Join John Adams, world renowned Intl Matchmaker, Monday nights 8:30 EST for Live Webcasts!
And check out Five Reasons why you should attend a FREE AFA Seminar! See locations and dates here.
View Active Topics View Your Posts Latest 100 Topics FAQ Topics Mobile Friendly Theme
Discuss and talk about any general topic.
This post is about relational dynamics between men and women abroad from the perspective of a western man.
TRUTH BOMB NUMBER 1: Western Men in western nations are treated like they are useless and unwanted there and it is very common for decent, well intended, attractive guys to go months or YEARS without having sex or even having a girlfriend there. The society is in a stage of crisis, where birth rates and marriage are at critical lows and men and women simply aren't connecting normally anymore. It is my belief that excessive-wealth, over-independence, and the advanced form of post-feminism we see in the west, and the disastrous affects these have had on male-female dynamics, is a huge factor in the serious issues of low birth rate, high singleness, and tendencies of serial relationships involving heart ache and meaningless sex ongoing in the West.
Western women show no appreciation whatsoever for men, while men may pander and cater to a woman's every expectation and it can never be enough, creating these unhealthy and upside down relationship dynamics that often end in failure anyway. Being a nice and genuinely well intended guy (just sincerely connecting with a woman with the underlying life goals of wanting to get married, respect and love your partner, maybe have kids) in the west has the exact opposite of the result you would expect. Nice guys are typically considered pathetic or are reacted to with mistrust and men and women alike have a frequent tendency to simply move on to greener pastures as it is a multiple choice society. As a man, your whole life of interacting with women makes no sense - you say something nice, it is a problem. You ask for a number, it is a problem. You tell a woman you are interested in her, you are a weirdo or pathetic.
TRUTH BOMB NUMBER 2: You do not need "game" to connect with women outside of the US. Gorgeous, educated, sweet women will approach men outside of the US. Players can have their meaninglessness and debauchery in the US. "Game" is the diaper leagues. The bar scene is aweful. The whole concept is a trap, what you get out of it (heartache) is exactly the kind of energy you put into it. Sincerity, which seems to get a man nowhere in the US, goes a long way outside of the US
TRUTH BOMB NUMBER 3: GET WHILE THE GETTING IS GOOD, because I have found out from some of the woman out here that men by the countless thousands in the US have figured this out. They have come to understand that they can not connect normally with American woman and that they have no value or desirability in relationships and that the women simply act as if marriage and family are just not important enough to them to make it happen. I was told by a woman yesterday from the Mid East/Europe that she deleted her profile on a dating site within days of creating it because she was inundated with messages from AMERICAN men who want to come all the way to the middle east to meet a woman. THIS SHIT IS FOR REAL AND MILLIONS OF MEN FROM WESTERN COUNTRIES HAVE FIGURED IT OUT.
TRUTH BOMB NUMBER 4: YOU CAN MEET WOMEN AT RANDOM ON THE STREET OUTSIDE THE USA! As soon as you leave North America, interactions with women become totally normal and natural. You do not need a dating site, a computer, copious alcohol, or a close mutual friend to meet a woman out here! Don't worry a bit about what you say or ask, because out here, anything that seems normal and sane actually produces predictable, normal responses (unlike in the US). Tell them you like them or that they are fun. An average guy from the states can connect naturally with a woman in Europe who would be totally unapproachable in the US.
Out here, you will be complemented and openly appreciated for being nice, not verbally abused or taken for granted. *****Out here, women will approach and even pursue you!**** They will even smile back at you when you smile at them. I have had this happen multiple times ourtside the USA. When you tell them that YOU are not interested, they will express genuine appreciation for your honesty! When you go abroad, bring some resumes and some extra money, because you may nlot want to go back.
TRUTH BOMB 5: These women are not in it for your worthless American citizenship! Most of them wouldn't want to leave their family and friends! They just want to meet a nice guy, get married, have a family (normal life goals that seem to have disappeared from the mainstream American mentality)! It is normal here to do just that and normal to say that this is what you want to with your life! Not socially taboo like it is in the states. The states, where people look at you strange or say they want to focus on the their career or their emotionally rewarding hobbies (what they call "passions" in the US). May I be forever done and freed with the broken American madness, God willing.
