Misfit effect of his own conditioned social sabotage in his own culture

[globalwonder]

There start being members from all around the world on this forum.
What connects them is being misfits in their own cultures.

When Winston and other people here talk about America withdrawing socialization from misfits more than other places, it might be true due the competitiveness there, but there might be a more universal pattern at play.
Namely, people who grow up in a culture, and then miraculously have a better experience in another culture might be experiencing this:
If you are different and grew up since childhood in a particular culture, experiencing large amounts of social exclusion, rejection and pain through the time of growing up, you will associate the negative attitude of people towards you with your own country, and when you go abroad, people do not react to you the same as you have been suffering throughout all your life growing up, because the other culture uses different punishment mechanisms, has different ways to determine who will be socially excluded, and will less likely identify you as a misfit as fast.

If you are raised in one country, you receive large amounts of rejection and social exclusion, and develop reactions to it anyway still somehow dependent on the culture concerned. Therefore when you get older and meet new people, their reaction keeps being negative toward you even though they are supposed to be strangers and should give you a new chance unlike all the people who had bullied you growing up.
I think in one's own country, one will with the higher reliability nevertheless keep getting negative stares, reactions, keep for of all cultures most reliable getting excluded - because every culture has a way misfits are conditioned and programmed to behave. It is the way one moves his body, the face has hundreds of muscles which one can not consciously control all the time - and every culture has very specific types of behavior which if you show to have, people automatically regard you as a person of those undesirable traits.
If you feel uncomfortable, socially anxious and so on (these all being emotions which resulted from long term social exclusion in your home country), anytime you have these feelings in its society, people in your own country are 10 times faster to identify these emotions within you and without you saying a word or asking for it, they will simply treat you according to this.

My conclusion is that a misfit will struggle most with his own country (or in the cultural region if near countries have related culture). I personally come from central Europe, a place Winston and others here might see as far more friendly than America. Maybe in many ways from an unbiased perspective or the perspective of an Asian or an American it is quite a free society. On the other hand, for me as a misfit, believe it or not, it is easier to have conversations and get romance from western girls like American, west Europe, than those from Slavic countries and before all locally here.

It is the biggest paradox. Had I been born in America, I am not saying I would not have Winston's experience. But what I am saying is it really depends on where you are from. Even if Winston is a misfit in America, he still is programmed to speak the language like a native and have a very usual American intonation. Even this intonation turns a misfit's speech against himself. The way he is forced to speak based on past trauma reminds every new American he meets of his social standing - because he can not control the way his speech's vibe is socially received. Locals are the ones best at identifying who is an outcast merely by the way he learned to express himself (excluded person in culture A grows up to be only able to express himself in a way with which he always appears inferior and unattractive to girls of his own culture). If you are a foreigner somewhere, people will far less likely judge you for being different, because even if you were different in your country of origin, in another culture you are always expected to behave different from locals, even if you had no differences in your home country.

Therefore I can announce many misfits from Europe miraculously might do well with western women, while Slavic ones will dismiss them as insecure, weird and awkward, with no benefit of doubt or excuse, just like happens to misfits who were born in America and then they experience a similar treatment overseas.

[Winston]

This is an interesting theory globalwonder. Did you come up with it yourself or did you read about it somewhere? True body language speaks volumes and is unconscious. But this is a chicken or egg problem. How much of your thoughts and behaviors and body language determines how other treat you? It's not clear. If your theory is true, then I could act confident in America and get girls that way. But that doesn't work because confidence has to be based on something real. Just acting confidence doesn't do anything. An ugly guy can act confidence but it doesn't make him attractive, it just makes him an annoying loud person. I don't think it's that simple. I think there are intangible factors.

The matrix also seems to assign your destiny to you too. For example when I was in 4th grade suddenly I had a loser status, as if the matrix assigned it to me and everyone played along with it because most people are NPCs and follow whatever the simulation says, just like in a video game. Or it was a divine curse. I don't know. All I know is that suddenly all 30 kids in my class didn't like me and were hostile to me and persecuted me. It made me depressed everyday but I had no power to change it and no one cared. How to explain that? Even intellectuals like my friend @publicduende have never been able to explain it. My friend @Lucas88 has many deep explanations though, most of which involves having asperger's.

What about you @globalwonder? Are you a misfit in Europe? If so, how did it happen? When did it start? Did you feel you had a choice of whether to be normal or a misfit? Or was it all just pushed upon you out of nowhere? Usually European kids are down to earth. Did any psychologist tell you that you have asperger's? Whether we have autism or not, we are definitely not neurotypical here. We must be neurodivergent in some way. But the question is: Did being ostracized cause us to be neurodivergent or the other way around? This is a chicken or egg problem. It could be that our souls are different from others too, not just our brains.

What happens when you go to another European country? Do you notice a difference?

[Lucas88]

I'm a misfit in my own country (UK). In my case I'm neurodivergent and speak with some level of dysprosody, although I suspect that the latter has more to do with ASD itself rather than a history of social trauma.

In light of my neurodivergence and dysprosody, I absolutely don't feel comfortable interacting with British people most of the time. It's as though they can tell that I'm atypical and different and view me as weird because of it. I much prefer speaking foreign languages and interacting with non-British people — the foreign language serves to mask my usual awkwardness to a degree while non-British people don't act as judgemental towards me.

However, I think that there are multiple layers to this question rather than simply a foreign language masking my awkwardness or non-British people not perceiving me as a misfit:

1. Some cultures — e.g., Spain, Mexico, Brazil, etc. — are more open-minded and tolerant of individual quirks and don't punish social awkwardness or ASD traits as harshly as cold, mechanical, conformist cultures do. This has certainly been my experience.

2. Speaking Spanish — or more recently Portuguese — changes my personality 180º. I immediately become far more sociable and vibrant. Even speaking Japanese during my year-long stint in Japan brought me out of my shell a bit more than when I'm speaking English.

3. When I'm in a fun and vivacious country like Spain, I feel a lot more energized and motivated to engage with other people, which in turn serves to bring out my better traits.

Nevertheless, my problem with British people still stands and I feel the need to avoid them due to their perception of me as a misfit and my inability to mask during interactions with them.

Curiously, I feel considerably more comfortable with Americans than I do with British people. My conversations with them tend to flow better and I don't feel like I'm being constantly judged and walking on eggshells.