Re-visited GF in Philippines to get engaged....she got mad and wanted to break up....now crying to take her back..??

[Horahngee]

Hey guys.

So most of you already know about my story with Grace, my girlfriend, and "was" my fiancé for a couple of days until the night before the last day of my stay/visit in the Philippines five days ago.

If some of you newbies don't know me, I'm an Asian-American male in my mid 30's who has been having difficulty not with dating, but having a girlfriend for a romantic relationship here in the US. Introduced to Grace by one of my mom's (the irony here,...since my mom has been a main culprit of preventing me from seeing Grace) clients (a Filipina) for her wig business. Not actually by the client, but the client's husband's, brother's, wife...who is the aunty of Grace.

If some of you here recall, I had all that hooplah/issues with me communicating with another Filipina ("J") who was introduced to me by an ex-coworker ("L"), who is also a Filipina, while I was visiting Grace in the Philippines back in January. My ex-GF/ex-fiancé forgave me for that after I explained to her the entire situation,....and we continued our relationship.
However, my mom (she's Korean by the way) was insistent that I marry a Korean girl, and to forget about Grace, since she's a Filipina, and the other Filipina ("J") and ex-coworker ("L") were sending messages to Grace via Facebook. I eventually had to break up with Grace, and called her up on March 9th (will not forget that day) via Messenger, to relay the sad piece of news to her. We talked and cried on the phone for almost an hour that day. The next day felt totally different because Grace did not send me any messages and I felt...well....just different. The Korean girl whom I have met in Korea, along with my mom, at the end of February, ended up flaking out,....which I was very thankful for. I also persuaded the Korean girl away from me by asking her how she would adapt to the US if she were to marry me and end up living in the US. Although that tactic was to dissuade the Korean girl from marrying me,....it was a valid question for her well-being living away from Korea. So yes, she ended up flaking out, and did not want to get engaged or continue communicating with me.

My mom gave in, and allowed me to be with Grace, and continue to talk to Grace. That is after I had many arguments and even cried nights, praying to God to give me the chance to see Grace in the Philippines again.


God granted me the chance to see Grace again. Heck, even my mom gave in and was happy to have me travel to the Philippines to see Grace, and to get engaged to her in June.

I was soooooo HAPPY! I was like "YES, I FINALLY FOUND THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!"

I went to Jared Jewelry and bought a nice white-gold diamond ring for Grace's engagement ring at the end of May.

I also stopped by in Honolulu to visit my parents on June 17th,....but also, to have dinner with Grace's aunt, and to also see the client of my mom's business who was the main person to introduce me to Grace. Took photos with all of them at Grace's aunt's house, posted the photos on my Facebook account, and at the gathering, we talked about how excited and happy I was to see Grace and to get engaged to her.

I even announced to my ex-coworkers (because I now work at a new facility this coming week) and my friends in California, Hawaii and here in WA state about my upcoming (at that time at the beginning of June) trip to the Philippines to get engaged to my girlfriend.

I even posted this upcoming engagement to my Facebook account page.

I flew from Honolulu, Hawaii to Manila (stop over in Incheon-Seoul) on June 18th. Arrived there at night, and after passing passport/immigration at Manila Nino Aquino airport, I walked out to the CROWDED waiting area to meet Grace. She eventually found me in the crowd, and walked me over to the van. Dad came out of the family van, shook my hands, and just said "hi" to me.

HOWEVER, he did not bother to help me place my check in luggages into the back of the truck of his minivan. The dad's personality felt a little "odd" to me.