TRUTH BOMB NUMBER 6: Americans have a well earned terrible reputation outside of the US, especially in almost all of Europe and the Middle East. When you meet people, many predictable and tiresome conversations will come up about stuff you have no interest in and had no involvement in, and that you may have even stood against yourself, usually involving past atrocities, recent occupations, and other deplorable things the US oligarchy has done, much of which most Americans are ignorant of. There are some countries, I found out the hard way, that you are better off staying out of entirely, and I am not describing any of the topics that come up or the countries because I don't dare write about that stuff on the internet at all - I have a healthy respect (that means fear) for the unimaginably powerful government and military of the most spiritually ill nation on Earth. Do some research for yourself about which nations have been most adversely affected within the past 60 years and avoid them, because believe me, you WILL be confronted with it in your conversations and interactions with people. When you meet people who stereo type you, ignore them and drop them and move on. Life is too short to waste you energy on the wrong direction, do not give what is sacred to the dogs. Quality, not quantity. Go with the people who do not go down that road in conversations.
California has an incredible reputation, especially San Francisco. Ironic, because I consider it to be the sickest of all American cities and most dysfunctional socially..... the idea of committed monogamous relationships and strong family values and close families there is practically ridiculous.... it is like.... laughable. The cost of living is insane, and the homelessness, mental illness, and humanism in that city is happening on an epic scale like no where else on Earth.... if only these people out in the rest of the world with such romantic notions of it knew that.
Outside of America, you can easily have a meaningful and useful life and complete the pieces of the puzzle that are terribly absent in the US. There is tremendous unmet need. There are poor and starving and oppressed people who you can help, if you are the sort who feels drawn to do so (like myself). There are people by the billions who need to learn English from native speakers so they can participate in the global economy. There are women by the hundreds of millions who just want to meet a nice, thoughtful guy (those are rare out here, but a dime a dozen in America) and get married and have a family (and women will actually say that out here because this is viewed as the foundation of a normal life and society here!). You get to choose the kindest and most attractive one out of the many who are interested in you and do just that. Make friends, get involved in the community, learn the language, be patient and persistent, enjoy your life, and don't look back.
TRUTH BOMB NUMBER 7:
Long distance relationships, which almost never work beyond the first few weeks in the states, are totally common here! Why? Because women are commitment minded and family oriented here. Accountability, commitment, and monogamy are ingrained in their psyche. On that note, you will be amazed at what is possible out here that would blow up in your face in the states. Anything sane and healthy and well intended that does not function or backfires in the states is totally normal and flowing here. It is flowing freely in places outside the US that I will not mention because I am too selfish and greedy and I want it all for myself. Go out and find your own milk and honey like I am doing. Push the boundaries of what is feasible, you are entering into a whole different reality out here.
TRUTH BOMB NUMBER 8: A lot of you guys, to some extent even Winston, seem to be about playing, chasing as many woman as possible, having as much sex as possible, hooking up a lot, etc... I say drop that awful stuff from your lives and drop it from this website! It is giving this website a bad name, giving all men who look abroad for relationships a bad name, and giving expats a bad name. Be in this for something good, or stay home and masturbate yourself. By using and hurting women, you are just making it harder for those of us who are out here to find work, get married, and live a good life, something that has become sooooo hard to do in America.
I say drop all such stuff and links and content it from this website! That kind of garbage is the reason I never signed up here 3+ years ago when I first discovered the site. With it the way it is now, the site attracts players and assholes and womanizers! All of the players will come, and the well intended guys will avoid it. This does a geat disservice to the women out here the men like me who want to meet and marry one of them some day, and the website itself.
I just wanted to share what I have learned and I am just at the beginning of this journey. I don't have any more time for this site, I am living life now not asking other people how to live it. I suggest you all do the same.
