Reader Responses to Observations about
Asian Mentality and Culture
and Taboo Observations
about Taiwan
(Sorted in
ascending order, newest at the top)
Hi Winston.
I had written in your contact form but I want to
know your personal
experiences. What I hate most about living in
Taiwan is that I always am
treated like an outsider, simply because I didn't
spend my entire life in
Taiwan and speak Chinese with an accent. I don't
like to be asked where I
come from, which I get all the time when I talk to
people. I've already
been living in Taiwan long term (8 years) and feel
so tired about how hard
it is to fit in. I also don't like mentioning how
I grew up in the US or
abroad, since many people are not accepting and
will make fun of you for
it, because it proves that you are different from
them. It makes me
paranoid to be around others simply because I know
that they will make a
big deal out of it. When I'm in other countries or
talking to different
races, it is much less stressful because they
won't judge you because you
grew up in a different country or speak with an
accent. I have been
discriminated from jobs because employers say they
don't want foreigners,
although it's illegal to discriminate based on
gender, age, race, country
of birth, etc.
http://www.ultraguest.com/view/1200586414
Name Ted
Date 2012-05-26
Location
Message As a
Taiwanese New Zealander, nearly everything you've described here I have to
agree.
After having been in New Zealand for 5 years of my early childhood
and then moving back to study in Taiwan for 4 years and then back to New
Zealand, I have only realised that four years of my life were wasted on
something that I do not value at all. All the positive values that were
ingrained in me in my earlier years just could not be put to use. It is as
sick, twisted, and demented as you could call it.
And yes I found it really hard to "be myself" in that sort
of society where they don't appreciate individuality but condemn or demean
individual endeavors and characteristics. That was what I have been feeling for
quite an extended amount of time.
I appreciate your work here on this website and being true to your
own heart and speak for your own truth. There are lots of challenges ahead of
me to redevelop these courageous, loving qualities that I truly valued.
Winston,
If my memory serves, I was in Taiwan in 2007. Sometimes on
my mongering trips I will take a few days and spend in one of my
"link" cities, just to see it and get a feel. I had no contacts
in Taipei and was with a mongering friend. Note that our goal was not to
monger there (as we had already read the scene was abysmal) but just to have a look-see. On
that particular trip, I was not overly skinny--that was a trip I caught
Pneumonia on upon returning to the United States, as I recall--partly b/c of
being out-of-shape.
I was only in Taiwan a few days and in many ways it was similar to
my trip to China, which was a much longer excursion--that is to say, I got the
same "distant" vibe there--perhaps even worse--than I got in
China. I took no tours or did anything except wander around just to pick
up vibes and get a feel for the place and other than it seeming a bit more
"open" and less contrived than the China that was presented to me (I
went there on a package tour with a group of friends--never again), I got
absolutely NO play from any woman, no indications of interest and not much
overt sign of any sexual vibe or activity in the air at all--the people seemed
all business. Amazing that I hopped on a plane to Bangkok and in four
hours' travel time the atmosphere could change so radically.
And, yes, I did notice the lack of eye contact and an experience I
have had in many European countries, esp. in Northern Europe/Scandinavia, of
complete and utter disinterest.
Hello Winston,
I have come across your site on http://www.happierabroad.com/Asian_Mentality.htm
when I was super pissed off at work...with yes ! Asian HERD mentality.
And so i google "stupid asian childish herd mentality" and I come
across your site and reading your views is simply a pleasure and refreshing -
to know that I am normal. I live in Singapore and it's
exactly the same, but of course MOST people wouldn't agree.
It's frustrating to be minority. I wish to grow & learn & as a being,
as a soul but I don't know where or how I can go about, Is studying philosophy
a good way? I challenged society norms regards to the
"expectation" and "standard" path .. and how one is
measured as successful,yet in my views most are shallow in thoughts. To say
that I am not influenced would be a lie, but it's something I would like to
remove for some of the 'programming' and it's not at all easy. There's noone I
can turn to for continuous reminder and guidance.
