It does not give a good impression for first time posters (critique)

[mattyman]

I had to say this. The main complaint is a disconnect between what you read in Winstons articles, and what you see posted on the forum, which I think could put-off new members & returning members.

When I saw the latest 100 topics (intermittent member registered for 10 years)
There were a lot of a) smearing of the author of the site, b) posts with attacks on people they don't agree with, c) posts attacking the intended audience (people who were in Winston's situation who need ways to expand their social circle, even if outside their community).

The ranking system; based on frequency of posting
The only caveat with this is what if the most frequent posters may not be a) supportive to other members who're currently in the same situation that Winston was in (nor relate) and b) are the most likely to attack people in such situations, c) those they disagree with. If that's the case is does not give a good look. When I look at the ‘latest topics’ that’s the impression I get.

Far cry from when I joined (regarding what it has become)
I personally wouldn't want to call into a place where I'm going to get attacked and bullied, which is being over-run by bullies. That's the atmosphere conveys as a returning member. far cry from when I joined in 2010.

Business is business
I can see why so many forums are DYING. They're either a) being over-run by trolls or b) over-moderated and authoritarian. Both extremes drive traffic away & make would be and returning members turn to corporate social media. Bottom line.

In this site there is the dating site income stream (probably kinder people than the forum).

Bottom line
DON'T DRIVE AWAY THE TARGET AUDIENCE!

TRAFFIC MATTERS!!

The above attracts and drives traffic away. If new and returning members don't get a good impression of the quality of discussion (e.g. consistent), they'll bugger-off. Don't let it become a) over-run by trolls or b) over-authoritarian.

[Winston]

What do you suggest we do?

[mattyman]

RE what do I suggest? better moderation;
-if first reply to post is insults of poster
-attacking repliers to the OP with insults
Not acceptable!

If people reply with insults, that's not acceptable.

Those are the primary things.

Other things;
-if attacking, belittling & sneering at people who're lonely, struggling to meet new people (the original), not acceptable (they want to do something about it, want to share how they're doing)

If people reply with only insults to the OP-er (original poster), that's not acceptable..

That's a suggestion.

[jerryrigged]

c) posts attacking the intended audience (people who were in Winston's situation who need ways to expand their social circle, even if outside their community).

This almost always happens when organic communities get infiltrated with normative types.

[Winston]

RE what do I suggest? better moderation;
-if first reply to post is insults of poster
-attacking repliers to the OP with insults
Not acceptable!

If people reply with insults, that's not acceptable.

Those are the primary things.

Other things;
-if attacking, belittling & sneering at people who're lonely, struggling to meet new people (the original), not acceptable (they want to do something about it, want to share how they're doing)

If people reply with only insults to the OP-er (original poster), that's not acceptable..

That's a suggestion.

I've warned people who attack and heckle people for no reason. Most of the time it's been fixed. But it recurs because there are many angry people and trolls and bullies here. If we ban them, then there won't be many people left. It's a tough call. We also gotta defend free speech too. But of course free speech doesn't include bullying and random insults.

[Shemp]

Reddit is nothing but a bunch of forums with the same issue of absent or ban-happy moderators. Reason Reddit is flourishing is young people want to be part of a big, successful organization, like Reddit, YouTube, Google. Of course, anything associated with such big organisations is subject to group think and censorship. In particular, God help you if you question the tranny phenomenon. Forums like HA will never be popular unless Winston joins the hive mind, repeats what everyone else is saying, focuses on fame and getting rich quick, etc. Travel forum/blogs that do that, like Tim Ferriss or johnnyfd blogs attract a decent audience. Note that JohnnyFD is Taiwanese-American, grew up in California, overweight, likes Eastern Europe, etc, so lots in common with Winston. But JohnnyFD has the grifter/conman vibe that Americans love, get rich quick selling advice about how to get rich quick, whereas Winston lacks that.

Given that the masses are always asses, seeking fame amounts to seeking the applause of fools.

[Winston]

I agree that the quality here has gone down somewhat. But we do have entertaining posters like Daddy Wu, and informative ones too, like jerryrigged, the two outcast*** posters, etc. You guys should stop focusing on the negative only. That's a bad part of human nature.

There seems to be a conundrum here. Either this forum is full of fake, plastic, fake it til you make it, get rich quick type folks, which are common in America, like Shemp said above. Or it's full of trolls, whiny losers, ranters, one uppers like PAG, pissing contests like between CE and Hypermak, etc like we have now. I was hoping it would be full of authentic down to earth civilized men who are all about genuine quality. But that's hard to get. Productive men don't usually post on forums much. It's the ranters who need to vent that post on forums. You guys keep forgetting that. The cool crowd would not come here because we sound like losers to people who are part of the cool crowd. The cool crowd only goes toward hip places like Instagram, Reddit, TikTok, etc. They don't like to touch losers like us. We are lucky to have some mainstream people here, like HouseMD at least, who find us mildly amusing enough to visit.