Don't feel bad about the sorry condition of millions of American women who can not find a man because more and more men have simply been forced to give up and look elsewhere. You spent 10 years or more trying to give them a chance, and believe me, you were probably giving and working 10X harder at it than these guys out here in the rest of the world ever have. You swam up stream and wasted your time there long enough. You'll be loved and appreciated out side of N America like you wouldn't imagine, just for being thoughtful and considerate of women. You'll be appreciated just for not having 2 or 3 girlfriends at the same time, something that is common for men to do out here, but would get you ostracized in any community in the states. You'll be appreciated just for caring about a woman's needs, or for caring if she has an orgasm in bed, things that men often do not give a shit about outside of the US. Your years of programing in the states, which is totally unnoticed and unappreciated by women there, will make you the nicest and most popular man alive in any city that you go to outside of the US, and believe me , out here, that kindness and thoughtfulness and respect counts a lot and take you far in life out here, even though it seems to count for nothjing in America. Yes, women have priced themselves out of the market in the US, and not just in regards to money, but in regards to matters of the spirit. There is no amount of kindness or thoughtfulness that is enough in the states. You'll still be a "loser" to most of them, and still not up to their standards, which have gone into outer space.
Some day, a kind-hearted, positive and well intended guy from the US will read this and he will think "Who is this angry, crazy bastard and what is his problem?" Well, I'll tell you who he is..... I founded and ran a non-profit in the US doing 100% volunteer work and serving the community. I am into volunteering with kids, elderly, and for the environment, and I am very into health and fitness. That means I am Athletic, fit, and happen to be good looking. I eat well, don't drink, smoke, or use drugs, and I do good things in my daily life. I am sincere and yet I am still saying all of these things I have said here - That America is messed up when it comes to men and women connecting.
I want you, whoever the reader is, to do this because guess what: These women outside the USA need nice men, the world needs children, and you deserve a normal life.
That's why I am abroad and that is why I am writing this post. Get off your asses and do something for yourself. And may God have grace and mercy for the American woman, who believe me, is finding it harder now than we men are especially now that millions of American men are dating or marrying woman from other nations. I feel sorry for the American women.
Last edited by ajushi on September 3rd, 2010, 6:19 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Very well put ajushi! Sounds like foreign women appreciate "nice guys" and don't look at them as losers like American women do. Your right, the feminization of the west is contributing to the population decrease (less people getting married and having kids) and is causing the difficult relations between men and women. It's bizzare that so many women in the US think a guy is a "creep" if he strikes up a conversation with her in public.
What's also bizzare is that so many women in America LIKE GUYS WHO ARE IN PRISON OR HAVE BEEN IN PRISON! WTF? I saw a story on the news that said men on death row get love letters from thousands of women each year! Unbelieveable! Some of these women actually say, that they would love to MARRY the guy who is on death row! Only in America do you find such mentally disturbed women!
Excellent post, Ajushi. I for one support your ideals. I believe there are others on here like you, but it takes all kinds, and not everyone is in the same position in life emotionally/spiritually/by desire, etc.
Just continue to be a good example and give us the positive low-down on the world outside. I for one am married (to an Italian), but like to come on here, because of the focus on the "escape from American prison" aspect, and fully intend to get out again someday soon. I just like talking with other Americans who "think different", like I do. Frankly, it gives me mental support, since 99% of the people in the US think I'm a friggin freak for even thinking this way. I'm sure others on here can say the same thing.
I like the idea of volunteer work. I've done it myself, and even though it was hard, it was the most rewarding thing I've ever done, looking back. The Peace Corps is a good idea, as well as other international non-profits. As good quality Americans, we can also be examples to those who distrust "the ugly Americans", and not just be encouraging a bad stereotype, when we go abroad. We have a choice.
And that in turn contributes to illegal immigration because Mexico does believe in marriage and having kids while in the US, a whole generation has not been born. Also, as women get nastier and sicker, there will be more hostility and competition among men and more gays. Anyway, it is going down the tubes.
A brain is a terrible thing to wash!
Wow what a great post Ajushi. One of the best ever. I think I'm going to feature it from the home page. Also comes with a great title too. 8 Truth Bombs, I love that!
Just for the record, I do not tell people here to "play around", at least not directly. I merely say that in many overseas countries the women are approachable and easy to meet. Whether one chooses to play around is up to them. I merely present it as a possibility. Some guys are naturally monogamous, and some aren't.
