What do you talk about?

[Tsar]

I don't really talk to anyone. I have no social life in America. Anytime I talk with people it's online discussions, professional, or business. It's been that way ever since I graduated high school, and when I was in high school I was an extreme loner and didn't talk much to anyone. Part of the reason why I was a loner was and is because I stammer (I have choppy speech and a slower speaking rate; see the King's Speech for a general reference).

Because I don't know how to socialize I don't know what to do. It takes two people to socialize. I know that once I get comfortable with a person it becomes easier to talk with them. If I feel I'm more powerful than they are I could easily talk with them. If we share mutual interests I could probably talk with them about something. If I really trusted them I would be able to talk easier. But ultimately I don't know how to talk to a new person or what to talk about.

Part of the reason why I don't know how to socialize is that Americans in my generation never wanted to really talk with me or to be friends. It's very clicky in America. Also, I was bullied because I stammer which contributed to me becoming a loner and not talking to people in America. Then there is the fact I have social anxiety.

Most general topics seem to be lackluster or to lack a deeper meaning. I am a person that wants there to be great meaning in things and I am more of a quality person compared to a quantity person. I want the things I say and do to generally have a meaning and to be of quality. In America it's mainly superficial. In America many people have no true friends and dysfunctional relationships, so I know I'm not really missing out on anything in America. However, I don't know what I should do when the time does come for me to find friendships and create relationships abroad.

So when you begin talking online, do online messaging, or you meet a new foreign girl in person, what do you talk about? How to start things off when it comes to chatting? What about when you meet a random foreign girl you want to say hello and chat with?

Link for reference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxew7HJS_Zo

[ChampionKaji]

I talk about how if you're Black, you're a born loser, especially if you like Asian girls.

[Teal Lantern]

So when you begin talking online, do online messaging, or you meet a new foreign girl in person, what do you talk about? How to start things off when it comes to chatting? What about when you meet a random foreign girl you want to say hello and chat with?

I've met very few (none that I can think of right now) women who didn't enjoy talking about ...themselves.
Prompt the smarter ones with a question and just let the hamster run (in person, nodding in the right places).
If she likes your look, topic won't matter. She'll either follow the convo or steer it to a topic she CAN follow -- then do most of the talking.

I hear the younger, low-brow "Hey, u want sm fuk?"** type women require even less effort, if you're attractive.
Can't help you with those.

**The smarter ones "want sm fuk", too, but they like a more subtle ask.

[Tsar]

So when you begin talking online, do online messaging, or you meet a new foreign girl in person, what do you talk about? How to start things off when it comes to chatting? What about when you meet a random foreign girl you want to say hello and chat with?

I've met very few (none that I can think of right now) women who didn't enjoy talking about ...themselves.
Prompt the smarter ones with a question and just let the hamster run (in person, nodding in the right places).
If she likes your look, topic won't matter. She'll either follow the convo or steer it to a topic she CAN follow -- then do most of the talking.

I hear the younger, low-brow "Hey, u want sm fuk?"** type women require even less effort, if you're attractive.
Can't help you with those.

**The smarter ones "want sm fuk", too, but they like a more subtle ask.

I know that girls like to talk more and that's good. The problem wasn't with me. The problem is that America and I aren't compatible. I believe I could have talked with more compassionate and genuine girls if I lived abroad, and gained genuine friends abroad, but in America it's about stereotypes and accepting a cookie cutter place in society. In America uniqueness and being more refined and mature isn't appreciated.

Maybe I do know how to talk to girls and people but I can't do so in the toxic West because I am not compatible in the West.

I would say that I'm a 7.5 or 8 when it comes to physical attractiveness compared to other men, but I am one or two inches shorter than the American average. I'm 1" inch or 1.5" inches taller than former Russian President Dmitry Medvedev. I think I'm the height of Russian President Vladimir Putin. Based on my the average height measurement I receive I come out to the same height as Vladimir Putin. I know my looks are not a problem and shouldn't be a problem. I look European because I'm Mediterranean with some Slavic.

[TheAustralianMan]

Talk about the weather

[Tsar]

Talk about the weather

That's not something a person talks about. That is what a person would say when they don't know what to talk about and basically is a waste of conversation time. I don't think anyone talks about the weather unless they will actually be doing something that requires a certain form of weather.

[TheAustralianMan]

Talk about the weather

That's not something a person talks about. That is what a person would say when they don't know what to talk about and basically is a waste of conversation time. I don't think anyone talks about the weather unless they will actually be doing something that requires a certain form of weather.

I was being facetious.

[Tsar]

Talk about the weather

That's not something a person talks about. That is what a person would say when they don't know what to talk about and basically is a waste of conversation time. I don't think anyone talks about the weather unless they will actually be doing something that requires a certain form of weather.

I was being facetious.

I guess I sort of knew that. I'm just a very serious person. I know I need to try and lighten up more but it's difficult for me to lighten up.

[Teal Lantern]

Talk about the weather

That's not something a person talks about. That is what a person would say when they don't know what to talk about and basically is a waste of conversation time. I don't think anyone talks about the weather unless they will actually be doing something that requires a certain form of weather.

TheAustralianMan isn't far off the mark.
I once** asked a woman at a party "Are you the one who brought xyz?" (not trying to "score", just wanted to hear a bit more of her accent ).
That convo lasted another hour plus, talking about various things ... her leading.
She could have easily just said "yeah" and walked away.