Sorry , if I bored u with para 2. Still, just a email to compliment on your
website. It's Great!
Best wishes,
****
Hi!!
Your article about Taiwan is awesome ... I almost agree on
every point except a small last one where you mention that taiwanese don't
watch tv when they eat... I think they almost everyday watch tv when they eat
if they can of course =)
Beside this your article is awesome !!
Thanks a lot and thanks for the link of the swiss guy who wrote a critic
article about taiwan too.
I am Swiss myself and living in Tw for abour a year now... I feel exactly the
same that you and the other Swiss.
Thanks!
Mark
Impressive..
That is basically most of the things I felt since a few moment after I arrived
in Taiwan, working and being managed by taiwanese people.
Are you still here or you left?
I actually have a good life here but dealing with taiwanese people makes my
life much more hard compares to the ease of life that a foreigner can have in
Seems like you actually managed to write down those ideas and feelings I have
in mind.
Hao.
U have an awesome critical point of view and understanding of people and Ur
article will be read with a lot of attention by a bunch of my friends who are
having a hard time dealing with taiwanese exactly because they try to give
sense to things, in a country where there is not and where they don t want it.
(and don t even understand the purpose or not even see what was originaly
wrong)
Being managed by them is also terrible since they think giving you
pressure and pushing you to ur limits by making you feel guilty will make you
work better...
those behaviors actually makes me do the opposite due to my conception of life
and relation with people.
I can be quite good in my job but I never felt so bad and unmotivated since I'm
managed by them.
Would be happy to hear about
Thanks for
Alex.
"My Friend,
My wife is Taiwanese, I am American ie
TW people do not start Living their own lives until after 30 years old before
that they are still children and much be respectful at all times.
most are boring too. I would encourage you to find a good girl with your same
goals, views, EXPECTATIONS, and believes. As far as how to meet them it is best
to be introduced. As weird as that sounds. They find that very natural. That is
why a good paying career in
Good Lunch"
Next response:
"My wife is beautiful, my kids, are cute I live in southern
I am extremely out going and experienced a lot that you experienced. Saw that
you saw. I am a white American and my first time in
The second time I was there I felt a lot like you. I just wanted to make
friends with pretty girls but when I would approach them or say something to
them they just give you a blank stare.
I am a happy person and I have noticed here in the USA Asian women never smile
in public.
I think it has to be a little genetic. Our lives are so blessed I think a smile
will show greatfulness.
In
So yes you are right the old people will talk to strangers especially when they
find out I speak Chinese.
Enjoy the phillipino people they truely are nice."
dear winston:
i laughed
through this entire dissertation.
it's the story of
my life. you are reading my diary. and
the things you
discuss here are the reasons i have despised my cultural upbringing.
and i feel like
i have been unable to pursue acting or any of my artistic dreams, because it is
absolutely "unacceptable" --even to me, on some deep and unconscious
level-- because i have been programmed to think that way from the moment i was
born.
i am changing
now. i am a different person. i am doing my best to let go of it all and
embrace the good out of all that i have been through. i am even going to start
my acting career THIS year, 18 yrs over-due.
i have so much
to say about this subject, but it would involve a much longer conversation.
the yelling i
think is because the civilization is over 4000 yrs old, and the speaking i
think is largely from a previous civilization that has largely remained
unchanged, for centuries. i'm pretty sure they would say they are not angry.
that is just the tone of voice because each chinese word is used 4 times,
using 4 different intonations for each pronunciation of the same word, to allow
their language to have enough words to cover conversation.
but i struggle
with many OCD's, anxiety disorders and traumatic behavioral habits --to
this day-- due to being dominated, manipulated, controlled,
tramatized & threatened to be eliminated, rejected, abandoned,
thrown out, discarded, deemed imperfect, inacceptable, etc. i could go ON &
ON. i have had over 12 YEARS of incessant back pain, due to NOT being
allowed to express myself, my feelings, my opinions, my pov. i've never been
able to "appeal," "negotiate," or ask for anything to be a
different way. my only option has always ever been to SUBMIT, OBEY, be
dominated, bullied, and to "obey the LAW or GET OUT."
i feel sick
simply writing this winston.
http://www.happierabroad.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1544&start=15
I just flew back from
Many of Winston's observations are true in specific
circumstances, or generalizations. However I think taking them as facts would
be too extreme (black & white view). There are too many exceptions to list,
and despite Chinese culture having a legalist history, its people and culture
is large and wide.
