Advice for an Asian-American man (facing a dilemma)

[nxttheory]

I feel like there's a divide between East Asians and SE Asians in America. Asian guys complain about how Asian females (who grew up in America) are not Asian men, but White men. The Asian men are mostly of East Asian descents -- ABC, Korean-American, etc.

Think East Asian men have it tough? It's even more difficult for SE Asian men in America.

Between East Asians and SE Asians, the latter are perceived as being more poor (at least in the states).

However, I've worked my way to in terms staying physically healthy (working out), eating healthy (cooking), being educated (constantly learning new things/cultures), and working hard on my business.

The dating market for someone of my culture background is quite invisible -- plenty of Chinese, Koreans, and Japanese students/visa workers; but rare for SE Asians. And when you hear about men going abroad to marry a women from SE Asia -- they usually think of old White guys going abroad.

Looking around the SE Asian America community, a lot of these girls are too Westernized and becoming no different from their White American counterparts -- many act and talk "ghetto" slang English. I can understand a poor immigrant family working hard to become rich, but some of these girls make it a part of their lifestyle now. You know -- they want to gain cred from coming the hood as part of the rap/hip-hop culture.

There's a Khmer-American female I know who have so many tattoos all over her body and yet claim "Khmer Pride." Ironically, she can't even speak Khmer nor cook Khmer food; and there plenty of Asian-American women like her in the US. Many of the smart, beautiful, and well-off Khmer-American girls are already married with White men.

It's like "ghetto" Khmer girls in America date other Khmer thugs/gangs in their social circle and the smart ones date White guys.

If Asian-American (of East Asians descent) females are rejecting Asian guys, they will only be friends to SE Asian men.

I also worry about my future here in America -- I do not do date Westernized female thugs who already made out with other thugs; and the smart ones are already in a relationship with White guys. I am close to my heritage, but the girls here are too Americanized.

Going to Cambodia for a lady will be difficult -- I am have to extremely careful of ones that are bar girls looking for marriage. Many are already banged up by Western sex tourists; and whether those men think it's offensive to Asian men abroad or corrupted the girl's culture is irrelevant. Lust and money rule there. There too many sex tourists, mongers, old dirty perverts that have corrupted the sex trade industry there. Many are European divorcees or American men fed up with "feminist-first" American women like me.

I do not want be a sex tourists paying hookers. I do not support that crap. That thought already disgusts me knowing how the dark-side of sex slave industry works there. It is for the faint of heart to hear the story of what girls go through to sell their bodies there. Sex tourists who go there do not have guilt about it though (ignorance is bliss; lust/libido taking over for them).

[chanta76]

Hi,

If your young study or build a skill set that can get you work. EX. computer skills or some sort of trade. Make some money or do what many guys do. Take the ESL route but you still need a college degree as the bare minimum.

South Asian guys do have it hard but I don't know if it's harder than East Asian guys. I think we are kind of in the same boat.

If I were you look towards abroad. If that can't work try to find your niche community and always work on yourself.
The difference dating here vs dating abroad is that American girls including Asian girls are way picky but the American girls themselves are typically lower quality.

And if you get depress find some outlet.

[nxttheory]

Well, all my friends and family are in America. My business partners are in America. I do business here (in the tech field).

The problem is, in the long-term, finding a romantic partner is hard. Yes, friends, acquaintances, drinking buddies, and business associates are fine -- the dating world in the Western society for Asian men is a different story.

For every Asian Guy/White female couple here in America, there 20x more White Guy/Asian female.

Asian-American men (esp. SE Asian American) men have it the hardest here. Sure, I can go for a White gal, Latina, or East Asian, but I prefer someone who understand my heritage a bit. Otherwise, we're just long-term friends and partners.

I dont want to give all of this to go to a third-world country just for a wife. In fact, the country, that I've been chatted a few females with, told me they dont even know what Paypal is! Nor, does certain services in their country may accept the requirements I have for my tech business.

I do like the idea of bringing wife to the US and work with me. But how long is the process? Are there VISA paper work I need to fill out?

[flowerthief00]

I can't tell you what you ought to do, and kudos on not using hookers, but......what manner of place is this where East Asian girls don't go for East Asian boys? I'd like to visit the actual city where White dudes are as popular with the EA girls as the EA boys seem to think we are (assuming both races are present in significant numbers). Maybe you and I should trade places.

