To all the step-fathers on this forum, why?

[yick]

This is a pretty spot-on analysis, Yick, as always. Now I do wonder, if ever you found your perfect one-in-a-million Chinese goddess and you'd put a ring on that shapely white finger, would you be interested in fatherhood? I mean it's a pretty sweet deal for the most part, but personally I think I might have a few concerns when it comes to raising a family in a totalitarian state in which freedom of speech and human rights aren't exactly a valued part of daily life. Not to claim the Philippines as some sort of paragon of press freedom and moral virtue, but lets just say I'm glad for the fact that all my children have dual nationality and could piss off to a European nation of their choice at any given moment.

And it's true, marrying a woman from a certain country and background carries a heavy stigma with it. An older man not too long ago told me how he can "always immediately tell when a group of Filipinas enters a local bar", in the European country we're both from... "the low class vibes just seep in immediately" lol. Likewise, Chinese people are often seen as heartless materialistic folk, and during the current Corona scare often avoided like the plague as if eating a single lumpia gives on the Black Death already.

So yeah, it makes sense when marrying a foreign woman, to marry her in her own country preferably and staying their as long as possible. Or possibly relocating with one's foreign spouse to yet another foreign land. Prejudice just, follows you everywhere, in one way or another.

I very nearly did a few years ago - she was lovely - tall, slim, big boobs, nice looking, spoke great English, educated, she loved me a lot etc - but I went away to get my masters degree and she said she would wait - now, this is a girl who never said no to sex ever - she loved having sex on a daily basis so I suppose I was naive thinking I could leave for two years - one year to save the money and another year to do the MA - and she weren't going to meet someone else, in all fairness to her, she gave it a good go but ultimately, it was all for nothing - I had to get this masters degree so we could have a decent future together but it was a gamble and it failed.

Also, I have learned about Chinese people and the culture the hard way - in our realtionship, I was at fault for a lot of our disagreements because I had no idea about the culture and it took its toll (because I met her in my first year in China so was a total noob regarding the cultural aspects of this country), there were a lot of times I was very unreasonable and was an arsehole - in retrospect - I wasn't the right man for her, she deserved someone more suitable - a better man than me for her - it takes a lot to say that because it is never easy to think you're not right for any woman you choose to be with you and it won't be you who'll be up to standard. I don't know what she is up to now, I am sure she is married, kids etc - I wish her well.

There are plenty of girls here, now more so I understand the culture but I am a one-woman man anyway and it is choosing the right one you have a connection with - yes, I would like to marry the right one and have kids and now I have the prospects to give our family unit a good life - I agree with life in China is not suitable - what I would probably do is take us to the country of my second passport - in Latin America, it has a wealthy, healthy and buoyant Chinese community - when people criticise your viewpoint about your kids - they don't understand Spanish colonial cultures which are - classist - if you have a European or a Chinese surname and are taller, whiter, look more Chinese etc - then you are middle to upper middle class on those aspects alone (alongside the opportunities that go along with it) - if I had half-Chinese kids and took them to this country then they would thrive better than in the UK despite the fact that the country I would be taking them to IS a third world country. In the UK, there are plenty of white, low class cholos - my kids would be no different to them except for being half Chinese and whatever else - in Latin America - it isn't the same, by my surname and hopefully they gain some of mine and my wifes good physical traits - they'll be fine - especially if I have boys - they'll definitely make something of themselves.

Also, my wife would have instant right of abode there and would be eligible for a passport in two to three years - it's not like an EU passport but it isn't bad either - free access to the Schengen Zone which Chinese people don't have at the moment (and still won't if their citizens do stupid shit like that woman entering France with contravirus and then bragging on social media about it - they're their own worst enemies ) so - I have a good plan if that does come off, I would live in a city that has Chinese schools, that has a vibrant and big Chinese culture - I can make good money there.

When you talk about living in the Philippines, Marcos - I big time get it why you would bring your kids up there, because that would be the same if you moved your family to anywhere in Latin America, they would get the same benefits as they are doing now and that's what I would do with me and mine - as long as you get them the citizenship of your own country (my kids would get both my citizenships automatically) and hopefully Chinese citizenship then they're good to go for life - they'll have more than most.

[Contrarian Expatriate]

This question is much like the one I ask about why men actually want to marry themselves into the servitude of "Cuckville." I'm sure for that minority of men who have high self-awareness, the answer could be valid. But for the VAST majority of miserably married tradcucks (and tradcucks to be) out there, they could NEVER bring themselves to understand that they marry (or raise another man's child) to please and gain the approval of their female overlords. Funny how that works.....

Both married and cuckolded men know this deep down, but they could never admit it!

