How I Managed To Become an Expat

[yick]

I am a normal guy with no discernible talents, pretty ordinary as it goes - nothing special, there is nothing I did that couldn't be achieved by anyone else of normal intelligence and lifeskills.

I wanted to live life abroad, I lived on a government council estate (called a 'scheme') and every day, I would watch the planes fly above the estate and I always wished I could be on one of the planes, flying somewhere, it was probably only flying to London or Dublin but I always imagined a tropical island, warm with lush palm trees and a crystal clear sea lapping the waves of the white sandy beach.

I hated my life, I wanted more but didn't have the education and resources to be able to do anything about it, I was 'on the dole' (on unemployment benefit) only capable of getting low-paid agency work, of course, no-one was going to date me, I had nothing to offer but one day, I learned how to use the internet in a place called 'Job Club' where the long termed unemployed could get help finding work and had courses on how to use computers and the internet, the course leader had us put an advert for pen friends on some long gone site - this was back in the nineties and the internet had just come around and not many people knew how to use it - so we were made to make an email address and a day or two later, some Russian girl wrote and her email was waiting for me in my inbox. It was like a Christmas present, to see that

Inbox (1)

One of the best feelings is seeing that.

She was beautiful, so I wrote back, as she was working in a job where internet access was limited (as was mine... because I was only able to access it during 'job club') we started getting writing letters by snail mail - so, I would write these amazing emails to her, of a job and a life I didn't really live and she was a typical, middle-class Russian girl at university, smart, beautiful and with really good English, so I would write these 15 page letters and make them funny and interesting. I would always look forward to her replies - the letters would come with all this Cyrillic writing on the envelope and I used to treasure them, so one day, I told 'I am coming to Moscow to see you' and she said 'great!'

So, I had a goal. I was terribly overweight so I started running daily and I was on the dole so I got a job - slinging bread into the back of lorries in the middle of the night - I was going to Moscow to see this beautiful woman. So the correspondence continued but now I had a goal and something to get up for. A reason to run, a reason to wash and shave in the morning.

She didn't know about my weight loss or humping loaves of bread in the middle of the night, she just thought I was a reasonably successful guy - middle class and reasonably successful, well, the money piled up and the weight came down so I bought my trip to Moscow.

I went out and bought nice clothes, I was scared as hell but I wanted to see her so nothing was going to stop me...

[yick]

So, the day came and I was at the airport and was waiting for the Aeroflot desk to open and waiting there was this tall, Russian blonde girl... she was looking at me and I realised that this was the first time I was about to speak to a Russian person... so I said 'Hi!' and she went back 'Hi..." and we started hanging around Heathrow Airport and I couldn't believe it, the running, weight loss and everything else paid off because this girl was happy to be in my company and when we landed in Moscow, we exchanged contact details and she wrote when I came back to the UK. She was with a boyfriend but she didn't find me or my company toxic or beneath her. I felt like a million dollars, that I was in clean clothes, smelling nice, in reasonable shape, I felt like a member of the human race, it was a fantastic feeling.

So, I went to what was Hotel Rossiya on Red Square and booked in - I waited until the next day to meet my pen pal. I always remember the day I first saw her in real life, it was amazing! She was happy to see me and she took me to her family's home and we had dinner, it was amazing! I had the best time there and they were such nice people who took me in.

So I came back and that experience changed me, it did, I started writing to another person in Argentina and a couple of years, I went to visit her in Buenos Aires - same pack drill, I got some shit agency job for a few months and worked like hell and saved a load of cash and went there - this time for 10 days. This went down a similar road, the thing was, both these girls were upper middle class, university educated (or in the process of...) young ladies
who were very urbane and sophisticated, I think they knew I was some pleb, still, they liked my company enough and continued to write to me for years after I went out to see them.

But my life and world view started to become more broader, I was now a person who had been to Russia and Argentina.

