Actor whose living TFL - True Forced Loneliness

[bennandsarah]

How can this be? I'm asking for everyone who reads this to offer up your perspectives on my situation.....

I'm 46, divorced for six years, tall, average looks, well educated-traveled-read, with an amazing life up until this point. I grew up in NYC and have been acting professionally (comedy too) since about 15 years old. After my divorce, (she felt like she married too young and didn't have a chance to sow her oats -- was jealous of her single sisters!), I moved to a small city in Kentucky to teach p/t (have chronic pain and am on disability) and because it was a much lower cost of living.

In the almost FIVE years of living here, I have had one LTR (1 year+) -- she left and said there was no lust factor -- she was 48 with below average looks and a big gut... Here's the thing, in NYC I've NEVER had a problem with even HOT looking women -- they were always intrigued by me -- my careeer -- my humor -- my intelligence etc etc. Here in KY -- NOT a one woman will even give me a chance. Like we all say on these boards -- it's CRAZY. This morning I saw a GOOD LOOKING dude with an OBESE FUGLY OVERBEARING woman -- he was all pussywhipped bowing down to her every need. It seems as if EVERY woman is already taken -- married -- boyfriend -- engaged. And the women are kind of trashy -- uneducated -- bigoted -- nothing to write home about types. I've tried everything but they are in cliques that are inpenetrable. They stare at you with the perma scowls and want nothing to do with me. If they would have given me a chance they'd find out I'm headed to Great Britain to act with one of my heroes. There are loads of single men here -- they drink heavily to dull the pain.

I am SERIOUSLY DEPRESSED. The chronic pain is under control but daunting nevertheless. Here's what I'm thinking. I'm on social security disability for life -- about $1,000/month. I have healthcare. I have managed to save my pennies for years -- even with a FIXED INCOME -- I managed to save well over $50,000......... My education is done -- two masters degrees including a terminal MFA degree in drama, I have a top-notch resume, and have taught acting in colleges. I CAN NOT afford to live somewhere like a big city -- it's too costly with a p/t teaching gig -- and social security -- and the occasional cool acting gig. I'm in too much pain to work f/t. and if I stay here I'll die alone. There is absolutely NO CHANCE of dating here. and from these forums I've learned dating in the USA is hopeless if you are not in the top 20%. So.......

I'm thinking of getting out of dodge. Knowing what you know of my life discussed above -- and my situation financially -- where would be good for me? I hate the heat and humidity -- what about Russia -- Ukraine?? How do I start planning?? and why oh why can't I find one decent chick?? It wasn't like this in the 80's or most of the 90's......women always liked me, now I can't get a one!!!!!! and yes -- even a small city in Kentucky sucks ass -- it is totally UNFRIENDLY HERE with the ladies (guys are cool) -- as a matter of fact I've never met such mean-spirited - picky - clicky ladies -- including the ones 40+..........it is way worse here than NYC -- I'm DEVASTATED. ps. please post on here rather than privately. How do i get out of here -- how do I keep my sanity right now??

[C.J.]

Hey ben... who's sarah?

So there's chronic pain... Have you ever tried distilled water? Basically anything purer than nasty tap water, which has loads of unhealthy bacteria, in addition to a ton of fluoride and chlorine. Fluoride poisoning can cause a wide spectrum of health problems as well as intensify problems you may never thought you had! I would highly suggest detoxing with pure water, I use distilled water. Remember to also take nutritional supplements with it. Stuff works miracles for me!

Most women in america are spoiled whores... The coastal cities provide easier relationship prospects, but those people are either fresh off the boat or living on the edge.

You want someone stable? Go to SE Asia. Maybe Mexico/Latin America.

[designer]

You have to leave the usa or it will eventually Kill you. Proper Men are not appreciated here at all. You have to go, no matter how, you Gotta Go! To save yourself, for the future, for hope my friend. You have to try. You must try and not let America kill those best parts of your soul You deserve to be free and happy. We all Love you Mate. There is a tomorrow. It begins today with you making the right choices for yourself to be healthy. The usa is a sick society that has no future. However despite this, you do have a future. But you won't if you set in America waiting for things to change. Things are going to get worse for Men. Save yourself.
But most of all, remember .. Be Happy!

