Jester's Rookie Mistake In Thailand

[eurobrat]

I asked anamericaninbangkoks take on jesters situation. Here is his response:

AnAmericaninBangkok:

"He f***ed up twice. First he actually believed a woman who said it was alright to have other women.

Second, he f***ed up giving in and starting a business with her.

He already answered his own question:

The answer is INDEPENDENCE.

The problem isnt Thai people.
The problem is being dependent on Thai people.

The problem isn't a woman.
The problem is needing a woman.

Independence is the answer.

Unless he wants a committed relationship with her, he needs to boot the bitch. Plain and simple. As decently as possible and leaving her dignity, if possible.

Whether she likes it or not, adios honey. He can't be led by his dick, period. Once he refrains from letting the p***y control him, he's in a much better place.

I'm dependent on no one here and I love it. And if I had to move, I would and can.

Also, why would he hook up with a chick who is reliant on him? This is huge - if she needs him and his money, he's at a big disadvantage. Guys think the women will stay with them if they need the money, but many women only care if they have a place to stay and food in their belly. If they know they can earn elsewhere, they'll either stay with the guy because they want to - for love or lust - or they'll bail."

Ok, everyone put the pitch forks down right now!

Little rough dont you guys think. I talk with Jester often and he did want the coffeeshop himself when I talked with him while he was in Mexico. Why bash a guys dream. Jester's a simple guy deep down but has complex needs, in his polygamy quest.

I still am not convinced moving is the answer, we all think it is and we have to stop running from problems. I am on my 5-6 country living and I can tell you it gets addicting but does not solve problems. Moving is running away from his problem and it's not a solution. I think Jester needs to learn Thai game a little more to be able to command and conquer. His first love with Misses Chiang Mai the single mom was a good choice to learn the mentality and thai cultural differences.

To tell you the truth, Jester has gotten much further than the weenies inside their houses posting on this site. I have faith that he can rectify this situation and get what he wants and needs out of it. As of right now we are only halfway through the movie so why shut it off early?

- Euro B

[Adama]

My question is, having already known the reputation which Thailand holds, and having already been a successful expatriate living in Mexico, why on Earth would a man feel the need to move to Thailand? Don't we already know the stories? What is the motivation to go to Thailand? Why there specifically? I mean, wouldnt Philippines be much, much better?

[Jester]

I asked anamericaninbangkoks take on jesters situation.

Ahh the tender hearted soft spoken Mr Mallon. This should be comforting, soothing like a cup of herbal tea.

"He f***ed up twice. First he actually believed a woman who said it was alright to have other women.

Second, he f***ed up giving in and starting a business with her.

He already answered his own question:

The answer is INDEPENDENCE.

The problem isnt Thai people.
The problem is being dependent on Thai people.

The problem isn't a woman.
The problem is needing a woman.

Independence is the answer.

Unless he wants a committed relationship with her, he needs to boot the bitch. Plain and simple. As decently as possible and leaving her dignity, if possible.

Whether she likes it or not, adios honey.

That was the conclusion I had already come to today since my last post on this thread.

I appreciate the hard nudge, Scott. Thanks.

And Winston thanks for consulting Scott, he was the right guy to ask in this case. (And I'm glad you guys are in touch.)

So now it comes down to tactics and timing.

Don't have samlong (deposit) for a new place yet, so no point in opening my mouth about moving out, at least for a couple weeks.

Might try to stay, and pray she leaves. That would be my preference. Bring someone else to run a coffee shop my way, just sit still and chill.

But her possessions are here now, that would be tricky. Dont want a domestic dispute in a place where I dont speak the language.

Both names are on the lease. If I go, I can probably get my name off. Landlady likes us both. If they try to hook me into paying rent after moving, I will call favors in from folks very well-placed to help me extract myself amicably. I hate to bother folks over silly personal melodrama but sure not gonna pay a dime after leaving. Last ditch I would leave Thailand before supporting an ex again.

