Forging One's Own Unique Identity and Sexual Attraction

[Lucas88]

I remember when I was coming back from an MMA class with a training partner of mine and we had a conversation about glory and achievement. As he pulled into the driveway in front of my house, he said to me: "There's nothing worse than being average".

Those words stuck with me. I had always felt the same way. Being some unremarkable average joe is one of my greatest fears.

In this world one must forge one's own unique identity. One must develop individual qualities and find ways to stand out from the rest. Even though the ego is frowned upon by many, having a big ego can be undeniably useful for the pursuit of glory and distinction. Many highly successful people such as athletes and artists of various kinds - especially those who are trailblazers or innovators in their field - have big egos. It is arguably that same big ego that motivates them to pursue higher goals and excellence. Even if one is not some kind of elite athlete or renowned artist, it is still beneficial in my view to forge one's own unique identity and distinguish oneself from the amorphous herd of mediocrity. It is better to stand out as one of those rare types and therefore come across as possessing some kind of unusual source of attraction. If one pursues any kind of uniqueness, he will be loved by some and hated by others, but that's life.

I understand that many dislike those who have big egos and a lot of self-love and who dare to be different from the rest - especially if they have real unusual achievements too and are not just some eccentric crank. The jealous haters like to go after anybody who doesn't fit into their own mold of mediocrity and whose presence threatens their own fragile egos. The religious priestcraft types attempt to convince us that the ego is a sin and even teach that one must destroy the ego (because they want to subject us to their one ideology and vision of life and thereby control us). And, unfortunately, today in the 21st century the pursuit of uniqueness has tragically degenerated into a popularity contest for likes on social media with tweets and selfies as the medium and fashionable "woke" opinions as currency for "snowflake" status. But there is no reason to pay attention to the haters and the religious slave moralists. The great body of life that we call the world is full of flamboyance and eccentricity and only knows diversity and experimental proliferation. In light of this surely the best thing that one can do with the gift of life would be to embrace all of one's own eccentricities and remarkable traits, crank them up to eleven and thereby become the most interesting creation as possible for whatever transcendental force put us here.

Enough of my philosophical ramblings. Making a conscious effort to forge oneself a unique identity is also a highly practical endeavor. Cultivating certain virtues or otherwise points of uniqueness is useful for attracting ladies who generally prefer interesting guys (it is human nature to be intrigued and drawn in by the unusual). So this topic largely overlaps with dating strategies, although its main focus is certainly more about the conscious cultivation of one's core self as opposed to merely temporary strategies for getting girls. It's more about attempting to become a larger-than-life character who is attractive for attraction's own sake.

Here are some ideas that I've thought of for this goal:

The Development of a Great Physique

I grew up watching pro wrestling (it's still real to me, damnit!) and was always blown away with the amazing physiques and feats of athleticism of the men who graced the squared circle. Then I became fascinated with MMA and other combat sports and continued to marvel at the athletic bodies and unusual physical attributes of the athletes involved. This all left a deep impression on me. Ever since I was a young teenager, I've always been obsessed with musculature, physical fitness and athletic performance. I began weight training at the age of 13 and then got into Brazilian Jiujitsu and MMA at the age of 15. I've even been tempted to take steroids because I'm so infatuated with the superhuman physiques of certain wresters and athletes, kinda like how @WilliamSmith is with his 80s golden age bodybuilders and action heroes.

Anyway, the development of a great physique is undeniably an awesome investment. Women will love you and be more sexually attracted to you. People in general will respect you more because they'll perceive you as masculine and in shape. You'll have superior physical abilities to most other men (provided that your training is functional and not just aimed at obscene amounts of mass like modern bodybuilding is). You'll also feel hot and have much more confidence and won't hesitate to strip naked as long as you have a decent pecker to go with your chiseled masculine physique.




