Trying to get a social life in America

Post by **jamesbond** » August 31st, 2009, 4:02 pm

It seems like trying to get a social life in America is considered "weird" or "strange." Winston has talked about this before when he was living in the US he felt like a freak when he was trying to get a social life. The only people in the US who talk about their social life, are the ones who already have one! LOL

People are so clickish and clannish that if you don't have a group of friends to hang out with, you have to stay home and watch tv on the weekends, because if you go out alone (like to bars and clubs) people might think your a loser because you are by yourself. That's what I call a real "catch 22".

In the US you need to develop your group of friends early in life (like in grade school, high school and college) then you need to hold onto those friends for the rest of your life (because they maybe the only friends you ever make in the US). From what other guys have said, in other countries like Germany, Ukraine, Brazil and the Philippines, if you go out by yourself on the weekends the people don't think your a loser, there is no stigma attached to going out alone. But in the US, there is a stigma attached to going out alone on the weekends.

track2004_400meters1 · September 12th, 2009, 2:56 am

do humans recognize other humans?

Adama · Post by **Adama** » September 12th, 2009, 5:49 am

Yes, in the USA, even the people who may have liked you will assign you loser status, if they later see you out somewhere in public by yourself. Then they'll probably never give you the time of day again. So if you are concerned about social status, make sure to never be seen alone.

I went to Germany by myself. I made it with lots of women during my time there. I never had any woman assume I was a loser cause I was by myself.

Adama · Post by **Adama** » September 12th, 2009, 5:51 am

I should say though. You can definitely make friends in the US though. A couple of guys from my previous jobs have wanted to hang out with me to go to bars, loungers, and clubs, but I dont do that type of scene, and it is all about chasing American women. If you want to chase them, then you can have friends based on chasing women.

Post by **jamesbond** » August 3rd, 2010, 4:52 am

J.Adama wrote:Yes, in the USA, even the people who may have liked you will assign you loser status, if they later see you out somewhere in public by yourself. Then they'll probably never give you the time of day again. So if you are concerned about social status, make sure to never be seen alone.

I went to Germany by myself. I made it with lots of women during my time there. I never had any woman assume I was a loser cause I was by myself.

Like Winston has said, in the US going out alone means remaining alone. That's why people in the US are so adament about having friends to go out with. They don't want to be alone when they go out on a Friday or Saturday night. But apparently in some other countries, going out alone doesn't make you look like a loser like it does in the US.

All_That_Is_Man · Post by **All_That_Is_Man** » January 6th, 2012, 3:11 am

My entire social life is going out alone. All the time. When I used to do the bar scene, I was the one going solo. No matter how many times I invited my "friends" from high school, I would go out alone and 98% of the time be just as alone when I left. It got annoying as hell - to have known "friends" for 10+ years yet they never once said "sure" to a movie, or a nightclub, or a bar, or a concert. This became my life after college (nearly 4 years now), and now I just accept it. It's one of those "blatant supernatural fuckeries" where nothing in the whole world will make your acquaintences here in the U.S. ever hang out with you when you're bored, need a release, etc.

S_Parc · Post by **S_Parc** » January 6th, 2012, 8:14 am

billy wrote:The culture is different, but I think sometimes you guys exaggerate it. Maybe you
talk about the whites in America and not the mediterranean looking guys.

Well, white & mediterranean aren't all that distinct in the USA. I think there's a bit of regionalism here because I know for certain that many folks, seldom find a *2nd* home in California or Seattle WA, who're originally from the east coast.

One thing some have observed is that New Englanders and upstate New Yorkers (NO, not New York City) are more friendship or acquaintance-ship oriented, than Californians, who basically smile a lot but seldom walk the walk. There are countless ways to meet people, like the Boston or Cambridge Center for Adult education and other like venues where people with similar interests can make acquaintance and do something in common.

Even a rust belt upstate city, like Buffalo NY, has neighbors who talk to others around them. Granted, it would be boring conversation, esp if you aren't a Bills fan but you'd be hard pressed to find such a community in let's say Santa Monica.

Basically, once I joined a Martial arts dojo, circa Boston, I had a least two new parties per month which I could attend. And it was easy, meeting up with fellow practitioners for dinner or a movie. Really, the worst part of the New England life are those nasty passive-aggressive AWs. Otherwise, it's fairly ok. People are basically sociable but don't get me wrong, you'll seldom find folks who'll pick you up if your life falls apart. Thus, it's important to be self-sufficient (& not needy) to some extent.

If we had those P4P clubs, right here in the US, I'd have no complaints.

S_Parc · Post by **S_Parc** » January 6th, 2012, 11:05 am

billy wrote:S_Parc, whatÂ´s wrong with you, you sound almost normal. To normal
for this site.

P4P, I never been to these establishments. But I am a frugal guy. I save
for SEA itÂ´s better ROI.

S_Parc, in which field do you work?

Actually, on the inside, I'm a lot more like my Avatar, the looney mad scientist type but on the outside, I'm able to generate a *stunt* normal visage, to get through my day to day life because you can't be a weirdo, outside of science fiction conventions.

