How do normies join social cliques in America and other cliquish cultures? I've never figured it out.

[Winston]

I have a weird question I've been wondering about for many years since high school. I've asked the smartest people I know, but none of them have any answers. This is kind of a loser question, so try to be understanding and less judgmental please. The question is:

How do normal people find social cliques in high school and in adult life too? The thing is, in high school everyone seemed to know what social clique they belonged to, it's as if the universe assigned everyone a social clique, so they didn't need to figure anything out. They just slid into the right clique naturally. However, for people like me, the universe seemed to assign no clique. I felt like an actor without a script that didn't belong on stage. It was very weird and awkward. Why is that? Is it because the universe had it out for me? How else can you explain this logically? Even when I became very outgoing, friendly, social and talkative like I did in 12th grade, I still did not receive any invites into any social cliques. I mean, you can't just walk up to a social clique and ask to join. It doesn't work that way. And they all put up a cold wall to me, as if to say they don't want me in and want to shut me out. So it's not like I ever had any choice or invites to join any cliques.

So I've never understood how normal people join social cliques? Any idea? How can something natural and effortless to everyone else, like joining a social clique, be beyond rocket science to me? LOL. Am I cursed or a different breed or animal than everyone else? How else can this be explained logically?

This cannot be about shyness btw. That's just a copout. Most people in high school were shy, yet they found at least a few friends or a clique. Even shy people in America have friends, like other shy friends, and introverts have introvert friends. Very few are left out in the cold totally like I was. So shyness or being social has nothing to do with this, contrary to the myth that anyone can "go out and be social and make friends and find groups to hang with" just like that (snap fingers) if they want to. No way. I did not experience that at all.

Did any of you have a social clique in high school? Or were you left out in the cold too? If so, do you wonder about this too? If so, have you found any logical explanations? I know this is sort of a loser question that no one dares to ask of course. But I can't help but wonder about it, because it makes no sense. Please don't reply by calling me a "loser" and that's all, I want a logical, rational, scientific explanation, not a judgemental shaming one. Thanks.

Btw, on Facebook I asked some old high school classmates that are friendly to me now, this same question, but they have no idea either. So I guess even people who dislike you do not understand why. So strange. lol

Even in other super cliquish cultures, like Taiwan, I never get invites to join any social cliques. At best, people are polite to me, but never inclusive or warm. I never get that feeling like I am "wanted" or "truly liked" or "truly accepted" like you get from your real friends. Yet most people in cliquish cultures like Taiwan are able to find a clique or friends. I don't know how they do it either, especially since Taiwanese are really shitty conversationalists with real shitty cold uptight personalities and have little or nothing to say, which you can even notice with Taiwanese in the US. Go figure. It almost seems like a conspiracy when people are cold and quiet and nontalkative to you, but with others of their own clique, they are more chatty. That's strange since I'm talkative to everyone, even strangers. I don't understand people who are cliquish like that. Do you? It's like they are a totally different species than me.

[kangarunner]

Birds of a feather flock together

[Outcast9428]

I don’t think normies can explain it because it’s like instinct to them. It’s not something they really think about.

In my case my objective has been to build my own clique. The best way I can describe my own reasons for not inviting somebody to my clique is that I believe they will eventually have conflicts with somebody else in the clique. Sometimes I actually liked the person and wanted to invite them but I knew someone else in the group would really dislike them so I didn’t feel like I could. In other cases I felt like they wouldn’t really like me much if they knew more about my inner life and I didn’t keep them on a acquaintance level.

That being said, those are my personal reasons. I don’t know the reasons a normie might have. I specifically try to incorporate outcasts into my social circle and don’t really care if somebody is “weird” or “awkward.”

[Lucas88]

Did any of you have a social clique in high school? Or were you left out in the cold too? If so, do you wonder about this too? If so, have you found any logical explanations? I know this is sort of a loser question that no one dares to ask of course. But I can't help but wonder about it, because it makes no sense. Please don't reply by calling me a "loser" and that's all, I want a logical, rational, scientific explanation, not a judgemental shaming one. Thanks.

@Pixel--Dude and I had our own little clique in high school (secondary school) which consisted of a few other misfits who would come and go but at the same time we were largely excluded from the regular cliques due to our eccentricities and our misfit status.

Why did a few other misfits join our clique from time to time? Well, we would often organize activities which most normie kids found dumb but which a minority of kids found fun such as games of "manhunt" throughout the school campus at lunchtime break, play around in derelict buildings and prohibited areas of the school, and dare each other to go on all kinds of crazy adventures which bordered on illegal and got us into trouble on more than a few occasions. So some kids wanted to hang around with us for the fun experiences that we provided. However, as soon as the fun experiences stopped, the other kids disappeared from our clique.

In college (sixth form) I wasn't really part of a clique. I kinda tagged along with the alternative clique but I never felt like I was part of it or really accepted. I think the people there merely allowed me to tag along out of tolerance. In college I spent a lot of time alone in the library or the study room and just concentrated on my own studies.

Why did the other kids choose to hang around with us but disappear as soon as the fun times stopped? Most friendships are based on superficial reasons rather than deep authentic connections. Most people are simply out for what they can get from you (the fun you can offer, practical favors, material benefits, etc.) and then leave as soon as your practical value to them has become superfluous. Most people view friendships and relationships in a purely utilitarian manner. Most friends are fake.