Also, individual family circumstances differ. Some people
generalize Asian culture as being male dominant. In my family the daughters (my
mother & aunts) are the eldest and sons youngest, so the strongest heads of
the family has always been women, and their husbands are excluded from
discussions regarding inheritance.
Winston made many points and I cannot cover all of them,
so I'll just touch up on a few briefly while I'm trying to get over my jet lag.
Yes, it's not common for Taiwanese to greet each other in the parks and on the
street, unless if they live in the same community. For example, while walking
around my grandparent's condo building, I have to smile and greet the neighbors
& even the janitor and mail man. They don't know my name, but knows me as
the eldest grand-child to my grandparents on 3F. Had I been a stranger, they'd
have stopped me and asked who I was and why I was there (neighborhood watch?).
People approach strangers with guarded caution.
I think many Taiwanese parents might consider a proper bed
time to be around 9pm-10pm, but Taipei also has one of the busiest night life
through night market areas in Shilin, Danshui, Ximending, etc. that opens past
midnight, where teenagers and young adults congregate. In comparison the night
life in US looks quite dead.
For most Taiwanese, their first social circles were
probably school friends, then moving up the grade levels to college, and on to
coworkers. People tend to keep multiple cliques and don't usually mix them.
i.e. college friends would not be invited to an outing with high school friends
or coworkers, unless if you're dating or married to the person.
However, times are changing. Today many young people are
meeting in clubs, internet social networking, dating sites/services, etc. It's also
very possible to chat up girls at night markets, then take them to shrimp
fishing ponds or Danshui old street for games and fun, then a quick bus ride to
fishermen's wharf and walk across lover's bridge to pubs with live music. Or if
the weather isn't too hot, take the MRT to the Taipei Zoo and take the gondola
up to Maokung.
IF you get lucky,
And if you're really lucky (or worked hard on) to be
borned with good looks, girls will hit on you on the MRT trains (shuey-gue!
shuey-gue!) -- I've seen this happen. If you have any questions on what girls
there think is attractive, tune in to any young adult drama on TV and check out
the leading male actors. (i.e. Sparrow love
On the issue of work and play, IMO there's nothing wrong
with installing some discipline into children, least they become lazy fat bums.
However, all things should be done in moderation. One should have a balanced
life between work and play, and not live to work.
A mistake that many Asians make is that they work their
butts off in pursuit of "moving target" goals. Today it's $50,000
BMW, tomorrow it's $500,000 condo, next week it's $1,000,000 house. Gee, if you
spend 14 hours at work and only use your million dollar house for its bed and
toilet, what's the point?
I have a few favorite authors, among them John C Bogle and
Kiyosaki. The first advocates wealth through compounding interest, the second
through passive income. In both cases they teach you to let your money work for
you, and not the other way around. Smart people use their money to make more
money, live within their means, and not work their butts off just for money.
This is a very important lesson to learn.
p.s. for the younger Taiwanese girls, many don't like men wearing
"too formal" outfits like dress shirts and slacks. They like cool/hip
looking men wearing sportswear or Gap/A&F outfits, like sweaters/hoodies
with stylish jeans. A&F (Abercrombie & Fitch) is having their
change-of-season sale this week and many clothing items are marked down by 50%
or more at the store. I picked up some designer shirts there for $15. Good
opportunity to buy and save $$!
