Is there a big chasm and incongruency between Winston's looks and personality, hence why he's disliked by most?

[Winston]

Btw guys. I have a self deprecating question that i was thinking about earlier today.

Could the reason why most mainstream people dislike me is because my looks and personality are incongruent?

I mean when i look in the mirror i see a plain looking, bland, perhaps even ugly face. I dont have attractive facial features, i have a big puffy face with squinty eyes. Those arent attractive features. And im Asian too. So i am expected to be humble, docile, conformist, obedient, etc. Im supposed to "know my place" in society in other words. No one looks at me twice, unless i am a novelty in a country where theres no asians.

Yet i dont act the way an Asian of my looks is supposed to act. I act larger than life and think im the worlds greatest freethinker and intellectual here to wake people up and change the world.

So you see, there must be a big incongruency between my looks and personality. I don't act at all like people expect when they see me.

Hence that must put some people off right? Is that the reason most mainstream people dislike me? Its not that i have a bad vibe or bad personality. They just see something off about me. I dont mean off in a negative way or like im too secretive. I mean off in terms of my looks and personality not matching. You see what i mean?

I mean if u saw me on the street and u didn't know me, what would u think of me? Would u think that im some lowly asian male with low social status who should not be able to get any girls or sex, because im not worthy or good enough? If so then if u met me and saw that i acted too confident and arrogant and proud, then you'd be surprised right? Maybe even put off?

In other words, theres a big chasm of difference between the way i see myself and the way others see me. Right? I know in America thats common. Does that make me look out of balance or out of proportion and incongruent? Do i act like someone who doesnt know their place? Because in society's eyes a person who looks like me should just be a hard working obedient worker who never makes any trouble and never tries to get anything hes not good enough for right?

For example for a few years i tried to be an actor. Even though i dont have the looks or charisma to be an actor, still i have the SOUL of an actor so I still believe i can be one even if i dont have the goods or talent for it. Again another mismatch and incongruency. Its as if i am out of alignment with my looks?

Another weird mismatch and incongruency which I've complained about for years, is that i have more in common with white girls of europe and russia. But white girls tend to see me as asexual and not dating material, only friend material at best. Only materialistic asian girls want to date me. However im not materialistic or even practical.

So again another mismatch and incongruency. Isnt that f***ed up? Did God make a mistake when he created me? Lol. Why so many incongruencies?

What do u guys think? Are my looks and personality out of alignment and out of proportion? Is that why most people dont like me and cant explain why?

Or it could be that i just dont look like anything that belongs on earth right? I dont fit any defined category. Im not a nerd, a geek, a jock, a prep, a mod, a goth, a hippie, a biker, a corporate drone, a rebel, a druggie, a nice guy, a bad boy jerk, a loser, a criminal psychopath, etc. Nothing. Im just an anomaly that should not exist because i dont fit any category in society right? A total aberration that should not be in the system or matrix because i have no real purpose or function here right? So I have to find or create my own purpose right?

In Asia everyone knows their place. But in America people seem to think they are better than what they are and deserve better, as if they are entitled to be royalty because of their high self worth or self esteem. Its a delusion. But its common in america. Am i just a part of that too?

What do u all think? If u just met me and knew nothing what would u expect me to be? Some lowly asian worker or corporate guy like an engineer or computer programmer? Or a lowly blue collar worker who does manual labor and mixes noodles?

Whats funny is that everyone in Russia or Philippines who tries to scam me thinks im some nice meek Japanese or Chinese guy who fears authority and is compliant and a pushover, so I'm an easy target for any random person to scam or take advantage of. But when they find out I'm a good critical thinker who argues with them and debates them and asks super tough critical questions, they must be shocked and surprised. Because no meek humble asian acts like that. So i wasnt what they expected at all. Next time i should carry a translated note on me telling scammers that i am not what they think at all and to not even try because im tired of it. I dont carry big wads of cash around just to give to any random scammer who targets me. lol. Duh. Lol.