I don't think anyone talks about the weather unless they will actually be doing something that

You ain't gonna do ... squat ... unless you say something, first. The weather, or whatever isn't the point; it's just an opener.

waste of conversation time

Is there an agenda? A report due? Your ride gonna turn back into a pumpkin?
"Fast" results == "fast" women ... the cost is you may not be the only one they're "fast" with.

** Ok, I've done it a little more than once.

[Tsar]

waste of conversation time

Is there an agenda? A report due? Your ride gonna turn back into a pumpkin?
"Fast" results == "fast" women ... the cost is you may not be the only one they're "fast" with.

** Ok, I've done it a little more than once. [/color]

No but I think having a meaningful and eloquent conversation is nice. I know that things have to be a little superficial at the beginning, then discovery questions to learn about each other, and then the deep and meaningful topics. I would like the conversation to be eloquent.

[TheAustralianMan]

Talk about the weather

That's not something a person talks about. That is what a person would say when they don't know what to talk about and basically is a waste of conversation time. I don't think anyone talks about the weather unless they will actually be doing something that requires a certain form of weather.

I was being facetious.

I guess I sort of knew that. I'm just a very serious person. I know I need to try and lighten up more but it's difficult for me to lighten up.

All good mate, people are all different!

My advice would be to seek out more personal interests, then you can discuss these interests with like-minded people. A bit like we discuss women and living abroad on this forum. Seeking out new experiences gives you something interesting to talk to people about.

[S_Parc]

Tsar, you live in New England and can't talk to the avg Joe/Jane about the weather?

I don't know about you but that's the number one ice breaker/topic of conversation with just about everyone, from the gas station attendants, store clerks, all the way to the post office and the laundry-mat.

Here's an idea ... develop a stopwatch pattern. In other words, randomly engage someone, I don't care about the gender, for roughly ~5 mins, talk about the weather, whatever sports team is doing well (or poorly), and/or about some restaurant or a particular dish.

Then, exit the conversation before the 7 min mark. Don't let it linger, past that point. Usually, that's when ppl's defenses come up and they try to ascertain your motives, etc.

Make this a practice. In other words, do this as frequently as possible. Whatever you do, however, don't try to go past that 7 minute mark, if you don't have a story to tell. This is key. Ppl want to be entertained and told stories, if they want to hang out with you. But before you get to that raconteur level, you need to feel comfortable around ppl, without the shyness habit kicking in.

[Teal Lantern]

No but I think having a meaningful and eloquent conversation is nice. I know that things have to be a little superficial at the beginning, then discovery questions to learn about each other, and then the deep and meaningful topics. I would like the conversation to be eloquent.

Yeah, you have to be in the right setting, or be lucky enough to encounter someone capable of holding an eloquent conversation on a topic you're both into.
I find non-trivial topics to be rare in women under 30.
They'll be more impressed with


To many (dare I say most?) young women, eloquent conversation sounds like

(although the ones in Wallet Seeking Mode will pretend to care).

I agree with S_Parc, get your small-talk skills going with both men and women.
I'd start with just 1 or 2 minutes, though, with people you're not trying to pre-qualify for dating.

[Renata]

When talking to girls that you would like to get aquainted with, ask about their life, their family, pets, thier likes, hobies, interests, jobs. Once you get all that out, it should take 5 mins to ask those questions. Look for anything you have in common with her, try to elaborate on it, then tell her a few things about yourself. Then tell her something interesting, a story about yourself, an achievement, or something funny you did or crazy, it will open up for more natural conversation if the both of you share a personal experience.

For example, I went camping and we saw a bear, or I went swimming & all my clothes went missing, blah blah blah, or if she likes pets or art & you do too then you can elaborate on it. Unfortunately when we go on dates this is the superficial crap that one talks about unless you both have some great connection or chemistry going on. Since you find it difficult to chat it may be best to do an activity together as a date like, pottery painting, cooking class, archery course, bird watching, bowling, or whatever you fancy.

Your last resort is to do Speed dating, chat for 3 minutes & move one. I think this may be a good idea for you. It may bring you some practice, try it with one of your mates just for fun.

[S_Parc]

When talking to girls that you would like to get aquainted with, ask about their life, their family, pets, thier likes, hobies, interests, jobs. Once you get all that out, it should take 5 mins to ask those questions. Look for anything you have in common with her, try to elaborate on it, then tell her a few things about yourself. Then tell her something interesting, a story about yourself, an achievement, or something funny you did or crazy, it will open up for more natural conversation if the both of you share a personal experience.

Renata, sorry to rain on this one, but this is not South America.

In New England, ppl take their personal space and privacy very seriously. A person, who's just shown up and starts asking all these personal questions up front, gets the label of being "nosy, intrusive, etc".

For instance, someone whose family is troublesome, may lash out ... 'yeah, my dad beats up my mom and my brother had just committed suicide.' Or simply shutdown & not say anything.

A better approach is a light and fluffy, meaningless question .. 'you like Jack's Grill, what's good over there?'

And somewhere in listening to the person's answer, you'd better have a stock answer like 'NY Sirloin' or 'Lamb Shank', as your favorite grilled item, so that it doesn't sound like an interrogation, but a dialogue.