White and hispanic christian men can get arranged marriages in india

[willymonfrete]

First and foremost, to be an eligible and desired bachelor in India, you need to be a graduate (at a minimum, preferably from a good college) and have secure job (preferably a government job or in a reputed corporate company - businessman are a negative). It's a fantastic plus if you are working abroad.

So work on that.

Arranged marriages work on the concept of finding a compatible match between religious, cultural and personal values (in that order) of the couple and family. The more you don't fall within those bounds, or differ from the other, the more difficult it is to find a match.

Assuming you are a Christian, the two ways indian go about seeking an arranged marriage is by informing the priest and other church members and through online marriage portals.

You have a better chance of success through the online marriage portals, as some of the youth feels it makes them more involved in the process of finding their mate. While many parents post there too, many youths do too. If a parent is in control, they will vet for potential mates and then either ask the kid to talk with the potential match or they will directly talk with the potential mate and his / her family. If the youth is in charge of vetting, s/he will talk to many people and inform their parent on matches they liked who will then talk with you and your family.

In either case, the family does come to the picture. So you need to consider that.

Again, assuming you are a Christian, one other way of going about this is to involve your own Church. Get a letter from your priest attesting to your personality and qualification. Find out from him other churches in India of your denomination. And contact these priests in India by sending them a letter of introduction from you and your priest and requesting for an arranged marriage match with you. Most of the upper class and some of middle class may not consider you as a suitable match being snobby, but some middle class and poorer section os the society in the church will consider you as a good match. If you mention your criteria of your desired mate, the priests will also help with the vetting so you are not fooled by anyone. (In fact, if you go the Church route, you don't need to limit yourself to India and can consider many other asian countries too).

It is difficult for a foreigner to find an arranged marriage in India due to human trafficking concerns, but not impossible. Best of luck!

you can also contact a orphanage and ask them to arrange a marriage between you and a 21 year old girl,that would if she left be living on the streets or engaging in prostitution.

I did that in 2017,I contacted a orphanage in kerala and the priests were very welcoming and said it was possible for me to marry an orphan.

[Outcast9428]

Definitely an interesting post, I think @MrMan has mentioned some similar practices in Indonesia and South Korea if he would like to elaborate on that.

[MrMan]

First and foremost, to be an eligible and desired bachelor in India, you need to be a graduate (at a minimum, preferably from a good college) and have secure job (preferably a government job or in a reputed corporate company - businessman are a negative). It's a fantastic plus if you are working abroad.

So work on that.

Arranged marriages work on the concept of finding a compatible match between religious, cultural and personal values (in that order) of the couple and family. The more you don't fall within those bounds, or differ from the other, the more difficult it is to find a match.

Assuming you are a Christian, the two ways indian go about seeking an arranged marriage is by informing the priest and other church members and through online marriage portals.

You have a better chance of success through the online marriage portals, as some of the youth feels it makes them more involved in the process of finding their mate. While many parents post there too, many youths do too. If a parent is in control, they will vet for potential mates and then either ask the kid to talk with the potential match or they will directly talk with the potential mate and his / her family. If the youth is in charge of vetting, s/he will talk to many people and inform their parent on matches they liked who will then talk with you and your family.

In either case, the family does come to the picture. So you need to consider that.

Again, assuming you are a Christian, one other way of going about this is to involve your own Church. Get a letter from your priest attesting to your personality and qualification. Find out from him other churches in India of your denomination. And contact these priests in India by sending them a letter of introduction from you and your priest and requesting for an arranged marriage match with you. Most of the upper class and some of middle class may not consider you as a suitable match being snobby, but some middle class and poorer section os the society in the church will consider you as a good match. If you mention your criteria of your desired mate, the priests will also help with the vetting so you are not fooled by anyone. (In fact, if you go the Church route, you don't need to limit yourself to India and can consider many other asian countries too).

It is difficult for a foreigner to find an arranged marriage in India due to human trafficking concerns, but not impossible. Best of luck!

you can also contact a orphanage and ask them to arrange a marriage between you and a 21 year old girl,that would if she left be living on the streets or engaging in prostitution.

