Winston wrote: ↑
May 31st, 2018, 2:04 am
Sure women may consciously want those things. However, they cannot control their heart or feelings or emotions. If they meet a good guy who is rich and handsome and is a good provider and has good character, that's not always enough. If she has no feelings or emotions or love for him, she still can't love him. So you see, it's not linear logic. Just because you're a good provider, doesn't mean the woman you love will love you too. If it was that easy, many of us, including me, would already be married. You can't just check all the boxes and then make it equal love. Doesn't work that way.
Also I've met many New Age white girls and spiritual girls that on paper had A LOT in common with me, but they didn't love me or feel romantic attraction to me, so it couldn't go anywhere, even though on paper we were theoretically compatible. See what I mean? So even when I meet girls that are right for me or good for me or compatible with me, if they feel no love for me, I am powerless to do anything about it. It's depressing, but what can I do? See what I mean? So even when I win, I still lose. And even when I meet a soulmate, like I did with Lisa in China, she eventually changes her mind and does a 180 for no reason that she can explain. So even when I find a girl that loves me that I love, I still lose her later, even if I do nothing wrong!
See what I mean? It's not in our control. It's all destiny. I had no control over any of that! So there's no linear logic to it at all! Nor any control!
Life is unfair. It's meant to be that way. If it was meant to be, it will be. The man who finds his soulmate at 20 didn't do anything special that I didn't do. You can't just follow whatever he did and get the same result. He doesn't have any secret or formula. It just happens because it was meant to be. It wasn't his choice or control. The universe gave him a soulmate that stuck with him through thick and thin and so that's that. It wasn't up to him. It was destiny.
That's what I find to be true. So I don't know why everyone still believes in choice and free will. Doesn't make sense.
The reality of biology and history is what it is: women can grow to love a man more than a man can grow to love a woman. For centuries, marriages were arranged and women were forced to be with men they had never met before, let alone love. So long the man was decent, hard-working, honest and well-groomed, women would bond to them, have their children and be loyal wives and mothers.
It's only now, in this globalised world, that women have started to stack up sky-high expectations. It could be because, by having their own careers, they don't need a man strictly for survival. It could be because the social norms have changed and they are no longer labelled easy or slutty if they have multiple partners before they make up their minds on one. It could be because our modern media are really good at drilling this idea of impossible perfection for both how they should be and how their man should be.
All in all, they can choose, and choose they do.
So yes, it's true, being a good provider and good looking doesn't mean the girl is going to fall in love with you because she knows she can be with someone who she likes more, for reasons that go beyond what the man may think. Most girls I spoke to, including my gf, have very particular tastes about men. A handsome man for one might be a "neutral" or ugly man for another. Some women might be looking for actual millionaires, some other set their bar at "decent job and steady income". The parameters may vary but the principles is always the same.
Some of us men can be incredibly picky, too. We might get promiscuous and have sex with hordes of girls simply because we deem none of those girls worth a long-term relationship.
What happened to you, Winston, is not just the result of bad luck or cosmic forces. Women can make up their minds pretty quickly but then they have to play the hide & seek game to feel valued and appreciated. That's the game of courtship. It took me almost a year to win my gf's heart but then she confessed me that she liked me almost immediately, within the first three dates and she just wanted me around for longer to be sure that I was serious about her and not just treating her like "one of the many".
I kind of lost hopes at her negative hints and stopped courting her for a while, for a few months, until she realised that she would have lost me if she hadn't been more explicit. So she got more explicit and started to make me feel welcome in her life. And I just took it from there.
Hard to say what happened in your case, Winston. From what I remember, the girl you met in China (Lisa?) liked you and wanted to spend at least a few days with you. Perhaps when looking at you as long-term material, she considered you as a stranger. Perhaps you told her you're the uncommitting type who likes being adventurous with girls. Perhaps her family got involved and told her to leave you alone. Not easy to change someone's mind, especially on the first stages of dating.
I do believe that life isn't linear but I don't believe that we have zero control over it. I have full control over my professional life: I decided to leave London and the lure of a highly-paid job to have my own company and the first iteration of this story was (at least partly) unsuccessful. I have rebooted it in Manila and things look decidedly more promising. I surely won't do charity to anyone. I have full control over my body. I am getting older and keeping fit is getting harder. Yet, the decision about trying or letting myself go is mine, and mine alone. I cannot blame the Universe or Murphy's law if things don't always go my way.
It works the same way with girls.