Response from my dad:
"I noticed the different between Taiwanese and
American regarding their attitude toward strangers. When we walked in the parks
in
I think the reason why Taiwanese, and most Asian, behave
that way is the culture thing. Do you see the Chinese movies that when the
emperors or some big shots talking to their subordinates, the subordinates have
to lower their heads and not supposed to make eyes contact. Making eyes contact
is considered to be rude or posing some threat or something, I think. Although,
Taiwanese behave that way, but deep down I know they are very polite and
friendly if you get to know them. Don't judge someone only by the surface. I
think it is also true that it is not easy to approach young Taiwanese girls.
But, my experience is they are very polite to elderly people. People are told
to respect older people. So, it is a plus for us to live in
Hi Winston,
I read your comments on the Chinese/Taiwanese mentality and I thought i'd make
a few comments. I agree with much of what you said but you failed to highlight some
of the distinct positives that these traits bring as well. It's definitely not
all negative and I believe there are some very specific traits that Chinese
culture possesses to make it so lasting and adaptable in various environments.
I'd like to comment on your first point about gender contact. I'm not sure how
different things are between
I believe the "angry" thing is a bit of cultural repression at work.
I've noticed that
As far as the temper goes I don't think this is 100% written in stone. I've met
plenty of Taiwanese/Chinese who are very cool and level headed. I think maybe
it's just coincidence and some of the aforementioned cultural repression at
work.
On the topic of being conformist. I have to agree Asian/Chinese culture in
general values conformity. I believe this is because
Now as far as the positive aspects goes..yes, there is a great proportion of
Chinese society that is devoted to being workaholics and bespectacled
academics. I don't feel this is negative at all because it is the catalyst for
SE Asian culture such as the Phillipines,
There's more I have to say about this subject but i'll talk to you later.
Regards,
David
Dear Winston,
I stumbled upon your website and was compelled enough by
your writings to formulate a response. You and I are very similar in that I
also am a Taiwanese-American who grew up mostly in the US (on the East Coast)
and have lived in 7 different states (NY, NJ, GA, ME, PA, OH, MI) as well as 5
countries (US, Taiwan, Venezuela, France, Chile). Judging from your picture I
estimate that I am a few years younger than you (26) but certainly do share the
same passion for cultural learning (I speak English, Mandarin, and Spanish
fluently; have a workable command of Turkish and am progressing well in
Arabic).
Similarities aside, we also have very many differences,
primarily in thought… I was impressed by your truthful and uninhibited
writings, and certainly cannot object to any of the facts which you have
written as they clearly are the truth. However, I do have very strong
reservations with your personal analyses, not due to the conclusions you draw
in themselves, but what they reveal and represent. Your words make it seem as
if you feel that Western cultures are superior to those of
First of all, I must make a very clear distinction and ask
that you not confuse culture with stereotype. Much of what you say (in regards
to materialism and competition) that is very critical certainly does not
represent the roots of culture, but rather symptoms (equivalent to stereotypes)
and are painted in a very negative light out of context. Yes it is true about
the strictness, rigor, and demand placed upon children... but is this because
we are just horribly concerned with winning the race of capitalism or perhaps more
so because we just wish the best for our future generations? Do we not place a
high level of emphasis on individualism because we have no capability for
creative though or perhaps because we value tradition, heritage, and the
greater society?
Regardless of the intent, it is clear that certain aspects
of our culture can bring about very harsh feelings such as those which you
harbor. But to say that this is justification for supporting the superiority of
one culture over another is not only irresponsible but also dangerous.
Certainly you could say that Latin American culture places a greater emphasis
on enjoyment and that people have more "fun" than in Taiwan (very
true of Venezuela where I live today, even with the horrific economic and political
turmoil facing this beautiful country)... but does that make them better?