From what I've seen, every EA girl who is reasonably attractive and has options will choose an EA boy over a White boy almost every time. Only when she is beginning to age and her prettiness has all but faded into distant memory (or she never had much to begin with) does she begin to seriously consider a man outside her race/culture due to the reality that men of her own race/culture will not look at her anymore. And at this point some representative of the White man, with his laughably low standards, can be counted on to be standing by to rescue her. That's why White guy with Asian female exists. I see it a lot. Most of the time the level of physical attractiveness of said Asian female makes me want to run for the hills.

And then we are not talking about a girl any more. I will call her a girl if she is in her 20's or maybe early 30's. After that, no.

I completely agree tho that the Asian guy who fancies White girls has it *even harder*. Women are really not very open-minded about international dating the way men are. It sucks all around.

[MrLee4u]

I feel like there's a divide between East Asians and SE Asians in America. Asian guys complain about how Asian females (who grew up in America) are not Asian men, but White men. The Asian men are mostly of East Asian descents -- ABC, Korean-American, etc.

Think East Asian men have it tough? It's even more difficult for SE Asian men in America.

Between East Asians and SE Asians, the latter are perceived as being more poor (at least in the states).

However, I've worked my way to in terms staying physically healthy (working out), eating healthy (cooking), being educated (constantly learning new things/cultures), and working hard on my business.

The dating market for someone of my culture background is quite invisible -- plenty of Chinese, Koreans, and Japanese students/visa workers; but rare for SE Asians. And when you hear about men going abroad to marry a women from SE Asia -- they usually think of old White guys going abroad.

Looking around the SE Asian America community, a lot of these girls are too Westernized and becoming no different from their White American counterparts -- many act and talk "ghetto" slang English. I can understand a poor immigrant family working hard to become rich, but some of these girls make it a part of their lifestyle now. You know -- they want to gain cred from coming the hood as part of the rap/hip-hop culture.

There's a Khmer-American female I know who have so many tattoos all over her body and yet claim "Khmer Pride." Ironically, she can't even speak Khmer nor cook Khmer food; and there plenty of Asian-American women like her in the US. Many of the smart, beautiful, and well-off Khmer-American girls are already married with White men.

It's like "ghetto" Khmer girls in America date other Khmer thugs/gangs in their social circle and the smart ones date White guys.

If Asian-American (of East Asians descent) females are rejecting Asian guys, they will only be friends to SE Asian men.

I also worry about my future here in America -- I do not do date Westernized female thugs who already made out with other thugs; and the smart ones are already in a relationship with White guys. I am close to my heritage, but the girls here are too Americanized.

Going to Cambodia for a lady will be difficult -- I am have to extremely careful of ones that are bar girls looking for marriage. Many are already banged up by Western sex tourists; and whether those men think it's offensive to Asian men abroad or corrupted the girl's culture is irrelevant. Lust and money rule there. There too many sex tourists, mongers, old dirty perverts that have corrupted the sex trade industry there. Many are European divorcees or American men fed up with "feminist-first" American women like me.

I do not want be a sex tourists paying hookers. I do not support that crap. That thought already disgusts me knowing how the dark-side of sex slave industry works there. It is for the faint of heart to hear the story of what girls go through to sell their bodies there. Sex tourists who go there do not have guilt about it though (ignorance is bliss; lust/libido taking over for them).

You sound like you need a blow-up sex doll

[nxttheory]

Nah, Mr Lee -- until AI Human-like Bots become a reality, I might consider. =)

[MrMan]

Why can't you spend some vacation time in Cambodia looking for a wife? Are you in one of those tech jobs where you work all the time and don't get any time off?

I did a quick web search and saw that Cambodia had a tradition of arranged marriages. Why don't you ask your parents to have relatives set you up just to meet some nice girls back in their home country. (If you are third generation, maybe your grandparents could help.) You might find a village full of Cambodian virgin girls lined up to go on a date with a well-to-do tech industry man who lives in North America.

