5000 years! Compare that to America's less than 300 or so, and it helps to paint a picture. Nah it can be tough to comprehend that. It really can be. Chinese mentality has changed alot, but in many ways, it has changed very little. Much of their value system comes from Confucian Ideals. The stuff we should pay focus on are on Husband wife stuff and Filial piety stuff. Those are your two main areas of concern.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confucianism Wikipedia keeps it very short, sweet, and to the point. Those are the basic 7 themes the women will be looking for consciously, or sub-consciously!
At this point it is time to introduce you to Crystal Tao's website called http://www.lovelovechina.com/archives/
Go here and read through those archives. Crystal is a Chinese lady from Chongqing, she married a laowai (foreigner/you), and her website contains a wealth of knowledge on how to date Chinese Women and how to understand them. After she got married she quit the site, but left the articles for other to learn and use.
Expand out the various months, and check out the articles of interest. The comments sections sometimes has interesting nuggets in there too. If you read that entire website, you probably would not need this guide much. Seriously. The value of this guide is to give you quicker 10,000 foot views, mixed with some granular details, from an American MAN's perspective!
That said lets go over some various highlights in the next section:
Understanding Chinese Women
Chinese women are very simple to learn and even though it may seem complex, they are not. That is because Chinese history and culture is more complex. The women really are not that complex themselves. Here are a few key reasons why:
1. They are blunt. Very direct and straight to the point most of the time. If there was a type of woman a real logic driven man can get along nicely with it would be the blunt nature of a prudent straight forward type. Chinese women and UK women are definitely these types. Another way to look at it is to look at Chinese language itself. (Wo yao chi fan) That literally means in English, I want to eat rice/food. Chinese language is not as overflowing with unnecessary words like English is. It is very simple and to the point.
Don't expect SNL style humor to come out of the mouth of a Chinese woman either. They can be snide or sarcastic but that is only after you have made several snide remarks first! You may find yourself picking at them for a little while with humor or jokes, and they never bite. Then hours or days later, they bring one of those jokes up again and it busts you over the head nicely with it! You have been warned. Seriously they are very witty they just don't like to use it the same way Western Women do. If they tell you that you are getting too fat, they are not talking shit to you. They just want you to do better. Don't take it personal. If a Chinese woman says something "Fucked-up" to you, see where they were going with that first, because you really do not know really know what they mean by that or if they meant harm to you. Ask for clarity or re-read what they say multiple times. It doesn't mean what you probably think it means.
2. Typical Chinese women have simple aspirations. They are looking for a handful of things (in no order):
A) A man that is nice to them and treats them well. (get along well)
B) A man that treats his family and her's well with respect, etc.
C) A man that is financially and socially responsible. Has a plan, etc (you do not have to be rich!)
D) A random fetish of some kind. (White skin/blue eyes/blond hair/ six pack abs/tall/sexy eyebrows/big arms/not very hairy body/etc....)
3. Chinese women are not picky about looks. They are picky about what they want though! Take my lady for example, she cannot stand skinny men. She never cared for what race of the man she was looking for, but any skinny guy Chinese or otherwise, would have bothered her, or got no attention from her. Then when she meets me, a black guy with muscles, she goes
-Time for some more realism. Most Chinese women, if they had a choice, always want what they want, but in a Chinese man FIRST! Anyone that really knows Chinese people period, knows this. If there is a Chinese equivalent for you, they would jump on that, if it were possible. What do I mean by possible? Let's break it down shall we.
How Chinese men Disqualify Themselves With Their Own Women (in no order):
1. Too picky
2. Rude as f**k, no f***ing manners at all.
3. Er nai (Second wives/mistresses) and cheating
4. Always chasing really young ones
5. Takes them too long to mature or grow up in some cases
6. Financially not acceptable
7. Treats in-laws like shit
8. Hits women
9. Low EQ towards the woman/ No romance at all/Never say anything nice
10. Arraigned marriages
11. 28+ year old women are old maid leftover girls. (sheng nu) and there are plenty of younger ones around.
Many Chinese women, especially the divorced ones, are not putting up with that shit anymore. Talk to some of those older ones especially the ones with kids and you will see what I mean. These women are still good women, would you tolerate anything I just listed above? Sometimes they tolerate quite a few things on that list before quitting them. You see in China, men are the kings. Their divorce laws and REGULAR laws strongly favor the men to a point to where it is ridiculous. Like they can hit their wives and get away with it. Women are basically treated 2nd class. If you are a Western man with none of those problems with what I just listed, keep on reading.
So now we know why they are willing to look abroad for laowai to marry instead. Not all Chinese men are like this, but f**k... the ones that are good, can chose between MILLIONS of ultra hot early 20 somethings... The women want a peaceful life with a man that loves them, and they can be happy without, drama "China Style"....
4. Many Chinese girls are trusting and easy to talk to depending upon their ages and backgrounds. In many ways toooo trusting, tooo easy......This is good though if you are not a monger. You can have a sweet, pure, innocence young woman, that you can grow with or mold rather... That said, they live in a country that they call "Hard Mode", so they are stupid, don't play games with them, especially if you are physically in China. (I will cover more of that later)
5. Many Chinese women also do not shave their pussies and some don't shave armpits, and may not shave if you ask them to. Many Chinese women naturally do not have leg hair. They may think a shaved p***y is bad luck. Don't be a dick and shave their pussies, etc. and make them cry either like one douchebag claimed he did on Chinasmack. Find one that is "down" with that sort of thing, if that is what you want... I actually would not recommend a Chinese woman if body hair is a major deal breaker for you. Or Japanese either. At least ask about their hair situation up front, like WillNdowd (a fellow HA member) does that, and I do that too, except we are the opposite because we hate that shaved p***y stuff and that would be a major deal breaker for us. So if hair is a deal breaker for you, ask about it up front (within a few weeks meeting them/use your best judgement), then ask if they would be willing to trim or shave that for you. Also if they shave their whole body for you as you ask, they may feel inadequate about your appreciation of their natural body, even though she may never tell you that, it is something to think about!
6. Chinese women may not know world history much. They may not know much about your country, or just the shit they see on CCTV. (Communist Controlled TV if you are funny) Don't expect them to always know what the f**k you are talking about. They will tell you if they know about that already.
7. Materialistic Chinese women that people try to scare you about come from mostly one or two places in China. Just like Manilla women are different from the other ones, the same thing applies to China too. Shanghai women are NOTORIOUS for being the valley bitches of China. They tend to be more intelligent, independent, demanding, gold-digging, etc. than all others. The reality is that they are more likely to be educated, smarter, and a little less traditional. Perhaps a better version of an AW. They are not as bad as they seem. Shanghai has the highest number of "sheng nu" anywhere else in China. Most of you probably want to avoid them to be honest. There is also a difference between "native Shanghai women" and "I just work here, but I am from XXXX" Catch my drift?
8. Chinese women can be competitive and jealous. If you are talking to other ones, they wont like it, but they may not tell you, they just might become more competitive. Some of them always want what they cannot have. If another Chinese woman likes you, then all of them like you, but if not one likes you, none of them like you, is my motto. Share some photos of you hanging out with other Chinese girl "friends", if you love strategy. >:D
9. Chinese girls love to teach their man Chinese language. Not all, but many. Interest in learning Chinese language and culture, makes them MUCH more comfortable with you. It shatters the ice, if you know what I mean. More on this later.
10. When it comes to racism many Chinese women are generally racist. Just like most Chinese people. I hate to say it but its the f***ing truth. Well over probably 70% want nothing to do with black people period. Africans can catch the most heat, while black Americans can sometimes get away from that some. Does this mean give up if you are a black man? Hell no. Keep searching. Hell once I had 3 women message me because they wanted a handsome black man BADLY! 1 was super hot, 1 was slutty-hot with huge breasts, and 1 was kind of a butterface with a killer body. 2 of them listened to black singers like RnB alot, and were very genuine.