Conversely does the fact that our people have a notoriously high level of
discipline and responsibility make Asian culture superior to those of
Of course the answer to both questions (at least in my
eyes) is a resounding NO. When dealing with an issue such as culture I think
that it is both infantile and irresponsible to attempt to make designations
such as “better” or “worse”… there is only DIFFERENT. Your statements and
examples not only bypass the positive stereotypes of Asian people but also make
claim to cultural inferiority. I cannot help how you feel about yourself and if
you wish to be known as an American/European/Latino in the body of an Asian,
but I do hope that you could be more respectful than as to demean a culture.
Your words bring an aura as if they could have come from the justifications of
a Napoleon or Hitler. If you think this “cultural arrogance” has no relevance
today than let me ask you to consider the role that religion plays in the
definition of culture in many societies. How are you as a proponent of cultural
superiority different from the religious superiority preached by Ahmadinejad,
Bin Laden, or Jerry Falwell?
I don’t mean any of this to be insultory towards you; I
make these points only to in hopes that you be more respectful towards the
rights of any culture. Certainly there are negative points of Taiwanese
culture, as there are positive… just as there are in every culture of this
fascinating planet. Most importantly, there is a place in this world for all:
the strict hard-working Asian cultures, the technologically shunning Amish or
Bedouin, the family oriented Latino or West African, the entrepreneurial
American, etc.... On one final note, please do not think of yourself, the
freelancing Romantic or even myself, the adventurous risk-taker as exceptions to
Taiwanese culture – we do not represent exceptions but possibilities. There is
no right or wrong with possibilities: maybe one leads to riches and others to
poverty, another to fame but there is no better or worse. Judging by the note
you posted from your father it at least seems that you are beginning to forgive
and accept (if not respect) multiculturalism, so please do not fall off of this
track.
Whatever path we follow, all of the choices we make in
life are influenced by the events of our past. Like it or not, your Taiwanese
upbringing served to help shape the views (negatively or positively) that you
hold today. I am personally very proud of my heritage and am very cognizant
that I would not be where I am today without it. Whether you want to say that
it was because of or in spite of my strict childhood, I would not have spent 3
months living out of tents and youth hostels in the South of France rock
climbing after graduation; I would not have pursued a “traditional Asian”
degree in Engineering at an elite University, nor have the professional success
that I do today; I would not have moved to Chile or Venezuela where I am
engaged to a Venezuelan woman and have been adopted as a new son into her
criollo family; I would not have become involved in the Chinese community,
American expat community, or pro-democracy movement in the midst of dictatorial
takeover here; I would not have traveled to 70+ countries, discussing
geo-politics with one of the Saudi crown princes, nor have been shot at by
corrupt police sent to break up a peaceful march in Latin America. Similarly,
whether because of or in spite of, you would not be adventuring around
I send this to you as an open letter that you should feel
free to publish from a different perspective that cherishes all of the world’s
cultures. Best wishes with your continuing adventures.
Jon
Winston
I just finished reading your article....
The Repressive Singularity of Traditional Asian/Oriental Mentality
I came to
In a few days I'm going to be "orienting" four
foreign couples (one from US, two from
John
PS When did you write this?
Subject: Married to a Taiwanese woman
To Winston,
My name is
I was reading your ideas and views here http://www.happierabroad.com/Asian_Mentality.htm
and I have to agree, what you have written is pretty much smack bang on target.
When I first arrived in
Since then, I have learnt to speak Chinese and I must say, some days I think I would be better off without knowing what Taiwanese people say. Within 6 months my Chinese was at a basic level, that's when I started getting asked "how much do you earn"? I was asked this by my wife's mum (mom) everyday and it became rather annoying. I know other foreigners get the same questions as me.
I have heard "you're too fat, lose some weight" and "Don't drink too much ...... or don't eat too much that" almost every second day.
My private affairs seem to be family affairs, and family affairs are nothing to do with me since I'm white. My wife's sister wouldn't acknowledge me in anyway, even saying hello was out of the question.
Nowadays, My family-in-law accept me and allow me more freedom. I think this is mainly due to the fact I have a strong personality and I don't do anything that I can't see the logic in doing.