The Adoption of a Unique Dress Style

This one is more on the cosmetic side. I admit that I struggle with this one myself and intend to open a new thread about fashion styles for men in the near future. However, in order to stand out and appear attractive, I think that it is a good idea to develop one's own unique dress style. You could choose a smart-looking but timeless dress style without paying much attention to current popular designer brands (a more conservative approach) or conversely you could adopt something more unique and personal. @WilliamSmith favors the retro baddass look with a leather jacket. He takes his influence from ultra-macho 80s and 90s action movies. @WanderingProtagonist once mentioned that he dresses like Michael Jackson from the music video for "Bad". It got him some attention from the ladies. Even Winston says that he prefers to dress in preppy clothes that look smart. Maybe that's how he laid all of those Russian girls without even having to pay! You don't have to follow fashion trends. That's a waste of money anyway. The point is simply to develop a smart and attractive dress style that sets you apart from most. You could even go full Prince mode but minus the high heels and the effeminacy!

Hairstyle is also important. Find a unique hairstyle that adds character. If you're a Black dude, you could grow a baddass fro like those from the 70s disco scene. If you're a White dude, you could sport long golden locks like the legendary pro wrestler Mr. Perfect. An Asian dude could opt for one of the flamboyant hairstyles that are popular in Asia right now but without going too effeminate. We all have our male role models from the days of yore (back when men were actually men and not getting dressed up in drag on Queer Street like the "woke" liberal men of today). We can use them for inspiration!

Mr. Perfect (aka Curt Hennig)




The Pursuit of More Unique Abilities and Achievements

In the competitive world one must pursue virtues that provide value or otherwise constitute a source of attraction. That is just a fact of life. Here, since we aim to stand out from the common multitude, we are going for more unusual talents and achievements. Athletic endeavors can be a good option, even if you don't ever go pro. Athletes are generally regarded as attractive and their elite levels of physical fitness distinguishes them from the out-of-shape majority of men. Some athletic avenues such as martial arts also constitute a discipline in their own right with much technique to learn and a culture of self-improvement. I've seen guys who were previously unpopular dorks take up MMA and compete at amateur events and then become popular with girls as a result. They cultivated their primal masculinity through a higher discipline and manifested it in the visible world and became irresistible to a large subset of the female population with their newfound warrior machismo. Musicianship is also an excellent option. Many chicks are awed by unusual creativity and musical ability in general. Guys who are in bands and who are good with instruments have chicks chasing them and groupies even if they are just a relatively unknown local act. This pursuit is not limited to athletic endeavors and musicianship. There are many other creative/artistic endeavors that can make a guy attractive and desirable to females (or to the same sex if he's one of those drama people ).



The Cultivation of Charisma

I don't really need to say much about this. Charisma goes a long way when it comes to influencing people and attracting the opposite sex. A man should learn how to polish his conversation skills and carry himself in an attractive way. He should learn how to hold a woman's interest and enthrall her with charm and magnetism. Charisma is perhaps one of the most elusive traits of personality. It's like that mysterious it-factor. Some people are just extremely magnetic and it's often hard to pinpoint why. I think that the best approach to becoming more charismatic is to observe the behavior of widely recognized charismatic people such as old-school movie characters/actors. @WilliamSmith takes this approach. He likes to imitate the suave masculine charisma of the old James Bond movies, although I forget which James Bond actor he favors the most.

I'm not an expert of charisma. I'm socially awkward and find it hard to talk to strangers and especially women. But I've found that, once a girl gets to know me, I can tap into some deeper hidden charisma and they often find me attractive as a result.




The above is my reflection on forging one's own unique identity in the world and ways to do it. I wonder what others have to add to the discussion.

[WanderingProtagonist]

I remember when I was coming back from an MMA class with a training partner of mine and we had a conversation about glory and achievement. As he pulled into the driveway in front of my house, he said to me: "There's nothing worse than being average".

Those words stuck with me. I had always felt the same way. Being some unremarkable average joe is one of my greatest fears.

In this world one must forge one's own unique identity. One must develop individual qualities and find ways to stand out from the rest. Even though the ego is frowned upon by many, having a big ego can be undeniably useful for the pursuit of glory and distinction. Many highly successful people such as athletes and artists of various kinds - especially those who are trailblazers or innovators in their field - have big egos. It is arguably that same big ego that motivates them to pursue higher goals and excellence. Even if one is not some kind of elite athlete or renowned artist, it is still beneficial in my view to forge one's own unique identity and distinguish oneself from the amorphous herd of mediocrity. It is better to stand out as one of those rare types and therefore come across as possessing some kind of unusual source of attraction. If one pursues any kind of uniqueness, he will be loved by some and hated by others, but that's life.