Grace's older sister, Jonnalyn, was in the back seat of the minivan, sleeping (or pretending to be sleeping because she probably did not want to talk to me). After I got all of my bags into the back of the minivan, we proceeded out from the parking lot, with a paid driver, driving the minivan. I started to converse with Jonnalyn (older sister), asked her how she was doing since she was diagnosed with Gout three months ago, and also has been undergoing two mammogram procedures since she has some kind of cyst in one of her breast (and note guys,...she's only 33 years old!). She only replied "fine" with a mean-sounding voice. I could tell that she was a little peeved with me (probably because of my previous scandal with "J" and also her health situations/problems).
We were stuck in the late-night Manila traffic on the way to the N-Plex, F-Plex....whatever the hell you call the express freeway that leaves Manila towards Tarlac and Baguio.
The last time I was visiting Grace in the Philippines, Jonnalyn (older sister), promised me that she will buy "Buko Pie" (coconut pie) for me.

While we were finally flying through ont he NPlex expressway, I asked Jonnalyn, "so, are you going to get me some Buko Pie?"

She responded "No more Buko Pie any more." Same cold/mean sounding voice.

I slept pretty much most of the way from Manila to La Union provice up north.


The first five days were spend in La Union provice where my ex lives. It was HELL being there in the Philippines because of the humidity. Not just that. But around 2-3 PM everyday, the morning sunshine slowly disappears with dark gray cloud hoovering into the area, with rumbles of thunder in the distance, which slowly becomes louder, and bam,...it starts raining really hard! The humidity was so bad that I had to shower two times a day. I did not like showering at my ex-GF/Fiance's house because they do not have a water heater, and their water is pumped from a well. So when I shower, I had to shower in cold water.
Yuck.

I also brought some gifts for my Grace since at that time, her birthday was coming up. Same thing for her dad, as Grace's dad's birthday was just the day following her birthday. I bought Grace an expensive Italian-made dress, along with a birthday card with 5000 Phil peso's cash in the envelope.
For her dad, I bought him expensive bottle of wine (cost around $50), plus a polo shirt. For her mom, I bought a gift of a Swarovski necklace for her.

Jonnalyn, Grace's older sister, was told in advance by me via FB messenger that I wanted to surprise Grace with an engagement ring.
I also asked Jonnalyn on multiple occasions, while I was still in the US prior to me visiting them in June, about Grace's ring size.

I had to ask Jonnalyn several time before she told me that she "thinks" Grace's ring size is a 6.

I also sent messages to Grace's mom in April and May what Grace's ring size was. She only responded

There were also instances where the thunderstorms/lighting would cut off the electricity, so there were periods of black out. I will not forget the Friday night two weeks ago. No electricity from 11PM-9AM. That meant no electrical fan or air conditioner to keep me cool at night. I slept in Grace's room on her bed the whole time I was there. the bad part was there was a hole in the screen of her window. This allowed MILLIONS of mosquitoes to invade her room, many, YES MANY, of them which bit me all over my leg. If you guys now looked at my left calf area, looks like I have small pox or chicken pox because there are plenty of icky looking red spots that resulted from my scratching my entire left calf and left shin area!

Since the parents or Jonnalyn (older sister) did not want to set up a surprise engagement at the house.....I decided to give the engagement ring to Grace at a restaurant that we ate lunch at, on the second day of my stay at their house.
(red flag here? However, my fault too, because I did not specify engagement to Grace's parents....although I have been telling Jonnalyn all this time about engagement to her sister Grace)

Okay, to shorten my story, for the last three days, two nights of my stay in the Philippines, ....prior to coming to the Philippines, I decided that I wanted to take a trip to tour Manila, since I did not get to do that the last time I was there.

So I told Grace, and also her sister Jonnalyn (turned out to be bad thing for her to come along) to accommodate me to Manila.

I made hotel reservations in advance to accommodate all three of us. This hotel was nearby the Mall of Asia, because I soooo badly wanted to take a tour of the MOA since it is one of the biggest shopping malls in SE Asia.

I told Grace's older sister, Jonnalyn, to come along with me and Grace to Manila, because I did not want Grace to catch the bus by herself on the way back to her hometown after the day I was to depart back to the US.

Big F-KING mistake!

I thought the Jonnalyn whom I was going to meet the second visit was the same friendly Jonnalyn whom I chatted with back during my January visit.