[yick]

This question is much like the one I ask about why men actually want to marry themselves into the servitude of "Cuckville." I'm sure for that minority of men who have high self-awareness, the answer could be valid. But for the VAST majority of miserably married tradcucks (and tradcucks to be) out there, they could NEVER bring themselves to understand that they marry (or raise another man's child) to please and gain the approval of their female overlords. Funny how that works.....

Both married and cuckolded men know this deep down, but they could never admit it!

I agree for the most part but I think it is an imperfect solution in an imperfect world - but yes, indeed - there is a massive risk of failure for most people (marriage that is...) sometimes it works though - my parents are still married and coming up to their 50th wedding anniversary next year and are still living in peace and harmony with each other but they got married in different times and even they tell me 'do you really want to get married in this present climate?'.

All your arguments make sense and are backed with statistics but I feel some (not that many to be fair...) people are suited to marriage, most people are too selfish and others are just too f***ing stupid - like men who marry bar whores in Thailand - if you read Stickman, there are men who marry one bar whore after another and gradually get cleaned out of their hard won wealth, is that marriage to blame or the idiot using the veichle of marriage to reign in a woman who can have sex on tap?

I would get married but I have yet to up until now so the likliehood is that it won't happen but never say never! I would never become a stepfather to anyones damn kid.

I see marriage a bit like I see banks - there must be better ways of securing your money but it has yet to come up (and also, for men marrying women in other cultures - marriage is a big part of being with someone in some cultures, in others - it doesn't matter at all, this is where people wanting 'happier abroad' need to pick and choose wisely).

[Winston]

For once I agree with you Marcos. I can't imagine myself loving another man's child and taking responsibility for it and wasting my time and energy on it. And pretend to be its father and love it, when I really don't. That would be living a lie. And it would feel shameful too.

However, there are some exceptions. For example. if this child was a gorgeous blonde girl who looked like a little angel, then I may make an exception, simply because I've always dreamed of having a beautiful blonde girl in my family, either as a partner, sister or even daughter.

I'm sure many of you guys would agree that if the child was a very adorable girl with a heart of gold and very bright and cute, that you may make an exception. But if it's just an ordinary child, then nah.

I hope you guys don't flame me for saying that. It's only natural right? I'm not a pedofile of course, but anyone who sees an adorable girl, especially a white one, will feel like they wanna love and take care of her and that their protective instincts will come out for her. Even movies and TV shows show this.

Don't you guys hate how movies and TV shows show that it's perfectly normal for a good man to love another man's child as his own if he falls in love with the mother? For example, in the movie "Jerry McGuire" starring Tom Cruise, Tom Cruise's character, a major league baseball agent, falls in love with a woman and comes to love her son as his own. How many men in real life can actually do that?

Don't most if not all American stepfathers simply pretend to love their step-children but really don't? Their relationship to them is never really like family, more like a caretaker or babysitter. Have you guys noticed that? Have you guys had friends who had step-fathers or had a step-father yourself? If so, have you noticed that?

Btw, to those of you here who are adamantly opposed to abortion: I'll bet you would make an exception if your wife had an affair and got pregnant by another man, or got raped by another man and got pregnant. In that case you'd definitely be in favor of abortion rather than deal with another man's child for 15 years against your will, due to a simple accident. RIght? lol. There are always exceptions to every rule. You guys should be honest and admit that.

Btw, why can't these single moms just give the child to the father's family? I heard that in China that's what happens. Even in the Philippines, some single mothers give their child to the father's family if they are wealthier or better able to raise it. In that case, would you guys be cool with dating or marrying the single mother?

[Winston]

I would say there are 4 instances where I would agree with it:


-In case of male infertility.

-In cases where the man bonded with the child (in addition to the mother) in such a way that he was purely altruistic.

-In cases where there are significant medical ailments in the father's family such as mental illness or disfiguring diseases.

-In cases where the child is so talented, intelligence, or gifted that serving as a father would help ensure future promise.


I would go with the natural route myself, but that is no guarantee of a healthy, productive, or talented child even with the parents' best efforts. And if I had the choice of rearing a highly successful child of another man, or a social menace failure of my own seed, I might gladly choose to be a VolCuck (voluntary cuckold.)

I don't understand the third case. Can you elaborate on that?

I would agree with the rest though. If the child showed great promise of being the next Einstein or Da Vinci or Thomas Edison, etc and I believed he was gonna accomplish great things and change the world, then I may take an interest in helping to raise him or her.

Or if we happened to have a strong mentoring relationship - like Luke Skywalker and Ben Kenobi did - then that would be an exception as well. But that is very rare, since most men aren't wise enough to be mentors. They are either pussies or talk out of their a**.

