Social Networking (Facebook) and Cliquishness

[Someone]

Here's another topic that maybe a lot of you guys have thought about. I know I can't be the only who's given it some thought.

We live in a Facebook era now. I think we all have FB accounts, and even if we don't participate actively, we look at what other people are up to -- and their pictures.

But not all of us are truly networked; not all of us have access to the social circles that have women. For example, I regularly see pictures from nightclubs in my FB feed. I see groups of girls and guys doing bottle service at their private VIP tables. Why (and how) do some guys gain access to the mainstream cliques, and others don't? Why are some perfectly decent guys not in the "clique"?

In other words, I see that guys are divided into two camps, the ones that have social access to women (friends/FB/etc.) and those that don't. The ones that don't, go to bars by themselves, or with wingmen with the sole intention of meeting new women and getting their numbers. The ones that do, relax with their inner circle -- they don't need to "hunt" for women because they're already inside the clique. They also get their pictures taken a lot.

The question quite simply is this, why are some men successfully networked, while others aren't? Why don't a lot of men have the social circles required to meet and socialize with women?

For example, I have zero connections or social networks, and I only use FB to look at party pictures that have women I don't know. Otherwise, no one knows me on FB, I am completely anonymous. In the past, I've met women by going to clubs and just randomly approaching them and introducing myself to them (the "hunter" method, so to speak). But this is totally different from how most people, it seems to me, approach dating. Most people (including my friends) meet women socially, and are friends with their social circles on FB. What's the difference here? Why don't a lot of men gain normal social access to female cliques the way others do?

[jamesbond]

Here's another topic that maybe a lot of you guys have thought about. I know I can't be the only who's given it some thought.

We live in a Facebook era now. I think we all have FB accounts, and even if we don't participate actively, we look at what other people are up to -- and their pictures.

In other words, I see that guys are divided into two camps, the ones that have social access to women (friends/FB/etc.) and those that don't. The ones that don't, go to bars by themselves, or with wingmen with the sole intention of meeting new women and getting their numbers. The ones that do, relax with their inner circle -- they don't need to "hunt" for women because they're already inside the clique. They also get their pictures taken a lot.

The question quite simply is this, why are some men successfully networked, while others aren't? Why don't a lot of men have the social circles required to meet and socialize with women?

Most people (including my friends) meet women socially, and are friends with their social circles on FB. What's the difference here? Why don't a lot of men gain normal social access to female cliques the way others do?

This is an excellent observation! I have often said to my friends why in God's name are Americans so cliquishess? Women in the US are the worst, most of them only meet guys through their friends, they do no like meeting guys they don't know!

Winston has talked about this as well, that if your not part of her "social circle" you can pretty much forget getting her number or getting a date with her. It's like she needs the approval of her friends in order to date you. How cliquish and clannish can you get?

This is why "cold approaching" a woman doesn't work in the US. Women simply are not open to meeting men when they are out in public places like bookstores and grocery stores.

Facebook reminds me of high school, the cliquishness of people on FB make me want to vomit!

[All_That_Is_Man]

I agree. The thing about Facebook is that there is no way to expand your social circle. Even contacting women on FB who look interesting, and/or went to the same high school as you, is considered "taboo". Facebook is virtually (no pun intended) useless in terms of making friends. I have, however, had success with start-up businesses using Facebook. It's completely free, has a predominantly large user base, and requires no programming knowledge. Essentially, Facebook can be used as a tool or "hook" to reel in fans rather than fake friends and flakey females who won't f**k you.

[ph_visitor]

Guys this theme the forum has where you obsess about cliquishness, it's just...

...it's silly. This is something that teary-eyed 14 year old girls complain about to mom when High School or Jr. High is not ideal.

It is not a topic for men of any age, certainly not men in their 30's or 40's.

2% of all people will like you
2% of all people will hate you
96% of all people will be politely indifferent to you (the cliquishness you whinge about).

You want everyone to like you, everyone to accept you, and everyone to accept you into their group. Well, life on this planet is not like that.

[E_Irizarry]

Guys this theme the forum has where you obsess about cliquishness, it's just...

...it's silly. This is something that teary-eyed 14 year old girls complain about to mom when High School or Jr. High is not ideal.

It is not a topic for men of any age, certainly not men in their 30's or 40's.

2% of all people will like you
2% of all people will hate you
96% of all people will be politely indifferent to you (the cliquishness you whinge about).

You want everyone to like you, everyone to accept you, and everyone to accept you into their group. Well, life on this planet is not like that.

...and that's for the normal American "joe". For male celebrities, the percentages would have a dynamically-changing paradigm to it.

[Someone]

The question of social circles is an important one simply because lots of guys are completely alone, and don't have anyone to go anywhere with. Since they usually go out by themselves, that rules out a lot of social situations where they could meet women.

Just today, I was in a neighborhood of my town that has lots of trendy bars, restaurants, and lots of women. I was there to get a quick bite to eat and some Starbucks. Both the fast-food joint and the Starbucks were full of men like me, who came there to eat alone; there were no women.

But I also looked through the windows of some bars/restaurants in that neighborhood and there were lots of women, sitting together in groups of 2-4 for dinner or drinks. That is the problem. If you don't have any friends or social networks you could even grab dinner with, you're missing out on social opportunities where the women are. You can't come to a bar or a restaurant by yourself--and the women there are never alone.

I'm saying that there are guys out there who are blessed with good social circles and it's much easier for them. I'm not quite sure what the guys without social circles should be doing. You can't really make friends artificially, so many men (even when they try) still end up alone.