I understand that many dislike those who have big egos and a lot of self-love and who dare to be different from the rest - especially if they have real unusual achievements too and are not just some eccentric crank. The jealous haters like to go after anybody who doesn't fit into their own mold of mediocrity and whose presence threatens their own fragile egos. The religious priestcraft types attempt to convince us that the ego is a sin and even teach that one must destroy the ego (because they want to subject us to their one ideology and vision of life and thereby control us). And, unfortunately, today in the 21st century the pursuit of uniqueness has tragically degenerated into a popularity contest for likes on social media with tweets and selfies as the medium and fashionable "woke" opinions as currency for "snowflake" status. But there is no reason to pay attention to the haters and the religious slave moralists. The great body of life that we call the world is full of flamboyance and eccentricity and only knows diversity and experimental proliferation. In light of this surely the best thing that one can do with the gift of life would be to embrace all of one's own eccentricities and remarkable traits, crank them up to eleven and thereby become the most interesting creation as possible for whatever transcendental force put us here.

Enough of my philosophical ramblings. Making a conscious effort to forge oneself a unique identity is also a highly practical endeavor. Cultivating certain virtues or otherwise points of uniqueness is useful for attracting ladies who generally prefer interesting guys (it is human nature to be intrigued and drawn in by the unusual). So this topic largely overlaps with dating strategies, although its main focus is certainly more about the conscious cultivation of one's core self as opposed to merely temporary strategies for getting girls. It's more about attempting to become a larger-than-life character who is attractive for attraction's own sake.

Here are some ideas that I've thought of for this goal:

The Development of a Great Physique

I grew up watching pro wrestling (it's still real to me, damnit!) and was always blown away with the amazing physiques and feats of athleticism of the men who graced the squared circle. Then I became fascinated with MMA and other combat sports and continued to marvel at the athletic bodies and unusual physical attributes of the athletes involved. This all left a deep impression on me. Ever since I was a young teenager, I've always been obsessed with musculature, physical fitness and athletic performance. I began weight training at the age of 13 and then got into Brazilian Jiujitsu and MMA at the age of 15. I've even been tempted to take steroids because I'm so infatuated with the superhuman physiques of certain wresters and athletes, kinda like how @WilliamSmith is with his 80s golden age bodybuilders and action heroes.

Anyway, the development of a great physique is undeniably an awesome investment. Women will love you and be more sexually attracted to you. People in general will respect you more because they'll perceive you as masculine and in shape. You'll have superior physical abilities to most other men (provided that your training is functional and not just aimed at obscene amounts of mass like modern bodybuilding is). You'll also feel hot and have much more confidence and won't hesitate to strip naked as long as you have a decent pecker to go with your chiseled masculine physique.




The Adoption of a Unique Dress Style

This one is more on the cosmetic side. I admit that I struggle with this one myself and intend to open a new thread about fashion styles for men in the near future. However, in order to stand out and appear attractive, I think that it is a good idea to develop one's own unique dress style. You could choose a smart-looking but timeless dress style without paying much attention to current popular designer brands (a more conservative approach) or conversely you could adopt something more unique and personal. @WilliamSmith favors the retro baddass look with a leather jacket. He takes his influence from ultra-macho 80s and 90s action movies. @WanderingProtagonist once mentioned that he dresses like Michael Jackson from the music video for "Bad". It got him some attention from the ladies. Even Winston says that he prefers to dress in preppy clothes that look smart. Maybe that's how he laid all of those Russian girls without even having to pay! You don't have to follow fashion trends. That's a waste of money anyway. The point is simply to develop a smart and attractive dress style that sets you apart from most. You could even go full Prince mode but minus the high heels and the effeminacy!

