Pixel--Dude wrote: ↑January 22nd, 2024, 2:35 am
WanderingProtagonist wrote: ↑January 22nd, 2024, 12:02 am
Well I strongly disagree with this. If a man wants a date slightly under 18 and if he's legally allowed to then I don't see how that constitute as problematic. I don't see how it makes him less mature and not everyone wants someone their own age either, I don't want a damn 37 year old woman. Telling a man he shouldn't be messing around with 18 year olds is laughable. The only reason other nations are saying 18 and up it's because they do what America sorry ass tells them to.
It's problematic because even though these girls may be biologically developed they still act and think like kids or young teens. I've been to my friend's house before and her 18 year old daughter wad there. She's physically attractive, I won't lie. But when she starts talking and her mannerisms, mentality and personality and all the rest of it resemble someone closer to childhood than adulthood. I don't see what a grown man in his 30s or above would get out of such a relationship to be honest.
As a father to a little girl, if my daughter came home at 18 with a boyfriend in his 30s or 40s I would probably break his f***ing jaw. If my daughter had a boyfriend at that age at 14 or younger I would murder him. I'd strangle him to death with my bare hands.
I actually have an 18-year-old daughter right now. I don't relish the idea of her getting married any time soon. We taught our kids not to date until they are really close to the age to marry. In her senior year, I think it was, a boy at school wanted my daughter to go with him to a social function or two. We allowed that. They talked on the phone, went to Bible studies with the same group of friends. He went to our church for a while. Two of my daughters started going to his churches midweek Bible study and made a lot of friends that way. We didn't let them go off into the dark at night. He broke up with her. He was a really nice boy in a lot of ways, but in other ways he was immature, less mature than my daughter.
Even though we liked a lot of things about him, my wife was particularly happy when they broke it off, mainly because of interactions that showed his immaturity. My wife has expressed her opinion that it would be best if a girl married a man who was more mature than her, and older than here, maybe 10 years older. I think that age gap is unnecessarily large. If she did marry young, a five year age gap is probably preferable. My daughter got nearly straight As and ended up with a scholarship that covers tuition if she meets the criteria. She has a career in mind she could get with a bachelors if she gets accepted into the program in her junior year. Five or even ten years older is okay with me at 21 or 22. But if a man were older than that, thirties... 40s is theoretically possible but I have an aversion to that... I might consider it.
I was talking to a Puerto Rican senior citizen who said it was their culture to get permission from the father to date his daughter. I think we've already instilled the no dating until old enough to marry, parental approval for marriage, and I think the girls know to ask before dating. I think I need to instill this other idea into them-- get the guy to ask me first. Sounds good.
If a man in his.... let's make it 30's wants to date my daughter, it's not outside the realm of possibility, at least in a few years. I'd want to know that he shares our faith. He would have to live consistent with it as well. I wouldn't want a fornicator who has sex before marriage trying to spoil my daughter. If he's a sexually moral man, if he's pursuing marriage, if he hasn't been married before unless he's a widow, if he's responsible as far as work and career, then I'd consider that.
I think it is normal for a man to want to lead the household, and if he doesn't think that way, he'll be weak in other aspects of his role in the marriage. If he's going to treat his wife well, not sleep around on her, not become a drug abuser, not become a physical abuser, if he is good at getting along with her, and has a reasonable commitment to pleasing his wife in ways he should, and if he'll really love her, those are the things I'm looking for. I don't want a divorced man or a baby-daddy for my daughters, either. If he's a widower and he was faithful, even if he has children, that's a possibility.
If we are talking much older or if he has children, I'd want my daughter to think longer and harder about this sort of thing.
Socially, my daughters is a nice and mature person. There is a lot that goes into falling for a girl besides just maturity and brain development. There is liking her looks of course. There is also her personality, character, 'chemistry', appreciating her spirit, maybe even pheromone stuff we don't understand. I do think it is possible for a grown man to fall for an 18-year-old. If he gets a spoiled brat and puts her into the role that requires a grown woman, that of wife, he could be setting himself up for difficulty.
If a man is older the dynamic of a wife submitting to her husband could be easier in some cases. But it depends on her personality and his. Some girls mature into being able to do this better as they mature into women, if they embrace the idea. A wife submitting to her husband and the husband loving her and being kind to her are good elements of a marriage, and help keep the relationship together.
I hear this women's brains developing until they are 25 stuff from feminists who don't want old wrinkly men dating teenagers (instead of them?). Don't men's brains develop until we are about 25? It seems like our bodies are the same. It's like uphill to 25, then maybe a plateau for years, or one with a slight incline, then stuff starts to gradually deteriorate, then pick up steam. If a young woman's brain is developing and she's old enough to have children and reasonably take care of a household, and marrying during the brain development time locks her into being bonded to her husband or something like that, early marriage during brain development, pre-25, could be a good thing.
I think there's more to it than just dismissing it as "because America tells them to!" Personally I don't give a f**k about America and what they say and I STILL think someone who wants to date a girl under the age of 18 is either a narcissistic control freak or someone with a young person mentality or otherwise someone who is a bit dodgy
I'm married and off the market. If I were single or widowed and thought the way I did now, I probably wouldn't go that low. A girl in her mid-20s looks just as good. 30's still looks pretty good too for most women, based on what they looked like to start with 18 at.
If all girls were suddenly not virgins at 19, and I were single or widowed, I'd be looking at 18-year-olds or widows who'd only been with their husbands if I were single and dating. If the average age of loss of virginity in some country is 18, that doesn't mean every single of one of them loses their virginity at the same time.
A woman's prefrontal cortex doesn't develop fully until she's at least 25 years old. So when she's in adolescence she's nowhere near matured mentally in spite of the fact that biologically she might look in her prime physically.
Is a man guiding her during that last stage of development necessarily a bad thing?
There is no green light from nature saying its okay to bang this girl because she's an adult or its not okay to bang this girl because she's not an adult etc, these are principles we've collectively agreed upon as a modern society. For a woman to be considered a woman who is fully developed that includes both physical biological maturity and also mental development.
This is modern feminist reasoning. Let her turn 25 first. Oh, wait, she has to have a career. Now you have to man-up and get this 39-year-old used woman pregnant. No thank you. Our society, on the legal side, has agreed on 18, and much of the world has fallen in line with US society on this for the time being. But some countries have a younger age.
Why would it be okay for 17-year-old boys to have sex with 15-year-olds, but he turns 18, then suddenly his sinful behavior is treated as a crime? It doesn't make sense. Either the 15-year-old is off limits for sex or she isn't. Same with the 16-year-old, 20-year-old, etc.
If her daddy approves of marriage and there are no other moral issues, I don't see why we should think ill of other people's relationships. The problem nowadays is people do not honor marriage. If they are rightly married, we should respect that. Fornicators trying to create a new morality when they got rid of proper morality creates all kinds of problems.