Or of course, if I believed that the child was "the chosen one" like Qi Gon Jinn believed to be the case with Annakin Skywalker in "Star Wars The Phantom Menace". lol. But that's a bit extreme of course. lol

This is an interesting topic. Kind of taboo of course. But controversial enough to be interesting. The kind that reveals our true colors. lol

[Winston]

@Marcus, you have this obsession with propagating your genes, which is propaganda you learned somewhere. Not all of us are like this. I'm already on the hook for raising all the children in existence in the USA, by virtue of the fact that I pay taxes. If I additionally give money to a woman, for access to her body for sexual purposes, and then she gives some of that money to her children, it feels no different from giving money to my landlord/landlady who then gives some of that money to his/her children. As long as I get what I want, I don't care who gets the money next.

As far as involving myself in the lives of some woman's children, I've never done that, but I can see a lot of advantages. In particular, since not my kids, I would feel less attachments and so it would be easier to abandon them when the mother or child misbehaves.

The main problem is boys, who would see me as a competitor for the mothers love. Girls, on the other hand, would try to seduce me, so as to cause trouble, and this would make the mother jealous, thus giving me more leverage. So I would be open to getting involved with family life of single mothers with daughters only, whereas for those with sons I would make the woman visit me for sex and stay out of the family life. Also, when the daughters comes of legal age (18, since I'm subject to US law even overseas), I could replace the mother with the daughter of the girl is pretty.

All this goes over your simple minded head, of course, because you're surrounded by those simple minded Filipino peasants boasting all day of how many children they have, and how big their balls are, etc. You know, the Philippines is going to be a real mess if global warming is true, especially given the continuing population explosion. I hope you have an escape plan. Otherwise your children are going to curse you for your simple mindedness.

BTW I changed my screen name. Used to be retiredFrank, but that was a boring.

LOL That's a good point. If the daughter was a hot teenage girl or a hot young woman, that'd sure be something. Then the step-father could bang both the mother and the daughter, like in the families that get on the Jerry Springer show, and also the movie "Ringmaster" with Jerry Springer. lol. That would sure be a great benefit, especially if the step-daughter is hot. A lot of movies show this too. It's probably a fantasy of some men. lol

Either way, if the kid was a teen and about to move out anyway, then it wouldn't matter as much.

[MrMan]

There are several posters who are either dating or married to women who had children from prior marriages, some even raising those children as their own or at the very least paying for them and being somewhat involved in their lives... as an unbiased but shocked bystander... why? Why would you do such a thing, what is appealing about such a scenario and is it really so impossible to find a young and childless woman that actually has a mature mindset?

It seems to me, as an unbiased bystander, that the most 'cucked' thing any man could do, for lack of a better word, is to raise the offspring of another man. Another man got your wife when she was younger, prettier and far more desirable. He had his fun with her, then ditched her and left you to lap up his leftovers. You raise the product of the fun he had with this woman when she was in her prime. And there is no part of you that feels... a bit sad about this? Like, cheated out of something better? Because personally, I would.

I don't get why men would marry a divorced woman or a single woman with a 'baby daddy' in the picture competing for the attention of the mother. I mean I get it if the man loves the woman and all that, but if he's choosing who to get into a relationship with, you'd there would be better options. If she's a widow, I can think of a number of scenarios why a man might marry a widow.

Let's suppose a man is in his fourties and he's married. He has three or four children who are young enough to still be in the house and need parental care. He meets an attractive widow with one child. He needs his kids to have a mom. She needs hers to have a dad. He might be able to find a single woman who has never had children of her own who is cool with being a step-mom, maybe, but she may not know what she is doing as well as the woman who has a child of her own. The widow may be thankful a man would marry her, and there is something akin to an even exchange in this scenario (except I gave her more step-kids in this scenario to make enough of an imbalance to make the scenario look somewhat desirable for the man since he gets more out of it in terms of child care for his kids.

These are also relationship issues. Some men have low self esteem. Some men are less attractive to women than others and feel lucky if they can get just one to notice them. Or they feel lucky if they can get just one who is reasonably attractive to notice them. A woman who is a 9 with a child might consider a man who is a 6 or 7 for looks who is willing to raise the child if he is responsible and has a good career since she might weigh those factors more heavily than a woman who does not have a child. A man may be willing to go for a more complicated situation to go for a woman who is better-looking or who he clicks with better in terms of personality.

I've got a relative who, in his 20's was dating a divorced stripper in her 30's. I was thousands of miles away, but when he was looking for his next relationship, I sent him a lengthy Facebook post on what kind of girl to find. He did find a younger woman, but not the kind I suggested.

Some young men are looking for looks, female attention. They want to get their sexual appetites and feelings satisfied and don't think through what all they are getting themselves into.

