Arranged marriage is the best thing,Seek it out,dating sucks

[willymonfrete]

I see pakistani and indian guys happy as hell with their traditional wives from arranged marriages.Tibetan and cambodians do the same and they're buddhists.

These guys,alot of them would never get anything in the dating 'free market'that the west has imposed on the world,where in the past even europe had traditional arranged marriages where Family is involved.

In a arranged marriage,it isn't just about the women's excitement and pleasure,the family well-being is involved,continuing the lineage in a equal or better manner and also there is a sense of duty and selflessness involved on behalf of both the man and the woman.

Like capitalism,the dating free market sucks where only a few select men get ALL of the wealth,in this case sexual wealth,whereas everyone else lives like serfs,or goes hungry.

Sex and romantic companionship is a need,I don't care what mgtows say,it is.

In the dating free market most men do not have their needs met,or have to work very hard to get their needs met,and in it,it's a constant state of wooing the woman for life,basically a job interview for life just to keep the woman 'interested'.

Traditional cultures understand that Love is something that grows overtime,and that infatuation dissipates overtime.

These cultures are highly evolved on the spiritual and social familial levels and believe in a sense of Duty for others and the Greater good,in constrast to western individualism.

This is why I think arranged marriage is best and should be promoted by traditionalists.

When I say arranged marriage,I do not mean coercive marriages,I don't think any man will want that anyway,but rather like the jewish concept of a Shidduchin or matchmaking between couples.

this does exist in the west but it is VERY expensive and the women have the same standards as any swipe dating app.Same for christian dating sites,As I've learned.

This is because you cannot have a traditional way of matching couples in a individualistic immoral society where materialism reigns over all.

I think alot of men should seek Tribal wives in India,particularly among the Bhili in Rajasthan or if you're christian,a christian wife thru the medium of a local pastor,even if you must pay for the service.

You can also put ads in newspapers saying you're looking for a christian wife.it beats the uncertainty of 'dating'even christian 'dating'which is just a secular imposition on the christian social life,as 'dating'and being unchaperoned with a woman can lead to Fornication,and I've seen pentecostal prophets say Jesus wants arranged marriages with the permission of the parents,and that people shouldn't date unchaperoned.

I want out of this whole 'dating' mess.It is a MESS.

Free markets are always a mess.sexual and financial capitalism only benefit the minority.

[willymonfrete]

@Lucas88 you're into bengali women bro,she's marathi and she looks south indian feature wise and in her original color and curly hair.

theres a cashier at the cornerstore that looks almost just like her and she smiled when I called her beautiful in hindi.

[MrMan]

I'm not opposed to arranged marriage. I do like the people getting married having a say.

I remember when I was about 14, there was this girl with this big nose (actually a girl from an ethnic Jewish family at our church) who liked me. I didn't care for her looks, though she was a nice enough girl. She was obviously interested in me, following me to talk to me. My mom saw that and teased me about whether I liked her. I said no.

So we started going to another church, same denomination, but different location that had a program I was interested in and closer to where my parents ended up buying a house. This girl's family starts going there when we were about 16. My mom saw her and thought her looks had changed. She said when she was little, she was cute. I said she looked the same to me. So I am thinking my mom, if she were involved in arranging a marriage for me, just might not get a woman who fits my preferences for looks.

Maybe it's shallow, but I can't help it, but having a woman that is pretty for my tastes was extremely important to me. And I am picky for looks. Being a bit older now, I realize that there are a lot of other more important things than looks, but looks were 'table stakes.'

My wife recently said she hopes she dies first so she won't have to mess with all the stuff I take care of that I would leave behind. I think she thinks I would get along better if she died first, too. We talked about if the other died, what kind of person, if any, we should remarry. I got to thinking about it. I think 10 years ago, if I were a widower, I probably could have gone to Asia and matched up with a beautiful 20-something version. But my face is getting wider and saggier every year, and I am getting bigger. I'd have to find a girl who wanted my money, respected me for who I am or what I do, or some woman who didn't care about looks. My wife still looks good for a woman getting kind of close to 50. People wouldn't guess it. She's still pretty thin, too. If I were to remarry, I wouldn't want a woman as old, fat, and saggy as I am when I got old and widowed. I'd have to have a pretty woman, youthful looks, a flat stomach. So I might have to be single.