[polya]

Well, you already know the answer. You can't live in some small town and find a wife/girlfriend. You're about to go to Britain, why not give up your rented house or rent it out if you own it and stay in Britain? You can easily go to Europe and find somewhere you love. You will have a hard time in a corrupt country like Russia as you'll NEVER get residency - research on getting a visa - it's a nightmare.

[PeterAndrewNolan]

bennandsarah,
your story is very similar to mine actually. I am 48, divorced 5 years now. I also had an excellent income. I was a deeply christian lad and married a family friend I knew since I was 12. Presumably she was cheating on my and she got 95% in the divorce and I have taken on the guvments of Ireland and Australia over that issue.

I moved to Germany. I can say without any doubt that Germany is the best place to live I have ever been to. I was a beta smuck loser provider husband father family man. I am now an alpha who lives the best life a man can dream of. Possibly the only thing I do wrong is overindulge on the drinking occasionally. Bad habit that! LOL!! But if a few too many gin and tonics is the worst thing I do then I am pretty good.

I am also tall, blonde, still have my boyish good looks, a little overweight for what I would like to be but in much better shape than many men my age.

In germany quite decent looking women will give me their number just meeting me....I have even had a woman on a tram give me her number. But she was not hot enough for me.

Germany has lots of very good looking women who are desperate for some fool to come along and make promises of house, kids, marriage etc. I could have been married 10 times over if I was willing to have more kids....but I am not. So I have been dating women in the 30 to 35 range for the last 5 years. I tried my own age range as in two western women around 40 but they were really quite insane.

There are women from eastern europe here who are very lovely people. I have sung the praises of eastern european women and russian women so loud even one of my russian women facebook friends thinks I am overdoing it! LOL!!

Germany is fairly cheap to live in as long as you do not live in the big cities. You can get a small flat for EUR500 per month...I have a 100sqm apartment that could only be called luxurious by german standards.....I am 300 meters from the town center but away from any traffic noise or busy walk ways....I am 100 meters from one of the best shopping centers in the town. Between me and my clients office I have a bar, a pizza shop, the best chinese in town, the shopping center, a tram stop and there was even a hooters until it closed down because it sold the wrong beer. They started out selling the locally made beer and that went well...they then switched to a competitive beer and collapsed inside a few months. Germans have very strong feelings about drinking beer made somewhere else in the small towns.......

So I would recommend Germany....though you will have to find more income....you need about EUR2000 after tax to live comfortably if cheaply....I need about EUR3000 after taxes to live in quite good luxury.

Going further east...I have lived in Bucharest and that is a GREAT place to live....I am told it is now just as expensive as germany which is a bit of a shame...it used to be dirt cheap.

The Ukraine is good but you would have to know someone to help you get along.

I started the Mens Business Association and I am taking the guvments on about their residency permits etc. One goal of the MBA is for men to be able to collaborate so they can live and work where ever they want. Most men do not want to make any effort....like you they want to go live somewhere else but they want someone else to do everything for them.......it does not work like that...men have to collaborate to get what they want....especially when taking on guvments.

http://www.mensbusinessassociation.com/

I have a current case in the courts here in Germany over exactly this.....I am dealing with Angela Merkel and Hans Peter Friederick on the issue of living here for the rest of my life. The MBA is also committed to using the World Passport as the tool via which to pass through border patrols all over the world.

Like I said...men are not joining so they can't complain that they do not have a path to justice or a path to live and work where they please....they do not want to do anything to get it so they are not getting it.

http://www.youtube.com/user/MensBusinessAsoc/featured

PS. In Germany apartments come unfurnished....so I spent about EUR12 or 15K furnishing the apartment I spend most of my time in. This includes kitchens, beds, wardrobes, the lot. You have to buy everything.

PPS. For back pain they have guys who give great massages. I go to an egyptian guy who worked miracles with my back. I have had a bad back since I was 16 and have slipped disks in my back 4 times now. Once a month to my mate for EUR60 for the hour and that really helps.

PPPS. You will find me on here talk about my fav#1. She was the first eastern woman I dated. She helped me save my life when I was suicidal. We dated for 2.5 years and there was talk of marriage...the issue was babies. We split nearly two years ago. She calls me regularly....also for xmas and birthday.....she is still very nice and friendly to me. She is looking very hard for a husband who is willing to have children. I have told her if she changes her mind I am interested so she is keeping me on the back burner as it were.

