Winston and Wilkes McDermid

[romparoo]

I am sure some of you guys read about this famous London foodie blogger jumped to his death because his prospect of dating white women is zero backed up by tons of study and statistics. I read his final post, the one that told why he committed suicide.

Let's do a little conjecturing of hypothetical scenarios here. What could have changed if Wilkes becomes more like Winston? Winston's alternative approach of taking the road less taken didn't change his eventuality, and it is unlikely to change Wilkes' eventuality either if Wilke chooses the same. Maybe it saves his life, but probably reduces him to a lesser mortal who would accept his fate of just scrapping by what he can get, the leftovers, because of the limitations he inherited by birth (as detailed in his final post).

And I am thinking what is Winston's end game now. I don't read this forum always, and I actually came back from a long hiatus. Winston is not young anymore, and his search for happiness seems to allow him to find temporary escape from a misery that cannot be overturned unless something fundamental changes but then it won't be Winston anymore. Correct me if I am not fully updated. Last I read, he and Dianne separated and there's this limbo with his son whether he should have a better growing up phase in the US. Also, Winston still comes up to be a passionate white women admirer, and one that is very dearly.

Would you married someone, sleep next to her, yet thinking about that ideal women in your figment of imagination, probably a white women of your choice, and numb yourself to sleep? Or you wait forever and keep trying thinking just maybe one day you will hit jackpot? Or would you go like Wilkes?

So many years I have been in this forum, off and on, and countless boards with varying degrees of similarity in discussion topics. I don't sense that happiness among posters. Abroad? Yes. Happy? Probaby not.

[S_Parc]

Though it sounds like I'm being a hypocrite, I'd say that the *Search For El Dorado* is a problem with a number of guys, including Winston. What I mean by that is this almost Odysseus-like never ending search for the perfect soulmate. I believe that this issue needs to be resolved, sometime between ages 25 and 35, because if it persists beyond that point, then it's a road to oblivion and suicide may be a possibility.

When I'd first joined this forum, I had recently broken up with a Brazilian and was intent on finding happiness, with or without a partner. Well, I'd found both and in many ways, that finding of the *inner sanctuary* actually made Mel want to change herself, to be with me. So now, I come off as a hypocrite because in a bizarre way, I'd found El Dorado, however, if I didn't, life would still go on and I wouldn't be sitting around whimpering or obsessively hopping from one airport to another, looking for Ms Right.

I think a lot of that has to do with accepting life for what it is. If it throws you limes, you look for some Tequila (plus some sugar), and make oneself a Margarita. But to sit around and dream of a perfectly served cocktail by a beach side resort, is completely counterproductive and I believe a lot of soulmate types are in that latter category.

[publicduende]

Though it sounds like I'm being a hypocrite, I'd say that the *Search For El Dorado* is a problem with a number of guys, including Winston. What I mean by that is this almost Odysseus-like never ending search for the perfect soulmate. I believe that this issue needs to be resolved, sometime between ages 25 and 35, because if it persists beyond that point, then it's a road to oblivion and suicide may be a possibility.

When I'd first joined this forum, I had recently broken up with a Brazilian and was intent on finding happiness, with or without a partner. Well, I'd found both and in many ways, that finding of the *inner sanctuary* actually made Mel want to change herself, to be with me. So now, I come off as a hypocrite because in a bizarre way, I'd found El Dorado, however, if I didn't, life would still go on and I wouldn't be sitting around whimpering or obsessively hopping from one airport to another, looking for Ms Right.

I think a lot of that has to do with accepting life for what it is. If it throws you limes, you look for some Tequila (plus some sugar), and make oneself a Margarita. But to sit around and dream of a perfectly served cocktail by a beach side resort, is completely counterproductive and I believe a lot of soulmate types are in that latter category.

In other words, El Dorado is a place inside you, not outside. It is one of the capstans of gnostic tradition: gnothi seauton, know thyself.

Bravo.

