I'm leaving Silicon Valley before it destroys me completely.

[ineedurbanism]

Hey folks, I stumbled upon this website late last night and it really hit home. All of Winston's assessments about American society, especially our suburban isolated lives, work-orientation, materialism, and complete lack of social and dating options, I completely agree with. And I have travelled some to other countries since I was a kid, with my parents, or as an adult by myself, and I know how different other cultures are. I haven't been to nearly as many places as Winston but I have been to Taiwan (my mother is from there), Japan (I spent several summers there), South Korea, and Italy. In nearly every place I found it easier to socialize, make friends, have fun, and just go out and walk around and have a good time. Not so here. I've been sticking it out despite myself for 5 years in Silicon Valley because I figured I should save up money and focus on my career, and it's MY fault, surely, that my social life is non-existent.

Well I don't need to go on about those fallacies of the American self flagellating dream. I'm simply done with it. I don't need to stay here, blaming myself for being unhappy, even while my "success" seems to preclude any chance of having a fun life. If this is success I don't think it's success to me. I make what is to me a decent amount of money; I can save up for the future, and I paid off my student loans already. I'm far from financial independence. And I used to think I should stay here until I'm "FI" and then depart, but that would take many years, and I don't think I can stay here a single more year.

I have a long distance relationship right now with a Vietnamese girl here in California. That's my biggest pull although she doesn't know it. But my relationship with her is strained and honestly even if we got married I don't think I would want to stay here in California. I'm so tired of the boredom, the social isolation, the social stratification between urban shithole and suburban blandness.

If you're unfamiliar with the San Francisco Bay Area, here's my analysis.

- San Francisco is filled with homeless people, it's extremely expensive, and the working people there are either very rich, gay, foreign (also often gay - hence why they chose to come to SF), or extremely liberal cucks who hate America, and feminazi women who are aging into 30's and 40's without getting married because they were betrayed by liberal lies.

- Silicon Valley has the best companies to work for in the Bay Area with the highest pay but it comes with a big price: it's even more boring here than SF. You can only drive places, and there is a complete social isolation among people. People generally stick to their group or stay alone. People often come here from foreign countries, so it seems the majority of residents here are foreign-born. And what that means is there is no culture here. It's a blank slate where people stick to their little exclusive ethnic group. There are almost no Americans and certainly no American culture. I found it very hard to make friends here because the few Americans I have met are extremely nerdy shut-ins. I have made friends with a couple foreigners, but they want to hang out with their countrymen on their down time and I guess I can't blame them that's what they want to do, whatever.

So instead of dwelling on this boring place, I decided I'd rather tank my career and live abroad than stay here, be "successful", but end up living in an old grandma-house that I borrowed $1M to pay for and will have to spend the rest of my life paying off.

I have travelled enough to know that Winston is correct in his assessment that a lot of self-help stuff is pretty unnecessary when you just change your environment. When I was in Finland for a conference I noticed many women looking at me; noticing me. This never happens in the Bay Area, men are viewed as disposable garbage here. We are the worker bees.

Right now my plan is to take a vacation this fall, and plan my permanent move (and to where). I cannot travel perpetually and will need to find a way to earn a living abroad. Since I work in tech I may be able to work abroad, but I kind of doubt it. Who knows, maybe it's possible, but I think the pay would be a lot less.

I think I can take at least two weeks off work this fall, or I could even work remotely with my work laptop in a foreign country potentially. I did that once for another company, I stayed in Korea for two weeks and did that it was a lot of fun.

The big problem I see with Happier Abroad is the fact that you either need American money to sustain your lifestyle abroad, or you need to get a job and compete with the locals, probably not knowing their language or culture, and not knowing a skill specific to that location's industry. At this point I'm almost ready to just move and figure it out when I get there though. I know that staying here is a dead-end, the only plus side is I can save up money.

Anyway I'm really happy I found this site this is awesome

I'm going to do a LOT of reading here. It has really turned my mind around from blaming myself for being unhappy here to considering a fun, totally different alternative to life. Cheers

[Adama]

There's also the not so remote possibility of marrying an upper middle class foreign woman who's not in need of money.