How many western women treat you well after you split eh? I also dated a czech woman for over a year and she was the lovliest woman I ever met...same deal....she wanted babies.....

I was just a friend that was sympathetic after she came out of a relationship she hoped she could close the deal on....when she found another opportunity she moved on. I am not ashamed to say I actually sat down and had a little cry when she told me that she wanted a clean cut. We had discussed being friends but she felt that we were too close and did not want me around. That was her decision to make. I was sad because I know in my heart I will never meet another woman like her. On her side too she was very happy with our time together.....she had never met a man like me and said so quite often....she would often ask me if I was really sure about no more children. She made it clear she would marry me if I agreed to children just like fav#1 did too.

I refused to lie to either of them because I care about them. I wish them every happiness and they would have to choose no babies to have me in their life.

What I am finding is there are simply no available younger women that have made a commitment to no babies......they ALL want babies.

[Teal Lantern]

What I am finding is there are simply no available younger women that have made a commitment to no babies......they ALL want babies.

That wouldn't have anything at ALL to do with the baby cash subsidies, would it?
http://www.scotsman.com/news/internatio ... s-1-742238

[PeterAndrewNolan]

What I am finding is there are simply no available younger women that have made a commitment to no babies......they ALL want babies.

That wouldn't have anything at ALL to do with the baby cash subsidies, would it?
http://www.scotsman.com/news/internatio ... s-1-742238

There is a great deal of debate in Germany over the birth rate.....it is the lowest in Europe and last year was the lowest number of births on record since WW II. Germans are breeding themselves out of existence. This is what a post feminist society looks like. Massive numbers of men have had vasectomies....they even proposed a law that said men had to get PERMISSION from "family planning" (read eugenics society) before they could get a vasectomy....the german men laughed at that one.

German women have made it clear that the man is disposable and so the men have made it just as clear that the women can go find some other dumb smuck to have babies with. Fully 25% of women who are 40 in Germany have NEVER had a baby.

The guvment is now proposing PAYING women to have babies and stay at home. The men are FURIOUS because they know that comes out of their taxes and they see no reason why they should be taxes for women to have babies because those men get no benefit from that. The ability to remove the father from the family for no reason at all had put paid to the delusion of "family" in Germany and the men are voting with their feet. There are 1.7 MILLION more women than men in germany....the men who want kids are leaving in droves for places further east.....also brazil is a huge destination for them.

So women are marrying men outside the EU with the promise of EU residency as part of the deal. There is a huge influx of foreigners to germany...it has been very noticeable.

So yes....there is a BIG debate going on about this and it has been going on for some years....notice that NO ONE is suggesting that men have absolute guardianship of THEIR children....that simple change would change everything.....if the MAN was paid to have the baby and the baby was considered HIS baby all this rubbish would be over....women would then HAVE to stay with the man to get the benefits of the baby....but that is NOT the Illuminati plan....the Illuminati plan is they want kids to be MORE docile and MORE brainwashed and that means getting the fathers out of the way by what ever means possible....and German men know this is the case.....

If you want to just date an endless stream of women German is the place to be.....if you want to have your own children as a man then skip Germany....as one minister said "a family is a family if they all eat from the same fridge"......that is how little respect MEN have in the family....in germany, as a man, you can be kicked out of your house any time for no reason by the woman....you have no real rights to your children.....it is easy for the woman to make that too hard for you...

This is why many german men are now simply quitting and becoming househusbands.....they tell their women.... you wanted a career, great, go out and work, if you want children with me I will be the home maker and this is not negotiable......so the man forgoes his "career" and his income earning ability to become the primary carer....therefore there is no advantage in divorcing him because he will not have any money to steal....all the wealth of the family is being produced by the woman.....

German men are very intelligent and very realistic about women....and the women do not like that one little bit.....German men have figured out the whole scheme and are acting on it....

At my client there is a married couple who both have PHDs and two children.....they both work 32 hours a week and take absolutely equal time caring for the kids. He will absolutely not spend extra time at work "unpaid" because he has absolutely no chance of retaining the benefits of such. The wife is now a bit tired of the whole work thing but I pointed out to her this is what women demanded. I pointed out that "the right to work" has quickly transformed into the "obligation to work" which is what it ALWAYS was for men.