Anyway, its time to think tactically.

[eurobrat]

My question is, having already known the reputation which Thailand holds, and having already been a successful expatriate living in Mejico, why on Earth would a man feel the need to move to Thailand? Don't we already know the stories? What is the motivation to go to Thailand? Why there specifically? I mean, wouldnt Philippines be much, much better?

Everyone has their tastes man, and most places that look good on paper turn out to be what they aren't (cough-Italy-cough). Sorry Public D had to throw that one in

[Jester]

My question is, having already known the reputation which Thailand holds, and having already been a successful expatriate living in Mejico, why on Earth would a man feel the need to move to Thailand? Don't we already know the stories? What is the motivation to go to Thailand? Why there specifically? I mean, wouldnt Philippines be much, much better?

I wasnt moving for women

If I was, I would have gone to the Phils.

[Adama]

My question is, having already known the reputation which Thailand holds, and having already been a successful expatriate living in Mejico, why on Earth would a man feel the need to move to Thailand? Don't we already know the stories? What is the motivation to go to Thailand? Why there specifically? I mean, wouldnt Philippines be much, much better?

Everyone has their tastes man, and most places that look good on paper turn out to be what they aren't (cough-Italy-cough). Sorry Public D had to throw that one in

They say Venezuela has the most beautiful women in the world. However, people say the women there are empty and shallow minded to the extreme, and the country is said to be very dangerous. I'd like to visit to explore just how much beauty this country has. It would be nice to be in an awesome place full of knockout women, if such a place were to exist. But I am content that I could probably find a woman of similar beauty outside of Venezuela, and she'd probably be smarter and have a less spoiled personality.

Likewise with Thailand. I have read so many nightmares about that country that I feel there isn't even a reason to visit. I am not into P4P (P2P?). The Philippines seems like a much better choice from what I've read. There are men on this site who claim new random women hit on them daily (I think that was Taco or Falcon, one of those).

I am personally not against polygamy itself, and somehow I suspect that was Jester's motivation. But I would say Thailand is a bad choice for that also. You need submissive women to form a harem. You can't form a harem with a bunch of sluts who want to be in charge. A woman who wants to be in charge will not tolerate a man who strays from her, because that eliminates her power. Thailand seems to be a country where the women want to call the shots. Therefore it is the wrong country.

[Jester]

I still am not convinced moving is the answer, we all think it is and we have to stop running from problems. I am on my 5-6 country living and I can tell you it gets addicting but does not solve problems. Moving is running away from his problem and it's not a solution. I think Jester needs to learn Thai game a little more to be able to command and conquer. His first love with ... the single mom was a good choice to learn the mentality and thai cultural differences.

I have indeed learned a lot. Finances, loan and interest, trucking and deliveries, street parking, construction, thai mentality, costs and prices, many things. It has been very educational. The romance taught me a little, the cohabitation taught me more, and the business dealings even more.

I wouldn't do all this alone here without speaking the language. But if I do end up staying, it is far more than I would have learned sitting in cafes alone and sleeping in a guesthouse alone.

I have faith that he can rectify this situation and get what he wants and needs out of it. As of right now we are only halfway through the movie so why shut it off early?

- Euro B

Thanks

[Jester]

I am personally not against polygamy itself, and somehow I suspect that was Jester's motivation. But I would say Thailand is a bad choice for that also. You need submissive women to form a harem. You can't form a harem with a bunch of sluts who want to be in charge. A woman who wants to be in charge will not tolerate a man who strays from her, because that eliminates her power. Thailand seems to be a country where the women want to call the shots. Therefore it is the wrong country.

Okay, well stated.

+1

Now then...

{waits for suggestion}

[Winston]

Jester,
What about my questions? I dont understand the problem here. You say shes good in business and has helped you a lot. So how is she deceitful? And whats her excuse for not having sex anymore?

