Why does it seem many guys who go abroad tend to be misfits or have a "cheap personality"?

[Winston]

But Yick, don't you have to be unhappy in the UK to leave it? Did you fit into UK culture? Or are you just adventurous by nature? Or do you get off on being a novelty in a foreign country?

Momopi once said that some are like trees, others like grass, and others like clouds. The tree people like to settle where they grew up and plant roots and nests. The grass people move to greener pastures to settle down. The clouds hate settling down and like to flow like the wind, which they consider to be freedom, without attachments, they are unsuited for marriage or careers, unless their partner is a fellow freespirit too.

I was unhappy there because the UK could never offer what I wanted - tropical weather, tasty food, exotic birds singing in the trees, white sandy beaches, the happy-go-lucky way of people and the lack of cynicism and sarcasm and a more interesting existence - that isn't to say the UK isn't a good place to live because it is in a lot of ways, it is a first world country and there are lots of opportunities for people to get on and it has a strong enforcement of law and there are standards to the place in regards health and consumer rights - you don't have to bribe policemen and you are protected when you buy property, you get great health care for very little/nothing - lots of good things about it but it wasn't for me - it is for a lot of people.

I didn't fit into UK culture and I much prefer it in Penang/Ipoh Malaysia and the Coffee Triangle of Colombia - very similar places to be honest, I like the gentle politeness of the people, the nice food, the infrastructure, the climate but I am adventurous by nature - yes. I don't need other expats to live my life, I am happy to live it here in the middle of China on my own whereas most expats go mad without an expat social circle to hang around with.

To be honest, you stop seeing yourself as a novelty after a year or two anyway and the people around where I am are now used to me - they don't give a shit but I find most of them are kind in their dealings with me. The novelty factor wears off over time.

Momopi is a wise person and is quite right.

What if you had a great social life in the UK and hot girls to date? Would you have still left or stayed? Do you ever wonder that?

Is it easy to make friends in the UK? Can I just show up there and make friends like you see in the movies? In the movies it look so easy and natural to make friends. Why? How come real life isn't like that? In real life, people are closed off unless they want something from you.

[Gali]

But Yick, don't you have to be unhappy in the UK to leave it? Did you fit into UK culture? Or are you just adventurous by nature? Or do you get off on being a novelty in a foreign country?

Momopi once said that some are like trees, others like grass, and others like clouds. The tree people like to settle where they grew up and plant roots and nests. The grass people move to greener pastures to settle down. The clouds hate settling down and like to flow like the wind, which they consider to be freedom, without attachments, they are unsuited for marriage or careers, unless their partner is a fellow freespirit too.

I was unhappy there because the UK could never offer what I wanted - tropical weather, tasty food, exotic birds singing in the trees, white sandy beaches, the happy-go-lucky way of people and the lack of cynicism and sarcasm and a more interesting existence - that isn't to say the UK isn't a good place to live because it is in a lot of ways, it is a first world country and there are lots of opportunities for people to get on and it has a strong enforcement of law and there are standards to the place in regards health and consumer rights - you don't have to bribe policemen and you are protected when you buy property, you get great health care for very little/nothing - lots of good things about it but it wasn't for me - it is for a lot of people.

I didn't fit into UK culture and I much prefer it in Penang/Ipoh Malaysia and the Coffee Triangle of Colombia - very similar places to be honest, I like the gentle politeness of the people, the nice food, the infrastructure, the climate but I am adventurous by nature - yes. I don't need other expats to live my life, I am happy to live it here in the middle of China on my own whereas most expats go mad without an expat social circle to hang around with.

To be honest, you stop seeing yourself as a novelty after a year or two anyway and the people around where I am are now used to me - they don't give a shit but I find most of them are kind in their dealings with me. The novelty factor wears off over time.

Momopi is a wise person and is quite right.

What if you had a great social life in the UK and hot girls to date? Would you have still left or stayed? Do you ever wonder that?

Is it easy to make friends in the UK? Can I just show up there and make friends like you see in the movies? In the movies it look so easy and natural to make friends. Why? How come real life isn't like that? In real life, people are closed off unless they want something from you.

Did you find out why you are asking annoying questions like why can it not be like in movies?

Look there might be situations where this kind of questions might be romantic or funny but here it comes as annoying.

[Winston]

Why is it annoying Gali? It's an honest question. I know it's possible to meet people like in the movies because I've done so in Russia, Eastern Europe, and Angeles City too of course. So it is real and possible. Just not in America or NE Asia.

[yick]

What if you had a great social life in the UK and hot girls to date? Would you have still left or stayed? Do you ever wonder that?