11. Many Chinese women can cook. Food is EXTREMELY important in Chinese culture. If you can eat real Chinese food, they will love that, because that means they will be able to do something valuable for you! Also she can take you to visit her parents without worrying about if you can eat the food or not. Learn how to use chopsticks correctly!!!!! Her parents will get a kick outta that!
Most Chinese women willing to look for a laowai, want the older blonde or brown hair, tall successful white guy, and will wait for that right guy because they know that foreign women suck compared to them and they are just very patient in nature. When I say tall, I mean as tall as they are at least or more, which may not be very tall at all. My baby told me she likes tall men when I first met her, and suddenly I felt discouraged, then I asked her how tall of a man would you like, and that was 2 inches shorter than me . Some really don't give a shit about any of that stuff. One thing that most seem not to like is super hairy men, and huge pot bellied men. Again, some don't give a shit about those and treat that as minor things. The older they are, the less they give a shit about all that stuff except skin color! The younger ones are the most open-minded ones on race. The 23-28 year old ones. They are the ones that see more of the rest of the world, unlike their older counterparts.
Dating Site Methods, Strategies, and Approaches to Dating Chinese Women
Let me address "Mainland Chinese Women" that are already inside America. 90+% of them are rich. Period. Maybe richer than you or some of your American buddies. They are usually the sons and daughters of Chinese that got rich in China and either took off to the US first chance they got, illegal and legal means, or they sent their rich kid off to a US university. It costs at least 90,000 dollars as a deposit to do that! They do not need your green card but if they wanted that, they only want a tall white guy probably. Watch out though because many of those girls are like Shanghai girls. Also they tend to hang out with only other Chinese people and hang out in the local Chinatown. You need a Chinese male or female friend to bring you in the group, and you better speak some Mandarin too. They are also usually college students too. They are also much closer to an ABC (American Born Chinese) than you might like. I do not recommend chasing any of them unless you are Chinese ethnically or Taiwanese, tall, young, white, and handsome, or white and rich. Also the 9's and 10's already here, are usually only interested in the top of the top of what I listed (Rich Chinese young man in the US or rich ABC). A desperate 3-5 might take anyone, but you can get a 7-10 easy directly from the source. Not to mention those already here, can't cook for shit. Real talk.
(keep this shit to yourselves too. Don't run around repeating this shit either)
Now let's cover Dating strategies.
The age ranges you chase, only change a few basic things.
(continued in next post)
Last edited by kai1275 on Tue Nov 12, 2013 5:09 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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18-22 year old Girls
Tough group to deal with! They are young and immature sometimes. Sometimes they are too mature to the point that it is a little scary to be honest. Now legal marriage age in China is 20 for women, not 18 like in America. This is important because their mentality is not, "I'm 18 now, I can do whatever the f**k I want now." like some US raised young people think. This group tends to to make V for victory signs in every photo they take, make stupid duck faces alot, wear corny Disney mickey mouse clothes (although some older ones do too, yuck!), wear glasses with no lenses in them, wear weird a** clothes that look outdated or just plain strange. Like office suit stockings with denim b***y shorts, and ruffled white see-through blouses with their flat chested bras visible, with 6-inch heels/platform shoes that are black red or some loud color. By the way none of the clothes colors match each other. They dye their hair alot (brown) and some of them have the ugliest hairstyles you have ever seen. Maybe I can find some photos later. They are struggling to look different in a place where everyone looks the same, so we cannot blame them too much.
The ones that "date" online and I put that in quotes for a reason, sometimes less crazy looking than the ones you see walking around on the street. Their hair might be black, long, and more straight than curly. They might have contacts to make their eyes look bigger and cute. They still make V signs and duck faces too. Some of them have kick a** English skills too. The main problem with this group is that they are just looking around. They are sooooo picky that they do not even know what the f**k they want. Seriously. They are almost no different than their American counterparts, especially if they are under 20. Some of them are so silly they put dumb shit like: I want a tall, American (White) or European that makes 300,000+ per year, has a house and car, but not a fast one, only a luxury one, likes pets but does not own one, etc... Im not making this up. Usually these are like 9.5's and 10's around 18-20 years old. Usually their profiles suck too. Full of nonsense or has nothing but "hehe" or "lol" in them. They just want to see what is out there, or how much attention they might get.
My recommendation for this group is simply, talk to them if you have time, but don't hold your breath. Also they may be in college. School always comes first before a "boy". If you are in China, they may f**k around with you, but don't expect anything serious unless you are willing to wait around for them to finish and grow up.
If they are bonafide and 10's.......good luck. You better have more money than me, be tall european and handsome, or the Chinese equivalent. Or something else great going for you future wise, like medical school, etc. because you must understand these are the "Hot white blonde bombshells" on the "Playboy College Edition" girls and any ugly but rich Chinese guy will grab these from you faster than an umpire can say strike! Remember the University of Alabama Quarterback that kept having his beauty pageant girlfriend splashed on TV during that championship game, then every stud pro athlete in America started hitting on her on Twitter? It's just like that.... This group are pure buyers! You may not be as valuable to them as you think you are.
****If you are teaching English in China, you have a much better chance to get one of these than everyone else. Purely because of the time you can spend hypnotizing her is greater, and she has more time to teach you Mandarin and culture rules, and hypnotize her parents into accepting you. Just beware of jealous bitches and Chinese men if you get one of these, as well as your other students. They will hate, and hate hard.
Conclusion: Kick the tires, see what's there....if a Ferrari with a good head on her shows up for the right price (love) take it!
Be careful of girls of this age group online, because the scammers like using this age group alot. Lots of horny idiots play right into those big eyes and duck faces. They would not do it if all men were not suckers. Often times they put pictures of idols (Asian celebrities) or clothing models from Taobao (Chinese Ebay), and horny dudes from the West fall for it!
23-28 year old girls
This is the bread and butter group for most men (20's - 40). This group is starting to feel pressure that they do not have a man yet. Especially once they hit 24-25. Usually all the non-psycho 10's are all handcuffed by 26. Beware of any 27 year 10's that never had a serious relationship. Something might be wrong with them, check them out slowly. Also 10's at 26-28 come at you like an AW would. They ask 5 questions quickly. If they like you they will talk to you again, if they are not impressed, they move on. I spoke to some Chinese female lawyer and finance worker that was like this for an example. These women earn great money already, just can't find a Chinese man that they like with equivalent money typically, that is not a douchebag. Remember those guys can go find a 20 year old 10, they wont resist their asshole chauvinism. These types might be able to be broken down by a guy living in China with nice credentials. Some of you English teachers and Engineers have a good shot at these too, but beware, they might be controlling "tiger wife types" on the low. The Chinese men have a saying. Chinese girl, like a kitten, Chinese wife, like a tiger....LOL
*Remember ANY 10 woman from ANY place on the planet, that truly KNOWS how hot they really are, is a little dangerous in their own way.
Now, with this age group they may have finished college or university years and are looking for the next big step in life. This is good for YOU! If your Mandarin sucks, try meeting some online first. If you work in China or will be staying a little while, find the hangouts where laowai friendly women may be. If you hang out around a college or school and you have no professional reason to be there, the girls will call you a creepy pervert with yellow fever behind your back. You think everything is cool, but it isnt. If the guys catch on you that is a bigger problem potentially. You have been warned. If you hang out in bars with other expats, you will find that they only have KTV/bar skanks and those are not quality women in most cases. If you find that a great victory with those 5's and 6's great, but you can do better than that.
Let me say this as well. The actual "Good Girls", would NEVER go out being dressed like "xiaojie" (prostitute) in tight miniskirts hanging out in the clubs at night. Believe it or not, many are like a "church girl" there and never deal with that shit. They see that as a waste of time and dangerous. Virginity is still a valuable thing for them if they still have it. They don't club hop like women here do. That is seen as stuff whores do.