[Jester]

Jester,
What about my questions? I dont understand the problem here. You say shes good in business and has helped you a lot. So how is she deceitful?

(1)
Deceitful in that at first it was okay for me to have a bar, and pork all the cocktail waitresses, at least in theory. MY bar. (Not impossible, I know a guy in LA that does that.) A way to stay close to multiple gf's in the modern world. Not an obsession in itself, just one avenue I had thought of.

Then later it evolved (in broken English) to where it needed to be HER bar or coffee shop. OKAY, well I want my little girl to be happy... so I allowed the vision to become a mini-place that she would run by herself, and to happen sooner, be smaller and cost less.

(2)
Deceitful also in that ORIGINALLY, before ANY sexual contact, I covered with her that I wanted a harem, I wanted more children, I would have other girls here, and that Miss S would be visiting from California, and that she needed to be respectful to Miss S.

Then later it evolved to where Miss S could not come visit me for a week in the f***ing flat that I PAID FOR, since Miss Chiang Mai came downstairs to wait on me regularly, she now had some kind of vested interest in the place.

So thats how she was deceitful. I am not saying she was NEFARIOUS, just saying that (as eurobrat mentioned to me elsewhere) she is just a chick trying to survive. But certainly in Guy-World, where we are actually held to our agreements, her compliance with the original agreement has slipped a bit.

Note that I was willing to accommodate these two very material changes, in the interest of getting things done in the real world, not living in a hypothetical polygamist's dream-world Camelot.

And whats her excuse for not having sex anymore?

That I intend to have other women, and it now upsets her... even though it didn't before.
(And being "tired", of course, which is bullshit.)

In other words not only can I not employ other gf's in MY SHOP, or host them in MY RESIDENCE, but now I cannot have other gf's at all, or else... it is the Dry Season as far as Miss Chiang Mai is concerned.

She won't be the first high-quality gf I have parted with over this matter.

[Teal Lantern]

... I let slip that I had always dreamed of ...

... Somehow that began to resonate and get fed back to me. The pestering didn't stop. My idiocy and sex-blindedness combined with her obsession.

Story of civilization, CliffsNotes style.

In the USA we have a PLAN when we start a business. We do a budget. Thai way is to have an intention but keep it cloaked, revealing parts bit by bit to wheedle money from the Farang (foreign) man. Walk-up coffee stand on the street becomes a cafe. Plastic chairs that can be carried in at night become real tables and chairs. Bicycle chain to lock up tables and chairs becomes a metal security gate. And so on. So what would have been done for 1000usd is now 3000 usd. And believe me that makes a difference. Because my available capital for business startup was exactly ZERO.

My more serious question: What is the angle on all the furniture upgrades?
A nicer business to swindle the farang out of, later? Do her friends/family just happen to run the outfits you bought the higher end components from?

[OutWest]

... I let slip that I had always dreamed of ...

... Somehow that began to resonate and get fed back to me. The pestering didn't stop. My idiocy and sex-blindedness combined with her obsession.

Story of civilization, CliffsNotes style.

In the USA we have a PLAN when we start a business. We do a budget. Thai way is to have an intention but keep it cloaked, revealing parts bit by bit to wheedle money from the Farang (foreign) man. Walk-up coffee stand on the street becomes a cafe. Plastic chairs that can be carried in at night become real tables and chairs. Bicycle chain to lock up tables and chairs becomes a metal security gate. And so on. So what would have been done for 1000usd is now 3000 usd. And believe me that makes a difference. Because my available capital for business startup was exactly ZERO.

My more serious question: What is the angle on all the furniture upgrades?
A nicer business to swindle the farang out of, later? Do her friends/family just happen to run the outfits you bought the higher end components from?

Especially within Thailand, this IS a business plan....chumping 101 for foreigners. At least in the Philippines it is sometimes possible to see a little conservative Catholic restraint or a touch of shame.
Besides, marrying a Kano is an actual dream come true for many filipinas. I do not think this is true for Thai gilrs...getting mo ey is pretty much it.
Thailand is littered with these tales...