Is it easy to make friends in the UK? Can I just show up there and make friends like you see in the movies? In the movies it look so easy and natural to make friends. Why? How come real life isn't like that? In real life, people are closed off unless they want something from you.

Of course I would have left! I have friends in the UK - they have their own lives with families and kids which is what happens when we get to our age. Hot girls are everywhere but if there were loads of them in the UK I would have still left - wherever I have been there have been 'hot girls' that isn't a reason to go or stay anywhere.

It was in me to leave and explore the world which is why I joined the army at 17. I was never ever going to stay there and carve out a life, it would have killed me in the end.

Is it easy to make friends in the UK? Not at your age, no. Most people will have their established social circles and have wives, husbands and kids and they just don't have time to see you on a regular basis - now if you had been younger and had gone to a British university you would have made British friends but you aren't really at the age to make new friends with people your age and as for younger people - they have no interest in hanging around with you than they are with me.

If you wanted a wide circle of friends - you should have gone to Korea to teach English pre-2008 - I had loads of expat friends there - Americans, Canadians, Australians, South Africans, New Zealanders - all colours, all shapes and sizes - men and women - had a great time with them! Sitting on those white plastic tables outside the 7-11 on a summers nights till 4 am - it was great! I was in my mid-30's and some of them were straight out of university but we had things in common - mainly living and working in a foreign country. Saying that, a fair few were older and in relationships but they were within the social circles I hung out in so yeah - you still could do that
if you wanted...

But real life isn't about banging on about niche interests ad nauseum and having loads of friends who want to talk about this kind of thing because of course, they don't.

[Gali]

Why is it annoying Gali? It's an honest question. I know it's possible to meet people like in the movies because I've done so in Russia, Eastern Europe, and Angeles City too of course. So it is real and possible. Just not in America or NE Asia.

-----


It is really annoying to compare movies to real life. When you watch Superman movies do you expect to become Superman? Just stop.

[Winston]

Why is it annoying Gali? It's an honest question. I know it's possible to meet people like in the movies because I've done so in Russia, Eastern Europe, and Angeles City too of course. So it is real and possible. Just not in America or NE Asia.

-----


It is really annoying to compare movies to real life. When you watch Superman movies do you expect to become Superman? Just stop.

But I swear to God. If you watch my videos in Russia, I did meet girls just like you see in the movies. So I KNOW it's possible. I experienced it first hand!

[Winston]

What if you had a great social life in the UK and hot girls to date? Would you have still left or stayed? Do you ever wonder that?

Is it easy to make friends in the UK? Can I just show up there and make friends like you see in the movies? In the movies it look so easy and natural to make friends. Why? How come real life isn't like that? In real life, people are closed off unless they want something from you.

Of course I would have left! I have friends in the UK - they have their own lives with families and kids which is what happens when we get to our age. Hot girls are everywhere but if there were loads of them in the UK I would have still left - wherever I have been there have been 'hot girls' that isn't a reason to go or stay anywhere.

It was in me to leave and explore the world which is why I joined the army at 17. I was never ever going to stay there and carve out a life, it would have killed me in the end.

Is it easy to make friends in the UK? Not at your age, no. Most people will have their established social circles and have wives, husbands and kids and they just don't have time to see you on a regular basis - now if you had been younger and had gone to a British university you would have made British friends but you aren't really at the age to make new friends with people your age and as for younger people - they have no interest in hanging around with you than they are with me.

If you wanted a wide circle of friends - you should have gone to Korea to teach English pre-2008 - I had loads of expat friends there - Americans, Canadians, Australians, South Africans, New Zealanders - all colours, all shapes and sizes - men and women - had a great time with them! Sitting on those white plastic tables outside the 7-11 on a summers nights till 4 am - it was great! I was in my mid-30's and some of them were straight out of university but we had things in common - mainly living and working in a foreign country. Saying that, a fair few were older and in relationships but they were within the social circles I hung out in so yeah - you still could do that
if you wanted...

But real life isn't about banging on about niche interests ad nauseum and having loads of friends who want to talk about this kind of thing because of course, they don't.

But Yick. I never found it easier to make friends when I was younger. You are too focused on age. Age has never made any difference for me. A loser is still a loser regardless of age. I told you this 1000 times already. Why you keep harping about age? Weird.

I'm sure if Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise went to the UK, they could make friends with young people if they want. If they like you, they like you. Doesn't matter if you are older.

Also there are lots of new age groups in the UK. Lots of ghost hunting groups, UFO clubs, etc. I could easily make friends in those groups right? The UK has counter culture movements, like the US does, not like Asia.