So you think you know what a good girl in China is like? "But she goes to party at the KTV with laowai and she is just friendly, dude, they are not all like that!" WRONG! She may have had 4-6 guys before, you just don't know that. Those women lie.
There are also 9 and 10's that are xiaojie putting themselves through school at a big university. They slide their business cards and phone numbers under the doors of nice hotel that laowai businessmen stay in. They charge 150usd to 800usd per night!!! But they are bonafide perfect 10s! If you stay in cheap trash hotels or hostels you would never know about this. I'm not telling you this to go mongering, but so you do not come into China naive as f**k, thinking you know everything and the girls cannot fool you.
When it comes to this age group guys a little bit older 4+, and the 30-35 year olds have the strongest advantages.
Now you can find a 9 or 10 sometimes if you play your cards right and search online or in certain parts of China that are not popular with foreigners and still get lucky. In fact if you are slick, if you go online, there are smart girls that are 9's and 10's in disguise, but they don't wear makeup, are from the countryside or small town, and they dress in plain clothes and don't photograph their entire bodies for you to see. Read between the photos! I found mine accidentally that way, didn't quite know what I had until later and it hit me like a ton of bricks, I could not believe my luck. I was stunned when I got a hold of better photos.
Also this should be a given but any 6 or 7 in China is like a 8 or 9 in the US. Just in case someone reading this doesn't know that.
Look at these chinese girls in qipao http://www.lovelovechina.com/fashion/my-qipao-mission/
29 â€“ 34 years old
This group is bad a** for their sheer maturity. If they are hot as hell, it's even better! They are sooooo down to earth and chill it's not even funny. They can talk about all kinds of things. They probably cook the best after the 40+ group. They might have kids....they may not. If you are younger than these women, you can almost forget getting one. Too hard in my experience. The ones with kids may take you seriously though. One pretty pretty one, that was 31 or 32 and divorced and had a 6 year old kid, was excellent for me I thought and we got along well, good english, but I don't have any kids and she was busy alot too, so we did not talk enough like I wanted to. When she had more time to talk, I met my woman by then, so it really wasn't meant to be in that case.
This group is also brutally honest. If they think you are fat, short, handsome, cute, silly, etc. they will tell you that. The ones with masters degrees are FANTASTIC to have a conversation with! So f***ing smart and knowledgeable! There are many to be found in this group without kids too. Don't be shocked if some of them tell you they don't want any kids. That might be music to some of you guys' ears though! LOL!
The ones from Guangzhou in this age group have MEAN CURVES! Sexy a** women! Powerful looking legs are plentiful in this group! A few people messaged me asking me where the curvy women at, well the 28-35 group has em the most! Especially in the Southern half of China. Those legs are the nicest (lean muscled, with thicker thighs)
35 â€“ 40+ years old
I honestly do not have much experience with this group at all. Like one 34/35 year old woman I talked with alot, and that is it. 40ish women would never give me the time of day, no matter what I tried, unless they were probably a cougar on the prowl. Which is possible, I have heard a few guys say that they were shagging a few of those. But this group is too mature and serious. Almost all of them want an older white man 40-80 to marry and live with. They might have 1 grown kid, but that is it. Some do not have any kids!!! Some of you guys just might want a cool as hell, old-school minded companion, that can cook well, well here you go! Even at 40 the hot ones will make American women her age look like 70 year old cows. Prepare for some serious jealously. Seriously.
Ok now it is time to breakdown setups, tools, and techniques:
1. Download QQ Instant Messenger International Version : http://www.imqq.com/
2. Either write down on a notepad or memorize your QQ number after you sign up for an account. (This is VERY important, cannot stress this enough. This is for online and if you are living there. Without a QQ account, you are a loser to a Chinese person. It will impress the women alot that you have one and know how to use it.)
3. Install QQ for your smartphone. Blackberry even has one, no excuses.
4. If you want to check out the young hot ones on QQ international dating (Many speak English, hint hint!)
*Be sure to get a webcam. Many good women that are serious want to see you at least once before moving forward.
**Warning becareful who you let send you a friend request on QQ, it is very common to get an invite of some freak that wants to show you his penis. Not making this up. It's gross as f**k.
5. I love like this website: http://www.chinalovematch.net/ I met mine on this site. Check out the testimonials. It's for real. http://www.chineselovelinks.com/ is a good site too. I cannot vouch for the other ones, check with the other HA folks for those, but you may not need them.
OK! Now lets breakdown proper profile creation.
OK for photos, you will need 4 at minimum. (at least one showing your teeth if they are nice enough) (SMILE!)
1. Suit with a tie, looking SUAVE! not like you went to the ghetto a** suitmart and bought a Steve Harvey/Stacy Adams SUIT! (Any shot style is okay)
2. Picture of you in a nice button down type shirt and jeans in a chilled relax posture.
3. Picture of you with FRIENDS! Not a all girls either! At a party/club/event (This is VERY important.) You MUST show women that you are not a f***ing creep living in your mom's basement with no social life! They see you having fun, they start imagining themselves being at that event having fun with you too!!!! See if you can get a beer in your hand too.
*Note, if you are kinda on the older side, tone it down. Chinese women are conservative all of them, but older ones much more so. The amount of a** and titties inside spandex dresses women here wear at the club being seen in your profile shots, may shock them, and gives the wrong idea. If you chasing 28 and younger ones with no kids, it's okay put one or 2 of those up.
4. Picture of your whole body. If you are good looking with muscles, this will be your seller shot. They want to see what they have to deal with. Honesty is not an instant dis-qualifier like it would be here in the US.
Personal story time: I had a profile on Match.com and the Chinese ones. I had 4 pics with me wearing suits and ties and only chest up shots. My brother shook his head and put me up on some game. Broke it down for me. I did the stuff I just listed. Views went up times 10 on all sites! I met that super hot 35 year old lady, because she emailed me saying I was soooooooo handsome! and she could not resist telling me that! REAL TALK! Another sent me a message saying I was a sexy. I got some winks and emails on match.com but I closed that bitch because AWs wasn't cutting it anymore.
Man what ya'll know about GAME!?
OK lets break down more strategies:
In your profiles or when talking to Chinese women, having been to China before or being in China already is a big plus. If you are at home and have not gone there yet, turn it around into a positive! When they ask you, and they will, say I am planning to go to China this year or very soon, etc. This can give you an opening to convey to her that, "If you and I get serious, you can take me around China and we can travel together." If you go to China set up some dates to meet with you if you want to date several ones, they can help you get around. This really helps you guys that want to get there quickly.
This is VERY VERY important for any guy that has no Mandarin skills yet, but want to go to China and meet ladies. China is HARD to travel through if you leave major cities. Even my friends that are ABC's or haven't lived a long time in China, use guides to get around when they go back. Just Mandarin speaking skills alone is not always good enough! There is a reason why you have to have a license to be a tour guide in China. People go to college to become a tour guide in China. I will cover this alot more in the Travel Section.
Another huge strategy is to properly eliminate the weak candidates: (This works for online and in person)
In no specific order: (You need to know the first 4 as quickly as possible to not waste time)
1) Ask them if their parents can accept or allow them to marry a laowai. (Can they accept a black/non-white laowai)
A) If they tell you no you cannot marry me, what would you do? Do you have your own passport? (if no, you might be doomed getting that girl, but contact me directly if you want some help with that)
2) Are you interested in living outside of China?
3) Are your parents actively trying to arraign a marriage for you?
A)What is your goal in life right now? (if she says get married, great! Don't take that as a bad sign)
4) Can I see some additional photos of you? (Ask this if their profile photos are photoshopped or too perfect with makeup)
5) Ask them about where they live and where their actual "hometown" is.