Of course, in a world where an older man were widowed or hadn't widowed and they have arranged marriage, the dad in a developing country with low wages might say this guy is already established in his career. Marry him and you'll be set. If she opens up her heart to an old sub-optimal for looks, because dad says so, then the dad could just be the gold-digger on her behalf without her being a gold-digger.

If you go to an arranged marriage culture and your US parents don't care anything about arranged marriage, maybe you can go it alone, but I don't know if that works in their system very well.

My wife's people don't usually have arranged marriages, but when you get married, your family usually gets involved. I visited an uncle with an older Chinese man from church. But I was on my own visiting her relatives. They had some of their relatives there to serve as my adopted parents.

Some of her family did have sort of arranged marriages. They've matched some cousins up in the larger extended family. If a husband or wife dies on someone while the children are small, relatives may go to a single relative and try to talk him or her into marrying the widow or widower. If people get too old, they may marry them off to cousins without the same family name. They can't marry those with the same family name, within the father's clan. But that seems to be the minority of cases. My wife had probably dozens if not over a hundred cousins of her generation. There were a handful that I thought were pretty. One of them, I heard, was kind of arranged with her husband who she married soon after meeting him. I heard that from my wife. I think she heard that within the family.

If you try to go to a traditional culture and get set up by parents in a relationship that is an outright arranged marriage or you kind of get to know her with her parents permission but then quickly move toward parents, you need to screen her to see that she's a good candidate.

For me, I wanted to know that my wife loved the Lord Jesus and we had the same priorities in faith. I wanted a virgin. Also, she couldn't believe in frivolous divorce and realize if she just divorced me and married someone else it was adultery, and really care about not sinning like that. You should also be on the same page about wife and husband roles-- wife submitting to husband and being respectful and what that looks like. Talk about having children. Finances? Joint bank account? You just handle it all? If it were me, even with a virgin, and I were young (or even as old as I am now), I'd be saying I would be wanting intercourse (or something) every night on non-period nights if she's healthy and let her know I wanted a wife who would be very diligent about that. Is she going to cook, clean? You need to make sure that she isn't crazy (or in what way she's crazy) and see if she has any anger issues. Does she get angry and throw plates? If she argues, is she quick to reconcile? Does she retain grudges and not forgive? Is she a nag? Does she start arguments and quarrel a lot? If she's stressed does she argue, cry, or what?

Having a lot of empathy and compassion, having some self-control because of her empathy for the other person during an argument, and forgiving easily, and not trying to pick fights... those are more important factors than looks. probably. For me, looks was table stakes to be considered, but I needed to know other stuff first.

If you don't have parents with you overseas to try to figure out what kind of woman she is, then having someone else to stand in for parents to help might be a good idea. You can also talk to relatives and friends to see if she is argumentative, angry, etc.
You have to

What Pentecostal prophet prophesied about arranged marriages?

[publicduende]

Arranged marriage goes hand-in-hand with a certain culture that preserves the value of women as innocent, feminine and family-oriented. Even in most of the Christian world, there have always been specific social events meant for sons and daughters of families from a specific community to meet up. It's not arranged in the proper sense of the word but, if you are used to rub shoulders with the same kids until your late teens, including a few girls, it's quite likely that one of those girl might end up fancying you, or vice-versa, or mutually. And that would be a girl from a family your parents know and :(pre)approve of".

I say this because this was part of our culture where I grew up in, a town in Southern Italy, in the 80s and 90s. My family used to hang out with a few friends, many my Dad's university colleagues and my Mom's high school colleagues, plus some old-time friends from their own younger years. It helps when you have been living in the same place for 40+ years. Some of these family friends had girls, some cute, some less. I guess I matured a bit too late to make a move towards them and by the time I started to want to date, those innocent meetups to play games or exchange stories had become less and less frequent. One or two of them even ended up in my habitual circle of friends later on but, by then, I didn't have any interest in any of them. Then I f***ed off to the UK and cut ties.