[publicduende]

I am sure some of you guys read about this famous London foodie blogger jumped to his death because his prospect of dating white women is zero backed up by tons of study and statistics. I read his final post, the one that told why he committed suicide.

Let's do a little conjecturing of hypothetical scenarios here. What could have changed if Wilkes becomes more like Winston? Winston's alternative approach of taking the road less taken didn't change his eventuality, and it is unlikely to change Wilkes' eventuality either if Wilke chooses the same. Maybe it saves his life, but probably reduces him to a lesser mortal who would accept his fate of just scrapping by what he can get, the leftovers, because of the limitations he inherited by birth (as detailed in his final post).

And I am thinking what is Winston's end game now. I don't read this forum always, and I actually came back from a long hiatus. Winston is not young anymore, and his search for happiness seems to allow him to find temporary escape from a misery that cannot be overturned unless something fundamental changes but then it won't be Winston anymore. Correct me if I am not fully updated. Last I read, he and Dianne separated and there's this limbo with his son whether he should have a better growing up phase in the US. Also, Winston still comes up to be a passionate white women admirer, and one that is very dearly.

Would you married someone, sleep next to her, yet thinking about that ideal women in your figment of imagination, probably a white women of your choice, and numb yourself to sleep? Or you wait forever and keep trying thinking just maybe one day you will hit jackpot? Or would you go like Wilkes?

So many years I have been in this forum, off and on, and countless boards with varying degrees of similarity in discussion topics. I don't sense that happiness among posters. Abroad? Yes. Happy? Probaby not.

London is a pretty exciting and "happening" city only for those who have either a lot of money or a lot of free time in their hands. For everybody else, it might mean years of struggles and frustrated efforts and shattered dreams. I enjoyed London while I was a penniless, happy-go-lucky postgrad student, then by the time I got married, London called me to a very different bunch of responsibilities, and a lifestyle to match. And although the sound of fun didn't stop completely, it got dampened down a lot. Even finding a workable balance is hard, sometimes.

So I can imagine what happens when a young man from an ethnic minority, involved in a job that might (or might not) have been what he really enjoyed doing, but that ultimately didn't pay much, could no longer keep up with his struggles to look for that special spot in the city. That spot that would elicit respect, social acceptance, of even just self-acceptance. He would have to pay bills like everyone else, he would have desires and expectations dictated to him by the media and society. He could have walked into any local Asian restaurants or nail parlour and met one of the many Vietnamese, Chinese or Thai young women freshly landed in town. Modest, not too good looking but ultimately genuine girls who could (and would) have soothed much of his existential pain and desire to feel loved.

But no. His dreams were the same Tinder dreams as any other white Brit. The blond skinny groovy 20-yo types who are a total pain in the arse even to their white Brit stud boyfriends.

This is what happens when somebody listens to the siren songs of the big city, and its vain promises, for too long and never learns to stick two fingers up their ears and proceed using their internal radar only.

[S_Parc]

So I can imagine what happens when a young man from an ethnic minority, involved in a job that might (or might not) have been what he really enjoyed doing, but that ultimately didn't pay much, could no longer keep up with his struggles to look for that special spot in the city. That spot that would elicit respect, social acceptance, of even just self-acceptance. He would have to pay bills like everyone else, he would have desires and expectations dictated to him by the media and society. He could have walked into any local Asian restaurants or nail parlour and met one of the many Vietnamese, Chinese or Thai young women freshly landed in town. Modest, not too good looking but ultimately genuine girls who could (and would) have soothed much of his existential pain and desire to feel loved.

But no. His dreams were the same Tinder dreams as any other white Brit. The blond skinny groovy 20-yo types who are a total pain in the arse even to their white Brit stud boyfriends.

This is what happens when somebody listens to the siren songs of the big city, and its vain promises, for too long and never learns to stick two fingers up their ears and proceed using their internal radar only.

Even in my neck of the woods, growing up, I'd seen that many of the suicides in my HS dragnet area were Asian-American males. And Asians are at most, < 15% of any of these MA suburbs.