[ineedurbanism]

Yeah they are very high in demand though and way more dudes who come from rich families here. It's not enough that I make 160k/yr and have a graduate degree and actually studied pickup and buy nice clothes. Since I'm not a natural alpha male and I'm not tall I'm just treated like garbage here. I'd be happy with just one woman as well it's not like I need a p***y paradise. The one girl I'm talking to frankly treats me like shit. I've never been treated this badly by women in my life prior to moving here. It's beyond denigrating.

[ineedurbanism]

I guess quick reply is a PM? I'm new here.

[ineedurbanism]

Tldr I had girlfriends all my life until moving to SV, so now I'm considering tanking my career so I can have a life again.

[xhatox]

Hello Ineedurbanism,

I am also leaving the Silicon Valley for many of the same reasons. I'm a female, and can tell you from my experience that your asssement of the area is 100% correct. I used to have many friends (mainly female) in Asia and Latin America.

The majority of my female peers in the Bay Area are overtly liberal and many actively hate and degrade men. Many of my old high school classmates have become SJWs and feminazis. I disagree with most of their values, and know I'll be attacked if I voice my opposing views. It's incredibly isolating. If I didn't still have a few friends abroad to reassure me that I'm normal, I'd suppose I had something wrong with me not to agree with the strange views around. Unfortunately, many men here seem to agree with these strange beliefs. I stopped socializing after 1 year of reliving in the U.S. because so many people are so easily offended, jaded, angry, and untreated mental illness seems incredibly common. The worst part is that despite the majority being extreme liberals, because there is no solid culture, you still can never know how someone feels about most things. You mentioned women in their 30's and 40's who are unmarried because they were betrayed by feminist lies...I can relate to this. I wanted to live a traditional life, but was berated for my dream. I'm in my late twenties and although I still have a few years before 30, I feel betrayed that society has pushed me onto a path I didn't want. I'm fortunate I'll be working toward permanent residency and able to date toward marriage before 30 at least...but it still hurts that I wasted so much time and learned to avoid thinking about my true dream.

I tried to establish a company here (note above, where I was pushed into living as a man), hoping it would ignite my passion for this area since it was in the beauty industry. The company started, but by then my passion was dead. Every night I would have dreams that I was back in the other countries I lived, enjoying life. After a mental breakdown, I started seeing a counselor (who immigrated to the U.S. from Europe) who encouraged me to leave. I'll finally be out of here in 1 month. While I will miss my family, it will be nice to finally have friends again, and to live in a cohesive environment. I don't expect Europe to be much better than the U.S., but at least is a step in the right direction.

Obtaining permanent residency abroad isn't that difficult in many countries from my research. It takes effort, but the reward is living somewhere you love. I am studying a Masters degree and Chinese/improving my Japanese in order to successfully immigrate. Willing to work in TESOL if necessary for a few years. I don't have the finances or career background to leverage myself, but it sounds like you do. As long as you keep striving toward getting enough points for immigration, I am sure you can get out of here...

I'm personally hoping that once I gain permanent residency abroad, I can start the company I actually dreamed of (a chocolate shop...) and live a simpler life.

Regards,
xhatox

I wish you nothing but the best of luck!

[xtravel]

- Silicon Valley has the best companies to work for in the Bay Area with the highest pay but it comes with a big price: it's even more boring here than SF. You can only drive places, and there is a complete social isolation among people. People generally stick to their group or stay alone. People often come here from foreign countries, so it seems the majority of residents here are foreign-born. And what that means is there is no culture here. It's a blank slate where people stick to their little exclusive ethnic group. There are almost no Americans and certainly no American culture. I found it very hard to make friends here because the few Americans I have met are extremely nerdy shut-ins. I have made friends with a couple foreigners, but they want to hang out with their countrymen on their down time and I guess I can't blame them that's what they want to do, whatever.

So instead of dwelling on this boring place, I decided I'd rather tank my career and live abroad than stay here, be "successful", but end up living in an old grandma-house that I borrowed $1M to pay for and will have to spend the rest of my life paying off.

