is being socially disconnected a result of growing older

[MrMan]

Winston often posts about feeling socially disconnected from others, either in the US or in Taiwan.

Maybe it has something to do partly with aging. When I was young, in middle school up through college, I would call friends on the phone and talk for a while. We'd go places and hang out. As a young working adult, I'd go out to eat with friends and hang out. Some of my social life overseas was connected to my church. I was in a home fellowship with young people from around the world, which also were a group of friends. I'm on a Whatsapp group with a lot of them, but we live all over and don't hang out. I had an Indonesian friend and a Singaporean friend I'd go out for Korean food with when we lived in Jakarta, some buddies in the US I'd call or spend hours talking with. There were also female friends I spent time with, too.

We were young and single.

Now that I am older, most of my 'social time' is with my wife and kids. We talk pretty much every day. I call my parents once or twice a week. It feels pretty busy doing all that-- keeping up with conversations with the wife and parents and kids. But we still hang out with people, usually people we know from church, but other people also. Occasionally, we have people over for dinner. Recently, a family had us over.

But other than family stuff, it's less than my more social periods of time when I was young. There were 'desert times' socially when I moved abroad and hadn't gotten networked with friends yet.

I think there may be something biological about it. Maybe we are wired to spend less time hanging out with friends as we get older. Or maybe it is lack of time. A man's career often heats up in his 40's. He gets busy. He has work responsibilities. If he has a family, social energy goes there.

In the middle ages, an institutional niche for men who didn't have families was found in monasteries. They ended up living in a compound with other men who had the same goals they did.

A man who ends up in his 30's, 40's, 50's, etc. without a family may find himself lonely in most countries. The social 20-somethings may feel weird hanging out with someone as old as their dads. The older men often have wives, LTRs, kids to occupy them. Men in 'more social' collectivist cultures may be in cultures where it is strongly expected that they have to marry. If an older, married man with kids spends too much time hanging out with the boys, drinking and gambling or whatever, he may not be the most responsible human being out there, either. It may be hard to find good friends as you age if you are single for these types of reasons.