I think there's pressure from two sides of the fence, the first are parents with high expectations (a.k.a Tiger Moms), and second, from a society which doesn't acknowledge them as anything special outside of academics.

When Jeremy Lin, the Asian-American professional basketball from Harvard had his huge breakout season in NYC, a lot of mainstream doubters assumed that he would crash/burn and never become the next <fill-in-your-favorite All Star>. Many Asian held the opposite p.o.v. And during his meteoric rise, a.k.a Linsanity, he was insulted by Ben & Jerry's Co by making a custom flavor with fortune cookies in his name. Yes, no one was happy with that gesture, esp other Asians.

Sure he got injured and went through rehabilitation, however, he was later sidelined by coaches, management, traded often, and was never quite the same. Sure, he's had a few good seasons, statistics wise, but all and all, it's almost as if the league wanted him to be a lowly bench player than a near star again.

[chanta76]

Actually the plight of Asian men dealing with racism in the west has to be spoken of. I mean there is almost all types of activist group out there but it seems like with Asian men we don't have anything.

[publicduende]

Actually the plight of Asian men dealing with racism in the west has to be spoken of. I mean there is almost all types of activist group out there but it seems like with Asian men we don't have anything.

It's not just that. I have read a bit more about him. Food blogging was actually his hobby, however intense. His daily job was a technology sales in the City, a job that certainly did pay well. The guy had a history of depression and at least one failed suicide attempt. There's plenty of people, some of whom I know personally, who try to get out of the mental cage of a soulless banking job by giving themselves something nice and cool and gregarious to do. Being a foodie sounded just the thing for him, and it probably was. Too bad he probably realised that even such a popular and social hobby would not be enough to give him those kinds of "deeper connections" with people he was looking for.

About the deeper connections, indeed the lack thereof, I can't really disagree with him. Every man (and woman) on their own, in London. That's the way it is.

[chanta76]

Have anyone read his final post . I did ..in many ways I 'm like him. I'm married now...I think marriage and finding someone helped me. It gave me some sort of value that someone would care about me.

His not half wrong in his assessment. In the western world Asian men experience allot of racism in the dating market. And yes it's kind of true what they say..a good portion of asian girls do prefer white guys in the west. We could argue about why it is but it is happening.
I'm surprise we just don't have more suicide like him.

[S_Parc]

Have anyone read his final post . I did ..in many ways I 'm like him. I'm married now...I think marriage and finding someone helped me. It gave me some sort of value that someone would care about me.

The problem is that in time, more and more marriages won't work out. Thus, a person needs to have an even stronger core, if he wants to make it long term.

His not half wrong in his assessment. In the western world Asian men experience allot of racism in the dating market. And yes it's kind of true what they say..a good portion of asian girls do prefer white guys in the west. We could argue about why it is but it is happening. I'm surprise we just don't have more suicide like him.

In all honesty, I believe Asian parents have a big hand in this ongoing suicide pact. If they basically pulled their collective heads out of the ground, and started talking to their kids this division in the west, where Asian males are shunned but Asian females are relentlessly pursued, then I believe that the men can strategize and come up with real solutions. For example, the parents could setup exchange programs where the male can spent let's say 6 months per year in Asia, doing online/correspondence courses in the US, but then come back to the US for lab/practicum and internships locally.



In place of the above, it's the blame game. The gals are chased all over but then the guys are told that they're not trying hard enough or that they're possibly gay.

[Jester]

For example, the parents could setup exchange programs where the male can spent let's say 6 months per year in Asia, doing online/correspondence courses in the US, but then come back to the US for lab/practicum and internships locally.

That's good common sense, for other minorities too.

I hope the idea takes off.

For God's sake, if your kid is suffering, DO something about it. Telling someone to "hang in there" is not helping.

I've known some Armenian women in the USA who didnt feel pretty in high school (big noses, serious eyebrows) but when they were (finally) around Armenians, the Armenian men were DROOLING.