6) Ask them what kind of foods are their favorites and what kinds do they like to cook for themselves. (Say it just like that)
7) what are their hobbies. (Don't be shocked if they do not have any, that is normal too)
what do they like to do on the weekends with their friends. Ask if they like to go to the KTV bar (Their reactions are what you are looking for)
9) Can you help me with my Chinese (Mandarin) studying?
10) Have you ever met any laowai other than me before?
11) How long have you studied English?
More Additional Advice
When browsing profiles, beware of immature women (throwing up V for victory signs all the time, stupid duck faces, as well as huge eyeballs via contacts lenses, and excessive photoshop) Some of you already know this, but it must be said.
Any woman over the age of 30 should not be throwing Vs and duckfaces like a tool. You probably want to pass them up. Any of the ones over 40 doing that are....lame and probably dress like your grandmother too. They are just trying to be cool, but those are the really corny ones. Up to you on those. The girls under 25 are the worst, too many of them do this (like more than 50%). The ones that do both, might need to be avoided, but kicking the tires on them does not hurt, but test them for maturity. They just might be naive girls but with a great heart and character, trying to fit in or appeal.
In general some Chinese women, especially rural-to-the-city transplants are "out of touch/style" sometimes. They dress like a blind nerd dressed them, really old fashions, and the worst offense of them all.....Mickey Mouse swag... Many Chinese still love to wear Disney shit. Mickey and Minnie Mouse stuff everywhere, especially on the immature ones. This will bother the style conscious man, but it can be possible to talk them out of wearing that, but they still may be a turn off, maturity wise, for other things. Some of the photos you will see of Chinese women will provide either the biggest laugh or biggest WTF!? moments, have fun.
The older they are the more likely they just do not give a f**k about appearances and clothes, if they wear horrible clothes. No need to chase trolls, even if you look like one too.
Another big problem are photos of women with their breasts out, trying HARD to entice men. AVOID! If that means, 60% of the profiles are disqualified, so be it! You can only have 1 wife anyway. No big deal. Do not think with your other head. Some of those women are head cases or very Westernized. Now I am not talking about a lady with a low cut top on, I am talking about the ones wearing sexy lingerie, the ones with both hands cupping their breasts to show the camera, the ones dressed like xiaojie (mandarin for prostitut.es), extremely inappropriate dress for their age. Leave all those women alone. If your dumb a** gets hooked or hustled, charge that shit to the game, and don't come back here talking trash about all Chinese women. Chances are good your story will not pass a decent bullshit check. Also why would you want to proclaim your level of stupidity or gullibility to the whole world?
These same rules apply to KTV hoes, massage parlor hoes, hotel massage girl hoes, bathhouse hoes, barbershop hoes, and hoes on the street! Do not attempt to handcuff HOES! Let em go. They are dime a dozen, and the good girls outnumber them alot, like 4 to 1. Maybe even more than that.
A) Like most Asians, Chinese women are not known for giant breasts, like European and Western women are. Too many of them use pushup bras, stuff them with sponges, and you could be sorely disappointed in what you see in person.
B) They could be using the photos of a idol/celebrity that no westerner knows about and might be a fraud running scams. If it looks waaay too good to be true, dig deeper. Ask for a regular photo or keep moving.
You must see at least 1 normal photo to counteract getting hooked from a photoshop job. Do not get excited like Winston does, check them out first. lol
Remember there are still lots of LEGIT 10's out there that are not running a catfish scam, just be careful in your approach.
*If in a serious relationship*
12) Are your parents going to require a dowry? If so, how much? (might be a deal breaker, might not, there is a process to work through covered later) They may give you guys money instead!
13) Am I required to come visit your family for Chinese New Year (Spring Festival)
A) Will we need to bring Hong Bao? (Red Envelope filled with some cash (RMB chinese currency) and how much do we need to have for all the hong bao envelopes. (work with her and her mother on what to do)
14) Do we have to have a wedding ceremony? (find out the costs, etc.)
15) Figure out if you are going to marry in China first or do a K1 Visa instead and bring her to the US or other country) (More on this later.)
Last edited by kai1275 on Mon Jun 03, 2013 3:39 pm, edited 5 times in total.
1. Never discuss politics online or in person while either one of you are in China. QQ is monitored, their email, and blogs are monitored. they deep packet inspect all traffic in and out of China for keywords. Don't bring up banned words either like Chen the blind activist, or any of his family members, Tienanmen Square, Tibet, or use the Chinese characters for that shit. Don't let them get too involved in stuff like that. You may never hear from them again, not because they don't like you anymore either......the "Party" picks up people they do not like. Ya dig? Stay low key.
2. Download and use WeChat for your smartphone, you can use your QQ login or facebook login for it. The girls you date may push you into using it, but you may look more cool by having it first before they ask.
3. Make a Qzone page. Qzone is like a kind of Facebook. It uses your QQ login. It's all in Chinese and even running Google Chrome Brower with Chinese translation does not work. If you can put stuff on your Qzone page without help, the women will be HIGHLY impressed.... (at a minimum put a profile picture on it)
You can also browse their Qzone pages and like their pictures or stuff, and that will make them feel very special too!
*Remember ACTIONS = Love to Chinese women* You do not have to buy them lots of junk or say "I love you alot"
4. Chinese women do not take a long time to decide on a guy. Only the Westernized/Picky/Young Idiotic ones do. What do I mean? Time to introduce you to an awesome article written by a guy that teaches English in China.
Subsequent to such a group meeting, if a Chinese girl agrees to go out with a man on what we would call a first date, she is formally acknowledging this man as a viable candidate for marriage. If she agrees to a second date, then she is consenting to the distinct possibility of marriage. A third date for a traditional Chinese girl will commonly be perceived as indicating mutual intentions of marriage in the foreseeable future. Western men need to be aware at all times that dating and courtship in China are really this rapid and simplistically linear.
For most "good" Chinese girls, an offer of sex is almost always a gesture of good faith in contemplation of marriage.
So there ya go. Chinese women decide QUICKLY! So don't waste time with a wishy-washy girl, especially those Western-ish Shanghai ones. Read that whole article it is eye opening. Basically it points out that casual sex is not some mainstream thing you can find in China unless you go pay for it. Only KTV hoes do this, and don't be surprised if that girl has a pimp and they shake you down afterwards.
*WARNING* Do not monger sweet/pure girls in China, by promising marriage and other things. Doing so we initiate what the locals call a "Human flesh search" for the evil laowai. If they find you before the police they will confront you, beat you up, and call the police. You will be jailed or deported, usually both. You will get a lifetime ban from China too. In the big cities you might get away with it, but in the small city and rural areas, you will get f***ed up. The police won't believe your story and they don't speak English either. The US embassy will just tell you to go home.
PLEASE consider other foreigners that are living in China, you will make their lives much worse there by being an asshole.
Now lets take a look, Strategy-Wise on the kinds of women you will be interested in. Physical Traits, Regions to find them, etc.
China has extremely beautiful women and of course the exact opposites too, like any place in the world.... There are about 10+or- 1 cities that have the hottest women.
Take a look at Cyrstal Tao's post of the faces of the top 10 cities and what their women look like.
9. Hong Kong
This ranking is a little bit subjective for sure, but for the most part it is dead on. For example, many Chinese men and foreigners think Chongqing has the prettiest women hands down. Those women know that too, so adjust your approaches accordingly.....
Most Chinese women that come to the US for marriage to Americans come from Hunan Province (Changsha is the capital #5 on that list) They are pretty and know that, but they are super super sweet women that are very very traditional. Sichuan women (#3 on the list Chengdu is the capital, women are the same exact way)
Warning, Sichuan women are known as "The Fiery Women of Sichuan" for a reason. They can be a little bossy (Tiger Wives). They are Ride or Die Chicks, but they will tell you to go to bed, when to come eat, feed you, and are dead serious. They make great wives. Don't cheat them because they will make you pay.
