Falcon's new Thai family

[Falcon]

Short version

I've been a student in Chiang Mai, Thailand for about 1 year now.
I am 25 and my girlfriend is 40. We have known each other since the start of this year, and met as neighbors. We speak only Thai to each other.

I am now living in with her and her daughter (age 6). The daughter loves me a lot and is very attached to me. She always calls me "Baba" (the Chinese word for "Dad").

We feel like a happy, stable family now. I've basically achieved my Happier Abroad goal now.

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Long version

To introduce myself to those of you who don't know me yet, I am a Taiwanese American who was born in the California Bay Area and have a very similar background to Winston's. I am 25 at the moment. Having lived in Thailand for about 1 year, I am now very fluent in Thai; being able to speak Chinese helped a lot. I've been posting on HA for quite a few years now.

So I'm finally back after a long hiatus. I am currently a graduate student at a local university in Chiang Mai, Thailand, and am also in a stable relationship with a middle-class Thai woman who is 15 years older than myself. And yes, I know this might raise a few eyebrows.

This is not a stereotypical Thai-farang [white foreigner] relationship where the foreign man is typically 20-30 years older than his girlfriend or wife (most commonly the man would be 45-75, while the woman would be 25-40). I also blend in physically with Thais and usually get spoken to in Thai.

Intro
- She is 40. I'm 25.
- She has lived in Chiang Mai for over 20 years, but was born in Buriram Province, Thailand and grew up there until she finished high school. However, she speaks Northern Thai everyday instead of Isan or Khmer, and in all respects she thinks, talks, walks, and acts like a Northern Thai woman. The only thing is that she likes to cook Isan food.
- We only speak Thai together. She speaks no English and no Chinese. I am quite functionally fluent in Thai.
- Chubby with nice curves, relatively tall, tan skin, and very nice face too. She takes good care of herself since she runs a beauty care shop.
- To Western eyes she would look like she's only in her 30's. Since I look more mature for a 25-year-old Asian guy, most locals think I am her husband rather than son, although occasionally I do get asked if how much older she is than me. One Westerner has also asked me if she was my mother, haha.

Family details
- She has 3 children, aged 22 (girl), 19 (boy), and 6 (girl).
- The 2 oldest children are college students in Chiang Mai and make brief visits to see their mother. We don't really talk to each other, and they feel like sibling-in-laws to me rather than stepchildren since they're about my age. They are both now independent and are living in with their boyfriend and girlfriend, respectively.
- She separated from her ex-husband 3-4 years ago due to her ex's alcoholism, which he did not have when they first married. The ex-husband, now 46, has a new girlfriend who is 27, and he does not seem to be interested in the wife at all and pays very minimal attention to his children. My lady and her ex-husband have cut each other off completely. She wants a completely new life.

Our daughter
- The youngest child is a 6-year-old girl who totally adores me and is very clingy. She calls me "Baba" (the Chinese word for "Dad"), and really does think of me as her dad. We play a lot together everyday and are super close to each other.
- People keep asking us if she is my daughter due to her Chinese-like features. The girl does not miss her biological father due to his alcoholism and lack of presence in her life. But everywhere I go, I actually look like I'm her biological father, especially since the girl's mother doesn't look NE Asian at all.
- Our daughter's siblings do not care much about her. Her sister completely ignores her, while her brother and his girlfriend would play with our daughter for maybe 10 or 15 minutes during his occasional visits. She does not miss them or her biological father. The only 2 people she would miss very much if absent more than one day would be me and her mother.
- Our daughter has just entered first grade, and enjoys school very much.

How we get along
- My lady is quite introverted and quiet, but when we are together, she talks a lot about her life too. Easygoing, laid-back, and quite easy to get along with.
- We trust each other very much, and we've even let each other check one anothers' phones.
- She likes to stay at home, and doesn't drink any alcohol at all. Doesn't have many friends.
- No need to support anyone in her family at all, except for her 6-year-old daughter.
- Her friends are decent middle-class Northern Thai people, including teachers, government workers, business owners, office workers, students, and the like.
- Her family and friends are all quite supportive of our relationship. These include close friends who have helped take care of her 2 older children since they were babies. Most Thais are surprisingly supportive of our age gap.
- She cooks great Thai food for me, takes care of housework, and also drives me around Chiang Mai in her car.
- She has already had her tubes tied (which is easily reversible), so we don't have to use any extra birth control when making love. She's very passionate too, and we are quite compatible both inside and outside the bedroom.
- We feel like a very stable, happy family, and this doesn't feel like some passionate fling that's going to go downhills in a few months. We are 3 people living together now - me, her, and her 6-year-old daughter. Reminds me a lot of Winston, Dianne, and Angelo.
- Not only do I love my wifey very much, but I also love our daughter to bits. The mother and daughter are always together, almost like one organism (think of a centaur). Unlike some Thai mothers who let their parents raise their children back in the provinces, my girlfriend has always raised her children herself, and would not have it any other way.
- When I went to India for a month in June, both the mother and daughter cried a lot before and during my absence. They sorely missed me every single day.