[S_Parc]

For example, the parents could setup exchange programs where the male can spent let's say 6 months per year in Asia, doing online/correspondence courses in the US, but then come back to the US for lab/practicum and internships locally.

That's good common sense, for other minorities too.

I hope the idea takes off.

For God's sake, if your kid is suffering, DO something about it. Telling someone to "hang in there" is not helping.

I've known some Armenian women in the USA who didnt feel pretty in high school (big noses, serious eyebrows) but when they were (finally) around Armenians, the Armenian men were DROOLING.

I think that an aspect of the issue is the parents' own Stockholm Syndrome, where they identify with the oppressor, as a good thing. What they don't realize is that they'd grown up in Asia, where dating among other Asians was normal.

In good olde Uncle Sam, however, the rules are different, and in many ways, their children are not seen as authentic Americans, but as the children of ex-pats, unless of course they live in Hawaii (or Samoa), but that's an entirely different story. You see, being *Hawaiian* is in itself, a subnationality within the Americas. In a way, it's an Asian-American version of being Cajun a/o Creole. Or on the case of caucasians, Pennsylvania Dutch.

[Winston]

OP,
You are reading too much into things. Dianne and I aren't separated. We just have an open relationship and take breaks sometimes.

Right now I'm happy dating different girls. I posted pics of them in our Facebook group cause it's easier to upload there. But not here.

I am not unhappy. Nothing is perfect. You can't expect it to be. But I'm much happier here than in Taiwan or America. That's for sure. And I'm going to China soon too.

The only regret I have is wasting so much time cause of Murphys law. But I never said I was unhappy abroad. So I don't know where you get that. Perhaps you are PROJECTING your misery onto others.

Anyway I have a very active life here so I have not much time to post anymore.

Sure I would like to find the perfect girl. We all would. But I'm happy dating different girls and flirting with many girls everyday too. Ask billy. He's here too and understands me now cause he is experiencing the same.

[starchild5]

Its simple. The kids are paying for the Ignorance of their parents. Many Asian's who end up in west go with only one mindset ..Make Money..Better Life.....No Immigrant go to the west with Higher Ideal's in mind.

What did you expect. This was bound to happen. Its the inevitable end. First of all. The west has agendas that is not for the betterment of man kind. This much a parent must already know before having a baby in the west.

Its not his fault. Its his parents who out of Ignorance went to west and now his children paid with the consequence. If his parents were smart...He would have lined up blondes, Asian's and become a millionaire.

Common...Its not that hard to get a women in Europe if you have the right attitude. Women are same everywhere and if you play your cards well, you can get a girl. I was in Germany for only a month and I dated three women one of them American and considering I'm from India and not knowing the language. I'm going steady with a girl now and I may even settle down with her.

All in one month and many Asian's are born in the west and couldn't get a blonde girl friend. Not to sound cocky but I got it in one month because I believe...I never listened to my parents...I went to Europe with higher ideals.

Winston is free because he corrected his parents mistake. I feel free because I never listened to my parents but always loved them, otherwise I would have ended up in the west the way I never wanted to.

Now I'm reaching closer to my Ideal as Indian's have a fixation for blonde women ..... Living with my European gf in Philippines

[Jester]

I feel free because I never listened to my parents but always loved them

Wisdom.

[romparoo]

Agree with some of the things being said here. Many Asian parents migrated for purely economic reasons is setting up their sons for failure if no early countermeasures are put in place. Those Asian guys born in western countries get the worst experience of all. They have the same dating expectations as every other guy with whom they grow up with, but often find that reality treats them harshly.

The only thing I do not agree is about teaching the kid to escape by means of trying with foreign Asian women. If you are 17 year old and your dad has been coaching you about getting a girlfriend from China, what would you think? The guy would be like 'why can't I get a local girlfirend like my neighbour Sam did. It just cannot cut it. I don't believe in settling for less. A fling yes, but not anything long term. It wouldn't surprise me that many white guys would date Asian women for fun, but when it comes to bringing the girl home to see the parents and marries her, they will go back to white girls.