Now, to answer your question, Winston, why don't some people like ourselves fit in with any cliques?

Explanation 1: Authenticity vs. Fakeness

Many people are able to "fit into" a clique because they are fake and simply act due to their desperation to belong. They accept the clique's values even when they don't resonate with what they really believe, say what they are supposed to say and do things that they are supposed to do. So such actors are easily accepted into cliques and subcultures since they always toe the line.

Authentic people on the other hand are too honest and independently-minded to act in such a way. We are unwilling to accept collective values that go against our own just to fit in nor are we okay with saying what is expected of us when we don't really believe what we are saying or doing things that are not in line with our own individual nature. For this reason we are perceived as outsiders to the cliques that we may wish to join or potential sources of disruption and incohesion. The truth is that cliques are like cults which require the individual to yield to a greater collective value system and therefore necessitate some level of fakeness. But authentic folks like ourselves just don't fit the mold.

Explanation 2: Incompatibility between individual energy and egregoric energy

From an occult perspective all subcultures have their own distinct egregores. They have their own respective energetic constitutions and frequencies as well as their own "thoughtforms" or entitized beliefs.

People who fit into a clique based on a certain subculture largely resonate with its respect egregore. They are in tune with its energetic frequency and vibrate on largely the same frequency as its members and are therefore well-harmonized with the clique.

But most of these subcultures and their egregores and thoughtforms are completely infantile. Many of them are on the level of "people who don't like our genre of music are losers". Others are still preoccupied with "jocks vs. nerds" and other nonsense. Infantile shit.

Those of us who are old souls with a higher level of spiritual maturity don't vibrate on that level of immaturity. So naturally we are not energetically compatible with those infantile cliques and their corresponding energetic constitutions. Others who do fit into those cliques and are down with that kind of immaturity sense that we are not energetically compatible with the wider group. And so they act in an unwelcoming manner towards us since we are like the adults who cramp their style.


The two explanations above are not mutually exclusive. It might be due to both our authenticity opposite a world of fakeness and our energetic incompatibility as mature beings among infantile egregores.

[WilliamSmith]

I'm lucky I read so much Robert E Howard as a youth, because it made it seem like being a loner was totally !@#$ing cool and more masculine, far more in line with the lead man of heroic fiction or badass action movies (or an Indiana Jones or Han Solo on the slightly less total primal masculinity side), instead of feeling bad about not having a social clique.

To answer your question though @Winston about how I've seen at least one guy do it:
One of my best friends is sort of a badboy and yet he has a history of almost obsessively wanting to be accepted by certain social cliques.
When I first met him, he was very self-conscious and overweight and trying very hard to get other kids to like him. I befriended him even though he's kind of a f***ed up bastard, and we're still like brothers (though I'm known for not rolling with the pack much, having disappeared from contact to focus on ladies only for years at a time). He always wanted to stay friends with me like brothers, interestingly, even though I absolutely wouldn't have any of the BS with the cliques he was very driven to belong to himself.
But I was around them enough to watch him use a formula of combining LOTS of conformity with whatever he reads the group as approving of (including slang terms, themes, shaping opinions on ideology to do whatever'll get approval from the group, copying their trendy clothes, trendy tattoos, and their on-trend drugs too of course in his case, etc).
The funny thing about him is that I've also seen him do that in a whole bunch of different cliques, not just one. He was in with a way more PG rated crowd when we were little, the type of group who'd probably listen to faggy REM or Smashing Pumpkins cassette tapes back then in the 1990s, but he made some kind of a scene, fell a bit out of favor, then ended up going the badboy root and being in with punk rock, skaters, even some white hiphop BS back when some sour-pussed frowny white guy called Gumdrops or something like that was supposedly being praised as the best rapper (though I doubt black rappers agreed, LOL).

Anyway, the formula for him joining social cliques was: An initial basic social approach, but with a studied focus on what that group went for, so he'd get people to like him, then conformity, conformity, conformity, but combined with different social status hierarchy games that he'd use to elevate his own perceived status in the group as high as he could above other members. I don't hold it against him for wanting to be accepted, but I just don't get the impulse to desire this. I've always considered that kind of BS just completely lame and never had patience for that kind of thing, personally. Doing a certain amount of acting and trying to have a somewhat charismatic vibe is good, but with the social status games, it would feel insincere with the other people you're dealing with to do that kind of thing, and when I'd get other people try that @!#$ on me it would really rub me the wrong way.
This was a benefit to me because it pushed me even more towards embracing "lone wolf" and learning how to go get women so I could be only with them.

The other friend I have who hung with him, by the way, was less conformist, but has told me he flat-out wishes he hadn't let the other one peer pressure him into smoking so much pot (which some cliques practically worship as though pot is a !@#$ing religion and ostracize others who don't want to use it), because he felt it really diminished his thinking abilities, and he told me to go ahead and tell anyone I encountered in life that since I used to be notorious for being the one anti-pot guy.
So there you go, "normies" and their social clique formulae, and their peer pressure!

[jamesbond]

In the United States you make your friends early in life. It's a good question as to how you fit into social cliques in high school, I guess you just subconsciously know what cliques you belong in.