From datelessness to everlasting abundance - My story

[momopi]

We were just in Costco in Kaoshiung. Got some cheesecake and ice cream sandwiches. Not sure if there's pizza there though.

Did you check the food court area? I've not been to Costco in Kaoshiung. The Costco in Taipei has Pizza.

You should be able to find spaghetti, bottled sauce, and cheese in TW. Fresh western style herbs might be hard to find, but you can buy the dried stuff in a bottle. IMO the biggest problem is lack of oven in most TW kitchens, so you probably need to get a counter top oven to do spaghetti bake.

[Winston]

We were just in Costco in Kaoshiung. Got some cheesecake and ice cream sandwiches. Not sure if there's pizza there though.

Did you check the food court area? I've not been to Costco in Kaoshiung. The Costco in Taipei has Pizza.

You should be able to find spaghetti, bottled sauce, and cheese in TW. Fresh western style herbs might be hard to find, but you can buy the dried stuff in a bottle. IMO the biggest problem is lack of oven in most TW kitchens, so you probably need to get a counter top oven to do spaghetti bake.

Yeah but the pizza is smaller and there's no vegetarian. You'd have to pick off the pepperoni. I wasn't hungry at that time either. I think my mom gets spaghetti sauce there or somewhere.

But anyhow, I think I was too busy going gaga over the girls there to notice the food. lol

[ajushi]

Well this is shaping up to be an uinteresting thread for a change. Thanks guys.

Well stated Winston in regards to counseling in America. WHen dealing with an indocrinated person with US sensibilities, you can't always expect much.
Also I relate in regards to the intenesly frigid social vibe you are suffering with. I am struggling with the same insane level of frigidity now in the US that you are describing in Taiwan. In fact, it is miserable enough to be affecting my own health and sense of peace - you can't een look people in the eye here - "It's like a vampire/zombie land here, the land of the dead basically." is in fact a fair assessment.

I spoke w my own father who said "I am not unhappy here." and I wondered how is that possible when he has only one friend after several decades of living in the same city. I guess he is fully indoctrinated into the US mentality - which just does not and never has worked for me.

Globetrotter, good stuff, all makes good sense. In regards to those classes of expats, I think I fall half way in the fiurst group and half way in the third. Impossible to say now, I just know I am looking forward to once again being in a place where you can talk to strangers, PDA is ok, people socialize normally, etc...

As for repatriating, I came back here to get my gear and some other things, and evaluate some of the extreme things I have experienced and learned out there.

And yes, I'm definitely a judgmental person. That's just based on the fact that I see Truth as absolute, not universal/subjective.

[Winston]

Ajushi,
Which countries were you in?

What is PDA?

Yeah my parents also are like yours. They don't have any social interaction and feel fine about that. They think that we are all closed minded here, because we require female companionship, social interaction and need to be around friendly women. They think there's something wrong with that and call us closed minded for that. They argue that if we were truly open minded, we would learn to be happy in antisocial cultures where women don't talk to you and where you don't have much of a social life. Can you believe that?! That's like the reverse of everything that makes sense!

Additionally, my dad expects me to change and be like him and not require any social interaction! Weird! It's like you can explain it to them for hours yet they'll still never relate or get it.

Some people will never understand you. They're just too different. My parents for instance, do not see loneliness as an epidemic. And they do not understand this movement. My dad often says that I am closed minded if I need to be in cultures where women are friendly, and that open minded people would not require such a thing!

That is weird. If any of you have a message for my dad about his upside down thinking, post them here so I can email them to him, and show him how small his world is. lol

My dad has actually read every word of the main pages of this website. Yet he cannot relate to any of it personally. He thinks it is strange that anyone would complain about being lonely, dateless or being not wanted. He might understand all of what we say mentally, but for some reason he has no empathy for it at all. He's just a different creature than me and my kind.

As for my mom, it's a non issue. She can't even read one sentence of this website without getting a headache. Anything outside her narrow world gives her a headache. lol. She has no curiosity at all either.

Aren't my parents and I so alike? LOL j/k

My folks are VERY good people though. Rock can attest to that. They just do not relate to this movement at all and they see nothing wrong with having no social life and they have never suffered from real loneliness before. They are just different creatures.

[ajushi]

I was in all of the Balkan countries and Turkey.

Your parents have the exact same mentality as all of mainstream US, including my parents.

There is also this thing about realizing it is half me and half the culture. I think it applies to all the expats I've met. The American mentality and thought and social dynamic in general has simply never resonated with me. Partly my maladjustment, partly the social dynamic really just not working for my personality and needs etc... It's a lot like the crowd you find tjat has transplanted to the San Francisco bay area. Modern US society has a template that simply does not work for a lot of people. Some of them wind up hippies, some wind up vegabonds, some wind up in obscure and unusual jobs like wilderness fire fighting, some wind up homeless, and some wind up as expats.