Hairstyle is also important. Find a unique hairstyle that adds character. If you're a Black dude, you could grow a baddass fro like those from the 70s disco scene. If you're a White dude, you could sport long golden locks like the legendary pro wrestler Mr. Perfect. An Asian dude could opt for one of the flamboyant hairstyles that are popular in Asia right now but without going too effeminate. We all have our male role models from the days of yore (back when men were actually men and not getting dressed up in drag on Queer Street like the "woke" liberal men of today). We can use them for inspiration!

Mr. Perfect (aka Curt Hennig)




The Pursuit of More Unique Abilities and Achievements

In the competitive world one must pursue virtues that provide value or otherwise constitute a source of attraction. That is just a fact of life. Here, since we aim to stand out from the common multitude, we are going for more unusual talents and achievements. Athletic endeavors can be a good option, even if you don't ever go pro. Athletes are generally regarded as attractive and their elite levels of physical fitness distinguishes them from the out-of-shape majority of men. Some athletic avenues such as martial arts also constitute a discipline in their own right with much technique to learn and a culture of self-improvement. I've seen guys who were previously unpopular dorks take up MMA and compete at amateur events and then become popular with girls as a result. They cultivated their primal masculinity through a higher discipline and manifested it in the visible world and became irresistible to a large subset of the female population with their newfound warrior machismo. Musicianship is also an excellent option. Many chicks are awed by unusual creativity and musical ability in general. Guys who are in bands and who are good with instruments have chicks chasing them and groupies even if they are just a relatively unknown local act. This pursuit is not limited to athletic endeavors and musicianship. There are many other creative/artistic endeavors that can make a guy attractive and desirable to females (or to the same sex if he's one of those drama people ).



The Cultivation of Charisma

I don't really need to say much about this. Charisma goes a long way when it comes to influencing people and attracting the opposite sex. A man should learn how to polish his conversation skills and carry himself in an attractive way. He should learn how to hold a woman's interest and enthrall her with charm and magnetism. Charisma is perhaps one of the most elusive traits of personality. It's like that mysterious it-factor. Some people are just extremely magnetic and it's often hard to pinpoint why. I think that the best approach to becoming more charismatic is to observe the behavior of widely recognized charismatic people such as old-school movie characters/actors. @WilliamSmith takes this approach. He likes to imitate the suave masculine charisma of the old James Bond movies, although I forget which James Bond actor he favors the most.

I'm not an expert of charisma. I'm socially awkward and find it hard to talk to strangers and especially women. But I've found that, once a girl gets to know me, I can tap into some deeper hidden charisma and they often find me attractive as a result.




The above is my reflection on forging one's own unique identity in the world and ways to do it. I wonder what others have to add to the discussion.

I still dress like that lol, people just weren't use to seeing a light skinned man in general dressed that way. I was interested in the Gothic scene in my 20s so I wore a lot of dark clothes, and I'd say MJ's look in Bad was similar to the Goth/Punk appeal of the 1980s. I use to get made fun of for looking that way too but mostly by black males that would taunt me in public because I wasn't a pants sagging faggot walking around looking like a prison bitch like they do. Then I wore a suit and tie one day to a job interview, like it was those 1940s gangster style pinstripe zootsuits that I wore. http://www.thetuxshops.com/en/after-six-zoot-suit that same suit except my pants were a big baggier.

Either way when I wore this I had my hair down, and I walked by this class of jr high schoolers that were heading off somewhere in a large group, and a black girl said to me "damn you fine." and then another one said "he tryin to be white." She said it in a low tone but I still heard her and I was going to say some shit to her little black ass but didn't. I just kept going about my business. I would hear that insult often sometimes when I had my hair hanging down straight because it was long. And I'm thinking "whites aren't the only people with straighten out hair you dumbass negros." I just couldn't stand always getting it braided so I wore it down a whole lot. Made me feel attractive. Seeing some of these images do remind me that I aught to work out and get into better shape though. I mean I'm not fat or nothing, just skinny.

[Cornfed]

More than anything, a man should improve not "because he wants girls" or any other silly reason... he should want to be a better version of himself, because he WANTS to be better. That's all. Girls are secondary to this. If he wants to be rich, successful, admirable, or simply feel comfortable in his own skin, that's all for himself. Whatever comes next is the cherry on top.