What about groups like this Yick?

www.druidry.org

I'm into ancient Pagan religions in the UK like Druidism. I could go to their meetings and chapters and make friends there right? My last American girlfriend was from a Wicca group that I attended in Reno, NV, remember?

People who are into Druidism tend to be eccentric anyway, but are seen as harmless eccentrics. So they would be cool with me, since like attracts like right? And fringe people are more open minded like me right?

I know you aren't into stuff like Paganism or Druidism, so you wouldn't know, but in theory I could do that right? But of course, such groups exist in the US too so I could do that in the US too.



There are also many UFO and ghost hunting groups too, such as the Society for Psychical Research and others, which have been featured in movies and documentaries, such as "The Conjuring". Why are you so narrow? lol

[Gali]

Why is it annoying Gali? It's an honest question. I know it's possible to meet people like in the movies because I've done so in Russia, Eastern Europe, and Angeles City too of course. So it is real and possible. Just not in America or NE Asia.

-----


It is really annoying to compare movies to real life. When you watch Superman movies do you expect to become Superman? Just stop.

But I swear to God. If you watch my videos in Russia, I did meet girls just like you see in the movies. So I KNOW it's possible. I experienced it first hand!

Depends which movies. There are boring movies where I look like Superman in comparison. Who cares? If you think about that you are right.

But movies in general are about things that are almost impossible to get like being Superman and Captain Kirk. So do not compare movies to real life.

[yick]

But Yick. I never found it easier to make friends when I was younger. You are too focused on age. Age has never made any difference for me. A loser is still a loser regardless of age. I told you this 1000 times already. Why you keep harping about age? Weird.

Course age is a factor! Why? Because people assume more responsibilities the older they get - most people get married and have kids and have to work more to pay bills and buy childrens clothes etc - they just don't have time for their 'friends' when you're young though, you have plenty of time for friends and the making of them - by the time you are 40 years old - you have made all the friends you have wanted to make - especially if you live in the town you were born in and have married the 'girl next door'

I'm sure if Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise went to the UK, they could make friends with young people if they want. If they like you, they like you. Doesn't matter if you are older.

They will be going to celeb parties, also they have the gravitas of fame, personality, money... do you think they would want to be friends with us? No - they will make friends with people with common interests and aims.

It's like premiership footballers - they're friends with each other - what did the England team do after losing the final of Euro 2020? They all went on holiday with each other - do you think you or I could break into that social circle? No f***ing way! Friendships are built on equality and fraternity - which is why your 'mates for life' are made in school, university, the army and in the workplace (depending on what the workplace is)

Also there are lots of new age groups in the UK. Lots of ghost hunting groups, UFO clubs, etc. I could easily make friends in those groups right? The UK has counter culture movements, like the US does, not like Asia.

What about groups like this Yick?

www.druidry.org

I'm into ancient Pagan religions in the UK like Druidism. I could go to their meetings and chapters and make friends there right? My last American girlfriend was from a Wicca group that I attended in Reno, NV, remember?

People who are into Druidism tend to be eccentric anyway, but are seen as harmless eccentrics. So they would be cool with me, since like attracts like right? And fringe people are more open minded like me right?

Fair enough, if you went and hung out with them they would befriend you - that's a good idea actually but that isn't the same as making 'lots of friends' with mainstream people because you won't if they are your interests. Your friends will be people in those kind of groups, nothing wrong with that but hard to build social circles with random people because most will think you're a bit of a weirdo.

I know you aren't into stuff like Paganism or Druidism, so you wouldn't know, but in theory I could do that right? But of course, such groups exist in the US too so I could do that in the US too.



There are also many UFO and ghost hunting groups too, such as the Society for Psychical Research and others, which have been featured in movies and documentaries, such as "The Conjuring". Why are you so narrow? lol

That is actually a good idea, that would be the way forward.

[El_Caudillo]