All and all, what I like about this forum is that one doesn't have to be this sort of polite Anglo-American business type persona to blend it. So in many ways, I concur with what a lot of people say. When I go out 'alone', I generally bring a book or laptop with me. I have screensavers of stock charts and quotes because society does want to see you, as a productive a/o successful person. If you have that, then believe it or not, people see you as 'busy' and either 1) respect you and leave you alone or 2) approach you and talk about the something in finance or business. And this is not some PUA trick, it's really the way to grease the wheels of business, as you never know who your next client may be.

I'd worked in telecom which I why I was able to date abroad in Brazil, Singapore, and Thailand, since there was a lot of international work in that space, some time ago. That had started some dozen years ago but now, I spend more of my time back at home, and I'm working in several areas. For us, we need to drive up to Montreal City in Quebec Canada for P4P-like activities. I'd decided during the past few years, not to settle down with a woman in Brazil, splitting my life between the US and abroad. I've decided that I wanted to be happy at home. And in reality, I am happy here but I do wish that the FKKs were in the neighborhood because the sticky point to all of American life, is that the local women are not condusive to a happy society. At best, they can be harmless but that's about it.

S_Parc · Post by **S_Parc** » January 6th, 2012, 12:35 pm

billy wrote:S_Park your so funny. The guys here are often little angry and you look very
laid back. More of an observant of the events than protagonist.

You really know how to create an image with your "businessman show" .

But what are your other areas of interest ?. If the question is not
to personal.

Up until a few years ago, I was just as angry as most of the fellows here. After all, my histrionic sister is an AW. When I'd first arrived here, I'd engaged this lame American woman troll, WomansView, into a no holds bar match to either make herself a valid point or leave. Well, after she'd failed to turn the guys against one another, she left.

As for areas of interest, once you factor out the strange stuff (& it is strange), which I won't talk about online, the rest is fairly conventional because I don't really have the energy/free time to edit screenplays (though one of my friends is running with one of them), draw/paint, and do those types of creative projects. I just stick to the type of, as you put it, German scheduling of life: exercise, basketball, some Martial Arts, taking a course or two, and trying to meet up with friends.

E_Irizarry · Post by **E_Irizarry** » January 6th, 2012, 12:57 pm

@S-Parc,

I didn't know you were a mongerer. My dude! (handshake) Yeah I need to do the P4P Deutschland clubs at least once in my life.

It looks like P-Sosa may beat me to it. LOL I wish him good luck in getting some ass over there and in those P4P's n Germany.

The_Hero_of_Men · Post by **The_Hero_of_Men** » January 6th, 2012, 3:46 pm

E_Irizarry wrote:@S-Parc,

I didn't know you were a mongerer. My dude! (handshake) Yeah I need to do the P4P Deutschland clubs at least once in my life.

It looks like P-Sosa may beat me to it. LOL I wish him good luck in getting some ass over there and in those P4P's n Germany.

Â¿CuÃ¡l es exactamente un club de P4P de todos modos?

S_Parc · Post by **S_Parc** » January 6th, 2012, 4:36 pm

The_Hero_of_Men wrote:
E_Irizarry wrote:@S-Parc,

I didn't know you were a mongerer. My dude! (handshake) Yeah I need to do the P4P Deutschland clubs at least once in my life.

It looks like P-Sosa may beat me to it. LOL I wish him good luck in getting some ass over there and in those P4P's n Germany.
Â¿CuÃ¡l es exactamente un club de P4P de todos modos?

La llaman algunos, el cielo en la tierra

http://www.P4P-colosseum.com/video/film.swf

E_Irizarry · Post by **E_Irizarry** » January 6th, 2012, 5:23 pm

The_Hero_of_Men wrote:
E_Irizarry wrote:@S-Parc,

I didn't know you were a mongerer. My dude! (handshake) Yeah I need to do the P4P Deutschland clubs at least once in my life.

It looks like P-Sosa may beat me to it. LOL I wish him good luck in getting some ass over there and in those P4P's n Germany.
Â¿CuÃ¡l es exactamente un club de P4P de todos modos?

Podrias a colocar lo siguiente en el buscador del navegador de la Web (web browser) pa enterarlo: "P4P Deutschland". Desafortunadamente asi no tengo ninguna idea pa nada mas sobre de eso.

Jajajajjajajaa a S-Parc. Se dice, "Heaven on earth".....K un mas chitoso tu eres, S-Parc!

Ghost · Post by **Ghost** » January 6th, 2012, 8:08 pm

S_Parc · Post by **S_Parc** » January 7th, 2012, 9:57 pm

billy wrote:Cool stuff. First I thought you are a crazy scientist. Basketball, Martial arts. Then you have a life. Congrats.

Well, having some activities, outside of work, doesn't make one a Dirk Nowitzki (since saying Larry Bird pegs me a Boston fan) or a Gracie Brother.

I have, at most, one go-to move, and that's to separate my dribbling hand from my shooting hand, before a jump hook shot, creating instant separation from my defender w/ an elbow.

billy wrote:Haha, top secret. Cool. Let me guess. Mixture between bondage and anime. Little joke. Sorry

Even stranger than that