That's a trip to realize because there is a deficiency of adaptability there. In fact, I am not necessarily a very easy going or highly relaxed person, I am somewhat wild and rigid and a person of extremes in many ways. Makes it that much harder to imagine living abroad, which would already be hard enough for a highly adaptable, more easy going person. Interesting stuff to consider.

[globetrotter]

In fact, it is miserable enough to be affecting my own health and sense of peace - you can't een look people in the eye here - "It's like a vampire/zombie land here, the land of the dead basically." is in fact a fair assessment.

I spoke w my own father who said "I am not unhappy here." and I wondered how is that possible when he has only one friend after several decades of living in the same city.

@Ajushi
Careful with making eye contact. In the hyper-masculine competitive USA that is an affront and a challenge. I don't recommend it.

Re-read your quote from your father. That is not the same as "I am very happy!". Damning with faint praise, indeed.

Lastly, re-read the CS post. People such as yourself who reject their overseas culture HAVE THE MOST DIFFICULT TIME READJUSTING TO THE USA.

@Winston
PDA is Public Display of Affection


It is humorous to note that due to modern supply chain science that a nation can manufacture scads of the goods you see in COSTCO or WalMart, but you cannot buy them across the street from the factory they are made in Shenzhen, China. I could go for a COSTCO once every 6 months or so.

[globetrotter]

And yes, I'm definitely a judgmental person. That's just based on the fact that I see Truth as absolute, not universal/subjective.

Seeing Truth as an Absolute is not a quality that many Expats have.

You may need to reconsider that value or reconsider expatting.

[globetrotter]

I was in all of the Balkan countries and Turkey.

Your parents have the exact same mentality as all of mainstream US, including my parents.

There is also this thing about realizing it is half me and half the culture. I think it applies to all the expats I've met. The American mentality and thought and social dynamic in general has simply never resonated with me. Partly my maladjustment, partly the social dynamic really just not working for my personality and needs etc... It's a lot like the crowd you find tjat has transplanted to the San Francisco bay area. Modern US society has a template that simply does not work for a lot of people. Some of them wind up hippies, some wind up vegabonds, some wind up in obscure and unusual jobs like wilderness fire fighting, some wind up homeless, and some wind up as expats.

That's a trip to realize because there is a deficiency of adaptability there. In fact, I am not necessarily a very easy going or highly relaxed person, I am somewhat wild and rigid and a person of extremes in many ways. Makes it that much harder to imagine living abroad, which would already be hard enough for a highly adaptable, more easy going person. Interesting stuff to consider.

Actually People all over the world are like this. Only 200 million of 7.000 million are expats. 3%. In the USA only 6 million of 300 million. 2%.

[ajushi]

And yes, I'm definitely a judgmental person. That's just based on the fact that I see Truth as absolute, not universal/subjective.

Seeing Truth as an Absolute is not a quality that many Expats have.

You may need to reconsider that value or reconsider expatting.

haha, this is not a quality that many humans have, expats or otherwise. In fact, I met far more theist expats than Atheist expats in Turkey. Hence, it has no bearing on expating.

Also, I am not convinced of the acuracy of your swift categorization of me, or of the value of the categories.

In any case, I have had culture shock every day of my life in the states, so no surprise I want to live abroad. Looking at the fundamentals of the societies, comparing the states to the other nations I went to, the states is definitley where the weirdest and scariest and most dysfunctional stuff is going on.... disintigration of civilization and no one is noticing and it is taboo to talk about it..... it is like a mob of psychotic zombies who, by the way, are not allowed to look at eachother or talk to eachother unless they have a psychotic zombie who is a mutual friend. Gong from culture shock in your own home country to culture shock in another culture, and then aded culture shock of coing back with redoubled understanding of how screwed up your society is, that's not going to be easy.

Nice to have the place to rant at the moment which seems to be what we use this forum for. Now back to my regularly scheduled programming (focusing on goals and productive things to do about it). The best advice I got from an expat when we were discussing some of these issues Ive written about in this thread was "dont let that stuff affect your view on things too much - juts take it as it comes"

[globetrotter]

And yes, I'm definitely a judgmental person. That's just based on the fact that I see Truth as absolute, not universal/subjective.

Seeing Truth as an Absolute is not a quality that many Expats have.

You may need to reconsider that value or reconsider expatting.

haha, this is not a quality that many humans have, expats or otherwise. In fact, I met far more theist expats than Atheist expats in Turkey. Hence, it has no bearing on expating.

Also, I am not convinced of the acuracy of your swift categorization of me, or of the value of the categories.

Culture Shock is not open to debate.

Your denial that you are experiencing it is another aspect of re-entry culture shock.

You are not handling this well, at all. You will have 'issues' with various aspects of the USA or other cultures as you re-entered the USA at the worst possible stage of CS. You have admitted so in your posts. This may lead to you acting out improperly.

I suggest that you visit a Psychologist. Seriously.

[ajushi]

lol,

When did I deny that I am experience culture shock? I said just the opposite. I am experiencing extreme culture shock and already thought of going to see a psychologist, lol.