How we met
- She ran a beauty care shop just right next to my apartment complex in Chiang Mai. I would often talk to her neighbors who were also shop owners, and I actually played with her daughter for a few weeks before I met the mother herself. Her friends said she is single, but I never thought much about it.
- Around Valentine's Day (this February), she moved her shop to the southern side of Chiang Mai, and her friends invited me to come along and also bring a flower for her. I gave the flower to her, as well as a kiss on her hand. She was quiet and didn't say anything and simply gave me a smile. I didn't expect to see her again and didn't think anything serious about it. Then one week later, she invited me to have dinner with her along with a friend. Then a week after that, she took me out again. Then things just sort of happened. We moved in together in March along with her 6-year-old daughter.

Why I chose her
- This was an unexpected surprise for us. Neither of us were running around chasing anyone, but we just sort of met each other.
- We connect with other very, very well and feel quite compatible with each other. I have much more trouble connecting with many typical upper-middle-class Thai students who are in my university.
- I wouldn't have thought about it this way before, but my stepdaughter really does feel like a real daughter. It's taken only a few months for our bond to develop so deeply. And keep in mind that many biological parents and children aren't close to each other either.
- She has a very stable personality, and is not a drama queen unlike how many Thai women are stereotyped. Very easy to deal with and get along with.


Also I haven't had a chance to meet Jester yet, but hopefully we can discuss our lives in Thailand sometime soon.

Please PM me if you would like see photos, and I will be more than happy to share them with you.

[droid]

Sorry but I disagree with this. You can take the guy out of America, but you can't take the American out of the guy.
For crying out loud, you should be dating the 22yo daughter man.

[El_Caudillo]

An interesting break down of your situation. Do you plan to work in Chaing Mai once you have graduated?

[Falcon]

Sorry but I disagree with this. You can take the guy out of America, but you can't take the American out of the guy.
For crying out loud, you should be dating the 22yo daughter man.

She already has a boyfriend who has a bad boy image. He's got lots of tattoos and likes to drink, and her mother totally disapproves of their relationship. She is cute, but she is quite stand-offish and bratty and has a very strained relationship with her mother. I am not attracted to her at all. Another one of those bratty millenials that you just can't connect with. The mother is very warm and is totally clean - no alcohol or tattoos at all.

It's quite superficial to make such conclusions simply based on age, don't you think?

An interesting break down of your situation. Do you plan to work in Chaing Mai once you have graduated?

Possibly. I've already networked with Thai universities, and will be able to find teaching and research positions in Thailand without much of a problem.
Another possibility is to move them to the US, which will be better from an economic standpoint.

I'll be especially interested to hear Jester's, Repatriate's, and Rock's take on this.

[zboy1]

Wonderful, Falcon. Good for you.

A true case of being 'Happier Abroad.' There's too many people on this forum who haven't even gone abroad, so you probably will get some flack. It's alright, bro. Just do your thing.

Btw, I agree, Millennials are an absolute mess. For the mongers out there (not me), millennials are f*ck and chuck material, and that's it. They make me sick.

[Falcon]

Thanks Zboy!

What's your latest trip report? It looks like you are truly Happier Abroad as well.

[Shemp]

Sorry but I disagree with this. You can take the guy out of America, but you can't take the American out of the guy.
For crying out loud, you should be dating the 22yo daughter man.

And you can take the guy out of PUA, but you can't take the PUA out of the guy. Never mind that he's happy, enjoys the sex with this woman, doesn't have to use protection, can be sure she won't cheat on him, doesn't have to pay, no pressure to marry, etc, etc. For insecure circle jerkers like droid, it's all about validation, impressing other people. "Better to look good than feel good." That's the real American mentality, btw.

Women in their 40's are the best sexually, take it from a man who knows all ages of women. He does have to worry about menopause, of course, because that could spoil things. Suggest this woman read up on HRP, and read Love Sex Again by Lauren Streicher to anticipate what might go wrong and be aware of remedies, encourage her to take up vaginal weightlifting or exercise with ben wa balls.

[Jonny Law]

-Advice-
f**k the old bitch.
Be a man date younger women.

[Shemp]

-Advice-
f**k the old bitch.
Be a man date younger women.

Add Jonny Law to the list of insecure circle jerkers who are more concerned with looking good than feeling good.

[Jonny Law]

-Advice-
f**k the old bitch.
Be a man date younger women.

Add Jonny Law to the list of insecure circle jerkers who are more concerned with looking good than feeling good.

Retired Idiot,

In Thailand the practice is common. Fuckking younger sexier women and having a wife.

Not understanding the Thai culture makes you look like a bigot Frank.