I did that in 2017,I contacted a orphanage in kerala and the priests were very welcoming and said it was possible for me to marry an orphan.

I had wondered if it were possible for westerners to be able to join into that arranged marriage system over there in India, and whether Christian men could marry Christian women through that system. I don't think a lot of western men want to jump in blind into an arranged marriage. What do you do if they keep trying to match you up with women you find unattractive? If a man were an expat in India, he might be able to find a girl he likes, then go through their more traditional meetings with parents, etc. without going the full arranged marriage route.

Nowadays, for arranged marriages, the candidates have 'veto power' right? They have basically meetings set up between families, with the potential bride and groom present, then she says, "I don't like him. He has a big nose." Or he says, "She is not fat enough for me." and the parents try to pressure them a bit, but then give in and choose another candidate, right?

Did you have any success in actually meeting a prospect? I had thought of an oversees orphanage as an alternative for a man looking for a girl desperate to marry. Do they stay in orphanages until 21 in India? An orphanage where they leave at 18--- well I thought of that as a place where Tsar could pick up a date. Maybe an all-girl's orphanage.

I do wonder if co-ed orphanages would be higher risk venue for a girl not being a virgin. If I were single, I wouldn't want to marry a stranger. Even women from stable homes could have learned a bad 'script' for how to be a wife. Orphans raised in orphanages could have a worse problem following a 'script'-- with the lack of role models, or role models whose attention is diluted by lots of other kids. Kids learning to grow into adults by following their peer group is a problem. I think some of our social ills in the west came after we put masses of kids of the same age group together in schools. In the 1800's, a one-room school house mixed little kids with more mature children. Kids in the US that get little parental attention and spend lot of time with their peers who reinforce their foolishness...that probably reinforces our social ills. Orphans have to face spending night and day with other kids.

So with any young woman like this, I think it makes sense to get to know her, to learn what her character is like, and make a decision based on that. Also, I think it would be a lot better to find a young woman whose personality is rather compliant. She's going to have to learn a lot to get along in a very different world-- a different culture, learning to be in a family structure, etc. She needs to be teachable and somewhat submissive for this to work out, as opposed to being headstrong and thinking she has everything figured out.

Honestly, I don't see a moral problem with arranging a marriage, even if with a girl who is in an orphanage for whom marriage is an option that allows for good life prospects as opposed to poverty or prostitution-- assuming both go into the arrangement with noble intentions and the man marrying the young woman loves and takes good care of her. But I think a lot of Americans who think of dating, falling in love, etc. as the 'norm' may think of such a scenario as exploitative. They may exaggerate the idea that the two choices are prostitution or marriage to some (old? ugly? creepy?) white dude who is taking advantage of her. I could see how feminists, especially, might look at the scenario through that lens.

[MrMan]

Definitely an interesting post, I think @MrMan has mentioned some similar practices in Indonesia and South Korea if he would like to elaborate on that.

When I was in South Korea, some students matched me up with another student... a tiny girl, but close to a 9 or 10 for facial beauty. She was my student and a different religion, so I didn't pursue a relationship with her her. But they had taken me out to do something, and it turns out it was a 'meeting' where they were trying to match us up. I think she liked me and they were setting me up because of that.

I don't know what the high school grads who don't go to college did, but back in the 1990's, boys and girls were separated from 7 years old up through high school graduation. They are co-ed now. But back then, suddenly, when they went to college, they would ask older students (their 'seniors') to match them up on blind dates. The three of them would go meet somewhere-- maybe for coffee or noodles-- and then if the two liked each other, they would date. Some college freshman would go on multiple blind date 'meetings' in a week before meeting someone.

If they don't find a potential match in college, then their parents might try to match them up. Koreans would joke about how their aunts and grandmothers would strike up conversations with people at bus stops and show each other pictures of their single relatives and match them up. The strangers at bus stops part was a joke, I think, as an exaggeration regarding who family would try to set them up with. If the family network doesn't work, then they may also hire professional matchmakers.