A quick example of my life now.
I'm sick right now. I think I'm sick because I ate some night market food that was bad. My wife constantly yells at me and tells me that I should do more exercise and I wouldn't get sick. Then she will start asking "Have you taken your Medicine yet"? "Do you want to see a doctor"? ( my 3rd visit to a doctor in 2 days) or even "Why should I take care of you if you don't take care of yourself"?
My wife can be very caring and compassionate, but if I give cause for the smallest discomfort, she will start a torrent of verbal abuse and usually end with "Why don't we just get a divorce"? ( in my six months of marriage, I have heard this particular line about 30 times). Of course, the next day she is back to being the sweet innocent wife that only loves and cares for her husband.
Thank you for reading this far Winston. Your words and
ideas have let me know, I'm not the only one who is seeing and feeling this,
it's common all throughout
Australian, 25 yrs old, lived in
Hi. I'm 13 years old
and I read your article on why you dislike Oriental mentality and
culture. My parents are both Chinese and basically everything in the article
was true (at least for my dad). My dad works in
I read the part that said how
a lot of oriental kids end up all shy and timid and stuff. I don't think
that's really all that true for people here. Most of the oriental kids in
my school with controlling parents either try so hard to be cool (just so that
they can get attention) or end up hating their parents to death. For some
reason I don't hang out with the oriental kids at my school as much as other
people. I have a friend whose parents are total butt heads.. They won't
let her talk on the phone for over 2 minutes, won't let her go to the mall,
won't let her have friends over, won't let her have a birthday party,
etc. Her parents signed her up for basically every sport possible.
They make her practice piano for 2 hours a day (that's just sad) when she gets
home from school then she studies until 6. She gets a 10 minute break to eat
dinner and then she studies again until 10. I feel so bad for her it's
like ... ugh. Just thinking about it makes me mad. She tries so
hard to be popular but it never works. She says that the reason that not
a lot of the oriental people in our school are popular is because we have
controlling parents .
I HATE HOW SCREWED UP
ORIENTAL CULTURE IS!!!!! I realize that my parents aren't bad. They give
me 30 bucks a week, let me go to the mall, etc. well at least my mom does(My
mom rocks) but my dad is a total screw job. He says I can't have more
than 3 people on my buddy list. Seriously. I have more than 3 screen
names. it's soooo messed up. and he forces me to do work around the house
all the time. He treats me like a slave! He makes me study all the
time (even though I just sneak off and go online instead) HE TAKES MONEY
OUT OF MY (yes MY) WALLET. He says that it's rightfully his even though I
got it from babysitting and...ugh! well you get the point he's not a very good
dad.I tried all the suggestions you listed on the conclusion part. BUT my
dad is so retarded and thick (I think that he should go to a mental institute)
"I, Winston Wu, a
free-spirit and atypical Asian American, hereby issue the following assertive
declaration to you, in response to your unwanted and unwelcome advice,
lectures, criticism, probing, and judgment of me." if you remember, that
was from your statement that you made becuase people were criticising you and
stuff. I think that they're wrong to do that. Especially if they don't
know what you've gone through. I'm better off than a TON of other
oriental people but I still feel the same way of how stupid oriental culture
is. I just feel bad for the people who have to have such controlling
parents. It's not fair how American Kids can just go up to their parents
and be like "hey you're taiking me and _____ to the mall on saturday"
(I do that sometimes but this is an example for most oriental kids) and their
parents don't even care that they're being bossy or rude or whatever.
If you read this whole thing
then thank you. Most people would think that I have no life because I
wrote such a long e-mail and wouldn't even bother reading it.
Sincerely,
Lily
Hi!
Great
to hear back from you...
Well..shes
done a lot of the things you mentioned on the site...
She
tells us(3 daughters) how to eat..and what to eat for example if we're all
sitting together for a meal...example: "Don't eat that alone-you have to
eat it with rice."
She
has never apologized in her life..