There was one pretty funny episodes, where I was already dabbling with computers and this colleague of my Dad's invited me to collaborate on some IT project with him. Then every day he would take me to his place for lunch, where I would meet his daughter. She was nothing special, apart from some spectacular boobs. I didn't feel much for her. She was also kind of pushing herself onto me until I had to capitulate and say yes to a date. We went to the cinema, to watch one of the least worthy movies to be watched (her choice, of course!) and she snuggled up to me. I was so uninterested in the movie that I started to respond, and it was before long we were kissing and I was grabbing her boobs. She tried to reach down there but I stopped her, if anything because I knew what would have happened, right there in the movie theatre

After that date I felt very uncomfortable, mainly because my teenage little brain was still nailed to the idea that it's the man who should choose, make his first move, indeed, lead the dance. I was 17 and still a virgin and probably lost one surefire chance to lose my virginity. However, I was wise enough to think of the consequences...his parents pushing her to me, maybe her wanting to speed things up as a way to "trap" me. I felt that sheer idea as an abject attempt to my freedom of choice.

LOL of course it tooks several months, and an entire summer, until I had a gf with whom I had my first sex. But at least I had been the one choosing her...or had I?

[willymonfrete]

I'm not opposed to arranged marriage. I do like the people getting married having a say.

I remember when I was about 14, there was this girl with this big nose (actually a girl from an ethnic Jewish family at our church) who liked me. I didn't care for her looks, though she was a nice enough girl. She was obviously interested in me, following me to talk to me. My mom saw that and teased me about whether I liked her. I said no.

So we started going to another church, same denomination, but different location that had a program I was interested in and closer to where my parents ended up buying a house. This girl's family starts going there when we were about 16. My mom saw her and thought her looks had changed. She said when she was little, she was cute. I said she looked the same to me. So I am thinking my mom, if she were involved in arranging a marriage for me, just might not get a woman who fits my preferences for looks.

Maybe it's shallow, but I can't help it, but having a woman that is pretty for my tastes was extremely important to me. And I am picky for looks. Being a bit older now, I realize that there are a lot of other more important things than looks, but looks were 'table stakes.'

My wife recently said she hopes she dies first so she won't have to mess with all the stuff I take care of that I would leave behind. I think she thinks I would get along better if she died first, too. We talked about if the other died, what kind of person, if any, we should remarry. I got to thinking about it. I think 10 years ago, if I were a widower, I probably could have gone to Asia and matched up with a beautiful 20-something version. But my face is getting wider and saggier every year, and I am getting bigger. I'd have to find a girl who wanted my money, respected me for who I am or what I do, or some woman who didn't care about looks. My wife still looks good for a woman getting kind of close to 50. People wouldn't guess it. She's still pretty thin, too. If I were to remarry, I wouldn't want a woman as old, fat, and saggy as I am when I got old and widowed. I'd have to have a pretty woman, youthful looks, a flat stomach. So I might have to be single.

Of course, in a world where an older man were widowed or hadn't widowed and they have arranged marriage, the dad in a developing country with low wages might say this guy is already established in his career. Marry him and you'll be set. If she opens up her heart to an old sub-optimal for looks, because dad says so, then the dad could just be the gold-digger on her behalf without her being a gold-digger.

If you go to an arranged marriage culture and your US parents don't care anything about arranged marriage, maybe you can go it alone, but I don't know if that works in their system very well.

My wife's people don't usually have arranged marriages, but when you get married, your family usually gets involved. I visited an uncle with an older Chinese man from church. But I was on my own visiting her relatives. They had some of their relatives there to serve as my adopted parents.

Some of her family did have sort of arranged marriages. They've matched some cousins up in the larger extended family. If a husband or wife dies on someone while the children are small, relatives may go to a single relative and try to talk him or her into marrying the widow or widower. If people get too old, they may marry them off to cousins without the same family name. They can't marry those with the same family name, within the father's clan. But that seems to be the minority of cases. My wife had probably dozens if not over a hundred cousins of her generation. There were a handful that I thought were pretty. One of them, I heard, was kind of arranged with her husband who she married soon after meeting him. I heard that from my wife. I think she heard that within the family.

If you try to go to a traditional culture and get set up by parents in a relationship that is an outright arranged marriage or you kind of get to know her with her parents permission but then quickly move toward parents, you need to screen her to see that she's a good candidate.