Changsha/Hunan Women look like the super hot girl next door or the neighborhood hot woman. They have great legs too because they walk everywhere. They are super feminine like Chongqing women, but are more wife geared than most. They cook super spicy food like Sichuan women, but they are MUCH more gentle. They walk around town dressed to kill in short dresses and outfits and an umbrella during the summer, and none of the men are staring at them tongue out. That is just the norm there. They are always ready for a husband. Easy living out there.
Chongqing women have the best skin and hair by most people's accounts. I tend to agree too. Check some online profiles and you will see what I mean (Good luck few need to date online, for a good reason). The joke is that Chongqing must have something in their water to make their women look like that. They do not have the same amount of pollution in China as other cities do.
Dalian women have "whiter skin" and taller height and eat lots of seafood. Some of them have great powerful looking legs too. One of my Mandarin teachers was from there. She had Chun-Li's legs....literally.
Beijing and Nanjing women are taller and more slender looking. Whiter skin.
Guangzhou women are curvy with great legs
I cannot comment much on HK women, never been there. Their faces are flatter and they have a different skin color to me. They look the same as Cantonese in South China too.
Here are some extra photos of Regional Beauty: (Take note the features, some of these women are models or celebrities. Just look at the features they have for a reference while looking for a Chinese woman from any of those regions)
1. Chongqing women:
Dalian/Harbin (North China)
Hopefully this will help out some of you on what you want to target.
Last edited by kai1275 on Tue Nov 12, 2013 5:37 pm, edited 8 times in total.
TRAVEL IN CHINA
Going to China is easy, but traveling inside China can be tricky. Like I mentioned before, you must have a license to be a Tour Guide/Travel Guide in China (my wife is one, so I know), and even Chinese people hire them to guide them around places for good reasons.
In order to go to China you need a "Visitor Visa" (L) if you are American. If you are going to teach English there, you will need what they call a Work Visa (Z). Please work with the school that hired you, or a lawyer, or completely read the embassy's website, if necessary to facilitate that.
*General Heads Up*: English teaching in China has advantages and disadvantages, also "White-looking" foreigners are basically the only ones most want. Do not get upset if a pissed off Chinese parent demands their child learn English from a white person and not some other kind of brown-black laowai at a school. Not saying it is not possible, just be aware of ugly racism. Smaller cities and towns have this worse, but from what I understand, it happens in all parts, even Beijing.
The basics are this:
1. Buy your initial plane tickets/hotel stays, travel Itineraries.
2. Fill out the application for your Visa
3. Add the doctor exam parts if you need those
4. Submit them and wait for your visa
Go here for more information:
http://houston.china-consulate.org/eng/vp/zgqz/t674824.htm <-- FAQ/Rundown Very good to read
My L Visa lasts 1 year, but I cannot say that yours will be the same way. It could be 2 weeks, 6 months, 1 year, etc.. Since I will be married into a Chinese family I can get a permanent/lifetime L visa soon.
Other Misc Travel Advice
A) Chinese people LOVE and I mean LOVE to fight in public. They really do not give a shit if they can kick anyones a** or not. Your job is the stay outta it. More on this later.
B) Traffic/Driving in China is f***ing INSANE! If you stay there longer than a few days, I would be surprised if you do not see at least one accident. If you are walking there on the streets, watch the f**k out! If you are traveling with a girlfriend, stay VERY close to her and d what she says!!!! Cannot stress that enough.
C) Taxi drivers.....I could write a book on them alone. I will keep it simple though.
1) They will rip you off if they think they will get away with it.
2) Watch the counter before they take off, make sure they turn it on and then off when you arrive.
3) Give them the address in hanzi (hanzi = Chinese characters) or a business card of the place you want to go to in writing, unless you can speak good Mandarin.
4) Many have secret buttons for foreigners they press to jack up the price because they knew they can f**k you over.
5) There is a phone number at the top corner or the headrest that you can call if you think they ripped you off or call the police. Just like in America, the first person to call the police wins. You can still lose if you call them and they are ripping you for some amount the police cannot figure out and they are lying. If you are a rotten little bastard and you have awesome Mandarin skills, tell the taxi driver that you are going to tell the police that they tried to run you over with their car or inflict harm and you will demand to be compensated, and you are calling the Chinese embassy with his taxi number. Then Watch him drive away like a thief. I haven't tried it yet, but I heard it works.
6) Some are super JEALOUS of laowai (you) with Chinese women. They will try to cock-block, hate on, talk shit, and annoy your woman with questions about you and her too. Just keep cool.
7) Some will refuse to give you a ride. Don't argue they are doing you a favor.
8. It is HIGHLY advisable that you have a girlfriend handle all taxi situations, because they are dickheads without one. They still try to cheat even with a woman with you, that just tells you how bold they are. My wife never got cheated by a taxi driver before in her life until she met me. The first time she was furious, I just gave that asshole the money and we just left. To me it was bubble gum money anyway (5usd something like that).
9) Expats in China report being ripped off as much as 100-400rmb on a taxi ride. Beware.
10) Taxi drivers may drive the long way somewhere. If you insist, they usually ignore you.
11) Guangzhou and some other cities SUCK SUCK SUCK to get a taxi!! You can be staying at a 4 or 5 star hotel and still sometimes have a hard time getting a f***ing taxi. That really aggravates me to no end when I am in Guangzhou. That city is huge but there are so few taxis, it reminds me of Houston. The reason why they have so few is because Guangzhou has a nice subway.
12) The young ones are not cool either. They tend to be more jealous of you.
13) Taxi drivers like to play "owed favors" to other taxi drivers, and may radio for another taxi guy to switch passengers (you) with him. Don't get scared, they just do dumb shit like this sometimes. It's annoying but, hey that's China.
14) In bigger cities if you ask one if he will wait for you when you go to a store, they may drive off instead. In smaller cities, if you paying and tipping well, they might be your friend.
Take the bus for longer trips, and avoid making eye contact with dickheads and jealous trolls (If you are traveling with your woman). Chinese like to fight on the bus alot. Don't believe me? Search Google. Don't be alarmed if guys or girls leer at you, ask you dumb questions, or try to start something. Just ignore them. I find American style polarized sunglasses (like for baseball or fishing) to be unbelievably valuable in China for a very good reason. Your welcome, thank me later
/pssst! You can look at all the hot women walking around everywhere without getting busted or looking like a pervert!
The subway in Guangzhou is badass. TONS of hot women walking around in there. I would not know how approaches work in places like that, but maybe someone like xiongmao can speak on that.
Basic advice in the subway or bus is this:
Give up your seat for women, old men and women, ladies, and pregnant women or women with babies and kids!!!
You need to do this for many reasons, but seriously, all you reading this shit, are grown a** men. Have some f***ing manners!!!! Besides, someone will try to kick your a**!
You can show off your awesome manners to ladies around you too!
More Travel Tips
(Food, Medicines, and Toiletries)
China does not have alot of American goods and/or Western goods everywhere. Just in certain places like 4 and 5 star hotels. Things like Western brand toothpaste, cookies, sodas, have alot less sugar in them and many of them are so bland they are hard to eat or use. The reason why is because Chinese people hate sweets. If you gave a regular Chinese person some cake form an American bakery, they would spit it out in disgust. To them that was like taking a whole bag of sugar straight to the head. If you did that you would gag too. So do not buy ice cream there thinking it is going to be good. At best it will taste -__-....
Be sure to take lots of Advil/Bayer Aspirin (get the huge bottle), allergy pills like zyrtec, Allegra, Claritin, diarrhea medicine, Pepto Bismo, etc. Chinese medicine stores have herbs.... I'm not making this up. It is hard to buy good reliable stuff we are used to unless you buy it on http://www.taobao.com
Do not bring painkillers and other schedule 2 drugs into China without a doctors note!!!! Keep that note in your pocket during your flights in transit!!