We took the experss bus from San Fernando City to Pasay in Manila. Took almost six hours for the entire trip. Grace had me pay for the bus fare for all three of us.

The bus stopped over in a town called Rosario south of La Union for a bathroom break. At the stop, Grace told me that she wanted to eat hotdogs. So I took out my wallet and proceeded to buy her hotdogs. Just before I took out some Peso's bills, she told me to buy another hot dog for Jonnalyn. I was upset, because Jonnalyn did not seem to be nice to me since the day they picked me up at the airport....let alone.....even talk to me.


So why the hell should I pay and buy Jonnalyn a hotdog? Anyhow, I complied and bought both of them hotdogs.

I bought a bread called "Siomai" or something like that. Looks like Chinese bread dumpling. Anyhow, the dumpling came with a bag of sauce that you are supposed to pour on the siomai bun. There were no tears to open the plastic sauce bag, so i asked Grace how to open it. The bus started to reverse out from the bus stop area to proceed on our way to Manila. She told me to bite the package and pull at it to open it.

I was just joking with her.....but I joked to Grace "So is your mouth clean?"
She then tossed the sauce bag at me and told me to do it myself. She then just sat there, starred straight ahead, and when I asked her why she was upset ....she just sat there in her bus seat no responding to me at all!
It was as if I was talking to a stone statue!

After almost asking her for FIVE minutes why she was upset (I eventually found out she was pissed off at the "Is your mouth clean?" joke) with me, I gave up, and to be hoenst, I was upset with her and her attitude.

While we were almost approaching Pasay.....I held her hands, and somehow....she complied and held my hands. Jonnalyn was still asleep in the seat in front of me.


Okay, let me shorten this story even more.

So on the second to the last day of my visit in the Philippines, I was getting really upset.
The reason was I was paying for everything. Grace and Jonnalyn's breakfast, lunch, dinner, taxi fare, Manila Ocean Park entrance fee, Upside down Museum entrance fee.
We also went shopping at one of the supermarkets in the Mall of Asia. When I went shopping for gifts of dried Mango's and Chocolate-covered mango's at the supermarket, Grace told me "I want you to buy me four of these dried mango packages."
It was as if Grace was "USING" me and ORDERING me to buy things that she wanted.

Were these expensives items? No. I don't know how to explain to some of you guys, but it felt like she was kind of bossing me around and using me.

What also pissed me off was when we went to Manila Ocean Park aquarium, seemed like Grace was chatting a lot more with her sister, than chatting/talking with me.


I mean hello?! I traveled to the Philippines from the US to meet with you Grace, so that we eventually get married and for you to come to the US with me. Seemed like Jonnalyn was more important to her than me.

Furthermore, when we went to the gift shop at the aquarium, Grace was spending her money buying t-shirts for Jonnalyn, souvenir items for her parents, but NOTHING for me. She just bought me a small cheap shitty refrigerator magnet for my mom.

That night in the hotel room, I sat down and talked to Grace, because I told her that I was upset that I was spending all kind of money for their meals, their museum entrance fee, taxi fare, bus fare.

I explained to Grace that I felt insulted, having to pay for Jonnalyn's meals and taxi fares, etc. I told her "why should I pay for Jonnalyn if she does not like me?"

Grace then got really upset with me, had a sulky face and started to cry. Her bitch sister Jonnalyn just stayed in the bathroom, and went back outside when we were talking about these issues. Grace then told me "So what about the food that my parents bought and fed you, the gas money we spend to drive you around town and pick you up from the airport?"

Grace then crossed her arm and refused to talk to me.

She then began to sob, cry with tears rolling down her cheeks.

I then told her that I was sorry, and that we need to communicate with each other, and that communication is important for our relationship.

Still NO RESPONSE from Grace.
IT was as if I was talking to a statue!

I talked to her, reminded her about our plans for the future, for her to come to the US to work as a nurse, and the large condo that I had recently purchased here in WA state for us to start our family and a place for her to live.
This was after all the hurdles and problems I had with my mom back in March.