She is a very intelligent woman and she knows that I am right on this point. That does not means she likes it. As I pointed out to her....I did not have anything to do with how german work legislation was created etc....I am just pointing out that what was demanded by woman has inevitably led to this position and will do so elsewhere.

What you guys in the west do not realise is that I have seen your future....it is Germany then the Ukraine......and in those places men actually do very well for themselves as long as they refuse to have children.......which is why the women are so angry at the men now.....but women are always angry at men now....it is standard so men like me take no notice of it.

[bennandsarah]

I am VERY thankful for the TERRIFIC ADVICE/IDEAS/SUPPORT. It' giving me lots to think about. I reread my o.p. and felt like i came off too boastful -- but it was important to describe what my legit circumstances are. Someone wiser than me once said; "American women are NOT impressed with intelligence, character, education, being a kind gent etc etc." ....gosh how true that is i find. THANKS AGAIN -- I'll continue to check back and read what is posted.
ps. on a side note -- the women here will not be impressed with anything i do -- they act like i'm crazy and discount what i am pursuing -- it's VERY amazing to me. The women care only about sports - beer - partying - muscles - money - and looks. Anytime I'm in the spotlight -- i've been talking about the lopsided dating arrangement here in the USA. I am on a mission to educate and inform about what dating has become. In my opinion, when lust is elevated -- and love and respect is ignored, it's a recipe for disaster.

[publicduende]

I am VERY thankful for the TERRIFIC ADVICE/IDEAS/SUPPORT. It' giving me lots to think about. I reread my o.p. and felt like i came off too boastful -- but it was important to describe what my legit circumstances are. Someone wiser than me once said; "American women are NOT impressed with intelligence, character, education, being a kind gent etc etc." ....gosh how true that is i find. THANKS AGAIN -- I'll continue to check back and read what is posted.
ps. on a side note -- the women here will not be impressed with anything i do -- they act like i'm crazy and discount what i am pursuing -- it's VERY amazing to me. The women care only about sports - beer - partying - muscles - money - and looks. Anytime I'm in the spotlight -- i've been talking about the lopsided dating arrangement here in the USA. I am on a mission to educate and inform about what dating has become. In my opinion, when lust is elevated -- and love and respect is ignored, it's a recipe for disaster.

Hi Benn, you're an interesting character. If you don't mind, do you have any videos of your comedy to share, perhaps on YT?

If I could add my 2 cents, it seems that virtually any country outside the US has a fair share of women who are interested in a man for who he is, and not for how much he can shell out for a dinner, or what brand of sports car he will be driving when they get picked up. I could add Italy is also full of nice young women, especially in the South. Also, perhaps a legacy of the American occupation after WW2, lots of Southern Italian women still have the stereotype of the American man as decent, interesting and intense. Life in a nice little town in Italy is quite cheap too, and you could be living in a place where people know each other ans you will be seeing as an interesting actor (no pun intended) in the community. Plus, there's a lot of request for mother tongue English teachers, especially outside the big towns.

Good luck with your pursuits!

[momopi]

I am SERIOUSLY DEPRESSED. The chronic pain is under control but daunting nevertheless. Here's what I'm thinking. I'm on social security disability for life -- about $1,000/month. I have healthcare. I have managed to save my pennies for years -- even with a FIXED INCOME -- I managed to save well over $50,000......... My education is done -- two masters degrees including a terminal MFA degree in drama, I have a top-notch resume, and have taught acting in colleges. I CAN NOT afford to live somewhere like a big city -- it's too costly with a p/t teaching gig -- and social security -- and the occasional cool acting gig. I'm in too much pain to work f/t. and if I stay here I'll die alone. There is absolutely NO CHANCE of dating here. and from these forums I've learned dating in the USA is hopeless if you are not in the top 20%. So.......

Can you provide a detailed description of your chronic pain and how you got it?

[PeterAndrewNolan]

I am VERY thankful for the TERRIFIC ADVICE/IDEAS/SUPPORT. It' giving me lots to think about. I reread my o.p. and felt like i came off too boastful -- but it was important to describe what my legit circumstances are. Someone wiser than me once said; "American women are NOT impressed with intelligence, character, education, being a kind gent etc etc." ....gosh how true that is i find. THANKS AGAIN -- I'll continue to check back and read what is posted.
ps. on a side note -- the women here will not be impressed with anything i do -- they act like i'm crazy and discount what i am pursuing -- it's VERY amazing to me. The women care only about sports - beer - partying - muscles - money - and looks. Anytime I'm in the spotlight -- i've been talking about the lopsided dating arrangement here in the USA. I am on a mission to educate and inform about what dating has become. In my opinion, when lust is elevated -- and love and respect is ignored, it's a recipe for disaster.