For me, I wanted to know that my wife loved the Lord Jesus and we had the same priorities in faith. I wanted a virgin. Also, she couldn't believe in frivolous divorce and realize if she just divorced me and married someone else it was adultery, and really care about not sinning like that. You should also be on the same page about wife and husband roles-- wife submitting to husband and being respectful and what that looks like. Talk about having children. Finances? Joint bank account? You just handle it all? If it were me, even with a virgin, and I were young (or even as old as I am now), I'd be saying I would be wanting intercourse (or something) every night on non-period nights if she's healthy and let her know I wanted a wife who would be very diligent about that. Is she going to cook, clean? You need to make sure that she isn't crazy (or in what way she's crazy) and see if she has any anger issues. Does she get angry and throw plates? If she argues, is she quick to reconcile? Does she retain grudges and not forgive? Is she a nag? Does she start arguments and quarrel a lot? If she's stressed does she argue, cry, or what?

Having a lot of empathy and compassion, having some self-control because of her empathy for the other person during an argument, and forgiving easily, and not trying to pick fights... those are more important factors than looks. probably. For me, looks was table stakes to be considered, but I needed to know other stuff first.

If you don't have parents with you overseas to try to figure out what kind of woman she is, then having someone else to stand in for parents to help might be a good idea. You can also talk to relatives and friends to see if she is argumentative, angry, etc.
You have to

What Pentecostal prophet prophesied about arranged marriages?

There is no coercive marriage in christianity at all,brother.Arranged marriage means matchmaking,and this only works in cultures as you said where women's femininity,innocence and Virginity is highly encouraged.

With help from a local pastor,this is a sure possibility,just tell the pastor you want someone that's physically attractive,you can reject a woman if she doesn't fit your tastes in that regard.

I wouldn't mind even paying the pastor alot of money over there in india,to do so.
It's good to get a recommendation letter from a pastor in the US,to show the churches over there that you are a good candidate,with hyis phone number so you can verify.

I remember calling a catholic orphanage in kerala in 2016 for a wife,and they said it's possible.

You can also put Ads in newspapers in india.It's just a much better way of finding a wife.

in india,looks matter alot for a woman in a marriage,it's why women have a complex in regards to fair skin,because indian men only want fair brides.

this is how alot of south indian women look





Education and career for the middle classes matter alot too.

There are some poor girls with pretty faces,though they might be on the browner side which I have no issue with,they just want a man that can take care of them,maybe bring them to a better country,not the insane standards women have over here.

it's a good idea to not go to westernized cities,go to smaller cities and more provincil areas.the south is more conservative than the north on all aspects aswell,but more Tolerant in regards to different faiths.Christianity has been there for 2000 years since the Apostle Thomas spread the gospel in Tamil Nadu and kerala.

Indian women when they're pretty are among the most beautiful women in the world,good values,just if they're not westernized.

[MrMan]

@willymonfrete

If a lot of women there look like that how do they tell each other apart?

In Indonesia darker skinned women are less likely to be considered attractive. Due to cultural conditioning, some men's minds may shut down and not perceived pretty facial features if a woman is darker than their liking. so there may be less competition.


Unless he had a business set up as a matchmaker I would feel odd if a pastor expected payment for matchmaking up front. Asking for help then giving an unrelated donation might work better socially.

Do you feel more confident about the Christian faith now? A nice Christian girl would probably want a committed Christian husband.

Btw, at what age do girls from the orphanage get married off? What happens to them when they are considered to be adults there? Do they get transitioned into jobs? Did the girls there speak English or some other language you know? Does someone from the orphanage stand in for parents if a man shows interest for marriage?

I wonder if Indian parents emphasize similarity of family values so much there that orphans can get locked out of normal avenues to find spouses.

In Indonesia orphanage are called care homes, but some of tge kids are left there by really poor families that are still alive.

[MrMan]

@willymonfrete

If a lot of women there look like that how do they tell each other apart?

In Indonesia darker skinned women are less likely to be considered attractive. Due to cultural conditioning, some men's minds may shut down and not perceived pretty facial features if a woman is darker than their liking. so there may be less competition.


Unless he had a business set up as a matchmaker I would feel odd if a pastor expected payment for matchmaking up front. Asking for help then giving an unrelated donation might work better socially.