So are you saying that I ought to get rid of the photo collage, and all the pics of me with different girls? If so, that will bring in more traffic or less? It's a tough call, cause some find that collage to be inspiring, while others like you are put off by it.
However, you just admitted above that you made out with two different women recently, so aren't you doing the same thing?
Check out my FUN video clips in Russia and Female Encounters of the Foreign Kind video series and Full Russia Trip Videos!
Join my Ukrainian/Russian Women Dating Site to meet thousands of legit foreign girls at low cost!
"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne
our right, the feminization of the west is contributing to the population decrease (less people getting married and having kids) and is causing the difficult relations between men and women. It's bizzare that so many women in the US think a guy is a "creep" if he strikes up a conversation with her in public.
The guys in the NWO must be having a field day... they do all this work like poising the food, chem trails, flu vaccines, CNN, oil spills and instead population reduction comes from american women... all that work for nothing.
maybe 2012 is a social disaster as opposed to a physical one.
my ex is reading all of my posts...
so here's a little message for her: You did it to yourself Leo. I gave you the benefit of the doubt and you proved me wrong.
This post is totally "right-on", totally how I feel. I just feel sad for the millions of men who WON'T get out before the $$ collapses, so they will be stuck with sick, dreadful women. Its my vision of Hell to be at a beatuiful dining table, seeing delicious food & not being able to eat because your tied up - this is a man's life in the USA.
"Woman is a violent and uncontrolled animal... If you allow them to achieve complete equality with men, do you think they will be easier to live with? Not at all. Once they have achieved equality, they will be your masters." Cato the Elder
Quoting these three different responses....
"Very well put ajushi! Sounds like foreign women appreciate "nice guys" and don't look at them as losers like American women do. Your right, the feminization of the west is contributing to the population decrease (less people getting married and having kids)"
"And that in turn contributes to illegal immigration because Mexico does believe in marriage and having kids while in the US, a whole generation has not been born. Also, as women get nastier and sicker, there will be more hostility and competition among men and more gays. Anyway, it is going down the tubes."""
"I just feel sad for the millions of men who WON'T get out before the $$ collapses, so they will be stuck with sick, dreadful women. Its my vision of Hell to be at a beautiful dining table, seeing delicious food & not being able to eat because your tied up - this is a man's life in the USA."
It is all so true. Soooooo true it f***ing hurts.
I went climbing and hiking all day yesterday and lemme tell ya....
+they share food and equipment with what would be considered total strangers in the US,
+no one is drinking or smoking pot
+Friends of friends are treated with more kindness and generosity and even welcome and familiarity than my own family treats me with in the states.
+Social vibe is inclusive and bonded by nature. People interact and socialize and hike and climb with people they have never met, whose names they don't even know, just like they were already lifelong friends. Total strangers are ivited out and automatically welcomed at social gatherings and events. People who do this or try to do it in the states tend to be a little crazy or a pothead, and usually regarded with mistrust because that is not in keeping with the US frigid social paradigm. If you try to be social and open itne US, you are regarded was weird or with mistrust. Here it is natural and normal. In the US, climbing is 1,000 times more popular and no one knows or trusts each other and it can be quite hard to find a climbing partner (one who is not crazy from suffering too long in the US paradigm, or high on drugs).
+Codependent/crazy/needy energy, which is so intense in a lot of the people in the states that you can sometimes detect it immediately, seems totally absent.
+women openly declare that the reason men do such and such better is because men are stronger and have a higher ratio of muscle to body mass than women (I have NEVER heard a woman say this in 35+ years in the US) and women will openly say that their goal in life is to get married and have children (I have NEVER heard a single woman say this in my entire life the states)!
