Any Vocels? Voluntary Celibates here?

[MrMan]

I used to be a Vocel, a voluntary celibate.

As a Christian young man, I was holding off on having sex for the first time until I married. I didn't want to fornicate and sin against the Lord. I had also read the Old Testament where if a man deflowered a virgin, he was obligated to marry her, and I did not want to violate the principle of 'two shall be one flesh.' I wanted to marry a virgin.

Eventually, I did.

Since I was choosing to be celibate, whether girls wanted me or not, I was not involuntarily celibate, so I wasn't an incel.

Also, I know I had chances. I picked up vibes and comments off of one girl I dated that led me to believe that I could do what I wanted to with her...if I wanted. She had said she'd slept with her last boyfriend. She wasn't a virgin, didn't fit my criteria for marriage, and this was a source of temptation, so I broke it off with her.

Then I know I could have had a chance with this one girl. I would say facially she was a 9 or 9_, body frame in the range for my type. She told me I was good-looking. I was at this losmen, a cheap motel place. I had read about losmen in a Lonely Planet guidebook. I had only been on Java and Bali in Indonesia, and I wanted to see Sumatra, so during a break from work, I decided to ride a bus up to Sumatra. I road the bus, which took a ferry, and ended up in a town in Sumatra, paying $2 for a losmen that was close to the beach, but had a big chain fence between it and the beach. I thought about walking through a path alongside the property, but it looked pretty dangerous to do that at night.

So I go to the store in front of the losmen. I look over and see three Chinese sailors standing in front of a hotel room. I try to strike up conversation, but they don't speak English. I didn't know what kind of place I was at. But after a while two hookers came by. They reject the chunky plain one, and take turns in the other one. Then I go to the store later, and the manager of the losmen asks me if I want to play 'chicky chicky' (ciki-ciki) with the fat plain girl. I couldn't speak much Indonesian, but I declined. Later, I go out to the store for something and the girl who'd been with the three Chinese dudes is there and tells me I'm good-looking. She was gorgeous.

So either with the chunky plain girl, or with the beautiful girl, I know I could have done something... of course for cash... and the pretty one had just been with three dudes.... I mean yuck... totally. I'm sure the price would have been cheap even with expat markup since I only paid $2 for the hotel. If I were down for fornication, that wouldn't have been it. But at least this is proof my celibacy wasn't voluntary.

There was hardly any transportation around like in Jakarta, but there was a big proper hotel next door. So I got out of the sleazy place I was staying in and paid the big bucks, about $10 for a real hotel room with no hookers having around, and a swimming pool. I even swam in ocean briefly, but it was too rocky.

Is anyone here __voluntarily__ celibate, or have you been?

[Lucas88]

Is anyone here __voluntarily__ celibate, or have you been?

That's an interesting question.

I was an incel in my late teens and around the age of 20. I wasn't ugly during that time period and even got into phenomenal shape but I was extremely socially awkward due to being on the autistic spectrum and didn't know how to talk to girls at all and, even when girls did approach me, my lack of social skills quickly became apparent and they'd immediately lose all interest. My late teens were a very lonely time and I felt so helpless due to my almost complete lack of social intelligence as well as speech impairment (dysprosody).

Nevertheless, at some point I became more of a volcel due to the rather narrow preferences that I began to adopt. I realized that I didn't even like British girls, already completely hated British culture, and decided that I would only ever date Latinas. Disgusted by the British social environment in which I found myself, I opted for self-isolation, actively avoided British girls, began obsessively studying Spanish with the goal of moving away after university, and couldn't wait to leave. In light of my extreme views at that time, could I really claim to be a true incel or did I now more closely fit the definition of a volcel?

I only began dating when I moved to Spain at the age of 23. There were many Latinas who I liked among the Latin American diaspora community and I met a Peruvian girl who was a post-graduate student at the University of Valencia and soon became engaged to her. I became a lot more sociable and actually tried to date girls once I was in Spain.

I'm convinced that I was born in the wrong culture. I could never stand the UK, never vibed with British people, and preferred to be alone. I only like certain cultures, namely Mediterranean and Latin ones. I can't function socially in Anglo societies and am forced to withdraw from social life.