Benn,
I have a "three minute elevator pitch "which I have honed over the last few years when first talking to women. I always put in that I worked at NASA, that I was the youngest system architect in IBM Australia...that I was with one woman for 23 years and raised 4 kids renovating two houses along the way...was faithful all that time despite working in more than 20 countries over the 23 years my ex and I were together...and I always finish it with "and I guess I am just not good enough to be a husband to a western woman so I like to date eastern women".....and put a big smile on my face when I say that......the eastern european women get the joke.

Also..one of the things I love about being an alpha is the stuff you can say and get away with.....I was joining some friends for dinner in london and it was my job to scout for a place to eat....I check out a few local bars and came back to one where I had talked to the female manager....she said she was glad I came back and that she was sure she could provide me with everything I needed for a good evening with my friends.....and I replied "Well, I really would like a hot young blond but I gather you do not sell them here, so I will just make do with the food and drinks..." and I gave her a big alpha smile....

During the night she came to our table 4 or 5 times to make sure everything was ok........at the end of the night I had called my driver to come fetch me and was waiting for him....she gave me a free pint and made it clear that I really did not have to go home and sleep alone......I was too tired and too full of food and beer and she was not up to my standards so I just told her maybe next time.

I never did that stuff when I was married of course....but now it is a lot of fun to alpha women and watch how they respond. If you alpha these western women properly they are all over your like a rash.....but they are not very nice people....I very much prefer eastern european women...you do not have to alpha them much...if at all....they are really nice people....they have good hearts mostly.......

So do not feel so bad....even a man as accomplished as me is hated on by 99.9% of western women because I will not tolerate criminal acts by women and I am pointing those criminal acts out.

[Teal Lantern]

German men are very intelligent and very realistic about women....and the women do not like that one little bit..... German men have figured out the whole scheme and are acting on it....

How bad does it have to get before other Western men catch on, too? A critical mass, at least.

What you guys in the west do not realise is that I have seen your future....it is Germany then the Ukraine......and in those places men actually do very well for themselves as long as they refuse to have children.......which is why the women are so angry at the men now.....but women are always angry at men now....it is standard so men like me take no notice of it.

While I don't want to hijack the OPs thread , I'd certainly like to know more about what went on in Ukraine (UA) to make the men avoid marriage. Did/does UA have such "family law" policies as the West? If the UA men are avoiding UA women, maybe Western men should hold off, too. The angle their women put forth of "unreliable, cheating" men seems to leave something out of the story, to me.

[PeterAndrewNolan]

While I don't want to hijack the OPs thread , I'd certainly like to know more about what went on in Ukraine (UA) to make the men avoid marriage. Did/does UA have such "family law" policies as the West? If the UA men are avoiding UA women, maybe Western men should hold off, too. The angle their women put forth of "unreliable, cheating" men seems to leave something out of the story, to me.

Teal,
you should read up on Russian history meaning also ukrainian history.....no fault divorce was introduced by the bolshevicks and high child support was also introduced...this was 1917......a woman who accused a man of fathering her child would get 33% of the mans income and some of this assets....so there was wholesale false accusation of paternity going on......

The short story is the men quit working and the food supply disappeared......men would then simply steal what they needed to live and the people they stole from were women who did not have a man in the house....the women threw the kids into the street in their TENS OF MILLIONS because the state promised child support could not be collected from a man who refused to work....everyone was impoverished....the famines in the 20s and 30s were blamed on central control, weather...you name it...everything BUT the truth which was men quit working in their TENS OF MILLIONS.

It was mayhem...it was SO BAD that STALIN, that is right STALIN was the man who re-introduced hard to divorce laws in Russia in 1936. There are many who theorise that the reason stalin made sure so many men were killed off in the war was that these men knew how worthless they were considered to be and he needed a new generation of men....but the message got across. They only had no fault divorce for 20 years and it destroyed marriage...PERMANENTLY. If you think it was an "accident". After WW II Russia occupied Romania...in 46 they introduced no fault divorce and romania was decimated as a result....hard to divorce laws were re-instated in 66.....nothing doing...romanian men know what women are like now. As soon as you allow women to show their hand they do.