Buy proper condoms in the West before going to China and a bottle of lube in your luggage bag, just in case you need it. Especially if you have a 6"+ long penis with any decent girth/thickness. Bring plenty of Magnums or other proper fit condoms from the West. Tight p***y might suck off those condoms. There is a Japanese brand of large size condoms in some of the stores in Guangzhou, that has a blue box and says Perfect Fit on the box, but I do not know if those are all over China. Keep stuff like this in your carry on bag in case the airport loses your luggage too. If you and a girl make a mistake...you can buy her a morning after pill at almost every store, ask for this 事后避孕药 ShÃ¬hÃ²u bÃ¬yÃ¹n yÃ o. Getting her pregnant is not advisable unless you plan to live there long term and get married.
Last edited by kai1275 on Tue Nov 12, 2013 5:42 pm, edited 4 times in total.
Manners (Do's and Dont's)
Avoiding Challenges/Potential Dangers/You Gotta Understand How China Works
Ok so this is a VERY important section. Failures to fully understand these things, can cost you anything from time, to maybe even your own life. Seriously.
Do and Dont's:
*BIG WARNING* Do not fight in China. I am placing this at the top of the list without a number for a huge reason. Fighting in China, while not a big deal like it is here in the US or the West, is not something a "laowai" can participate in. Unless you are ethnically Chinese like Winston for example, never attempt to fight someone in China. What happens is what China expats call "Getting Surrounded". Chinese are extremely xenophobic and hateful of laowai. If you fight with one, you will QUICKLY get surrounded by Chinese people, looking to join in kicking your a**. Chinese are nosy, and never help strangers, unless it is a laowai vs. another Chinese brother. If you are lucky he will shout a bunch of SB (sha bi = Stupid c**t) nonsense, and maybe a policeman can break it up and no one gets into trouble. Do not think you can fight 100 small Chinese people either. Even if you can, you are still going to jail unfairly, visa revoked or sent back to your country. Maybe even both.
This is the most dangerous of probably all situations that are possible in China. There are 2 kinds of laowai in China. The ones that have been surrounded and the ones going to be surrounded. Don't hard bump, trip, or push a line cutter or other person while walking around. If you bump into someone say "dui bu qi" (means sorry) or something to that effect.
The problem is that most Chinese there feel as if the government treats laowai like kings, and let us get away with all kinds of shit. (Simply not true) They know that they are not supposed to touch us, or else get into alot of trouble, but the reality is that, some of them feel pissed off enough to fight back at us, as if we are some great enemy. Expect to be called white devil, black devil, etc. by SB Chinese at some point (in mandarin of course) If they verbally attack you in English, you might laugh at their terrible English, but avoid doing that. They say dumb shit like "This is CHINA!" "5000 years of civilization yada yada stuff...". The best advice simply put is "AVOID ALL FORMS OF CONFLICT AT ALL COSTS!" Also never escalate anything. They may escalate stuff, to "save face", but be the bigger man and tone it down, move on. You have nothing to prove to them! So act like it and keep it moving.
1) Make sure you understand the concept of "face" in Chinese culture. Most people in the world do this, but Chinese take it to a whole new level. Do not get angry if your girlfriend saves face, set the expectations you want in place, and be easy on them, unless it turns into a pattern. You cannot realistically ask them to undo "5000 years" worth of bad habits. It's more important to figure out why she hid something or lied in the first place. There are some very mature Chinese girls out there that never do this, but good luck. They are hard to find and you would be lucky to find one. Also everyone tells a little white lie every blue moon....
2) Do not send or give them money. Use your best judgement, but these are NOT Filipinos! They may not even want your money, but be very careful of doing this. If your woman is younger, like 25 and under, and is starting out in her career/life, that is more okay probably, than a 30+ one. It really depends there is not a 100% bonafide approach, but be careful. You may only want to do that after you have met the parents and wedding plans are in the works. Seriously.
3) Learn at least some "basic" Mandarin. Ni hao = Hello, zaijian = see you later, xie xie = thank you... Even if you are a stubborn old goat, you need to at least know those top 10 type of words. Get Rosetta Stone for Mandarin. It really f***ing works, and I studied Mandarin in college for 2 years and found it very very good.
4) Mainland Chinese generally speaking from a Westerner's/HK'ers point of view are VERY f***ing rude. They push in lines, cut in line, spit, may try to push you out of the way, etc. Here is where knowing this before you go, helps you adjust. If you or them bump into you
5) Chinese men are able to beat their wives/women in public and get away with it. If this happens, I have seen it happen twice, get out the f***ing way, do not help that woman. Other Chinese men and women, won't help, so do not look at them to assist. Police sometimes break it up, but not often, it depends. Get out of the way and mind your own f***ing business before he comes after you, causing you to get, YEP! SURROUNDED!!!
6) Chinese men have "er nai" (second wives/mistresses) but you should never do this. Getting surrounded may be the last of your worries. Even some of them pay dearly for doing this.
7) Never make negative comments about China or it's history in public. Especially the communist party. Your American passport's powers would be greatly tested if you did this.
8.) When eating Chinese food with her family or anyone period, never put your chopsticks back into the food dishes, with bits of rice or whatever on them. That is SUPER RUDE and disgusting, and it would be as bad as letting the nastiest smelling fart out at the table!!! Wipe them off on your small rice/hand bowl before going back for more.
9) Always let your wife/gf feed you food! Turning her away is rude! Enjoy this, don't be a "mangina", LOL!
10) Chinese usually like to shower at night. If she tells you to take a shower at night, but you prefer morning instead, do both. Refusing to shower at night is rude. Besides, don't you want to join her in the shower?
11) Do not start eating until everyone is at the table first! Especially the eldest man of the house.
12) Don't touch strangers. Yes that means even shoulder tapping.
13) Hong Bao is serious business! Failure to respect this tradition, could be the equivalent of her saying she is too tired on July 4th or Christmas and is going to go back to bed, instead of visiting your relatives. Most Chinese set money aside at the beginning of the year to prepare for this. Click this link and read!
14) Make sure you give plenty of complements. Chinese men are rude and never do this, but everyone knows you are a "romantic foreigner" so give the people what they want! Tell the mother her food is awesome, be sure to tell your lady nice things you see. It is even better when those things are true.
15) Whatever you see other Chinese men doing, even if they are in-laws, or friends/co-workers, avoid or take the safe route. You will NEVER be Chinese, so you cannot do what they do. That when in rome, do what the Romans do stuff? Throw that out. The only thing you can mimic they do, is called "Mind your own f***ing business".
16) Do not say nice shit about Japanese anything there. They hate them with a passion.
17) The only Chinese you can trust might be no one. But in-laws are probably the only ones you can trust.
18.) China has the same problem America has, in terms of "frivolous lawsuits etc". If you drive and have an accident there, god help you. They will call the police and demand you pay for pain and suffering. I wish I had better advice to give, other than, if you are foolish enough to live in China, your mandarin better f***ing kick a**. Seek out China expats for more help on this.
19) Do not mess with the Chinese flight attendants or train attendants. They really are not that nice, and they really do not like you. However the prettiest young ones have diamond rings on sometimes, which tells me that some foreigner caught one. Chinese men by large do not buy women diamond rings or roses. NOD, NOD*
20) Some Chinese women are sooooo frugal and sooooo practical/logic driven you cannot spoil them or buy them nice things! Like diamond rings or flowers! That is good or bad. Up to you.
21) Never walk into any Asian person's house or apartment wearing your shoes from outside. They usually keep house shoes for guests (flip flops or slippers) at the door mat.
22) Chinese when having a conversation, like talking around a subject. They almost never out-right answer a question directly. This is soooooooooo frustrating, you will want to pull out your hair. Mine does this. 90%+ of them do this. I do not know any Taiwanese that do this or HK people. Just mainlanders. It sooo f***ing annoying. Be patient, eventually you will get the answer you asked for.
Kai: Honey what did you and mom go buy at the supermarket today?