Either way folks, you can't fight destiny or what's meant to be. Like attracts like. We only attract other misfits and ranters like ourselves. We can't expect any more. Yes there are more misfits out there that may come here and join and participate. But we will never be seen as mainstream or cool. Even most expats will avoid us because we are too whiny and negative, not positive like everyone wants to be.

[Winston]

Keep in mind that we have to be realistic. The basic law of the universe is that like attracts like. Therefore, we are only gonna attract those misfits similar to ourselves who are abrasive, no nonsense, and not afraid to tell it like it is. We aren't going to attract cool crowd types or mainstream types or positive junkie types. We are only gonna attract misfits and losers like ourselves. So you can't expect me to be something I'm not just to attract a mainstream crowd.

Most people are either very politically correct, or the BS fake it til you make it, get rich quick types, like Shemp said. Most people are not gonna be as truthful and hate fakeness like we are. Like Shemp said, most Americans LOVE fakeness. Only a small minority hate it. Remember in America, it's ok to be fake and full of it, as long as you are POSITIVE. That's what counts in America. You can lie and be fake, as long as you are POSITIVE.

We are fortunate that we have some mainstream types like HouseMD and Momopi who have taken an morbid curiosity with us. And colorful characters like Daddy Wu too. But hey no one here is boring at least. Unlike mainstream Asians with no opinions or observation skills.

We also attract braggarts like PAG who see us as misfit losers so he can come here and be the alpha male. A bully can only become alpha if he compares himself with those who are deemed losers.

[Winston]

Keep in mind everyone, that you can be honest yet tactful at the same time. For instance, when talking about pursuing foreign women, do you see the difference between these two statements below?

1. American women suck. They are bitches with bad attitude. Better to date foreign women abroad.

2. Love has no borders. One can find their soulmate anywhere. No need to be limited by one's borders.

Do you see the difference? Which is more tactful and less antagonistic and less negative? That's why romance tour sites like AFA and Mark Davis' site use #2 in their wording, not #1. If we started being more like #2 too, we would attract more mainstream people. Do you see what I mean? Our language is too abrasive and antagonistic, under the guise of truth. Wise people know better than to be too truthful and honest all the time. There are ways of being truthful without being so offensive. Do you see what I mean? Where do you draw the line between tactfulness and political correctness? That's the question.

[Winston]

Do you mean I should be an Asian version of this guru Marcos? lol

viewtopic.php?style=11&f=32&t=43791

[Gali]

Selfimprovement is the answer

https://www.reddit.com/r/getdisciplined ... f_the_top/


THEORY:
(Long time lurker, but this sub is pretty positive so I feel like I can share)

I had a theory.

The theory was that we are surrounded by information. In the sea of information, if we could sort all the most useful information into one book, we could provide a manual of life changing advice & help into one brief guide.

But how do we organize what is most important?

What better way to advocate for something being useful than an upvote right?

So I decided to find all the top self-help reddit threads of all time and read through all the top posts of this year. Then, I combined all the most common advice into a cheat sheet, with the most common advice prioritized at the top.

My end goal is to one day provide a "Basic Human Needs" course, where I could hopefully pass along all the useful advice I've collected from the over 300+ self-help books I've read and (literally) thousands of articles & posts I've combed through over time and form a virtual big brother / virtual mentor created from the internet.

(I never had a father to teach me stuff. Thanks to you all, I actually feel prepared for life.)

-

METHOD:
I first went to http://redditmetrics.com/top and combed through the top 800 subreddits that had anything to do with self-help. These include getdisciplined, lifehacks, personalfinance, startup, and lots more.

I then opened up each subreddit, where I sorted by the top posts over the past year, and began to comb through each subreddit for common themes. Initial phases were rather difficult, because I had to type up anything that sounded like it would come up again.

After documenting all the themes, I then grabbed a new document and put together a clean list of all the things that began to repeat.

Anywhere that you see a x2, x3, etc. That is the number of times a concept is repeated almost verbatim in a post. Otherwise, it is ranked by how often the concept was loosely repeated.

I am fully aware that this isn't as scientific as I'd like this to be. I plan to do this again for All-Time, attach the spreadsheet of the data analysis, a list of subreddits analyzed and the posts within. I did not have enough time to do this over the weekend I could dedicate to this project.