The OP started off mentioning Roosh and hostels in South America. It's something that a lot of non-misfit young Americans and Europeans, Aussies, NZers et al do. Go for a year to South America -- they stay in hostels because they can meet people. At these fifty-dollar-plus hotels in nice places in town that you talk about you won't meet anybody. "Third world" countries aren't as dangerous as the Western media lead you to believe anyway. Not are people as poor there as you think a lot of the time. Going abroad to get away from a stagnant home time goes back to the ancient Chinese, Greeks, Indians etc. If I look back at my own family I don't even know why one of my ancestors left Prussia in the 19th century. I do know that my great great great grandfather was Irish and served in the British Army in India and then guarding convicts in Tasmania. For his service, he was given a farm in New Zealand and was called up to be a supply officer in the wars between the colonial government and the Maori. This idea of giving former soldiers land in the empire goes back to the Romans. These days we don't have to commit to going abroad for our whole lives, you can dip in and out as you please and gain knowledge slowly. I'm sorry but you won't learn much on this forum.
Generally, the upper classes go abroad to further their education and worldliness. We don't know about that scene, but it happens. Then the more adventurous of the middle classes do it less comfortably but often more interestingly. The working classes stay at home -- or go on very narrowly defined trips to holiday destinations -- Bali, Rarotonga in this part of the world, La Costa del Sol, Cyprus for the Brits, Cancun, Costa Rica for the Yanks. Don't think about it too much, just do it.

[MrMan]

PS: Not trying to cause controversy; I am trying to understand how things work.

Kind of like Roosh.

For instance, it seemed to me Roosh, despite probably having more money, always wanted to stay at cheap hostels or cheap accommodations or go to the cheapest areas of town. I read a blog of locals who followed him; they said he would go to the cheapest bars with primarily men and few women and based his whole experience on that.

Moreover, I was watching this guy who lived in NYC and was paying about 2k+ in rent. Obviously, in NYC, he got a small place. However, he decided to become a "nomad," He went to Eastern Europe and got a place for under $50 a night. The place was very ugly, in a crime-ridden area and a with poor service at the restaurant. And he started complaining in his blog saying, "Well, I expected more from Eastern Europe!"

I was like, "Dude, seriously, Why would you do that?" If you would have spent more money you could stay in a nice area in town with standards equal to any Western Country.

However, for some reason, many from the Anglosphere countries always pick the ugliest places to stay tend to write or video blog about it, "Wow, this place is so dangerous!" It seems that they believe, "If you are going to a third world country, you might as well live in third world conditions to get the "full experience."

I don't know if it's a "Puritan" characteristic of "living frugally."

Not everyone, of course, but the "most popular":

Rich Liberal students when "study abroad" :
Go to the poor villages to volunteer, show the local people as poor.
Live in meager conditions in a local village.
Take lots of pictures.

Expats/Digital Nomads when traveling:
Go to a cheap bar.
Approach the local women that most locals don't find attractive.
Find the cheapest accommodations and stay there.

It seems there are no or very few "Middle-class travelers." The traveler thinks, "We'll if I am going to go there and I have more money than locals, then I can take advantage of that and stay in a nice area and enjoy many nicer accommodations that I wouldn't at home."

I am a relatively frugal guy. When I was young, living in Indonesian, I was used to not having lots of money. I'd work a part-time job in college or live off of student loans, went through a year of working part-time, living with my parents. When I went to South Korea, I had an apartment and was making okay money, so I'd eat out every day. TGIF was probably the most expensive place I'd eat. I didn't drink, so that saved a lot of money. it just wasn't my lifestyle. I don't even know where the expensive restaurants are there, unless I went to hotel restaurants. I liked Korean food at a reasonable price point.

After I got to the US, I paid off my student loans with my savings from a year teaching in South Korea-- without even doing private lessons. Tuition was cheaper then. After paying off my student loan debts and working part-time, I had about as much cash as I did debt on my credit card for the plane ticket when I went to Indonesia for the first time. The pay wasn't that great there, and I wanted to save for plane tickets, so I lived cheap. I rented a room in a house. I did go for the room in a nice house rather than a whole house in the poor neighborhood for $50 a month. People in the nice neighborhood talked me into it. Later, I saw this cool house that was designed to look almost like a cave for the same money. I wondered if I had made the right decision.

I went on vacation, and decided to go cheap. I put on the big backpack I'd never warn and went to Sumatra. I stayed in a $2 a night losmen. There was no TV, and I could see from other people showing up and leaving that they made their money off of prostitutes. So I decided to leave and cough up the big bucks, $10 at the time (prices were cheap then) to stay in a hotel on the beach. The beach was rocky, so people swam in the pool.

Now, I am more established in my career. The last time I went to Jakarta, I was working there. The employer paid for my accommodation, a nice apartment complex with multiple hot tubs, three pools, and two fitness centers and a grocery and mini food court in the complex. I don't know if I would have paid the rent on a place like that out of my salary. I might have gone down market a little if that housing benefit were cash.

I would occasionally eat street food in Jakarta, which is cheaper. I used to try all kinds of cheap stuff. That sort of thing is sort of more exciting, more like the real Indonesia. It is part of the experience. When I was young, I'd eat that and also hotel buffets. As an adult with kids, I'd be a bit more picky. I might eat from the noodle vendor if he actually had a sink. If you try it out once and it doesn't make you sick, it's probably okay... maybe. If there is a crowd, usually the food is decent.