Just as a practical matter, improving yourself would be much more likely to lessen your attractiveness to demonic Western skanks. If anything, if Western skanks want to have sex with you, you should be pondering what on earth is wrong with you that they put you in the same category with the dogs, children, retards and criminals that they also want to have sex with.

[Cornfed]

Being seen as attractive does not indicate "something is wrong with you".

It might or might not, which is why I say "if anything". Often it does. For example, one tip former high end male prostitute Sterling Cooper gives is when ordering from a menu, whether the female is paying or you are paying, get out of the habit of checking the prices and trying to get a good deal. Females can tell you are doing that and it is a real turn off. You should instead be a completely childish spendthrift, consider that resources fall from the sky and think nothing of wasting a fortune on your moment to moment whims. That is what females want and in the current artificial environment it makes sense, but in what world would becoming like that rightfully be called self improvement?

[Mew6ix]

More than anything, a man should improve not "because he wants girls" or any other silly reason... he should want to be a better version of himself, because he WANTS to be better. That's all. Girls are secondary to this. If he wants to be rich, successful, admirable, or simply feel comfortable in his own skin, that's all for himself. Whatever comes next is the cherry on top.

Just as a practical matter, improving yourself would be much more likely to lessen your attractiveness to demonic Western skanks. If anything, if Western skanks want to have sex with you, you should be pondering what on earth is wrong with you that they put you in the same category with the dogs, children, retards and criminals that they also want to have sex with.

They just want the money as parasites, either through false accusations or extortion.

[have2fly]

"Being some unremarkable average joe is one of my greatest fears." - absolutely wrong. This was my huge mistake when I was younger, I was so scared of being average. Now I LOVE it. I am super average, I live an average life and I want an average woman. What I figured out is that Americans are trying so hard to be unique and different that they are faking it. Deep inside many people stress themselves to extreme levels by constant workouts, special diets and unique sports - all to clap some of those hot cheeks, but it is not worth it. No woman is worth the time and effort. Gym is an enormous waste of life time, but still much better than degrading your life watching professional sports.

"But I want success, I want to be competitive". - OK, but who cares? You do it for you? American schools pre-condition students to be constantly competitive. Hollywood movies always show people going through struggles to come out a winner. But what this really creates is a huge depression and low self-esteem for everyone who does not get to be number 1. I will never teach my kids to be unique or strive for number 1. I will teach them how to navigate society and make good money, so they can live a happy life not giving a shit about anyone or anything.

Also people are trying to be "unique" by repeating everyone else. MMA and being fit - there are thousands of men that are like that. How are you unique or different from them? When you create your own fighting style, organize it into a sports league and/or develop a new way to get fit that will make you unique.

All of this does not matter at all. I thought being fit and making good money will get me noticed by American Women, but zero results. They don't care about 80% of the males. I am not a thug and I am not some rich kid flying private jets, so I am not even noticed by American Women.
I am, however, very much noticed when I travel abroad and I have no issues with getting a date.

At this point in my life I don't even want to be noticed by American Women. They are empty shells living in this matrix of hating men and having sex with their dogs. I am done with them. I deleted all of my dating apps and I feel great.

TL;DR: make FU money and move abroad. Hit the gym as much as you want, don't waste time and energy on workouts if you have other more profitable ideas for your time. Develop unique identity if you feel like it, but not to fit into any female expectations. I see time as an enormous treasure, even 5 minutes at the gym to get that extra muscle may not be worth it if it does not make you happy or bring income.

[Lucas88]

My ideal physique, for myself, is more along the lines of "lean mean killing machine". I don't need to be super buff, necessarily. I have some natural strength, have fairly large forearms but my biceps isn't that great, I don't have pecs or abs and I'm not particularly chiseled, although I'd like to be. In order to maximize my natural potential, I would have to cut on calories a bit more, and probably start hitting the gym. I plan to start doing so soon; am still abroad as of right now and this isn't really the proper place for it. But once I'm abroad, it's on my to-do list. Of course this whole thing is very much 'sink or swim'; you either get ripped, or you don't, there's no in-between. @Cornfed just flipped that switch one day and turned himself into a beast. Some men do this, some men don't. I feel like I should. In terms of clothing and attire, I'm not sure if I stand out much. I do enjoy "suiting up" from time to time and putting some extra effort in my looks. My long, thic and wavy hair likely sets me apart quite a bit and I usually maintain a well-groomed and trimmed beard. My biggest asset is my face more than my body, which is fairly 'normal' and doesn't exactly "strike fear in the hearts of men" like some powerful wrestler or bouncer lol.