Or you could just fly there, meet some aunts, cousins, etc., and ask them to introduce you to a nice, smart, pretty, hard-working, submissive young woman with a cheerful attitude who knows how to cook, who is marriage-minded, and eager to get married and to please her future husband. I assume you speak Khmer.

The downside of marrying a village girl would be she might not know how to live in the modern western world. You'd have to teach her basic things you might not have thought about like how to use a washing machine and the need to refrigerate food. You may have to teach basic hygiene. You could send her out for English classes. Some communities have free or low-cost programs for immigrants. if you live in a big city with a suitable Asian grocery store and a Khmer-speaking community with some married women for her to hang out with that aren't thugs, that would make it easier.

[Yohan]

Well, all my friends and family are in America. My business partners are in America. I do business here (in the tech field).
The problem is, in the long-term, finding a romantic partner is hard. Yes, friends, acquaintances, drinking buddies, and business associates are fine -- the dating world in the Western society for Asian men is a different story.

The question is if you ever considered to relocate to Asia. Have you been in Asia before? Which Asian languages can you speak and read?

To find a long term relationship is not only a problem for Asian American men. If you read through this forum, this is a problem for many men regardless their race or educational background and not only in USA, but almost everywhere in the Western world.

For every Asian Guy/White female couple here in America, there 20x more White Guy/Asian female.

What means 'Asian female'? In USA this means plainly nothing - they are 'American women' - regardless their race, they are all the same, 'American women'.

I am an immigrant myself, not to USA, but as a white man to Asia, just the other way ...

Here in Japan, local single men are often willing to accept international/interracial marriage - much more frequent than Japanese women do, and now married couples: man=Japanese/woman=foreigner outnumber foreign man/Japanese women marriages by more than 2:1.
Situation is worse in Korea - many more Korean men with foreign wife than foreign men with Korean wife.

On the other side, I met Chinese women, who are totally into marriage with a Chinese man only, especially overseas Chinese, and totally reject a long-term relationship with other races. If they do, similar to Thai women, such marriages are ending often in divorce.

Asian-American men (esp. SE Asian American) men have it the hardest here. Sure, I can go for a White gal, Latina, or East Asian, but I prefer someone who understand my heritage a bit. Otherwise, we're just long-term friends and partners.

This is understandable, as there are only few SE Asian American people living permanently in the States, and you have to consider the presence of Islam from that region, like Indonesia, Malaysia... - Religion is another serious obstancle reducing the number of available SE Asian women even more.

As a fact, the majority of people in the USA is white, you cannot change that. Of course the chance to meet a local woman is the best with white women as they are the majority... maybe the propertion white:Asian is something like 70:5 percent, 1 Asian women vs. 14 white women, something like that.

In your case, if you insist on a SE Asian woman, your chance in USA is rather poor, you really should get on an airplane, direction Asia...

[Yohan]

Why can't you spend some vacation time in Cambodia looking for a wife? Are you in one of those tech jobs where you work all the time and don't get any time off?

I did a quick web search and saw that Cambodia had a tradition of arranged marriages. Why don't you ask your parents to have relatives set you up just to meet some nice girls back in their home country. (If you are third generation, maybe your grandparents could help.) You might find a village full of Cambodian virgin girls lined up to go on a date with a well-to-do tech industry man who lives in North America.

Or you could just fly there, meet some aunts, cousins, etc., and ask them to introduce you to a nice, smart, pretty, hard-working, submissive young woman with a cheerful attitude who knows how to cook, who is marriage-minded, and eager to get married and to please her future husband. I assume you speak Khmer.

The downside of marrying a village girl would be she might not know how to live in the modern western world. You'd have to teach her basic things you might not have thought about like how to use a washing machine and the need to refrigerate food. You may have to teach basic hygiene. You could send her out for English classes. Some communities have free or low-cost programs for immigrants. if you live in a big city with a suitable Asian grocery store and a Khmer-speaking community with some married women for her to hang out with that aren't thugs, that would make it easier.

I have many times visited Cambodia, easy to enter from Thailand. The friendliest people I met in my life!

It must be very easy for an overseas Cambodian man to be introduced to local Cambodian women, but only if he still speaks the - rather difficult - language and knows about daily life in Cambodia.