STILL NOT A SINGLE WORD FROM GRACE's MOUTH!!!

I told her again, that I was sorry, and that we should be good to each other because of our (at that time) planned wedding for October.

I also talked to her about how great of a Fiance she was, and how her future will be brighter with me.

STILL NO RESPONSE FROM HER. I must have been sitting and coaxing her to talk for nearly 40 minutes, and still not a single peep from her mouth. Just her sobbing, crossing her arms, starring at the wall.

SOOOO STUPID!!!!

It was getting late, around 10:30PM, and I had to pack up my bags, because I had to go to the airport the following morning.


Seeing that I had to take a shower, and Jonnalyn was hiding in the bathroom, Grace told Jonnalyn to come out from the bathroom. When jonnalyn came out,...I went into the bathroom to shower.

That was when Grace was talking stink about me and "money issues" to Jonnalyn.


When i came out from the shower, I saw Jonnalyn packing up her bags. The same with Grace with her almost finished putting all of her clothes in her two bags.

I then walked over to Grace, and looked at Jonnalyn and said "Can we sit down and talk?"


Then Jonnalyn yelled at me "Talk?! We don't need to talk to you! Why do you have to talk about you being "Used" to my sister?"

I was shocked!

I should not have said this, but I told Jonnalyn "No wonder your ex-husband ran off on you. It's because you're this kind of mean person." (Note, Jonnalyn's ex husband was a Filipino Muslim.....practiced polygamy...ended up marrying other women and abandoned Jonnalyn).

A shouting match between Jonnalyn and me ensued. I then told her to shut up, I don't want to talk to her. She finished packing up her bag, started to scream more at me, so I told her, keep it up, and I will call hotel security on her.

Jonnalyn then got her bags and told Grace to follow her.
Grace was reluctant to follow Jonnalyn.....but sobbed......threw some Peso's cash bill on the TV countertop (5,200 pesos) and left the four bags of dried mangos (The one she told me to buy her), on the TV countertop as well.

Just as Grace approached me, she said "sorry, but here is your ring back." and she handed me back the engagement ring that I gave to her.
She then proceeded out the hotel room after Jonnalyn.
I guess there was a midnight or some kind of late night bus that departed Pasay back to La Union province because they would not walk out of the hotel room on me that late at night.

I was SOOOOO INFURIATED! After Grace walked out of the hotel room with JOnnalyn, I immediately called my mom,...did not care if it was 5:30AM in Hawaii time, .....I told her everything that happened.

She told me "See....told you about Grace. Why you so stupid to waste your money and time to see her again?"


-----------------------------
I could not sleep at all that night.

I thought that was Grace's final decision....to dump me and to forget about me.

At around 2AM...I sent Grace a message, "Nice knowing you, I hope you have a safe bus ride back to La Union."

I could not fall asleep until 5AM....not kidding you guys.

[Horahngee]

That following morning, Grace sent me a text message response of "I am now on the bus....almost home."

She then followed up with a message "Sorry for what I had done last night. I felt bad on the bus, leaving you alone in the hotel room."

But the damage has already been done, and my notification to my mom already altered my mom's thoughts of Grace.

All I wanted to do that morning was quickly shower, eat breakfast, and to get the hell out from the hotel.

My mom was concerned, since Grace's older brother is a police officer in the Philippines, about my safety.
Funny, Grace started to continuously apologize, but I kept ignoring her text messages.

The only message I sent to her was me checking out from the hotel, and me catching the hotel shuttle bus to the airport in Manila.

She wished me a safe flight......and I felt bad for Grace.

[Horahngee]

I arrived back in the US on June 28th.

As soon as I arrived back home, I sent Grace text messages. Told her sorry, but my mom told me that we have to break up.

I told Grace that her sister Jonnalyn really scares me after the shouting match between her and me and that I don't feel like traveling back to the Philippines anymore.

Grace was shocked and heart broken with my decision (well duh Grace,....why did you just sit and sulk like a baby in the chair in the hotel room? Opportunity went out the window right there!), and like the last time, she resorted to using Messenger phone to call me.