I'm another silicon valley dweller and your analysis is correct. Silicon Valley is dull; every restaurant shuts down at 9pm, bars close at midnight. I don't disagree with your conclusion, but right now Silicon Valley is paying insane money to tech workers. Walk to the exit, don't run. Vest in some RSUs and built up a stake of savings. Watch that million dollar home you have appreciate.

BTW, it you go to the vietnamese "coffe shops" in south San Jose you'll have fun. The hours of operation are more flexible.

I plan to do 4 more years here, and get my ass to South East Asia or Latin America, or maybe Portugal.

[drealm]

A lot of silicon valley people here, perhaps we should have our own board.

I work in Silicon Valley too. Though I live in Berkeley. The liberal elements are strong in Berkeley, but neighborhoods are older and it feels less like a rat race. Of course running on a treadmill your whole life is no way to live, which is what is expected in SV. And socializing is out of the question for anyone on the wave length of this board. James Damore is a good example of a naive person who would fit in here but didn't know the invisible boundaries he needs to live in.

But I would argue it's not that bad here, as long as you find outlets elsewhere. For sex go to Korean prostitutes. For socializing I actually don't mind foreigners (as long as they are first generation). My best local friend is a Chinese immigrant. Tomorrow I'll be going to his house, he'll cook food, we'll drink beer and I can be myself. Nothing will offend him. All of these liberal vs conservative conflicts are irrelevant to him. He views the world in a Chinese way, very literal, so saying something like "women are stupid" will get a response like "always drive bad make accident".

The rest of the world isn't a paradise. There's a lot to be said for living in relatively high trust society where you can buy things like a jug of milk without be ripped off. Having paved roads and running water. And having hospitals with competent doctors who didn't bribe their exams to get in. The weather (in spite of the last 2 days) is generally the best in the world. If you're undecided about life then it's good to make money here and take vacations to let off the steam.

I'm not defending silicon valley, but there are worst things than boredom.

[MatureDJ]

I know the feeling, although I was in a more outgoing city (which also was my home city), so the socialization wasn't bad - if one considers hanging out with other men shooting the sh!t to be good "socialization". It seemed that by the mid '90s, in my city at least, the availability of decent women just disappeared. About that same time the internet was going on, and the foreign dating meme was presented to me. I figured that I would rather have unsteady work and the ability to socialize with decent women than have steady work and be a monk.

[Winston]

I guess quick reply is a PM? I'm new here.

No. The quick reply button at the bottom opens up a small window so you can type a quick reply to the thread, without having to reload the page like when you hit the Reply button. Try it and you will see. But don't use it if you want to quote someone's post, for that you have to click the Quote button in their post.

Welcome to HA by the way. I'm glad you found my writings and resonate with them. I'm from Fremont btw. It looks like a rich version of India now. Everything has been replaced by Indian shops and restaurants. Even the movie theater there now shows Indian films only. lol. It's like work is the only purpose of life in the Bay Area. So soulless.

Winston

[Guhji]

Drealm, you took the words right out of my mouth. The world is a cold, cruel, unforgiving place. At least you have personal safety and income potential here in the US. The same can't be said for many, many other countries. If you're making 160K, even in SF, then you're doing pretty well for yourself. I'd count my lucky stars and just try to make my situation work.

Drealm offered some good advice. I would add that you try to get out and enjoy nature, even if you have to go by yourself. America is truly a beautiful country with much to enjoy.

[Taco]

This just in...

The Lonely Lives of Silicon Valley Conservatives
https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles ... servatives

[Casper333]

Hello. I'm new here too.

[xiongmao]

Well I seem to have left IT. The job market is dead in London. Oh the irony of voting for Brexit then it killing my career.

The IT job market seems stronger in the rest of Europe. But I think I'm done with it for now.

My last job has kind of sunk my job prospects with corporates anyway. I was working in politics and I'm really interested in becoming more politically active. But being alt-right is a big problem for corporates (even though they can't in theory discriminate).

[xhatox]

Just an update that I finally left the Silicon Valley. I agree with Drealm and Guhji that there are worst places, but there are also many better places. It hasn't been long, but I already feel relieved to be out of there. I hope you guys can leave to better places soon too! I do not plan to ever move back there.