Mrs Kai: Mom pissed me off, she kept asking me to try on all these clothes!
Kai: what clothes?
Mrs Kai: This shirt and some dress
Kai: What else did you buy?
Mrs Kai: We also forgot to buy some soap for dad.
Kai: What else did you buy from the supermarket?
Mrs Kai: We bought some vegetables, some beef for you, things for tonight's dinner, and some fruits that you like.
See what kind of a journey a simple 1 min conversation should have been like? It's just something they do, I stopped trying to figure it out why. Even highly educated ones do this. It's a communication style. Go figure. Mandarin is also context based unlike English, so that is part of it. Don't get upset because many foreigners do at first.
23) Do not date the daughters of high ranking CCP (Chinese Communist Party) Officials!! Not only is it extremely difficult for high ranking CCP members to come to the US for any reason other than diplomatic ones, those people are so powerful you could be killed without a trace! Normal non-CCP member Chinese people even avoid these high ranking persons and while in China you must avoid them at all costs. They have VERY special privileges in China and even the equivalent of a mayor of a small US town, is king daddy in his city. Even the head of a local tax or social services office is very powerful.
If your woman is a member of the CCP for basic work purposes (certain jobs in China make party membership mandatory eg. police officer), have her bring proof of this being a requirement to her visa interview at the embassy, otherwise they will reject her application. The US basically will not allow diehard communist party people into the country. Not easily at least.
Your chances of meeting a woman affiliated with a high ranking official is probably super low and they are very rare numbers wise, but this is good advice to heed.
How to Bring your New Wife/Potential Wife back to the US
Like I have said before in a seperate post, you will want to bring your Chinese wife back to either the US or anywhere else in the world of your preference. Living with her in China, while okay for a little while is NOT something that I personally recommend doing for these reasons:
1) You can NEVER, EVER, EVERRRR become a Chinese Citizen!!! Unless you are like Winston with Chinese ethnicity, you cannot become a naturalized citizen. Nor will anyone treat you like one even if you could.
2) Jealous local men will not like you taking one of their women. They will give you that, "Like a Boss" Mean Mug look. Especially if you got one of their "easily obtainable ones" (4-6 looking women with a kind heart and low demands) If you take a bad-as-fuck 9 or 10 that walks like a diva with a nice ring on, they will ignore both of you. LOL! They will have that MUSTARD FACE instead.
3) The likelihood of getting into trouble at getting deported while your wife is left to stay there.
4) Do not get stuck being outside the US too long, without tax records, etc. because if something goes wrong, you stuck like chuck.
Now you have basically 2 ways to bring one back to the US:
The K1/K2 Visa and the K3/K4 Visa. I am doing a K1. The journey was long and quite painful at times if I can be honest. I would not recommend waiting far from the love of your life, unless you are not easily swayed by any p***y and a** walking around you. In some ways, being around AW while you wait, makes you remember why you went abroad to find your wife. Also none of them are worth touching unless you want to catch a case (harassment, rape, assault, etc.) and p4p is usually an undercover cop. I would say visit China often or the few times you go, make extended stays, and just spend time together. Traveling around China is fun too, we did that too. If you work outside the US, that can help alot too.
I also recommend hiring an immigration lawyer. 1500-3000 is the typical rates. You can do it yourselves, but you may not want to do that unless you and your lady are both super smart as f**k and she has great English. As well as free time to do all the needful. Also choose law firms that have Mandarin speaking staff that can help your lady do her parts.
Bookmark these websites for great information (especially the first one):
http://usa.bbs.net/bbs/01/802625.html/ (Unless you speak/write Chinese alot give this website to your fiance. She can find lots of support and information from others doing the same thing)
Here is a flowchart of how a K1 works:
K1 Process Flowchart - General Overview
Disclaimer: The flowchart below is designed to illustrate a typical K-1 Visa application process and should be used for reference only. This flowchart can not take in to consideration a great number of variables and/or events that may alter this flowchart for a particular case such as a Request for Evidence (RFE). Please read the Terms and Conditions for more information.
Please begin by reading the Step-by-Step Guide to the K-1 process (for the US Citizen). You should also refer to the K-FAQ's for more information. The timeline below will help you visualize the entire process. Please note that the details of the process are not included below, they can be found in the links mentioned previously.
Timeline (approx) Step Information Notes
U.S. Petitioner gathers various documents
U.S. Petitioner gathers various documents (birth certificate etc) to send with I-129F
* Start ASAP
I-129f Package sent
U.S. Petitioner sends compiled I-129F package to the USCIS Dallas Lockbox which will forward the package for processing.
* Triple check everything. Double check all forms with examples available online. Send postage with an return receipt requiring signature when it is delivered (not necessary but highly advisable for peace of mind). Make a complete copy of the entire package.
2-3 Weeks 3.
1st Notice of Action (NOA)
U.S. Petitioner Receives first Notice of Action (NOA) acknowledging K-1 petition has been opened
*Typical wait time is 2-3 weeks after the Service Center receives the I-129F.
See Processing Times 4.
2nd Notice of Action (NOA)
U.S. Petitioner Receives second Notice of Action (NOA) acknowledging K-1 petition has been approved
* Start gathering documents needed by beneficiary (Fiance(e)) - See K-1 Guide.
*Beneficiary can research and prepare forms required by embassy.
2 Weeks 5.
Case Forwarded by your Service Center to the National Visa Center (NVC)
Case Forwarded by your Service Center to the National Visa Center
*Two weeks after you receive the NOA2 you can contact the NVC to see if they have received your approved I-129F. You can contact them at 603 334-0700 . Their homepage is here. Welcome to the US Department of State! Things move much faster now .
1-4 Weeks 6.
Case Forwarded by NVC to U.S. Embassy in your fiance(e)'s country
Case Forwarded to U.S. Embassy as specified in the I-129F.
*NVC uses DHL to send the package, which typically delivers a package worldwide within 3-5 business days.
1 week 7.
Case received by Embassy from NVC
Embassy receives package and processes it. They will then prepare a letter to be sent to the foreign fiance(e).
*5-7 business days after the NVC sends the package to the embassy, you can begin contacting the embassy to see if they have received it.
1 week 8.
Forms and Checklist sent to Beneficiary
Forms and Checklist sent to foreign Beneficiary (Fiance/e).
*This will be sent out within a week (typically less) from when the embassy processes the received petition. This package will include a checklist of items and paperwork that must be collected. Some will be sent back asap, and others will be sent back later or brought to the interview.
Foreign Beneficiary compiles required forms
Beneficiary fills in Forms and assembles various documents
*The downloads section for K-1 Visa's has a list of some forms the fiance(e) will need. You can practice with these forms.
Completed Forms sent to Consulate
Beneficiary sends completed Forms to U.S. Embassy
Fiance(e) must attend medical interview prior to interview
Attend medical appointment.
*Some embassies require the medical the same day as the interview. Most require the interview to be done ahead of time and have the results sent to the embassy directly from the doctor.
*This may occur after an interview date is given.
1 week to issue date 12.
U.S. Embassy issues Beneficiary with Interview date
U.S. Embassy issues Beneficiary with Interview date
*This may occur before your have your medical. You will need to get the medical done before the interview as instructed by the embassy.
1 Month to interview 13.
Beneficiary has Interview at U.S. Embassy
Beneficiary has interview at U.S. Embassy for K-1 visa. All being well case is approved.
*K-1 visa will be issued either the same day or within the next week depending on the embassy with some exceptions.
Beneficiary travels to and enters the U.S.
Beneficiary travels from their country to be with the U.S. Petitioner (Fiance(e)) in the US.
*Must enter the US within (typically) 6 months of the K-1 being issued.
5-20 minutes 15.
Point of Entry (POE) in U.S.
Beneficiary arrives at Point of Entry (POE) in U.S. and shows K-1 to the immigration officer.
1 hour (early morning) 16.