She
believes that anyone that's younger than her doesn't know better than her and
also doesn't deserve respect from her since she's the older person...
She
feels that if you voice your opinion then you're being disrespectful..
She
also feels that if you disagree with what she's saying-it doesn't matter-you're
supposed to just sit there and "accept" it and not say anything
back..
She
feels that Koreans are superior to any other race..example: "Oh those
cells phones came out in
She
feels that women should find a rich man and be with him solely for that
reason..
She
thinks money is the most important thing in life...
She
also thinks that the mold of going to school and studying is all there is to do
as a young person..
She
thinks that being a doctor or lawyer are the only two professions that anyone
should try to pursue...example: I'm about to finish my Bachelors degree after
transferring to two different universities--after declaring my major was
Pre-Med-because that's what she 'told' me to major in..
Growing
up-my older sister and I would get in trouble for bringing a "B" home
and were not allowed to go out with boys or even go out with friends on
weekends..
I
had moved back into my parents' house about two years ago to try and save money
to buy a place when I got closer to finishing school...my mother also assured
me that they would remodel their full basement so I could live down there-this
still hasn't been done to this day..
The
other night..a Saturday..(keep in mind I'll be 28 next month and work full time
and go to school full time at night and basically handle all my business
without giving my parents any burden..) I was out on a date-I rarely go
out--maybe-one night per week with all my other responsibilities..she called my
cell phone numerous times and was leaving me messages like "That's
enough-it's late and you need sleep." It was so embarassing to have my
date wonder who in the world was calling me so persistently.
Anyhow-I
got home and that's when we had our blowout--I basically told her to stop
calling me every single time I go out and quit worrying about me since I was
almost 30 years old. She yelled back and said "I'll call you 100
times if I want-you can't tell me what to do etc etc"
So
after that I was completely fed up with her trying to force me to be her
robot/puppet and decided it was time to move out. So I'm signing another
apartment lease this week so I can move in this weekend and get my sanity back.
There
are a lot of other issues too like my younger sister(20) who doesnt work and
barely passes her college general education classes. But my mother lets
her go out and do whatever she wants-even still buys her clothes at the
mall--yet I'm the responsible one and I get treated like a delinquent. So about
a few days after the blowout-note that I haven't said two words to her or vice
versa since then--she knocks on my bedroom door and says something along the
lines of "Get up-it's time for church" as if everything is just fine
and dandy and nothing ever happened. Another thing she said was
"Parents fuss because they care-if they dont, nobody will."
She
expects me to just pretend like nothing happened and I'm supposed to just snap
my fingers and act normal with her. Not this time. I'm fed up and
removing myself from that mentality.
It's
the most twisted mentality ever and I've just finally reached my limit.
Until she understands that you can't talk to people or treat them any way you
want-and being a family member does not justify treating people any way you
want-I won't be letting myself be around someone that needs constant drama in
their lives. Something else she's done is try to give the guilt
trip--when I first moved out-she gave me the whole schpiel about "Oh after
all we've done for you-this is the thanks we get??" She also doesn't
understand the concept of people needing to "vent." I might go to her
just to vent and relieve a little stress by talking about some minor problem
going on at work for example. She ALWAYS responds by immediately having a
"solution" to my "problem." It irritates me so bad I just
have to walk away before I say something rude. She has very poor listening
skills and will blatantly interrupt you while you are talking because she has
no conversational skills.
Sorry
for the novel-I got a little emotional about the whole thing. I hope this
helps give you a better idea of what I was meaning. Those are just a few
of the lifelong examples that I've gone through.
My
older sister is 31 and my mother still tries to control her even though she's
married and living with her husband about 15 minutes away from my parents'
house.
The
younger one is such a delinquent-she's taken off for days with random guys and
my mother has taken her back and justified her bad behavior with excuses.
I just can't stand seeing the hypocrisy and biased treatment that she displays
with her children.
Thanks
for listening!
Let
me know what you think about this craziness..
=)
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