Another angle is the fatherhood angle. Some men like to be fathers. I am glad to be a dad. I raise my own kids. I wouldn't mind having foster kids, but the foster kid thing is something I am remotely considering after I raise my girls because I want to protect them. A man looking to be a father may date a woman with a child with a willingness to be the child's father. Like some posters have said, the infertile man may have a motivation to do that.

[Winston]

Dating a single mother isn't the same as being a step-father though is it Marcos? I'm dating one and I want to distance myself from the kid and I certainly don't want to be it's surrogate dad. Will I be with this woman for evermore? Highly unlikely but in the meantime I'm happy to go with the flow in a non-serious capacity so long as she can find a regular babysitter.

I was wondering something along the same lines. Suppose I marry a single mother with a child that isn't mine. Can I refuse to acknowledge the child and not be a father to the child under the law? I heard that for a woman's children to be your children, you have to sign some form saying that you want them to be your kids. Is that true? The reason I ask is because Dianne's friend Regina recently married a guy from Poland and moved to Poland to be with him. Later on, her white husband, being the loving good man that he is, arranged to have her two kids (both from different fathers) move to be with them in Poland by signing some documents pledging to be their father. I don't know the details, but that's what I heard. So isn't that optional then? I mean if you don't acknowledge that her kids are yours, then they are not and you won't be responsible for them right? I don't know if that is something under Polish law or not. Or what American law would be. But is there a way out of that? I mean can you marry a single mother and not be responsible for her kids by not acknowledging them under the law or not signing any papers to be their legal guardian? Anyone know?

[MrMan]

I've been looking up ancestors. A lot of the research has been done online. I saw that a number of my early colonial ancestors were widowed and remarried. A man could go through three wives since the chances of dying in childbirth were relatively high and they could have 8 or 10 children back then. If the children were small, the step-father probably benefited from a decade of economic benefits from food raised or from selling tobacco on the widow or children's property until they came of age. More children meant more labor, so he may have used step-children to farm both farms. I don't know how often they went to town or how many people were there, but the plantations could be hundreds of acres and they did not have automobiles. There was probably a dearth of single women, too. If a man died young from a disease, the woman could still have more children.

[Winston]

Have you guys ever had this nightmarish experience?

You go out with a single mother on a date and she brings her child, usually a toddler or under 5. During the whole date, the toddler yells and screams and throws tantrums and makes himself the center of everyone's attention, leaving no private time for you and the mother to bond or to get romantic and intimate. It's like the whole date is spent trying to appease and calm the child, who hogs up everyone's time and attention. What a miserable date. Believe it or not, some women do not have any babysitters they can trust and refuse to leave their child with anyone, so they bring it along on every date and create hell for the man. And while this happens you think "What did I get myself into by agreeing to this? What a waste of my time! Why should I put up with this? What for? What do I get out of all this trouble?"

At this point, you think, I'd better be getting sex at least, otherwise what's the point?

That's exactly what happened with my experience with Mary Jane Ballon here:

viewtopic.php?t=15089

[MrMan]

they could NEVER bring themselves to understand that they marry (or raise another man's child) to please and gain the approval of their female overlords.

Not all of us see females as overlords. You should not let them frame the relationship that way.

[Winston]

I will probably marry a Chinese woman and I would never bring her back to my country and I certainly wouldn't bring her back to my hometown - that would be just horrendous - now if my home town was San Francisco or Vancouver - different story all together but most of the world aren't like those places.

Why wouldn't you bring a Chinese woman to America? Chinese women don't change that much in America unless they're super materialistic to begin with, but even then, they were already rotten apples before they came. Usually Chinese retain their culture in America and refuse to change or become Americanized. They eat the same foods, hang out with similar people, retain the same Chinese habits, etc. My mom came to America in 1977 and she never became Americanized. Not even a little.

[Winston]

I could replace the mother with the daughter if the girl is pretty.

Perhaps you could elaborate on exactly how you think you could get away with that one. Seems even trickier than switching over to the sister.

That's a good question. Didn't Woody Allen get away with it by marrying his Asian step-daughter? He's not even good looking. He looks like a dufus. So if he can, why can't we all? lol. Just because he's rich and a Jew, he can get away with it? lol

Also, isn't that more common in white trash families? Like the ones you saw on Jerry Springer? lol. It was even featured in the Jerry Springer movie "Ringmaster". lol

If white trash families can do it, why can't we all? lol

[yick]

Why wouldn't you bring a Chinese woman to America?

Because I am British.

But I would bring a Chinese wife back to The States but I would make sure it was in the right place - it wouldn't be in the middle of Indiana.

[Cornfed]

Didn't Woody Allen get away with it by marrying his Asian step-daughter?

He got away with it in terms of not going to prison, but it probably wasn't such a great career move.