Note: it is usually me, on other days, who initiate phone calls using Messenger.
Grace only calls me when it is situations where I have to break up with her.


I actually felt bad, and forgave Grace the day after I returned back to the US....

[Horahngee]

My mom, whom I contacted in Hawaii, while I was in the Philippines, visited me here in the Seattle area three days ago. She left just today.

I told my mom, "I believe Grace was upset at the moment, and she is very very sorry for what she has done and wants to get back with me."

My mom was livid as bat shit! She told me "Are you crazy? That girl's older sister yelled at you, showed you her true inner feelings of her, and you still want to get married to Grace?!"

I should not have brought this up during my phone call to my mom. But I told my mom that Jonnalyn has Gout and also been through two different mammograms within the last two months because of possible cysts in her breasts. My mom them also retorted, "So you want to have children with Grace who also shares same genetic with her older sister, sick with health problems? Think about your future children. They might also have health problems and that will be financial burden to you!"

My mom also brings up the issue of why did Grace's parents not have an engagement celebration at their home, and how it was weird for me to give Grace an engagement ring at a restaurant. My mom then told me that since you are visiting from the US, from afar, that the parents and family members should have treated you better.

I feel bad. I have been in relationship with Grace for almost one year. Started chatting with her via Messenger in August of last year.


Just today, after arguing three full days with my mother while she visited me here, …..her threatening to "DISOWN ME" if I ever marry Grace,....
I had to call Grace up after dropping my mom off at the airport, to tell her up front that I am going to have to break up with her.

Grace started to cry, sniffle, sob....and dang! We were on the Messenger phone for almost THREE hours!!


She started to get angry at me on the phone, telling me that she gave me two chances in the past to continue her relationship with me.
Once after she found out about me communicating with "J"...the other Filipina....even while I visited Grace in the Philippines back in January. And she also stated that she gave me another chance in March, after I told her over the phone that I will have to break up with her. But the following day, I had sent her a text messages, apologized, and wanted to continue our relationship.

I then told Grace, "Look, I forgive you, I will give you a chance. However, my mother is very infuriated with you, and you lost her trust. You Grace, HAD a chance with my mom. A very good chance where my mom gave in to my demands, and she was willing to even pay for our wedding in the Philippines and even travel to the Philippines with my dad to attend our wedding that was set for October."


It is true. Yeah, some of you guys may criticize me for wanting to take her back after she walked out from the hotel room and handed me back the engagement ring.

I felt that Grace was genuinely sorry for what she has done, and she is also "shocked" that she did not bother to respond to my comments or questions on the last night of my stay in the PI, in the hotel room.

[Horahngee]

Yes guys. I made plenty of mistakes and I believe I partially tainted my reputation with Grace's parents after Jonnalyn posted photos of my and Grace on her Facebook account, which "J" and "L" found out...and that caused a lot of hoopla/problems back in early February.

However, man.....I am so pissed with Grace. Why did she not answer my questions or want to communicate with me last week Tuesday night? I coaxed her to talk to me, that communication for our relationship is very important,...sorry for what I have said and done to you. No response/ no answers at all from her.


So here are the situations I am thinking that Grace is in right now:

1) "Oh shit. why did I not bother responding or talking to Horahngee? Stupid stupid stupid! I now lost a chance of getting US residency / a green card."


2) Her mom is pushing her to come back to me, so that she can marry me, and then eventually get US residency. I can tell, because the mom is heavily involved in communicating with me via text messages on days where I am about to break up with Grace (ex....back in March of this year).


3) Grace genuinely is sorry for what she has done, and wants to move on with me.
The problem is, my mom is very upset with Grace, and is a typical old-school Korean woman who does not tend to forgive people, have a grudge against certain people. Type of person who also fights a lot with my dad. Anyhow, she will not allow me to marry Grace.

[Zambales]

So you have "J", "L" , your mother and Grace's sister immersed in your relationship. No wonder it's a clusterfuck with four other women involved.