My fav#1 told me that in the 80s, before the end of the soviet union the men were so "bad" that if the man would be married with two children before about 22 or something he would be given a state apartment and excused military duty......and they STILL would not get married......I turned that around for her and said men would rather pay for their own house and go for a three year stint in Afghanistan than marry a russian woman.....and that tells you how bad they view russian women as wives.

That SHOCKED her...no one had told her about the betrayal of the women....she said her grandmother had told her how wonderful it was that she could divorce her "bad" husband.....and I pointed out to her that all women claim to have "bad husbands" and that if a woman can walk away and take the baby then the men "get it".

I pointed out to her that she did that to her husband she married young...walked out with the baby......then she wonders why he does not want to be in the boys life.....now her son is 19 and does not want a family of his own and she is upset...he is her only son. No daughter.....I told her he does not want a family because he does not get one even if he tries.....she can leave him at any time.

I said to her once....remember, she has only one son.

"Consider this....your son falls in love and marries the girl of his dreams...they have a little girl and you get the grand daughter that you wanted as a daughter.......say your son works as hard as he can and does the best he can.....then his wife meets a new man and he has more money and she decides to leave your son and shack up with the new man......he does not see his little girl and he is so heartbroken he kills himself.....in one stroke you have lost your son and your grand daughter because you will never see her again."

She PHYSICALLY SHUDDERED when I ran that scenario past her.....

She said "Never say anything like that to me again. That was too horrible to hear"

And I said "That happens to women just like you every day of the week in Australia. It is the sons of women just like you whose life I am trying to save."

She looked at me with such intensity right then and there I knew she "got it". She had seen much of my comments about women as being anti-women to some extent...but in that instant she knew full well that every man who kills himself over a child stolen has a mother who is also the grand mother of the child who loses her son and grand child in the one disastrous event that was instigated by the woman.

She also has a brother who has a partner who just had a little girl. I pointed out to her that the woman can leave and take the little girl with her and her brother would never see the little girl again and neither would she see her niece again. Then I asked her how often had she bothered to take her son to see his fathers parents over the last 20 years? Her comment was "his father was not interested and they were not interested"....which hid her answer of "almost never" which she was not forthcoming with.

So I pointed out to her that the very fact she walked out with her husbands child when he was still under 20 and was only a boy himself...and that she got pregnant deliberately before he was ready to be a father.....means that she can have no complaint if some woman does exactly the same to her son.......

She did not like any of this being said to her.......but I pointed out "you ask me why there are no good husbands in the Ukraine? It is because your great grand mothers, your grand mothers, your mothers, and now you, have demonstrated that you can walk out of the house with the baby and he has got no say in it. That is why they will not labour for the children. They know they can be stolen at any time just like you did, just like my wife did."

You son is doing the right thing by HIM......

[publicduende]

Peter, I know you're a BI professional but your best skills on display on this forum are definitely those of a storyteller. Honest, you do have a story to tell, and you clearly have it etched onto your skin and elaborated it to an incredible extent.

Mate, have you ever thought of writing a book about it? I mean not an essay like Truth Be Told, an actual fiction novel inspired by your personal ordeal? It would be best seller material, and all in all a vehicle that may help your message reach a far wider audience.

And who knows, as well as getting you a good deal from a publisher and perhaps some cinematic transposition options, it could help you with your demons. You wouldn't be the first author who gets his catharses from writing.

[Jackal]

Bennandsarah, are you willing to teach English overseas, at least to start with? Most teaching jobs at high schools only involve about 20 hours per week actually at the school. The rest of the time is lesson preparation which can be done at home sitting comfortably. I would think that you would be the ultimate English teacher because of your acting and comedy background! However, a lot of schools in Europe require a college degree... Do you have one? But I think that you might be able to teach in the Ukraine or in more remote FSU countries without one. I know that there are a lot of expats in Kazakhstan now.

Be careful of PAN. You are exactly what he has been looking for: a confused, unhappy man with money! I wouldn't give him any money for his services, if I were you.