Do you feel more confident about the Christian faith now? A nice Christian girl would probably want a committed Christian husband.

Btw, at what age do girls from the orphanage get married off? What happens to them when they are considered to be adults there? Do they get transitioned into jobs? Did the girls there speak English or some other language you know? Does someone from the orphanage stand in for parents if a man shows interest for marriage?

I wonder if Indian parents emphasize similarity of family values so much there that orphans can get locked out of normal avenues to find spouses.

In Indonesia orphanage are called care homes, but some of tge kids are left there by really poor families that are still alive.

[Lucas88]

She was nothing special, apart from some spectacular boobs. I didn't feel much for her. She was also kind of pushing herself onto me until I had to capitulate and say yes to a date.

I don't come from a country where arranged marriage is a common practice (except among some of the Muslim minorities) and I never had my parents trying to set me up with girls from their friends' families and so I can only approach the topic from a hypothetical perspective, but if I had grown up in a cultural environment with such practices I don't think that I'd be well-suited to an arranged marriage or even just family matchmaking for the exact reason that I'm just far too picky when it comes to the physical features of a potential match.

For me, a potential match must have a number of very specific physical features for me to find her attractive - the right skin color, the right height, the right body type, a cute face with the right type of nose, and, of course, a big ass. The truth is that I'm not truly attracted to too many females due to how idealistic I am when it comes to female aesthetics. This was always the case but is now further complicated by my predilections for certain cultures and even certain languages (at this point I only see myself with a Latina).

Some guys seem to be able to be satisfied with just about any half-decent woman if it means that they have access to a WAP while other guys like myself are obsessed with aesthetics and are unable to settle for anything less than our very particular ideals. This fixation on certain aesthetics makes finding a partner and especially monogamy a problem for me (although at this point I've come to believe that monogamy is a flawed concept anyway for various other reasons).

[Mercury]

Arranged marriages have some major drawbacks; you don't know if the woman you're being hooked up with is even 600 pounds with terrible hygiene typical of extreme obesity, and then turning her down because of her tremendous girth, overhanging belly, massive double chin with no visible neck, and cottage cheese legs would mean no future chances with someone else, or it gets you scolded and it starts a ton of negative namecalling.

[MrMan]

Arranged marriages have some major drawbacks; you don't know if the woman you're being hooked up with is even 600 pounds with terrible hygiene typical of extreme obesity, and then turning her down because of her tremendous girth, overhanging belly, massive double chin with no visible neck, and cottage cheese legs would mean no future chances with someone else, or it gets you scolded and it starts a ton of negative namecalling.

1. Arranged marriage is rare outside of the west.
2. Overhang bellies and cottage cheese legs are usually found outside of the west.

You might find some Indian women are a bit curvy or downright plump, but especially if they are young, I wouldn't expect cottage cheese and overhang bellies.

They may let you look at the picture first.

Btw, I figured you'd have something negative to say.

[MrMan]

My sister got set up by my mom's friend. She just sensed it... maybe thought it was the Lord... that they would be a good match. It turns out they'd met. My sister had gotten a ride to a church meeting through someone who knew someone, and this man had picked her up. He remembered thinking, "Surely someone as pretty as she is has got to have a boyfriend." They ended up getting married.

[Jamessmith0901]

It's true that traditional values have their merits. Arranged marriages, when approached with respect and consent, can foster strong family bonds. However, it's also crucial to acknowledge that different approaches work for different people. While arranged marriages suit some, others find fulfillment in the dating landscape.

It's awesome to see diverse perspectives on love and commitment. If you're leaning towards a more structured approach, exploring matchmaking services or communities that align with your values might be a good idea. Remember, the key is finding what resonates with you personally.

[MarcosZeitola]

I see pakistani and indian guys happy as hell with their traditional wives from arranged marriages.Tibetan and cambodians do the same and they're buddhists.

This is true. Arranged marriages are far superior for a man who just doesn't want the headache of dating anymore. A hot girl, obedient, trained to be a wife, like a blank canvas for a great painter to pain on... a pretty little thing to f**k on occasion, who will run your household, do chores, and raise your children. A pretty sweet deal. Some might say, the sweetest of deals.