WARNING: This is a prototype and it's ugly. Also, none of this is my opinion - just others.

-

RESULTS:
Success:
Optimism makes people perform better. Most importantly, the optimism that literally anything can be defeated with enough effort. Every obstacle is merely a challenge, not a threat. x 8

Habits are what form and deform your life. Humans are short-sighted. Build a ritual that will, much like compound interest, build an amazing life. x6
Working out twice a day for a week won’t do much. But a year could make for a transformation. Failure is not one dramatic fall, but a series of small failures, compounded over a longer period. X 5

Scale slowly. An overnight success still had 1 step up goals every hour. A billion dollar company once only had a goal of a million dollars. Set numerous small, achievable, bite sized goals - as opposed to a few, huge chunky goals. X 4

Authenticity is king. People enjoy authentic people, respect authentic people and welcome authentic people. x 4

Common sense beats all rules, stipulations and otherwise. You likely know most of what you learn, it’s simply being reorganized to fit your mind better. When it’s time to take action, trust that you know what you’re doing and focus solely on moving. x 3

Success comes from trying something, failing and modifying the action - Thousands of times. No amount of preparation (beyond the basic) can prepare you for the first day with sharks. ACTION + MODIFICATION = RESULTS x 3

Show small amounts of gratitude every day. Make it apart of your ritual. The gratitude forces you to focus on the things you are happy about. Small gratitude is low commitment and high reward. X 2

Establish 3 to 20 second barriers between bad habits. Take batteries out the remote. Put junk food in trunk of car. It won’t stop you completely. But it will decrease significantly. Make positive habits easier. Pack a healthy lunch. X 2

A huge part of succeeding at something is simply showing up. Even if that means you just walked in the door and back out. If you show up, the math says you’ll succeed, eventually. X 3

Go 150% + beyond what you are expected to do. This is a 100% way to gain immediate traction. Applied with consistency can skyrocket results. x 2

Practice task isolation. The only thing that matters in that moment is the task at hand. Work on that task only until you are ready to stop. Nothing else matters until. X 2

Constantly be evaluating yourself. Every year, every month, week, day, hour. - Do this 100% objectively and healthily. The more you look at yourself objectively and decide what you’re doing right and wrong, the better feedback you can use to improve. X 2

If you are always the smartest person in the room, you’re probably in a room full of idiots or you’re lying to yourself.

Double down on your strengths. Neutralize your weaknesses. Make them just capable enough to swim still water.

Adaptation is the key to survival. You cannot run over a jungle, but with the right small, frequent adjustments, you can run through a jungle.

Discipline is not just following a plan when you need a plan, but following the plan when you’ve succeeded. Make a plan and follow it, regardless of your emotions.

When you first wake up, try breathing faster and faster until hyperventilation. It makes your body kick into awake mode quickly.

Try fasting from a bad habit completely. Replace it with something less bad. Over time, you can replace a lot of small bad habits with less bad habits and get big change.

Organization, habits and the process of planning is actually all simply tools to clear space in your brain. You cannot use a car efficiently if it is jammed to the ceiling with clothes and furniture that belong in your house. And the furniture and clothes can’t be used correctly either.

Take stock in the understanding that 90% of successful people are doing a lot of hustle underneath the glam and money. They wake up early, they skip parties and they work - A LOT.

Automate literally every task you do not enjoy. It will make your life focus on the things you do enjoy.

Most habits can be changed by finding the belief rooted to it and finding all the evidence you can to break it. - “The gym is a chore.” *Watch documentaries about people who love the gym* "I love sugary foods" *Watch documentaries about sugar causing disease* - You are what you subscribe to.

Tell no one your goals. Talking gives you a rush of endorphins and dopamine. You “dope yourself out” on talking and never get anywhere.

No amount of regret can bring back the dead. Love immensely and give your friends and family what they deserve as soon as possible and as often as possible.

Chain together successful tasks and create the illustration of commitment, thus reducing your likelihood to miss out. - Crossing off days on a calendar chains a habit and thus reduces the chance to break it.

Stage every commitment so you only give what you get back, and scale it slowly. Put in 1 cent, if it gives back 1 cent, then put in 5 cents. If it gives back 5 cents, continue. Never Give 100% to an idea you haven’t tested at 10%, 25%, 50%, 75% etc.

Never show your cards first in a negotiation. The offer they have in mind may be much higher than you’re thinking.

In a dispute, ask for proof of everything. Make the process draining for the other party if you’re in the right and they are forcing you to wade through mud.