For doing this you don't need any relatives in Cambodia, but what you need is time, to walk and drive around and to talk to local people just everywhere and ask to introduce you... I think many women will show up, but slowly, after a while... Again, it's all about TIME. It takes time.

The problem is that Cambodia has really a small population, about 15 million, dispersed and many of them are living outside in poor housing condition in small villages with very limited educational background.

Cambodian people in general however are very clean, willing to learn and also talented to accept foreign languages. However again, you need time, you have to drive around by car or at least stay in these few major cities for a while and talk to all these friendly locals near to you.

[MrMan]

This is understandable, as there are only few SE Asian American people living permanently in the States, and you have to consider the presence of Islam from that region, like Indonesia, Malaysia... - Religion is another serious obstancle reducing the number of available SE Asian women even more.

Malaysia has many Indian and Chinese Christians. Christianity among the Malayu people-groups is persecuted by the state, I hear. In Indonesia, there are lots of local Christians. Officially, it's 89% Muslim. But I'd imagine it's lower since Christianity has grown. There are regions like in Manado in Sulaweisi or some of the Batak regions in Sumatra and parts of islands of NTT where most people profess Christianity as their religion. There are also regions of Java like that. The vast majority of Balinese are Hindus. There are Chinese Buddhists, though a lot of them have converted to Christanity.

[nxttheory]

MrMan - that is kind of what I have in mind.

Asian-American females are indeed Americans. But drawing a distinction as 'Asians' allows us to see beyond the patriotic "red-blooded American women" -- there are still elements of her upbringing, cultural values, and family issues that are unique to being of Asian descents. Her experience as a Asian female is likely to be different than the average White American girl growing in terms of facing racial discrimination, social values, and practicing certain customs in America.

With that said, 2nd/3rd generations are just like any American girls -- materialistic, entitled, familiar with Western pop culture, too career-oriented, into fast-food, etc. That's where the similarities are.

And that's where, being an Asian man in America, I want to keep my family heritage strong, have them understand their roots/culture, and not waste their life thinking that being an American is about watching reality TV, eating at McDonalds eveyday, and shopping at Walmart all the time.

As for online dating sites - in the US, you'll hardly find any Khmer girls at all. And even then, Asian men are not seen as "date-able" in the US market. Why bother online and offline? It doesnt work that way for Asian men who are single in America. Even the Asian men who manage to get non-Asian females these day got to work 3x harder than their White men counterparts, on average.

I did find some luck using a Thai dating sites and filtering it out by Cambodia. There's really no Khmer dating sites out there. You're right -- the population is too small and poor to begin with. But what really surprise me was, these Khmer girls were so SURPRISE to see a Khmer guy sending her a message in Khmer. Why? The majority of these Thai girl dating sites are catered towards older foreign/Western White men looking for young Asian female.

My choices are still limited wooing these girls, but it just gives me a sign of hope that these Khmer ladies actually prefer Khmer men on dating sites. But then, being from America, there's still a huge culture gap! Even though we can understand each other language, music, food, etc -- the girl was unfamiliar what Amazon.com even was nor know anything about current movies. That's fine though -- I'm willing to teach them.

The downside of marrying a village girl would be she might not know how to live in the modern western world. You'd have to teach her basic things you might not have thought about like how to use a washing machine and the need to refrigerate food. You may have to teach basic hygiene. You could send her out for English classes.

Yes, as I mentioned,- I'm willing to teach that person. That means, if I do bring her, the first year will all be about teaching her English, how to drive/Uber, how to go shopping, how to handle conflicts in public, etc.

Fortunately, I can speak her language, so it should not be a problem, unlike White men who married an Asian girl and doesnt know the language at all!

[Horahngee]

Think East Asian men have it tough? It's even more difficult for SE Asian men in America.

Between East Asians and SE Asians, the latter are perceived as being more poor (at least in the states).

Wwwhhhaaaattt???!!!

I think SE Asians have a better chance of dating girls, non-Asian girls, here in the US. SE Asian men tend to be less nerdy (except for some Vietnamese guys I have seen in high school).

Filipino, Cambodian, Laotian, Vietnamese guys tend to be more athletic, look darker (have brown skin.....it's a plus for men!), look less NE Asian/oriental, etc.

So there are HUGE pluses to you SE Asian men dating here in the US.