What do u guys think of all the above? Sorry if all my questions sound self deprecating? Only a loser would ask such questions right? Lol. But still when I look at myself in the mirror i gotta wonder if people see a totally different person than i am or than how i see myself. Don't u guys ever wonder the same things about yourself too? Or am i the only one?

Could i also have mild Asperger's as HouseMD thinks? Is that why i dont connect with mainstream normal people and feel awkward when trying to blend in or fit into a group because im on a different wavelength or my own unique wavelength? Or is that just plain introversion? Could introversion be a form of mild Asperger's or mild autism? Does Asperger's even exist or is it just a label that is arbitrarily slapped onto anyone who doesn't fit in or conform?

Thanks for listening.

[Moretorque]

Winston your loved by millions and feared by billions..

[Moretorque]

Hey Winston are you OK ? I can understand if you are not, the world IMO is going down the tubes fast...

[yick]

That you're not white is strike one with white women wherever they are and whoever you are if you're non-white. I am sure you are a normal looking man of your age, height and build is a lot more to it with a man anyway. I mean, you have fathered a handsome son who has 50% of your DNA - you have done OK, I wouldn't think twice if I didn't know you and I walked past you as I do with other men.

I have only doubled checked men a few times in my life because they were that good looking - one was in Beijing Airport, some French dude with his boyfriend and once or twice in Russia but normal dudes don't have me wondering about them.

[Contrarian Expatriate]

You strike me as someone who does not care about the superficial even though it is very important. People treat others in the manner they present themselves.

No one can alter their genetic blueprint for appearance, but we can all maximize the appearance we have by:

-Losing weight
-Sporting haircuts that flatter our faces
-Wearing clothing (often inexpensive) that reflects good taste and class.
-Sporting well-groomed facial hair to lengthen our faces if need be.

These are things that people pick up on and make superficial judgments about. They should not be so important in life, but they very much are.

[yick]

Or it could be that i just dont look like anything that belongs on earth right? I dont fit any defined category. Im not a nerd, a geek, a jock, a prep, a mod, a goth, a hippie, a biker, a corporate drone, a rebel, a druggie, a nice guy, a bad boy jerk, a loser, a criminal psychopath, etc. Nothing. Im just an anomaly that should not exist because i dont fit any category in society right? A total aberration that should not be in the system or matrix because i have no real purpose or function here right? So I have to find or create my own purpose right?

This is the kind of thinking you should have grown out of by the time you have hit your mid-twenties. You shouldn't care that much if people think these kind of things above, if they don't know you then they don't matter nor are their opinions of you valid.

You're a father, an American, an Asian-American, you have your own hair, you're a son, you're a traveler, you're an expat, you are curious, you are cultured, you are a martial artist, you are a vegetarian, you are middle aged, you are interested in the paranormal, you can speak Chinese and Hokkien, you are (insert political party you will be voting for tomorrow), you are a UC Irvine graduate etc etc.

That's a far better description of you and actually all of it is true!

[gsjackson]

Or it could be that i just dont look like anything that belongs on earth right? I dont fit any defined category. Im not a nerd, a geek, a jock, a prep, a mod, a goth, a hippie, a biker, a corporate drone, a rebel, a druggie, a nice guy, a bad boy jerk, a loser, a criminal psychopath, etc. Nothing. Im just an anomaly that should not exist because i dont fit any category in society right? A total aberration that should not be in the system or matrix because i have no real purpose or function here right? So I have to find or create my own purpose right?

This is the kind of thinking you should have grown out of by the time you have hit your mid-twenties. You shouldn't care that much if people think these kind of things above, if they don't know you then they don't matter nor are their opinions of you valid.

You're a father, an American, an Asian-American, you have your own hair, you're a son, you're a traveler, you're an expat, you are curious, you are cultured, you are a martial artist, you are a vegetarian, you are middle aged, you are interested in the paranormal, you can speak Chinese and Hokkien, you are (insert political party you will be voting for tomorrow), you are a UC Irvine graduate etc etc.

That's a far better description of you and actually all of it is true!

UC Hayward. Winston's a Bay Area boy. Good points, Yick, a nice way of framing his existential ponderings. Oh wait -- it's CSU Hayward.