Move on and don't involve your mother in future when relationships are concerned or advertise your personal life on Facebook for all to see.

Also, when a Filipina prioritizes their family before you, it's a clear red flag.

Did you mention Grace's family were wealthy prior to this thread, I can't remember.

[LFL]

You're not ready for marriage as long as you think and say things like the following:

My mom gave in, and allowed me to be with Grace, and continue to talk to Grace. That is after I had many arguments and even cried nights, praying to God to give me the chance to see Grace in the Philippines again.

[Zambales]

I don't think either of you are mature enough to be in a serious relationship. She's allowing her older sister to dictate to her while you keep bringing your mother into it. For a relationship to be strong the pair of you need to be strong and that entails telling outsiders to back off and mind their own business.

[publicduende]

Very simple conclusion, Horahngee: that sort of girl (and her nasty sister) is best left alone. From your post I can understand that...

1. The whole engagement and family reunion/hospitality was one big set up from day one. The fact itself that they slapped you with the food and the gas they bought to keep you fed and entertained, which are probably a few hundred pesos worth at most, means all of them were looking for a free ride with the smallest possible "initial investment".

Sadly this is very, very common in the Philippines. Many Filipino men and women are keen to give a foreigner something that costs them relatively little or nothing (like their time, if they have plenty of it, or their "sexual goods") and ask something much larger and necessary to them in return. Usually money but could be a favour or the ultimate prize of all - the chance to get themselves or one of their family members wedded up to you and over to a different country, from where she will be able to route a continuous stream of financial support.

2. I don't think Grace has been genuine about her love for you. Not a single time, from what you recount. Her family was probably pushing her towards you so she could get married and give herself (and them!) a better existence. The question is: what has she giving back to you? From what you write on the OP, she sounds uneducated and with little in the way of showing manners and grace. She and her sister started accompanied you into your journey with a massive chip on their shoulder. Perhaps they were upset about you trying to hook up with another girl and they gave you the benefit of the doubt because they were will interested in Grace being married up for "the greater good".

The thing is...if a man flies all the way from the US to a remote country in SE Asia called the Philippines to find a girl who is as dumb, entitled and moody as the women back home, what is the point of all this?

The Philippines are actually home to a great many good girls, girls who are graceful, considerate and sweet. You probably made a mistake assuming that just because Grace was introduced to you by a trusted family member, she is herself trustworthy and worth starting a relationship with.

I think you can safely tell Grace to get lost. Then (then!), if you are still interested in looking for a good Filipina, the best option for you would be to be here for a few weeks, not just a few days, and start dating here. You don't even need to use Tinder or the dating sites. At least in the large cities like Manila and Cebu, there are several expat associations that organise social gatherings.

One of them I recently discovered is Internations (https://www.internations.org) which sports a good mix of foreign and Filipinos, most being single women in their late 20s to late 30s, mostly single. These are usually Filipinas with jobs, with financial and social independence, well-educated and capable to understanding the subtleties of a joke and being honest about their feelings.

[Zambales]

I've just read a few of your previous threads about the subject Horahngee and I've come to the conclusion that out of everyone involved here, Grace is the one on the receiving end and unfairly so. What has she done so wrong? OK, she went into tampo's (moods) on your last visit but this was probably down to her sister constantly reminding of her of the other woman you were interacting with.

We've all kept our options open when it comes to women but you made the grave mistake of not keeping it to yourself, although I do believe that Grace is the only woman you're interested in. It's a pity the family don't think the same.

Public Duende made a valid point about the family orchestrating marriage. If they cared for Grace they wouldn't be advocating it at such an early stage so it is a red flag.

I see hints of her liking you but outside influences are turning this relationship into a total train crash.

[publicduende]

I've just read a few of your previous threads about the subject Horahngee and I've come to the conclusion that out of everyone involved here, Grace is the one on the receiving end and unfairly so. What has she done so wrong? OK, she went into tampo's (moods) on your last visit but this was probably down to her sister constantly reminding of her of the other woman you were interacting with.