[jamesbond]

The question of social circles is an important one simply because lots of guys are completely alone, and don't have anyone to go anywhere with. Since they usually go out by themselves, that rules out a lot of social situations where they could meet women.

Just today, I was in a neighborhood of my town that has lots of trendy bars, restaurants, and lots of women. I was there to get a quick bite to eat and some Starbucks. Both the fast-food joint and the Starbucks were full of men like me, who came there to eat alone; there were no women.

But I also looked through the windows of some bars/restaurants in that neighborhood and there were lots of women, sitting together in groups of 2-4 for dinner or drinks. That is the problem. If you don't have any friends or social networks you could even grab dinner with, you're missing out on social opportunities where the women are. You can't come to a bar or a restaurant by yourself--and the women there are never alone.

Good observations, I have seen the same thing. I will see groups of women out at restaurants, then I will see men eating alone at fast food places. No guy wants to eat at a restaurant by themselves, so they eat at a fast food joint by themselves.

I read an article a few years ago that said, in the US, women have twice as many friends as men do. I believe it, you almost never see women out by themselves but quite often you do see men out by themselves.

Boy, it's lonely living in America if your a man!

[Billy]

ph_vistior, yes becoming an adult can be a tough experience . puahate guys would say that assburgers could be one reason besides LMS (looks, money, status)

[All_That_Is_Man]

I mentioned this in another thread, but it's hard to make friends in America if you are a MALE. It's not strange, however, for a typical, below-average female to have 200 (or more) friends on her Facebook. Yes, Facebook is entirely cliquish.

[skateboardstephen]

I mentioned this in another thread, but it's hard to make friends in America if you are a MALE. It's not strange, however, for a typical, below-average female to have 200 (or more) friends on her Facebook. Yes, Facebook is entirely cliquish.

I saw the documentary on trannys and about the men who went to being women then changed they're minds and did the surgery to return to being a man and one guy said that as a women in society even though he was a tranny(but pretty passable and could have fooled many) his phone rang off the hook and people all ways wanted him around and he had tons a friends now as a man he deals with loneliness,depression ,alcohol and drug problems from being alone.

[All_That_Is_Man]

I mentioned this in another thread, but it's hard to make friends in America if you are a MALE. It's not strange, however, for a typical, below-average female to have 200 (or more) friends on her Facebook. Yes, Facebook is entirely cliquish.

I saw the documentary on trannys and about the men who went to being women then changed they're minds and did the surgery to return to being a man and one guy said that as a women in society even though he was a tranny(but pretty passable and could have fooled many) his phone rang off the hook and people all ways wanted him around and he had tons a friends now as a man he deals with loneliness,depression ,alcohol and drug problems from being alone.

Holy shit, stephen, that is deep. When hearing about this, it's a wonder why they don't just hand out boarding passes and passports to all single men in America. I guess some big wig is making money from our loneliness and substance dependency. Fellow men, leave this cuntry ASAP!

[Someone]

Last night, I was out with a friend of mine and his wife. They both invited me to a trendy bar/restaurant for happy hour after work (around 6pm).

I usually complain about the fact that there's not enough women, but there were plenty of women in that restaurant and in fact some of them even tried to flirt with me. I was seated with the guy and his wife and one other woman came along too. Both to my left and to my right were groups of girls who came there for drinks and dinner. They kinda threw sidelong glances at me and one tried to chat me up.

The reason I bring this up, is that for many of us, a social event like this is exceedingly rare. Increasingly after college, we lose many of our college circles, people get married or move out of town, and we're left on our own. And it's opportunities like these that slip away because we have no social circles.

[conquerall]

Am I the only one who sometimes goes out solo dolo? I've gone to bars alone with the intention of getting the craft beer special and walked out hammered because someone struck up a conversation with me.

Cliques exist everywhere though. When I was in the UK staying in a hostel, there was a group of French students who pretty much stayed to themselves so it isn't an American thing.

[Someone]

I mentioned this in another thread, but it's hard to make friends in America if you are a MALE. It's not strange, however, for a typical, below-average female to have 200 (or more) friends on her Facebook. Yes, Facebook is entirely cliquish.

I saw the documentary on trannys and about the men who went to being women then changed they're minds and did the surgery to return to being a man and one guy said that as a women in society even though he was a tranny(but pretty passable and could have fooled many) his phone rang off the hook and people all ways wanted him around and he had tons a friends now as a man he deals with loneliness,depression ,alcohol and drug problems from being alone.

Holy shit, stephen, that is deep. When hearing about this, it's a wonder why they don't just hand out boarding passes and passports to all single men in America. I guess some big wig is making money from our loneliness and substance dependency. Fellow men, leave this cuntry ASAP!

I agree, incredible LOL

[Someone]

Am I the only one who sometimes goes out solo dolo? I've gone to bars alone with the intention of getting the craft beer special and walked out hammered because someone struck up a conversation with me.

Cliques exist everywhere though. When I was in the UK staying in a hostel, there was a group of French students who pretty much stayed to themselves so it isn't an American thing.

You're not the only one - I used to do it too in the past (althought not anymore). That's exactly why men and women never meet each other. Males tend to male things (what you described is fairly typical male behavior: going to a bar, alone, and/or drinking beer), while women tend to female things (getting together with their girlfriends to socialise). The two genders each have their gender-typical behavior. You can never get a woman to go to a bar to drink because that's just not what women do--or to do anything alone. And you can't get men to always do everything in groups, because that's not male behavior. Those are just a few examples.