Finding a Filipina...

[CannedHam]

Make sure her family is at least somewhat well-off and of decent education, unless you want to be supporting your wife/kids, your wife's parents, brothers, sisters...

Yep, this one. Cannot stress this point enough. And it's not good enough if the girl herself has a university degree or at least went to college. Ideally, the girls parents, too, and even her grandparents have enjoyed some education so the family isn't what my father-in-law would describe as "dumbbells"... In his words; "Most of the foreigners, they marry 'dumbbell' Filipinas, and produce dumbbell kids..."

My wife is the third generation of her family to attend higher education, and has herself attended a prestigious university. This is the sort of woman that would make an ideal partner. Less likely to screw you over, too, if it's a fear a man might have. And many men have such a fear, rightfully. If your woman has a degree, and her family's not too broke, she won't need your money, your greencard... she'll be in it, for YOU. This would be an ideal outcome.

I think Chinese women are superior, in general, to Filipinas, who are mostly lazy, unmotivated spendthrifts

Chinese culture is more disciplined overall, partially because of the very strict government style they've lived under for the past seven decades. It's sink or swim, and families aren't enormously large like in the Philippines with plenty of well-off relatives abroad who may help out in your time of need. The smaller size of Chinese families makes it a more 'each man for himself' sort of deal.

Now I would not go as far as to claim most Filipinas are "unmotivated spendthrifts", because I've seen far too many men and women in the Philippines working two or three jobs at the same time, busting their ass off to help out their loved ones. Especially the ones who make it abroad, tend to work very hard. They have to... a lot of folks rely on their support.

who view high-education as a negative

Not true. There is enormous emphasis in the Philippines for children to be educated, preferably well-educated. The only guy or gal in a small town to make it to a big-time Manila based university will be some sort of a local hero for it. The only child among ten siblings who gets to be a doctor or engineer, commands tremendous respect in their family and community.

and let themselves go bigtime after age 30.

Low-class women let themselves go big-time, regardless of culture. A low-class Filipina will often age as badly as a low-class white or black woman. Always look at the future in-laws... how does her mother look? My mother-in-law is a grandmother of three, a hardworking professional and yet she looks easily twenty years younger than her age. The core difference of high- and low class individuals is how well or how badly they age. Compare a well-off Chinese man in Beijing to his poor cousin who's a farmer.

I f***ing hate the lazy, party, idgaf, gossip culture of the Philippines. It's fine for retirement but not for living a "real life" with kids and jobs.

It agree it's not for everyone. Especially not if one marries into a low-class family, which is always a big no-no. I'm sure Yick will not make that mistake. The signs are always easy to tell and red flags usually enormous. I gotta say, on the plus side, for all your supposed 'superiority' of the Chinese ladies, Filipinas DO make superior mothers. They don't do the creepy, obsessive helicopter parenting, Tiger Mom thing that Chinese, Indian and some American women do. More relaxed, easy-going... results in more socially adjusted and happier children as opposed to the poor sods who have to play the violin and piano to impress auntie at age five.

Appreciate the reply Marcos, I was probably exaggerating on some things to get my point across but you make some good points. I know Filipino culture moderately well and know of 3 guys in the US married to "dumbell" filipinas they brought over. These guys are struggling to keep their wives' spending under control and none of the women work aside from maybe some part time retail once in a while. Money is constantly getting sent to the Philippines. I wouldn't call these mothers superior as all there kids are out of control due to the wives' lackadaisical attitude towards life and parenting.

I think a "top tier" Filipina wife is, however, probably better than a "top tier" Chinese wife. But it's a billion times harder to find a quality Filipina wife than a Chinese wife in my experience.

[Spencer]

Yick you ok with phlipin girl work oversea already because still having milions hongkong dubai canada many more and can search local online with the daterman aps and even china big city have english teacher from phlipin can search more place not only phlipin insider country

[yick]

Thanks Marcos, I was thinking that might be the case and that I would need to be there for a fairly long period of time. Which I might do one day when I have sorted everything else out (pension, apartment and Spanish citizenship...) spend two years or so over there finding someone nice.

I am not going to bother messing about flings, I am just past that age now, I am more looking at creating a family with a decent woman. I wouldn't mind having children and I think I would make a good dad, and though I have massive respect for any man who takes on another man's kid - it's not for me I am afraid. Saying that, I would love to have a kid with the right woman.