I am somewhat frugal. I have stayed in a kind of low end place to live once while living overseas, but not in a dangerous area. A lot of the cheaper things to do are fun and are a cultural experience, too.

[Winston]

Why is it annoying Gali? It's an honest question. I know it's possible to meet people like in the movies because I've done so in Russia, Eastern Europe, and Angeles City too of course. So it is real and possible. Just not in America or NE Asia.

-----


It is really annoying to compare movies to real life. When you watch Superman movies do you expect to become Superman? Just stop.

But I swear to God. If you watch my videos in Russia, I did meet girls just like you see in the movies. So I KNOW it's possible. I experienced it first hand!

Depends which movies. There are boring movies where I look like Superman in comparison. Who cares? If you think about that you are right.

But movies in general are about things that are almost impossible to get like being Superman and Captain Kirk. So do not compare movies to real life.

All movies show friendly people who talk to others. Otherwise there would be no dialogue. Duh. You've seen movies right? So you know what I mean. Come on. I'm sure you've been to social countries where people talk to you naturally like you are in a movie or TV show.

[Winston]

Yick,
What i mean is that I notice no difference at all in terms of people being open and social when I was young and now. Even in college everyone minded their own business and were not interested in socializing with me or hanging out. They were 100 percent business. That's how the SF Bay Area is. Have you been there? I was fortunately to have a Vietnamese girlfriend and a Chinese female friend to hang with everyday in my junior college at least, but not in university. After I broke up with my Vietnamese girlfriend, I was considering dating the Chinese close friend I had, since she was sexy and had a great body, but something blocked me. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. I wasn't sure if I could though because she was very serious and not a dreamer like me. Too practical.

Anyway middle class people in the US have always been closed and cliquish toward me. Snobby and judgmental and shallow too. I can never vibe with that. Only if they are New Age or Christian fanatics will they be friendly to strangers. This was true in the 1990s when I was young and is true today. No difference. So I see no difference with age in that sense. Also when I was 20 girls usually said I wasn't their type, even if we had a lot in common. So again, no difference. I don't know why you keep mentioning it as if it was easy to make friends when I was 20 or 30. It was not. But I am speaking for myself of course. I can't say the same is true for you.

Btw Yick, in the UK, can't you make friends with people your age who are single, divorced, or widowed? Those exist right? Or retired people? Those exist right?

At the very least you can talk to travelers who are open and freespirited right? Especially older travelers, younger ones can be cliquish sometimes and look cold nowadays. Backpackers aren't what they used to be either. But older people who are traveling or wandering around like nomads are usually friendly and social.

[Winston]

My old mentor Brad Sharp said that if a Russian woman calls your "stingy or greedy" then she is bad news and you should dump her. There's some truth to that.

If someone judges you based on how much you spend or what kind of hotel you stay in, isn't that kind of person not good and not your true friend anyway? Why would you want to impress that person? They do not like you for you. Right? So what does it matter if you are frugal or not?

Sometimes even rich people are frugal, it's a mindset and attitude.

I think the middle way is best, not to be too stingy but not spend recklessly either. There is a fine line though and it's not clear where it is. It's subjective.

For instance if a taxi driver overcharges you, how much time should you spend arguing with him? A lot or a little? This is a grey area. Should you waste time and energy arguing over principles or a little money you were cheated out of, out of pride?

[Winston]

@yick

I forgot to ask you something. I'm sure in the UK there are divorced people, widowed people, retired people, and misfits who do not have a stable life too. Why can't you make friends with those? Not everyone is married with kids right? Even people your age. There are always single, widowed, divorced, retired people right?

In theory this is true, but in reality, it's not always that easy for some reason. It's like the matrix or perverse force in this universe is always looking to make things harder than they should be if they went by normal probability. There are female equivalents of even misfits like me, who are similar to me, so why can't I just marry them and live happily ever after? It's never that simple for some reason.

Btw even if I join special interest groups like the Druid group or UFO/Ghost Hunting groups, etc. still those people will just be acquaintances. They're not gonna invite you to hang out outside the group unless they REALLY LIKE you right? Even if you were Christian and went to church, the people there will only be friendly to you while you are there in church. They won't invite you to go out or to come over unless they really liked you or felt a personal connection with you. Right? So you see, it's never that easy as just "go join a group or club". You may meet friendly acquaintances there, but that doesn't mean they will become your buddies. Common interests are not enough. You know what I mean?