Apply for Social Security Number
Apply for Social Security Number (SSN)
*See the SSN step-by-step guide for more info. This will allow you to open a bank account and do other things (many states require this for a drivers licence, etc).
1 hour 17.
Apply for marriage certificate
Apply for marriage certificate. Must marry within 90 days of entering the U.S. on a K-1 visa.
Get married. and give each other a pat on the back. You've both earned it!
1 hour (early morning) 19.
Change name on SSN
Go back to the SSA office and bring your SSN Card and marriage certificate. Change your name.
Complete I-693 per the K1/K3 AOS Guide. This is required so that your vaccinations can be documented properly on the I-693 as part of your completed AOS package.
You can complete this step at any time after entering the US.
(File as soon as possible once you marry) 21.
Apply for Adjustment of Status (AOS), EAD, AP
Apply for Adjustment of Status (AOS). You should file as soon as possible. If you have not filed for AOS and your K-1 expires, you will be considered out-of-status until you file. Make all attempts to file before you become out-of-status. You may also file for your EAD and AP at this time.
*EAD allows your to work (will need to reapply every year until your AOS application is approved). AP allows you to leave the country on a vacation / trip while your AOS application is being processed. Please read this regarding when to file for AOS and not becoming out-of-status.
See Processing Times 22.
Receive EAD / AP
Receive your EAD and AP via US Mail. You will have a biometrics appointment prior to being issued the EAD.
See Processing Times 23.
Interview for AOS (I-485 approval)
Interview appointment for AOS. When approved you will receive an I-551 stamp in your passport indicating you have been approved for AOS and will also receive your green card in the mail later.
*If your interview (and specifically the approval) occurs within 2 years of your marriage you will be granted a conditional permanent residency (2 year validity). If this happens you will have to apply to lift conditions 90 days prior to your 2 year green card expiring. If you are 'adjusted' greater than 2 years after you were married you should receive a normal 10 year green card.
There may be some other things I have left out like Chinese Spring Festival, Mid-Autumn Festival stuff, Chinese Wedding stuff, but meh....you can have fun learning that on your own.
As far as dealing with Chinese women and parents is that you MUST get your approvals and agreements upfront. Sometimes the man spends all the money and/or pays the parents for the girl. Sometimes the girl's family pays for everything. It depends mostly upon leverage, that immediate family's culture, if they have a son in their family, who is rich and who is not, and many many other factors. If you are richer, that does not mean you will be demanded to pay for everything. They may even want you to pay them, because you are poorer!!! Some family's do not do dowry at all! It really really depends. Anyone that tells you that it is always 100% something (X) does not know what the f**k they are talking about.
Remember to ask any potential future wife candidate UPFRONT and EARLY about if they can leave China and if their parents will accept a laowai for a son-in-law. The Chinese have a saying, "It is easy to win the heart of a Chinese woman, it is difficult to win the heart of the parents." I would not say I was lucky, because many others had no fights with that. A while back I once had a serious Chinese girlfriend that went to her parents house to ask them if she could marry me, and they said no. When I asked her what she thought about that, she said she could not marry me too. That was my hint to move on, you should too. There are just too many good ones out there, and better too.
Rural vs City means little too for most things, except In Shanghai and Hong Kong's cases. There are awesome people with great values and jackasses to deal with in both.
Lastly Send me a PM if you have a question. No question is too dumb or stupid, small or big. The only dumb question is the one you do not ask. I don't care about deeply personal questions or penis size questions and issues, if I can help you, I will and I will keep it to myself. Posting it on the thread, may not get an answer in the months or years to come, I do not know when I will hang up HA posting for good. But I will always answer a PM. Maybe someone can write a supplemental guide someday and when China starts changing alot, maybe some large parts of this guide will become irrelevant, and I will update or overhaul it as best as I can, but I will be an older married man, who has not been single in a long time, so many things I won't be able to speak on any longer.
Additional information added on Page 6 toward the end on Feminism in China and Tiger Wives *Added 8-21-2013
Last edited by kai1275 on Mon Oct 14, 2013 10:41 pm, edited 10 times in total.
Awesome. I'll sticky this and add it to the FAQ topic page as well.
Check out the latest posts in our blog The Happier Abroaders.
Don't forget my HA Grand Ebook and Dating Sites!
"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World
Good stuff. I'll read again in the cold light of day.
But I'll quickly add that the under 23's are a nightmare, so just avoid them. The monger in my apartment building was absolutely right to warn me away. Still, they're a lot of fun to teach, but I now know that that's as far as it's gonna go with them.
28-33 is my core dating age range (I'm 41 now). Well what can I say? I met a 32yo today with the best legs ever. Wow. So her legs are a 10, and many other facets of her are (her laugh, and her intellect).
Also remember you need to tick the boxes: Job, Career, House. And you'll lose points for: Ex wife, Kids already, No house, No job.
If Chinese women love one thing, it's confidence. It's been my main failing, so man up dudes.
Agreed ChinaLoveMatch is good for meeting A+ quality women, but most of them are on Chinese Love Links as well.
A secret is to be careful of the CLL girls who say they're Very Attractive. No good comes of dating these girls. Go for Attractive, Average or Below Average.
The 35+ group are best if you don't want kids and they don't either, or they already have some. There are many wealthy women in this age range, and some are very smart indeed. I've met one and tried to meet another but our schedules have never coincided. Pity because she's still pretty much a 10 and I just know the sex would be mindblowing.
And needless to say, stay away from talking about politics. China own's Winston's Taiwan a**, and saying anything to the contrary will be pointless. They are also very touchy about anything that shows China in a bad light. I NEVER take photos of everyday life when I'm on a date, as it would just lead to uncomfortable questions. It's all down to the collective concept of face and the hive mind the people have here.
Oh, and don't talk to ladies about other ladies you've met. Although dropping hints about your popularity with ladies is good to make her feel that you're valuable.
Yeah being once divorced, will hurt you some with some women (cough younger ones). On the other hand it will make you more popular with others because they know Western women suck! They know you are nice man with good manners, you just had an unappreciative bitch back in the West! Believe it not some of these women watch our TV shows online, and while they enjoy the show, they often shake their heads at things that are not "good wife behavior". Also they think if you were willing to marry someone before, you are willing to do that again and not be a player. In fact a smart one would be curious if they find a 35+ year old man that never had a serious relationship before. Better put in a good reason why in your profile! LOL
I've read every word so far and can't wait for the rest! I should be in China within the next month, so I will keep this stuff in mind. I'm trying to prepare myself in many ways.
Boxes - escaping modern life in America
Expatriation Apocalypse! The Guide to Expatriation for the Broke and Hopeless (Kindle)
Expatriation Apocalypse! (Paperback)
Current HA goals:
Basic Chinese ability by 2016
Have a Chinese girlfriend by 2016
Travel to one more Asian country this year
Got my second date with a lady tomorrow, it could be awesome. Winston will approve of her white legs and I think everyone would be stunned at how hot a woman you could hope to meet here. And did I tell you she was very smart as well?
If anyone's coming here then PM me if you come anywhere near Guangzhou.
33 seems to be the cut-off age after which a Chinese woman here finds it very hard indeed to find a husband.
OK well my date was an epic but I must say this...
...omg she had the softest skin imaginable. I thought my Cantonese gf had soft skin, but this lady was incredible!!!!
Are all ladies soft? Are Russian ladies soft? What about Pinays?
Also why do people rave all about the Kardashians/Jolies of this world when my date had the most amazing flat stomach, shapely legs and perfectly toned arms. What the f**k is Winston still doing in Vegas? Lmao for this epic fail!!!
LOL, you sound just like I did when I first met mine. I thought I knew what naturally soft skin felt like, but AW use poisonous skin creams to get theirs, their skin is soft like that naturally. Remember it's not like you can see the sun outside in China.....LOL!! Less UV damage, but more smog...
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