I would like to believe you words, if plenty of (first-hand and observed) experience didn't teach me that a Filipino/a who isn't even smart enough to make an effort to be patient and at least pretend to be polite at all times, doesn't deserve the relationship.

Grace and her family had an opportunity to find themselves related to what (judging from his story) sounds like a very decent Asian-american man, with a job, a good (if a bit traditional) family, financial stability, never married before, not too old...in other words the total package.

By being unnecessarily moody, allowing her sister to ruin the party at all times and showing the family lukewarm at best, I think Grace just "killed the golden goose". Of course now she realises she will have to wait for another foreigner to rescue her from the province.

One for our Horahngee: SET THE BAR HIGHER, you're worth more than that! I am 44, divorced (albeit with no kids), not entirely financially secure (due to my business here in the Philippines failing) and managed to woo a girl 20 years younger than me, very pretty, very well educated and from a family who never once gave me the palest hint of drama - in fact quite the opposite, they love me and I love them!

The key is to build that dating rapport and then relationship by yourself, without any intermediary. Advice is only as good as the discerning mind that is needed to tell the corn from the chaff.

[Zambales]

I've just read a few of your previous threads about the subject Horahngee and I've come to the conclusion that out of everyone involved here, Grace is the one on the receiving end and unfairly so. What has she done so wrong? OK, she went into tampo's (moods) on your last visit but this was probably down to her sister constantly reminding of her of the other woman you were interacting with.

I would like to believe you words, if plenty of (first-hand and observed) experience didn't teach me that a Filipino/a who isn't even smart enough to make an effort to be patient and at least pretend to be polite at all times, doesn't deserve the relationship.

To be fair, I don't think any of the participants involved in this love triangle, family included, have been particularly smart, and yes I do agree, impoliteness is uncalled for but as we know, Filipina's are notorious for tampo's. I've suffered at the hands of one or two for a much lesser "crime" .

[Winston]

Man OP, your stories are so long. There's nothing wrong with a girl riding a bus by herself. No danger at all. You were being overly nice and protective beyond what's necessary.

Well her family was nice to pick you up at the airport. Most families there can't do that and don't even have a car.

I still don't get why you had to have her sister with you. That was unnecessary and illogical.

Why doesn't your mom want you to marry Grace? You give your mom an ultimatum in that if she doesn't find you a good Korean girl to marry by a certain deadline, then you can marry Grace. lol

So if Grace didn't dump you and hand you back the ring, your mom would have interfered or not?

Btw are you sure this family is middle class, like you told me in a PM?

[Winston]

So you have "J", "L" , your mother and Grace's sister immersed in your relationship. No wonder it's a clusterfuck with four other women involved.

Move on and don't involve your mother in future when relationships are concerned or advertise your personal life on Facebook for all to see.

Also, when a Filipina prioritizes their family before you, it's a clear red flag.

Did you mention Grace's family were wealthy prior to this thread, I can't remember.

Yeah one time a Filipina business woman told me this: "If your Filipina girl really loves you, then she will even protect you from her own family if they try to take advantage of you. If she does that, then you know she truly loves you."

I don't get how these people have no pride or honor or conscience or guilt or shame. Only sociopaths lack those traits. Yet these girls are too warm to be sociopaths. So I don't get it.

[DarthXedonias]

I will just give my two cents because I have some experience already with "Tampos" (I think you guys called it) and I might be going through something similar soon.

First off somethings you did wrong: Obviously the whole J thing was a big mistake but I think you already know that granted when I went to the Philippines I was honest that I was going to see one other girl that I was with. Granted, she took it well and understood the fact that until I saw her I couldn't really say I could be exclusive since we don't know if there would be a connection. I ended up not seeing the other girl because she turned up too many red flags over time. The other thing I would mention and this is very, very important: Get your mother out of your relationships. I understand, you probably care about your mother but even the fact that your mother can say I don't want you to marry this chick, like in the first incident, then you just cowed towed to her demand with no problem is a major issue. What happens if you did marry to a woman, your mother visited, and she didn't like how the household was being run? Would you give into her demand then? effectively making her run your own household?