I knew a graduate student working on a doctorate who was from Korea. Her father was trying to set her up with his boss's son who had a good position with a company who had a masters degree. They try to set them up where they have similar levels of education, but a man could probably have a masters and get set up with a girl with a bachelors. I think it is hard for women with doctorates to find matches since they outrank the vast majority of men in education. I suppose that gives a man with a doctorate an advantage if he is looking for wives among Korean women with doctorates.

I will do another post on Indonesia.

[MrMan]

When I was in Indonesia, I lived in the city, and I think they had pretty much a dating culture there. I am not sure how all the couples met, but I know some couples matched up who had met in college, for example. There still seems to be a stigma for both male and female for loosing virginity before marriage, though that also is a social problem in the cities. I spoke to a taxi driver in Malaysia, trying to see if I could understand Malaysian, and he expressed concern about some of the girls in the city losing their virginity, so this is a problem there, also.

But during my time there, I heard bits and pieces about match ups, arranged marriages, and such. I don't know of any culture where the parents say, "You are getting married on the first of next month" and then they get to see each other eye to eye after the bride's veil is lifted. A Chinese coworker said her grandmother got married that way. Now, I think it is more likely that the potential bride and groom have some say in the matter. But some of the more traditional practices may exist in villages, and there are also people deep in the jungles or mountains with little contact with the outside world who follow very traditional practices, so I don't want to over-generalize.

I knew an older relatives, now deceased, who told of meeting his wife through a cousin. The cousin had a cousin and set them up to be married. So he met her through the family network. My wife had a few cousins who were pretty who were sisters, and one of them, I heard, was sort of matched up with this well-to-do man. I don't know the details. I heard they were set up to be married.

Another relative had a child out of wedlock in her 20's. She went out on a date with a man and did not come back until the next day. Then she was pregnant. Her family and his tried to make him marry her, but he resisted. Then she got into her 30's and married her cousin who was also single.

There was another male cousin in his 20's who was matched up with a female cousin in her 30's in the family network. When I ask my wife about this, she doesn't agree with it, but I have observed it seems like the ones who get into their 30's are more likely to get matched up with a cousin. From what I heard, those getting married have a choice to say yes or no. They can only marry cousins with a different family name. And there seems to have been an ancient tradition of matching first cousins up with the father and mother are brother or sister because they have a special name for that family relationship and if you have a baby cousin who fits in that category, they don't let you hold that cousin. You can't be overly affectionate, probably because in the old days, that was a highly potential match and they didn't want that stuff to happen before marriage. That is my guess-work. My wife thinks cousin marriage is gross and didn't want to date any of her cousins.

If I had to guess, I would imagine cousin match ups had to be from the same generation. If someone's wife or husband dies in her people-group, they may try to match them up with a relative, but only one of the same generation. That would keep the children in the family network, offer someone to help raise the kids (a relative at that), and help marry off someone who hadn't found a spouse.

I am talking about my wife's people-group. And there are lots of people-groups with their own cultures, their own food, their own languages, etc. over there. My wife's people-groups culture is unique, and not representative of Indonesian culture.

I went to church with a young Javanese woman who had become a Christian. I heard her dad was trying to get her to go back to the village to match her up, but the man was Muslim. I don't know if her father knew of her conversion or not, but she wanted to find a Christian husband. I suspect in the rural areas, there was more matching up.

If my wife meets a single eligible bachelor at church who she thinks would be a good catch for a friend or relative, sometimes she'll mention friends or relatives to him. There is a man who is around 40 we are in a Bible study with who has a good job, he's serious about his faith, and seems like a nice man. He had just dated someone a long time and it didn't turn into marriage. She suggested an Indonesian friend of hers in her 30's that she thinks would be a good match. He's from another culture, not the US, so he is used to being matched up to talk with girls or take them on a date and that sort of thing. His mom and women's moms match him up. So he was pursuing those prospects rather than the Indonesian friend, and he doesn't like to try to date multiple women at once. That is probably wise for a number of reasons, including the 'small world' of the network of Christians from his language/culture.' If one of my daughters were 35 and single, instead of a teenager, I might be happy if a man like this were interested in marrying her, so I can see why my wife would want to set him up with a friend. But she would be somewhat selective about who she would try to set up... most of the time.