Finance:
Every successful person saves money. EVERY. SUCCESSFUL. PERSON. SAVES. MONEY. Save, at the very least, 10%

Every successful person invests. Invest in a bank, invest in real estate, invest in yourself. No matter how you invest, it’s the only way to grow. Spend your money on things that grow. - This includes your health.

Do not skip on insurance. The peace of mind that disaster will not ruin you is worth the duty paid.

One of the most common failures in business & personal is the mismanagement of funds. Be very meticulous with how you spend your money.

Social:
Listen to people. Ask open-ended questions to get someone to talk. Why, what and how questions. To enhance listening, look for a one sentence life lesson to take from every story / interaction. x 4

You are upset because no one calls you to do things. So is the person who didn’t call you. Initiate activity. This is a solid way to be invited to more things, meet new people and have fun. X 2

Group activities are always more comfortable.

Have a specific plan in place of who, what, when, where & why.

Sometimes the event will fall apart. This is common. Do it anyways. It’s worth it.

Social people invite others out when they feel lonely. Antisocial people wait for a phone call. Antisocial people have a higher probability of being lonely.

Traveling & expanding your social circle makes you more confident in who you are.

Be 10% more excited than the person you are talking to in positive conversations.

You have value to add to every interaction. Whether it’s with a CEO or a janitor. No matter your past - If you’ve burned many bridges, at least you had bridges to burn.

If 10 people in a row reject you as a friend, that’s only .000000015 percent of the world’s population. You’ve got a whole lot more to choose from.

Small talk is the door to deep friendship. You must make small talk first. You first said “Hi” to your significant other, you first had an interview at a company. People need to know you won’t stab them before they want to hang out.

Letting go of the thought that people have to like you is the best decision you will ever make. People would have liked or disliked you regardless of how lightly you tread.

Talk to people’s emotions. A metalhead and a classical music lover can connect on how emotional they get during a raw, deep piece.

Health:
Get 6-8 hours of sleep. It can cause huge detriments to your wellbeing to get less. X 3

Go to sleep and wake up at the same time every day. X 2

Sleep is one of the more important aspects of health, right beside nutrition and exercise. Master these three and you are doing well.

Optimum sleep temperature is 61-64 degrees F. Optimal sleep warm up is 1 hour before bed to begin process attempting sleep. - No screens, no exercise, no stress.

Meditation provides a range of health benefits.

Exposure to nature prevented hay fever and other illnesses in cavemen.

Stem cells regrow the body.

Alcohol consumption linked to many diseases we didn’t think - such as Alzheimer's, Dementia, Cancer, etc. Alcohol companies are funding research to make alcohol okay or “healthy”. X 2

Not exercising is worse for your health than smoking, diabetes and heart disease.

Tobacco use linked to a quarter of a billion life-years lost vs. illegal drugs accounting for only tens of millions.

Education linked to better health than income. Intelligent people make smarter health decisions that prevent the need for reactive, potentially too-late healthcare.

Dropping smartphones from evening activity led to 93.6% of participants opting to keep their phones off at night. - Increased happiness, focus & wellbeing.

Dark chocolate is a superfood. Good for health and mind.

Business:
WHO matters most, then WHY, then HOW, then WHAT, then WHEN. Hire the right people with the right motives who follow a great plan and what you do and when you do it should work out on it’s own. x 2

Facebook, Uber, AirBnb, eBay - All got their start connecting two people together who could help each other. None have inventory, shipping centers, etc.

Buy low, sell high. Every business is in the business of buying something cheaper than they sell it. Simplify your business by asking what you’re buying for cheap, and selling for more.

Personal letters are the only way to get through a noisy world today. Find a way to personalize every communication you send.

The product will sell itself. Build a product that people will talk about.

Test EVERYTHING. We live in a hyper-feedback world. Run test after test and build on what works. Methodically test every single aspect of your business.

“Big Picture” thinkers don’t work well in a startup. You need detail oriented thinkers to calculate every move and thought.

Ideas are like treadmills. It can be a catalyst to something great, but will require you to execute methodically and frequently. A treadmill without work is worthless.

One of the most common failures in business & personal is the mismanagement of funds. Be very meticulous with how you spend your money.

The best marketing is word of mouth. Talk to the loudest birds and get noticed effortlessly.

Know your worth. Ask for that raise. It costs money to replace an employee, and it could be a significant amount.

-

Im not sure if I can post links here, but if someone wants it, I have a printable Google Doc of the cheat sheet. I read it once a week or so.

I also did this with most sold self-help books of all-time if anyone is interested.

[Gali]

MEDITATION

is the most important point in SI.

Do not make a post before doing at least 30 minutes of meditation. Chances are that your content will become much better.