If you just want to be lean and fit, I recommend kickboxing training. Learning a martial art/combat sport which involves techniques, punchbags and sparring is usually more fun than sessions at the gym with all of their boring repetitiveness. Often the exercise doesn't even feel like exercise. You get in shape just by having fun!

The reason why I recommend kickboxing as opposed to other martial arts is because any decent kickboxing school incorporates a lot of regular exercises into the martial arts training. At my old kickboxing school during classes the instructor would randomly throw in a series of bodyweight exercises, push-up/sit-up/burpee contests, or circuit training that included weights and medicine balls. One minute we'd be hitting pads or training with the punchbag and then the instructor would have us doing push-ups to failure, plyometrics, or any other form of exhausting exercise. Then we'd finish off with sparring once we were all tired out. This forced us to use more technique rather than natural attributes. Students always left the gym dripping with sweat and feeling awesome. I got well into kickboxing in 2019 since I wanted to improve my striking and reached an unprecedented level of fitness. The exercises were hard but the sessions were never boring. The martial arts aspect broke up the grueling exercise part and made everything more interesting. In my experience kickboxing is one of the best activities for somebody who just wants to get in shape (but finds gym training monotonous).

Kickboxing is huge in the Netherlands, by the way. If you are moving back to your home country with your new woman soon, I'm sure that you'd have excellent choices for kickboxing schools.

[have2fly]

Interesting reflections, dude. Although some people like @have2fly are perfectly content with being an ordinary average joe, I have to agree with you that being considered a boring and ordinary average joe is something I can't abide either. Fair enough if some people would rather blend in and be part of the collective, but I would rather be remembered as someone unique and interesting than a forgettable normie.

You did not really read what I wrote, did you? I said not being forgettable, but not trying to impress anyone. 90% of the people around you are empty shells, especially American women. Developing your own style means totally unique style that no one had ever done. If you have pictures of the men you think are unique and famous, it means they are no longer unique since they have a following and you are one of the followers. So you will be copying their style, not creating your own. I am definitely not blending in and not a part of the collective. I don't watch or attend sports games, I don't own a dog, I don't hit bars and clubs, I don't try hard to buy a McMansion, I am not a Disney fan, not an anime fan, don't have any tattoos, I do not smoke weed/drink and I do not go to church. I am literally living a different lifestyle from 90% of the people around me. I consider liking MMA and hitting the gym is exactly the ordinary Joe lifestyle, since there are tens of millions of people that do exactly that.

[Lucas88]

Perfect suggestion man! That does seem like the way to go. I have some reservations about joining a kickboxing gym when I am already 31 and be surrounded by young and experienced blokes but guess I have to just bite that bullet and get over it. Netherlands does indeed have some great kickboxers; mate of mine was once trained by the famed fighter Semmy Schilt; an absolute beast of a man.

I assure you that it would be perfectly okay to join a kickboxing gym even at 31. Most martial arts gyms enthusiastically welcome newcomers and do what they can to make you feel at home. People of all ages and walks of life arrive as complete beginners and nobody bats an eyelid. Moreover, you'll be respected just for turning up and participating in training since there is usually a sense of mutual respect and brotherhood among all martial arts enthusiasts. Good gyms always accommodate the needs of beginners and pair them up with appropriate training partners. More experienced guys are also often happy to help beginners wherever they can. Martial arts gyms usually consist mostly of positive and friendly people. Only a small minority are assholes. I think you'd do fine starting kickboxing, especially since you're naturally outgoing and charismatic and already have decent physical form. Kickboxing is great because you get in shape and learn to kick ass too!

Yep, the Netherlands produces some great kickboxers: 8 time Muay Thai champion Ramon Dekkers, and the UFC's Alistair Übereem too!