I was thinking it might be with a Chinese woman but I am realising my age and the culture here is against me, more my age than the culture but the culture doesn't help. I don't think a Filipina in Latin America (or Spain...) would have much trouble fitting in. Though there are loads of great girls in China - for a lot of them, their path is already determined by their overbearing families and the culture. A foreigner doesn't fit into it.

Children are great, but I had the feeling it is going to take a big old chunk of time being on the ground and that is do-able. I suppose a trip out to the Philippines is something I need to do once this lockdown is over just to have a look-see! Anyway, thanks Marcos!

You sound like you have your priorities in order, and you probably have 'what it takes'. And what it takes, isn't an awful lot even today. You're stable, serious, and to quite a few girls in the Philippines, being an older man is a plus. There are even girls in the Philippines, quality girls, who would reject a man below the age of thirty or even forty. Some Filipinas have told my in-laws once that their daughter was "not very smart" for having married a man her own age, whereas an older man could have provided her with far greater financial stability and more options in life. Love's all fine and dandy, but girls can be pragmatic like that. And unlike in China, where a girls' family may be a hindrance, in the Philippines they will be your greatest cheerleaders, once you've proven yourself to them.

Chances are, if the girl you go for is young enough, her parents will be quite young as well. Closer, in fact, to your own age. You can meet them, befriend them, and if you win them over, they'll even plead your case for you with future Mrs. Yick. All it takes is a few drinks, some good, deep talks and some male bonding. Assure her father and mother you're a solid man, and they will walk to hell and back for you. Bonus points if daddy dearest is some small-time businessman or a government employee, or otherwise gainfully employed. Chances are the English of the girl and that of her family will be good, good enough for you to have great conversations with them.

All this won't have to take years. In fact in a matter of weeks, you can already bond with her and her loved ones. Get them on your side, and they might very well stay forever in your heart. Just be respectful. Eat all the dishes offered to you, even if at times it looks unappealing or down-right awful. Filipino people admire a man with what they call a "cowboy mentality"... someone willing to try anything, anywhere. Not squeemish, not spoiled or pampered, but a bit rough and tumble. You'd fit right in and earn their respect. Oh and hold your liquor! They go by the motto: "Be a man in the evening, be a man in the morning!"

Something tells me you are the right kind of man to do fabulously well and find who you are looking for. It's a great experience, if done right. And you'll be one of those success stories to prove the naysayers wrong and show that in the Philippines, as in any country, one can find genuine quality if only you look for it dilligently and in the right places. Good luck, brother!

Cheers bud! That is a great post! I will be coming back to re-read it the nearer I get to doing it, thanks again!

[MrMan]

My wife is the third generation of her family to attend higher education, and has herself attended a prestigious university. This is the sort of woman that would make an ideal partner. Less likely to screw you over, too, if it's a fear a man might have. And many men have such a fear, rightfully. If your woman has a degree, and her family's not too broke, she won't need your money, your greencard... she'll be in it, for YOU. This would be an ideal outcome.

I saw a post on a forum where an American man said a lot of people would say that the Filippina is just marrying you for a Greencard and will leave you after she gets that. He said about 25% of American marriages to Filippinas ended in divorce, while 50% of other marriages ended in divorce. So he asked who were the real con artists, the Filippinas or the American women? I have no idea where he got his 25% statistic, and I'd like to know the source if there is one. This was just an old post I read on another site.

Do you think it is generally true that if a Filippina marries a westerner for a Greencard to support her relatives, she is also likely to be doing so making a genuine commitment to be a good wife to her husband for life?

Some Asians are more into 'practical considerations' when it comes to deciding who to marry, but it seems like Filippinas emphasize love and romance too, along with the practical considerations.

who view high-education as a negative

Not true. There is enormous emphasis in the Philippines for children to be educated, preferably well-educated. The only guy or gal in a small town to make it to a big-time Manila based university will be some sort of a local hero for it. The only child among ten siblings who gets to be a doctor or engineer, commands tremendous respect in their family and community.

I noticed in South Korea, parents would send their students to independent schools, like the English school I worked in, after their middle or high school classes were done, to help them prepare for college. They are crazy about education. These schools exist in Indonesia, but there are a lot of poor families who maybe cannot afford to send their children, but it seems like the country is a little more laid back and just not as radical about education as South Korea is. Would the comparison hold true for the Philippines and China, too.