A 3 month ticket is a 3 month ticket, and it means 3 months travelling abroad. It is my belief things that happen with a plan and with a purpose are quite a bit better than hap hazard and random chaos. I didn't travel with any other plan or purpose other than to see what it was like outside the US and I saw.

[The_Adventurer]

Funny. I never miss comforts or things from back home. I miss comforts from Shanghai or Seoul, many of which we never had back home, certainly not in the way of technology. I honestly don't care too much about things like water pressure or the softness of tissue. I want my technology at the top!

I find it funny that one would judge expats as being far outside the social norms. If they weren't, wouldn't they have stay in their own country? Also why is being far outside social norms a "bad thing"? Who decided this?

Interestingly, when I was in Korea, the people I hung with were outside the social norms of their society. They were free thinkers who shunned school and wanted to travel to see things and learn for themselves. Somehow their parents supported them in this. Also there was the bodybuilding crowd. These are guys heavily into powerful cars, motor cycles, martial arts and, of course, hot girls. They are not viewed very positively in Korea. Many of them seemed to make awesome money though, either as trainers or working in TV.

Also, I didn't travel 18 hours and thousands of miles on an airplane to have English conversations with other Americans. I speak Japanese, I am learning Korean. I will soon start learning Chinese. (There are some great possibilities and large fortunes to be made in China right now and some of my friends in both Japan and Korea are trying to get into business there)

The world is too big for someone to live so small. (I think that's my new saying!)

[momopi]

It is humorous to note that due to modern supply chain science that a nation can manufacture scads of the goods you see in COSTCO or WalMart, but you cannot buy them across the street from the factory they are made in Shenzhen, China. I could go for a COSTCO once every 6 months or so.

I don't think there's a Costco in Shenzhen, but there are many Carrefour, JUSCO, and Walmart stores there.

[Winston]

Jay,
Um thanks for the moralistic preaching, but it isn't really necessary.

You and I are different people. I can't be like you and you can't be like me. Accept that. Stop judging others. We all have our reasons for doing what we do. Your preaching changes none of that. Plus it makes you look narrow minded too.

I do not come on here claiming to be righteous, pure, moralistic, a saint and a square person who is blameless. I only claim to be a truth teller. Sure I may be a little crazy. But who isn't? A little crazy is what makes a person interesting, balanced by rationality. Otherwise you'd be boring.

The struggle between a dual dichotomy is what makes a character interesting. It's what makes Shakespeare characters interesting and complex. I do not want to be SQUARE like you. No thanks.

You can take your judgmentalness and preaching somewhere else where it's welcome.

Get real please. What do you expect your preaching and judgmentalness to accomplish? Do you really expect me and others to say "Oh Jay is right. We should change who we are to fit his standards." YEAH RIGHT! LOLOLOL You're dreaming dude!

FYI:

- I do not advocate using women and dumping them. Nor do I do that. And neither does Ladislav, who is polyamorous and admitted it here. When we have sexual relations with a female, we keep in touch with her, try to see her regularly, become a friend or lover with her, etc. It's called loving more than one woman. The "screwing and dumping women" stereotype is a mythos created by the feminists. Sure some guys do that. But many don't.

I can show you some really true A-holes in AC. No girls like them cause their personality sucks. And they know it. Yet they blame it all on the girls, and do not believe that the girls treat others better than them.

- I am open to seeing a counselor. But most of them suck. They are not wise or understanding. They are educated by the system to get people to conform. The last one I had in Washington ended up getting defensive and arguing with me when he heard about my overseas experiences. He didn't like them and disagreed with everything I experienced. So I brought him my huge massive photo albums to show him, and he turned his head away and pretended they weren't there.

Instead of being my counselor, he ended up trying to debate me over every point and getting his ass kicked.

His name was Jack Duffy, and I hope he googles his name and finds his name here, so people know the truth about how irrational and closed minded he was.

But anyhow, if you know a good counselor with wisdom and social skills, I'm open to seeing one. I like counselors. Some are good people to talk to. Others are not. Probably most are not.

Most counselors deal with drug abuse anyway, not the kind of problems that we have here, which are far more complex.

This is the Jack Duffy I'm referring to. I hope he finds this page by googling his name someday.

http://www.amhinfo.com/Jack_Duffy.html

Jack Duffy, MA

1201 11th Street, #200B
Bellingham, WA 98225
Phone: (360) 733-5818
Fax: (360) 715-3657

Educational and Professional Background

Jack Duffy is a licensed mental health counselor who primarily works with individual adults and couples. He received his BA in Psychology from Western Washington University, and, in 1990, he received his MA in Psychology from Seattle University.

Areas of Special Interest

Mood disorders
Marital/couples work
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Physical illness/trauma
Life Transitions
Grief & Loss
Directions to Office

Jack's office is located in Old Fairhaven on the 2nd floor of the Judson Plaza building. Please call for detailed directions.