However, I've worked my way to in terms staying physically healthy (working out), eating healthy (cooking), being educated (constantly learning new things/cultures), and working hard on my business.

Good for you NxTtheory! Stay healthy, cook your own food (try to stay away from eating out), exercise, etc. Keep on that track brother!

The dating market for someone of my culture background is quite invisible -- plenty of Chinese, Koreans, and Japanese students/visa workers; but rare for SE Asians.

And when you hear about men going abroad to marry a women from SE Asia -- they usually think of old White guys going abroad.

Sad but true. A lot of East Asian parents, like my ignorant Korean mom, thinks of me marrying SE Asian girls as "downgrading."

I even was introduced to a Cambodian girl here in WA state last year by my Korean female friend. My mom thought negatively of the Cambodian girl.

There's a Khmer-American female I know who have so many tattoos all over her body and yet claim "Khmer Pride." Ironically, she can't even speak Khmer nor cook Khmer food; and there plenty of Asian-American women like her in the US. Many of the smart, beautiful, and well-off Khmer-American girls are already married with White men.

So sad. I also know this Cambodian-American girl in my Vietnamese friend's social circle who is dating some creepy white guy from colorado.

I am curious NXtTheory, which city in the US do you live in?

I know places like L.A. can be a difficult place to date, especially for Asian men. Full of fake people there who care about money, your skin color/race, what kind of car you drive, etc.

I also worry about my future here in America -- I do not do date Westernized female thugs who already made out with other thugs; and the smart ones are already in a relationship with White guys. I am close to my heritage, but the girls here are too Americanized.

Eeewww. I too would not date thug-like Asian women with tattoos all over their body. Looks nasty!

Going to Cambodia for a lady will be difficult -- I am have to extremely careful of ones that are bar girls looking for marriage.

Sadly, that might be your only option left if you are strictly looking for a Cambodian girl to marry, and have been having difficult time here in this crappy country, of finding a Cambodian-American girlfriend to date, or a potential partner to marry.

Not all Cambodian girls in Cambodia are bar girls. I'm sure your parents or relatives can help you find a girl from the country side in Cambodia.

The only difficult part for a country girl is for her to adjust to the US lifestyle, versus her used to living in the country side, not using machines to do house chores, etc.

I do not want be a sex tourists paying hookers. I do not support that crap. That thought already disgusts me knowing how the dark-side of sex slave industry works there. It is for the faint of heart to hear the story of what girls go through to sell their bodies there. Sex tourists who go there do not have guilt about it though (ignorance is bliss; lust/libido taking over for them).

Yes, sex tourists from any countries who visit SE Asia or the Philippines to have sex with the girls, both legal and under-aged girls, are twisted people! A lot of them are western guys who have been through divorce and want to have sex fun and squander their money. Very disgusting.

[Horahngee]

Here in Japan, local single men are often willing to accept international/interracial marriage - much more frequent than Japanese women do, and now married couples: man=Japanese/woman=foreigner outnumber foreign man/Japanese women marriages by more than 2:1.
Situation is worse in Korea - many more Korean men with foreign wife than foreign men with Korean wife.

Why is the situation of Korean men - foreign women relationship "Worse" in South Korea, versus Japan?

It's easy for a European gaijin like you to travel to Japan and be treated like a king.

However, here in the US, East Asian men get discriminated against heavily when it comes to dating and finding a marriage prospect.

On the other side, I met Chinese women, who are totally into marriage with a Chinese man only, especially overseas Chinese, and totally reject a long-term relationship with other races. If they do, similar to Thai women, such marriages are ending often in divorce.

So true about some of the Chinese women I have met here in the US, on dating websites. I met this Chinese girl here, she's originally from some small town outside of Beijing area. When we met up for a dinner date, she told me that she prefers to marry and date Chinese guys. She literally wasted my time meeting her when I had already specified that I'm Korean/Japanes in my profile. Ugh!

[MrLee4u]

Maybe she just wanted sex

[Horahngee]

Maybe she just wanted sex

Talking to me?

If so, no, the Chinese girl was not the type of girl who wanted sex. She was only into dating and marrying a Chinese guy.

She probably wanted more business since she was a real estate agent.