+At cafes and picnics and restaurants all manner of such things , people are SOCIALIZING AND INTERACTING AND MAKING MEANINGFUL CONVERSATION - THEY ARE NOT SITTING ALONE AND LONELY, LOOKING AT A COMPUTER OR CELL PHONE EXPERIENCING THEIR DESPERATE AND PITIFUL HUMAN CONNECTIONS AND VIEW ON REALITY THROUGH A GLASS SCREEN!!!! AMEN AMEN AMEN AMEN AMEN AMEN AMEN HALLELEUA it is like I have arrived at some sort of wonderful place, like a promised land that I dreamed about my whole life but just couldn't find it. GLORIOUS
****Free your tortured mind and your starving spirit from the bondage of sitting at the fringes of family and community in the sick US paradigm, sitting at cafes alone wanting to talk with human beings and being regarded like a freak when you do so.. If you are reading this website, then you know what I am talking about and have already considered this.*****
You can make a whole network of friends here in a single day who immediately treat you like they would lay down their lives for you, and who you can see treat each other that way also, so you know it is not just because you are a visitor. It takes years of hard work to make one or two friends like that in America but out here it is a normal part of life for everyone, and this is why people from these countries are known to have high suicide rates when they go alone to live in the US. They can nnot deal with the level of horrible lonlinesss, isolation, and total lack of support that is standard in the US. Well, gues what, TRUTH BOMB NUMBER 9: PEOPLE IN THE US CAN'T DEAL WITH IT EITHER, THAT IS WHY THEY HAVE THE HIGHEST CRIME RATES IN THE WORLD AND VERY HIGH RATES OF MENTAL ILLNESS AND SUICIDE!!!!
*******A woman made me a sandwich yesterday!!!! OMFG!!! Iâ€™ve never had a womanâ€¦. Or anyone at all for that matterâ€¦. offer to make a sandwich for me in my entire life. I LOVE my life now and may I be f***ed upside down for every time I forget how good it is right now just to have someone offer to make a f***ing sandwich for me, AMEN.*******
*****One catch: Guard your health - life is cheap outside of the US. No emissions controls whatsoever on toxic industrial waste, undrinkable tap water, and at times there is even unbreathable air. No building standards or no enforcement on existing standards etc... when there is an Earthquake, thousands perish. Guard your health carefully, because these people do not know anything about health in regards to air, water, and soil quality, or abstaining from hard liquor or tobacco (which are consumed throughout all of Europe at a shocking rate). But they have health in regards to social life and love and community, companionship, friendships, and even sex. Thousands more perish per year from suicide as a result of such terrible isolation and totally lack of support..Anyway, consider your health carefully ouside of the US.*****
I am in what you could call the Western version of the middle east right now, but I have come to see that that doesnâ€™t matter where you are as long as you are utsie of the US. Once you get out of the West, the milk and honey I am talking about flow like a river. Just find the place that works for you according to your work, your interests, your preferred climate, whatever.
Let him who has eyes to read pay attention. I have many decades of deprogramming to get back to work on. For todayâ€™s deprogramming exercise, I am simply going out to buy some sweet bread (Food is Â¼ of US prices by the way) and say friendly hellos to some random locals and maybe drop a coin in the hand of a blind beggar if I see one. AMEN to a place where it is socially acceptable to be nice to "strangers"
And what makes you think the NWO had nothing to do with further advancing the feminist agenda?
I was looking at a few us women profiles and the type they were looking for. I was amazed one was saying she wanted a gangster type with a lot of tattos. I dont know if she was looking for the first gang member she could find but there are plenty in prison. Seems if you are the average guy here with good character that doesnt mean anything. But in foreign countries it seems to be more the type they are looking for.
Awesome post Ajushi. I also totally agree. The poor reputation of American men abroad is already apparent and damaging. My girlfriend thinks I am a player even though I do nothing to invite it. Girls often approach me and contact me, but that is not my fault. I'm not interested. I see being out here as a chance to live the life I want to life. Life can be cheap enough that I can do what I really want to do rather than be tied to a job or cubicle, and in many ways it can be slow and easy.
I watched Apocalypto recently... Makes one think about what life really is about.
“b***y is so strong that there are dudes willing to blow themselves up for the highly unlikely possibility of b***y in another dimension." -- Joe Rogan
Compliments for such a great article that are a true reality these days. It's just too bad that there are players that gives us a bad name and reputation but american women are not off the hook either cause they would rather go for the player, the thug, the guy with the money and the looks and not give real honest men a chance.