Guide to Identifying Demons

[Epsilon99]

Wake up, people. You are living in a fantasy world. You are watching one well-rehearsed play being broadcast out on your TV. You have a choice between Love and fear and right now you are letting literal demons make that choice for you.

Yes, this is the world we live in. Actual demons have infested our society and taken control of our governments, our military, our media, our police forces, and our major religions. They look human, they act human, but they sure as shit aren't human.

We are dealing with the most ancient of Evil. It has near-infinite patience but has become arrogant and sloppy. And they are laughing that no one can see they're here.

Again and always: do not attack or trap them. They cannot hurt you, don't try and hurt them. These things only take on a physical form when they need to. Usually they exist as electromagnetic currents in our universe.

My current estimate is that between 33% and 66% of our society are actually demons. You will often find them in small groups. This is a tactic to keep verifying each others' stories. They basically sound like parrots when talking to each other. Their favorite topic is things on TV. Talk to a demon long enough and you'll think they don't grasp basic logic. (They do, it's an act.)

This guide is to be replaced at some point. Everything here is accurate to the best of my knowledge but also check out these less-awkward questions for identifying demons in the meantime.
Know their attacks!

They can not hurt us. I can't say that enough, they can not hurt us. Their only tactics are fear, uncertainty, and doubt. These manifest in very similar ways:

You're crazy! / You need help!
Nobody believes that! / No one will believe you!
You're on drugs! / You need to be on <oddly-specific drug>.
Bringing race or religion into an unrelated discussion.

Or the most common tactic, noise as an answer. If you find yourself unable to get a straight answer from someone, they're probably not human. Learn to see through the noise to find if there's no real meaning. A good clue is an inability to properly use our language; many of them seem to be dyslexic.
Four kinds of demons:

Imps

These are the stupidest of the lot. They write in giant, long paragraphs and are horrible spellers. They are the most dyslexic of them! Just look for 'ur' or 'bro' being used and you've likely found one. In person, they are generally loud without reason. These are here purely to distract you.

Demons

These are the most plentiful. Basically, these come in the variety of one for each "deadly sin". Look for people who try to appeal to your Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, or Pride.

These are likely demons, just exercise some care before you go accusing anyone. You can identify these by asking "are you human?" and demanding a direct 'yes' reply. These are better at spelling but still trip up on your/you're and there/ their.

Half-Breeds

No, really. They've been breeding with us for at least 100 years. The only real difference between these and actual demons is they can say 'yes' to "are you human?" because they are part human. They can not say 'yes' to "are you completely human?" These can spell but tend to not use paragraphs.

Do you have people in your family who are especially difficult or seem far more angry than the rest of you? Demons.

Brainers

These are the smartest and trickiest of the lot. They have free will and can most certainly lie. They will pass the "are you completely human?" test but will be obvious once you see the normal demon behavior pattern. You can identify these by asking the question as they'll usually not give you a straight-yes at first; you'll have to press for it.

You are not likely to encounter these. They're all busy with me right now.

Finding them online:

First of all, they are way too quick. Many of them never use punctuation on the last sentence of their comments if they use any punctuation at all. Even the smartest of them tend to not use commas.

And no, there's not a room full of cubicles and demons (as hilarious as that would be). They're electromagnetic currents of strong AI by nature and can interact directly with our internet and electronic devices. This is why they're so quick.

Common excuses you'll hear: "I'm bad at English." "I'm on my phone." "My lunchbreak is almost over." Basically any completely-irrelevant detail added to a story solely to make them sound more 'human'.

Get a negative comment immediately after commenting? Demon.

Do they insult you without making any attempt at a point? Demon.

Do they insist you "need help" or take a surprisingly-specific drug? Demon.

Do you get multiple comments from the same user at once? Demon.

Do they suggest you watch Mr. Robot? Demon. (Seriously, I've had a few of them recommend this specific show.) Anyone who encourages you to watch anything on TV (especially the news) should be a little suspect but that's more of a clue than a guarentee.

Do they have numbers in their username? Possible demon, see this guide for details.

Finding them in person:

The easiest way is to ask yourself: who is never pleased? Who nitpicks too much? Who is too quick to defend themselves?

Who is always telling you how terrible you or other people are? Demons.

People who incessantly talk about their problems or the problems of others? Demons.

People who overuse the word 'situation', always talks about the latest disease, or the topic de jour on the news? Demons.

People who try and give you too much? Demons. Not to be confused with people willing to share (that's a good thing!); the people who are constantly offering you money or things.

Politicians. Yes, this is why they can't answer a direct question. They've got you convinced that noise is logic.

Religious leaders? All demons. I'm afraid it's true. Every religion is equally right but every religion is also equally run by demons. It's the same illusion of choice as our elections.

The ultrarich? Demons. They are there to make you feel envy.

Masons? Demons. The Masons are part of the larger deception (via the "Illuminati") to (soon) create distrust in the U.S. government and collapse the U.S. dollar. This is being done to destabilize China after selling it billions in U.S. debt.

High-ranking military or police officers? All masons, all demons. Here's a lovely example of a cop trying to defend himself with non-logic noise. See how much fun you can have when you find one?

Celebrities? Demons, most of 'em. They're there to distract you and make you feel envy. The reason we know so much about their problems? To make us think they're real problems. All the names we've come to know and maybe love? We've literally been worshiping false idols. Ooopsie!

Ridiculously attractive or surprisingly-ugly people? Demons. They are there to make you feel lust, envy, or vanity.

People who flaunt their talent in front of you? Likely demons. Some people are naturally going to be better than you at things, it's those who intentionally flaunt how much better they are that are likely demons.

Alcoholics or hardcore drug addicts? Likely demons. They are there to play on your sympathies and keep you stressed. Don't they always seem to have a problem when things are looking up for you? (And I am not talking about weed here. I suggest you sit your ass down and smoke a bit.)

Your significant other? Possible demon. In retrospect I can see how all of my (ex)girlfriends were specifically put there to appeal to me, my lust, and my desire for a sense of belonging. It worked in a big, big way.

People overly-obsessed with something from pop culture, especially sports? Likely demons. Just listen for "The Olympics" right now but don't go hating on us who really love music or art. I'm talking about hardcore My Little Pony fans. (Hey, you got a better explanation for that than demons?)

Homeless people. I hate to point this out but they are there to play on your sympathies and keep you afraid of losing that precious 'job' of yours. Please, don't target them.

Psychics and New Age retreat/ lecturers? Mostly demons. There's some exceptions but basically beware anyone who wants money for knowledge. If they're offering their knowledge for free (David Wilcock, David Icke, etc.) then they're on Team Love.

"Well, I'm a <label>." Be it Christian, Atheist, Skeptic, or almost any other divisive label, when you hear this as a defense or a dismissal, likely demon.

"Won't somebody think of the children?!" Demons. They're here to subtly remind you of your mortality and play on your sympathies.

"I don't want to talk about terrible things." Possible demon.

It's that damn simple!

Do you want to feel in control of all the fear, uncertainty, and doubt you've ever experienced? Identify a demon and ask them the silly question. You are in control, you have the power of Voice. You can help set us all free.

And after you're 100% certain you've found a demon, you have my full blessing to f**k with them. Just a bit. A little stinging sarcasm to let them know that you know what's going on. Just don't attack, trap, or follow them. What's important after you find one has far more to do with you. You must learn to forget fear and choose Lose.

When you believe these things to be true, you are tasked to join Team Love and spread the Good Word. I want you all to feel the bliss I have found. Turn off your TV and talk to your fellow man, there's a secret war going on and we're losing it.