And that is when I decided to go to university and become a teacher - I read about teaching English abroad and that is what I picked to study... in my country, you can study for a degree as a mature student and got a place at a good university.

So, it started with a trip for two weeks, that is how it all began, it wasn't this big move, it wasn't, but that was the catalyst for change because I couldn't pretend anymore that these places didn't exist and I wouldn't like them or thrive in them if given a chance.

I had no real skills to finance this except work shit jobs I didn't like. Factory and agency work, security, crap jobs - hated them but it got me to where I wanted to go and meet these people. One thing I learned with these girls was that they weren't after a ticket out, they liked me but I didn't have what it took to uproot and go and be where they were, these girls had options! They didn't need a guy coming from thousands of miles away to sweep them off their feet. They had a great life - it was me with the shit life, I needed them, they didn't need me whatsoever and they weren't going to run away with me back to England to a shitty scheme and a life with no prospects.

So, I had to change, I had to become a better man, to myself more than anyone else and here I am today.

I didn't like where I was so I changed it, bit by bit, it wasn't 'try this for a week and your life will change' it took years to get to where I am today, a pretty successful guy with a masters degree and savings and a job I like! This is a way of life for me now, you (whoever is reading this...) can do this too! Make a start somewhere! Make it happen!

[yick]

your life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you.

-- by Charles Bukowski

[hypermak]

A truly beautiful post, @yick, inspired and inspiring. Surprised it went unnoticed for a few days! I can't imagine anyone summarising the "happier abroad" spirit better than what you wrote above!

From the squalor of a working class London suburb (in the 80s I suppose) to your dreams of sunshine, white beaches and discoveries, to the hard work you put to make those dreams come true, to your first encounters and distance friendships from Russia and Argentina, all before Internet was even a thing! And then the educational achievements and professional journey that brought you to China and perhaps other places in Asia, as a dignified expat.

I would say the recipe has it all. You deserve every tasteful sip of your happier abroad soup, mate. Well done you!

[yick]

A truly beautiful post, @yick, inspired and inspiring. Surprised it went unnoticed for a few days! I can't imagine anyone summarising the "happier abroad" spirit better than what you wrote above!

From the squalor of a working class London suburb (in the 80s I suppose) to your dreams of sunshine, white beaches and discoveries, to the hard work you put to make those dreams come true, to your first encounters and distance friendships from Russia and Argentina, all before Internet was even a thing! And then the educational achievements and professional journey that brought you to China and perhaps other places in Asia, as a dignified expat.

I would say the recipe has it all. You deserve every tasteful sip of your happier abroad soup, mate. Well done you!

Thank you, Hypermak! I wrote it out as an antidote to all these people who think they can't do it or it shouldn't be done, that one trip to Moscow in the nineties changed my life forever - it was a holiday, that is all it was, I got into an argument with some Mafia hoods (and scared them off for about 10 seconds ) in the Rio nightclub below the Ukrainia Hotel in Moscow and I walked across Red Square at 5 am and I was on my own, I didn't have a camera and of course, mobile phones with camera weren't around then because that would have been a million Euro selfie, I had the place all to myself as dawn was breaking, a beautiful summers morning. It's in my memory though, so...

I realised when I came back home to England that I had an amazing experience, you will have had that moment that changed your life forever, as has Winston or anyone else who is now an expat, the path forks into two and you choose which road to take. It isn't the impossible dream or maybe we wanted it too badly. I don't know but I wanted it and decided after that trip that I would do whatever it takes. It was never going back to how it was.

I also realised that I was fine, I was good enough, hanging around Natalia at Heathrow Airport, this tall (skinny) Russian with blonde hair and slanted grey eyes - she was a beauty - that gave me confidence that when I eventually met up with my pen pal - I was going to be OK - six months before, I was 150 kilos, maybe more, but I trained like a boxer for his world title shot and I knew I had done it, I then knew I was ready!

And I met up with my penpal the next day outside Hotel Rossiya and she was so happy to see me! It was amazing!
These experiences are priceless!