[Winston]

Meditation is great. However, most people don't do it right and it doesn't work for many people. This wise Indian guru named Sadhguru explains why and what to do about it.

[Gali]

Sad Guru is a grifter. Do not trust him.

Like with everything you have to do some experimentation till you get there. It is not too difficult.

[yick]

I had to say this. The main complaint is a disconnect between what you read in Winstons articles, and what you see posted on the forum, which I think could put-off new members & returning members.

When I saw the latest 100 topics (intermittent member registered for 10 years)
There were a lot of a) smearing of the author of the site, b) posts with attacks on people they don't agree with, c) posts attacking the intended audience (people who were in Winston's situation who need ways to expand their social circle, even if outside their community).

The ranking system; based on frequency of posting
The only caveat with this is what if the most frequent posters may not be a) supportive to other members who're currently in the same situation that Winston was in (nor relate) and b) are the most likely to attack people in such situations, c) those they disagree with. If that's the case is does not give a good look. When I look at the ‘latest topics’ that’s the impression I get.

Far cry from when I joined (regarding what it has become)
I personally wouldn't want to call into a place where I'm going to get attacked and bullied, which is being over-run by bullies. That's the atmosphere conveys as a returning member. far cry from when I joined in 2010.

Business is business
I can see why so many forums are DYING. They're either a) being over-run by trolls or b) over-moderated and authoritarian. Both extremes drive traffic away & make would be and returning members turn to corporate social media. Bottom line.

In this site there is the dating site income stream (probably kinder people than the forum).

Bottom line
DON'T DRIVE AWAY THE TARGET AUDIENCE!

TRAFFIC MATTERS!!

The above attracts and drives traffic away. If new and returning members don't get a good impression of the quality of discussion (e.g. consistent), they'll bugger-off. Don't let it become a) over-run by trolls or b) over-authoritarian.

There is no real quality to be found on these forums at this point. Hardly anyone worth listening to is posting, and those who know their shit have long since left, tired of having their well-meant advice thrown in the wind and ignored. You may dislike people like @Yick but he's one of the people actually abroad, working his ass of and getting laid every once in a while. He has some friends, he's making a life for himself. He's abrasive to you, because he likely sees a lack of effort in you. I don't know. Don't really care. There's just a very small group of people actually abroad, and the rest seems to be a sorry group of whiners and nobodies. Even Tsar and Cornfed, long derided for their lack of activity and perceived laziness, have since relocated to Mexico and seem to be doing something with their lives. I visit every once in a while to see what they're up to. I wish everyone the best. But the forum is shit, and there's no real sense of community. Just a lot of one-upping one another, little pissing matches and psychotic outbursts triggered by trolls that, somehow, never get banned because the moderator doesn't seem to give a damn.

I think you are pretty spot on regards my attitude towards the OP @MarcosZeitola - I am not interested in his half baked theories on COVID-19 - I want to read about his plans for travel - by the way, even by his own admission - none of his friends are interested in his lockdown obsessions either on Facebook as they all go ignored - so if the people who know him and like him couldn't give a shit about his opinions then why should I?

What I love reading about are plans to change lives, reading about Cornfed and his move to Mexico was great reading and I gave out encouragement to him and he did as did Tsar - I don't agree with basically anything they have to say on political and social matters but when it comes to them making the move to change their lives then I am in their corner 100%.

The OP (Mattyman...) had tried going abroad once and he came home after a few weeks - he went to Spain and since then - these last 10 years - he hasn't done a thing about rectifying the situation - now, this pandemic has stopped him doing something that he has no intention of doing - instead of him going on some OCD rant about this lockdown - which he has no knowledge of apart from watching YouTube 'experts' - I want him to plan his life abroad and I will back his posts 100% - he won't do that because he has no intentions of going abroad.

I have written my tale here on how I managed to get myself abroad - it wasn't easy and I had to do things I didn't want to do to make it work but now I am here - the thing I want the most for Mattyman and all the others to do is to make their wishes come true - not in 2025 or whenever - plan the f***ing thing now and make it happen - the last thing I want to read from him and all the others who I have crossed swords with is their f***ed up, right-wing, conspiracy nut world view... it's 'happier abroad' not 'I'm a conspiracy nut numbnut stuck in my hometown'.

As as middle aged man - Matty man laments on the fact he doesn't have any close friends to go hiking not realising that by middle age - your friends are busy with their lives and families as most of them have got married, have kids and mortgages which means they have to work so time is at a premium but if he is as boring and anal retentive, passive aggressive, obsessive as he is on here - it's no f***ing surprise he has no friends...