[droid]

Sorry but I disagree with this. You can take the guy out of America, but you can't take the American out of the guy.
For crying out loud, you should be dating the 22yo daughter man.

And you can take the guy out of PUA, but you can't take the PUA out of the guy. Never mind that he's happy, enjoys the sex with this woman, doesn't have to use protection, can be sure she won't cheat on him, doesn't have to pay, no pressure to marry, etc, etc. For insecure circle jerkers like droid, it's all about validation, impressing other people. "Better to look good than feel good." That's the real American mentality, btw.

Women in their 40's are the best sexually, take it from a man who knows all ages of women. He does have to worry about menopause, of course, because that could spoil things. Suggest this woman read up on HRP, and read Love Sex Again by Lauren Streicher to anticipate what might go wrong and be aware of remedies, encourage her to take up v****al weightlifting or exercise with ben wa balls.

And how is that PUA retiredfrank? What I'm saying is this is exactly why now that woman won't give the time of day to old farts like you, American guys ruin it everywhere they go. But you're too blind to see it, oh yeah you're MGTOW and it doesn't matter Another example is poster zacb, apparanetly a young, good looking 22yo but he HAD to go for an an older 25yo. That's like some infection.
I'm seeing girls in the 19-23 range and they're not millenial at all. I can't believe he can't find some sweet younger women over there, unless Thailand is really as screwed as some suggest(wonder why?).
By the way, I wonder where are all the other manginas now to preach about "age appropriateness"? lol

"encourage her to take up v****al weightlifting or exercise with ben wa balls"

ok LMAO that's funny

[droid]

Sorry but I disagree with this. You can take the guy out of America, but you can't take the American out of the guy.
For crying out loud, you should be dating the 22yo daughter man.

She already has a boyfriend who has a bad boy image. He's got lots of tattoos and likes to drink, and her mother totally disapproves of their relationship. She is cute, but she is quite stand-offish and bratty and has a very strained relationship with her mother. I am not attracted to her at all. Another one of those bratty millenials that you just can't connect with. The mother is very warm and is totally clean - no alcohol or tattoos at all.

It's quite superficial to make such conclusions simply based on age, don't you think?

Sorry Falcon, I don't mean to come off as the party poopper or troll your post right off the bat. The problem I see though is that many guys coming from the west, and i include myself on this, are too lax on the standards, from all the years of lack of options.
Of course I'm not saying you should date that particular 22yo. I understand what you're saying about the bratty millennials, i saw plenty of that in Colombia last year, but is it really that generalized in Thailand?, i can't believe there aren't any younger decent women left, especially there.

[Rock]

Contrats Falcon. You certainly sound full-filled

To anyone here who judges, the Happier Abroad goal is to be...HAPPIER Abroad. Emphasis should be on the happy part. As long as no harm is being done to anyone, what's the problem, even if he falls for his current gfs mother, or grandmother? Of course practical matters are important - finance and logistics. But it sounds like Falcon has that stuff handled and this girl seems very low maintanence money wise and emotionally. No future you say? It's really about now and enjoying things in the present.

We all should just adjust to changing circumstances as time passes. When this girl reaches meno or if physical side gets boring over time, perhaps they can come to some sort of open arrangement so physical needs can continue to be satisfied. If she or Falcon change too much, then perhaps the relationship will dissolve. Or they may remain together or life or at least as close friends. So what. Life is just a collection of nows. So now he's happy. As long as now works for him, it's good. Otherwise, he can adjust and so can she.

[Falcon]

We don't look like this, which is the stereotypical Western-Thai couple you see all the time.



We look more like the following.



We don't get stares and nothing looks strange unless people take a really close look. Same with the couple above if they were to walk down a street holding hands in any Western country, right?

And thanks Rock. #1 and #2 both involve age gaps and other differences. Couple #1 (like DaveWe and his wife) are likely to be just as happy and satisfied as couple #2, so I don't see much reason for negatively judging either one based on one's preconceived notions.

Winston's particular version of being Happier Abroad may not be exactly the same as mine, but at least we're both HA.

[Rock]

Even if you get stares a lot, so what? It seems like so many people including many of my friends and even parents put a lot of thinking and energy into how they are perceived by others. They will sometimes jump through hoops to avoid the risk of being thought of as...different, even though they have no practical reason to worry.

I mean, if you need to pretend (not be yourself sometimes or hide certain things) for practical reasons like to maintain your career or clients, that makes sense. But my parents are not in that boat nor are many of my friends who are conscious to paranoid about how others see them. You see this a lot with face loving asians too.

Instead of behaving to satisfy the standards of others, I believe it's ultimately better to live according to one's true inner values or personal code of ethics. Pay little to no mind to the judgements of others. Be more Trumplike haha.

To be truly free, you've gotta be in a position and mindset to not give a damn about what strangers think. Who are they to you after all? Focus on your personal code, your mission(s), and those in your circle.