Look, You want a traditional woman? that means your going to have to be a traditional man and traditional men actually run their households and frankly don't have time for BS. As far as i'm concerned you can still remain respectful to your mother but your a full grown man! You aren't forced to take her advice and certainly shouldn't be there crying about your mother not letting you be with so and so. You are a grown man at this point with his own life, living on his own. I'm not saying this in a mean tone btw, I just want you to realize you need to get her out of the equation of choosing a mate. Also, the time to stand up to your mother wasn't after this whole thing happened when Grace showed she wasn't the type of woman you should be with (we will get to that) but when your mother first tried to interfere in your relationship. I know it will be hard because I had a similar issue with my mother being controlling even til recently but guess what? I finally told her off and guess what? she said some vague threats at first but she backed down right away because she realized after years of her being able to do shit like that I wasn't going to let that shit happen anymore. She just been respectful since then and keeps her nose out of my business.

As far as Grace, you dodged a bullet and shouldn't even be contemplating giving her another chance. Do you really want to be married to a woman who gets so caught up in her emotions in the moment and can't calm down to think about the ramifications of the actions she is taking? Last time I checked that isn't a very desirable trait for a life partner. Second the fact that she constantly took her family side on things, even when they were the ones in the wrong, is a huge red flag right there. That means every time she has to choose between her family or you, you are shit out of luck. Just one more reason why you shouldn't even consider giving her another chance. I think Public already mentioned the obvious signs that the family is pushing her towards this, even though obviously from their behavior they couldn't give 2 shits about you. They only care about how much you can provide for the family financial. Now, as I've said before its only natural for a woman to some degree to think about how financially stable her partner is but its too what degree. Add in her family thinking about that as well to a extreme degree and that becomes a major problem. Why deal with that when you can find plenty of good girls in the philippines that have good lucks that would treat you much better? Also, the fact that she kept on "telling" you to buy you stuff was a big red flag. The fact that you gave in was signaling to her that she could get away with it which is why she kept on doing it and probably thought if you get married she could probably end up doing the same shit. You might as well stick with a AW at that point who will keep on telling you to buy more shit to keep up with the Jones.

On a side note, yes you really did mess up by asking the sister to come along. That's basically volunteering to pay her way and signaling to her that she can treat you like shit and you will still reward her. You never, ever reward bad behavior. You just going to get more of it. Also, never ever put up with that silent/ignore treatment or bratty attitude. For future reference you should let it be known to the woman that you will not tolerate such behavior. If she keeps on doing it you leave. You can't have a good relationship, let alone marriage if every time the person gets a bit upset or doesn't get their way they ignore their partner or have these tantrums constantly. When it could be on something important or something that needs to be decided urgently real couples don't have time for that shit. Also you need to stop taking the mentality you have about yourself in America to the Philippines. You are young, and have a good job. Do you know that from those factors , especially the stable financial situation, that puts you in the top 20% in of guys in the Philippines already? That means you don't have to settle like you would in the US for the first woman who bats her eye lashes at you or that you go on a date with. You can have a filipina who is relatively decent looking but has good character as well. So don't feel like you have to settle for women with shitty attitudes.

In the end, it may hurt a little but use it as a learning experience. Don't go back to her or give her another chance. You could do so much better than that. Just do what Public suggested. Plan your next trip for a couple of weeks and try to meet women regularly. Or if there is going to be a long time between now and your next trip you could start chatting with women now online still and just weed out the bad ones months before your trip. Unlike others, I have found filipina scammers or users not to be too smart. They kind of make themselves way to apparent from the off set and show those red flags pretty easily. Even if not at the beginning usually the redflags come out sooner or later (Usually I find they come out sooner). In the end just try again and try to keep in mind the lessons you have learned from this experience.