Regarding the topic of the wife who moves abroad working hard to send back lots of money to support relatives goes, when it comes to adult able-bodied relatives, do you know of any who have set relatives up in self-sustainable businesses? I've sent money mainly to parents and helped some of my wife's relatives in Indonesia. Other than parents, we don't send constant payments. I have tried to invest a bit with some relatives. One was investing in a field for a crop, but they said it rained too much and we only got some of our investment back. We were also helping out an aunt. I hear that is typical of investing in farm projects with relatives. One relative had kids and was pretty down and out and we lent him some cash for a kind of motorcycle cart thing to use as a taxi, but it turns out he had a substance abuse problem. I think he sold the bike. He's in jail for drugs. The only success story is a sister-in-law who we gave some money to when she was in college here and there, not that much, but it helped her graduate. She's the other relative of my father-in-laws children who helps keep him up financially in his old age. She's working abroad in Europe now, married to another Indonesian.

[Ukrainianlover]

The problem with Filipino women like any other girl from a poorer country and born and lived through those conditions. Of course you can see their appreciation when dating and romancing them in their own country because it’s an escape from that reality. But can there be a more sinister side. Absolutely. When I used to talk to my wife on the phone in Ukraine. It was pretty much supper time always and I’d ask what her family was having tonite and she sigh and say “hot dogs again”. Me on the other hand. I love hot dogs and me growing up eating chicken and vegetables every night. I got sick of it even though it’s considered an expensive meal where I’m from. She’d even complain how she wished her father was a better fisherman so they’d eat something different that night. You can tell different lifestyles to what they are used to. I bought tacos at a restaurant In her country and I didn’t use none of the condiments and extras they give you on the side to dress your taco. My wife started eating them and didn’t realize that they were just what goes on a taco and not just the condiments. Where we would just ignore it and not think twice about it.

The part that I tell any man that decides to marry and bring his wife over to his country is to have incredible confidence and don’t get insecure and act like a chick. One thing these women realize is that they now have way way way more options then they did in their own country. That’s also why I tell guys never show off in their woman’s country by staying at 5 star hotels and eating like a king at these places because most times it will just screw you over when you get back to your own country because you don’t live like that there. Be realistic. I’d stay over at my wife’s country and rent a normal average apartment and bought groceries. Sure we would have fun and do stuff as well but I wasn’t spoiling her but I did show her that I could take care of her easily and she’d have a great life with me. The main thing that will truly make her crazy in love with you is be a man not to be messed with. If she says or does something you don’t like. Call them on it. Don’t back down. Most men give up on arguments and that makes a woman feel more strong. But hey..I’m good at decimating self esteems so arguing with me can be not worth it and soon they learn to not bother. When you get mad...look scary as f*ck. Want to know who taught you to bad azz. One thing growing up I learned about really good fathers Is that they were men not to mess with and if you set them off they were scary as hell. That caused most people to respect them big time. As soon as a woman loses respect in you. You might as well move on because it’s not coming back and she’ll most likely be looking at those options to replace you. You can be a good man but don’t be a doormat.

My wife has been with me for almost 3 years in my country and she’s just as crazy in love with me today as she was the day I met her a while back. So finding a good Filipina wife is a lot easier then you think. Most men screw up at being to nice and sweet to the point they get taken advantage of. Your the man, so act like one. Command and lead. Be her only option. Yes a green card and a better life is what anyone would want from those places but if you were the one who put the time and effort into getting them to your country and the expectation of gratitude and appreciation should be shown. If you did all the work. Ain’t no way your letting someone other guy piss in your territory. Ever watch a pimp command his women. Those girls do as he says and work for him. He can sleep with them, treat them like garbage and get away with anything yet they still do everything for him because they have one thing for him. Respect. He’s not a man to be messed with. Ever notice why jerks get all the women. Because if a woman does something dumb. All the nice guys will laugh at her dumb jokes or fluff her up with compliments. The jerk will tell her like it is and guess what. She becomes interested in him. It can come off as selfish and arrogant. But why does it work. Because chances are he does that with everyone and if someone doesn’t yield to it. It comes off as disrespect. We hear women always say they want “respect”. No they don’t. They want to find a man that they respect. Why do you think women cheat on their best friends boyfriend or husband even if their best friend did everything for them. Chances are they don’t respect them.