Now the polygamy part? Hmmm...good luck with that one. Men who n the Philippines do have mistresses, but it is NOT something they expect to talk about with their wife over breakfast


Life is short and rarely kind. . If a man finds a girl whose heart delights in him, it's a good moment to do a self check on ones ego and pride, and go with the blessing that happened your way. . to anyone else you are either a sucker or a client.

[Adama]

I am personally not against polygamy itself, and somehow I suspect that was Jester's motivation. But I would say Thailand is a bad choice for that also. You need submissive women to form a harem. You can't form a harem with a bunch of sluts who want to be in charge. A woman who wants to be in charge will not tolerate a man who strays from her, because that eliminates her power. Thailand seems to be a country where the women want to call the shots. Therefore it is the wrong country.

Okay, well stated.

+1

Now then...

{waits for suggestion}

It really depends on the woman. Some women are just waiting for a man to come in to "convince them". They like being conquered and told what to do. But you'll have to find them. Are they in Thailand? There may be a scant few, but from the reputation of the place, it doesn't sound like it would be the place. However, if a man is determined, he can do anything he is capable of doing practically anywhere, just with greater effort and ingenuity.

I have three suggestions: Pray, ask the Lord, make request specifically for what you want and for Him to show you how to get it. When you meet women, screen them to see if they are submissive. Submissive women want to please their men. Then tell her what you want. Not entirely directly cause that may lead to a direct emotional response which would block the information from being received. Just "gently" let her know without stating it too directly. Women are extremely good at picking up subtle hints. Then wait for the appropriate response. You may need to be prepared to do this with many women. You should do this before you get too deep in intimacy, because if she is not receptive, you might need to reject her to stay committed to your goal. If you touch her when she's saying no, you'll get sucked in, and you'll sacrifice your goals for what you're already getting. (And she will have proven that you are her slave, rather than the woman working for you. You will have ceded control to her, as you have done.)


Since I am not you, I can't give any more advice than that. Let me know though. I'd love to read updates of your progress.

[Adama]

If a woman were to try that with me, I would just keep saying no to absolutely everything she wants til she gets frustrated with me and left. Some woman isn't going to give me what I want. That's fine. She will not be getting what she wants from me.

I once had this older girlfriend who smoked. At the beginning of our relationship, she told me she was planning to quit and whatever. I didn't pressure her about it though, but I did tell her daily that I found it disgusting, because she had to do it outside. After three months, I reminded her that she told me she had planned to quit smoking. She then said that she had never said anything like that. "What? I never said that." Ronald Reagan's memory lapses might compare to hers.

Luckily enough, I had finally put my foot down about other stuff which I didn't like, and that had already upset her to the point to where she decided to dump me. Then I was free, cause I didn't dump her. She broke up with me.


Jester, I think the problem is you are romantically involved with your business partner. That business partner knows much more about how life works on that part of the earth than you do. As both romantic partner and business partner, she has far greater power than you do in the relationship. You are at a massive disadvantage. Those two roles need to be kept separate until after you've known the woman well enough to trust her with your life.

And just as a man, your option 1B above also would put you at a massive disadvantage. Don't give the woman power over you.

[Jester]

My more serious question: What is the angle on all the furniture upgrades?
A nicer business to swindle the farang out of, later? Do her friends/family just happen to run the outfits you bought the higher end components from?

Nah, it aint that bad, she is open and straight with me regarding costs of stuff, drives good deals on price, once it is decided that we need something. Got her brother-in-law to help us move for cost of gasoline plus truck rental plus 15 usd for each of 2 helpers, who worked all day. We didnt even feed them, just one beer each when done.

Of course we were moving her shit outta his place down in Lampang, so he got his carport back as part of the deal...