Life Eras, Modes of Perception, and Mental Wellbeing

[Lucas88]

Reflecting on my own life thus far, I am able to identify a concrete periodization and various different modes of perceiving the world, each with an additional layer of depth and a particular effect on my mental wellbeing.

Ages 10-15 - Mode of perception: Physical, sensorial, instinctual

During these years, I was firmly anchored in the base physical domain of life, operated at a very primal level of consciousness, acted mostly on instinct, and used sensory perception as my primary way of making sense of the world. Outside of school, I gave little consideration to intellectual topics.

Most of my interests were physical and even a bit wild. They included things like fighting/martial arts, sports that we used to play as kids, weight training (I started at 13), building bases in the woods, trespassing on private property just for fun, and all kinds of mischief. Much of the stuff that I did as a teenager was plainly delinquent.

I felt my happiest during that period of my life. I felt extremely alive, wild and connected to my primal instincts and completely unfettered by superfluous intellectual thoughts that only serve to complicate life or any notions of morality. I imagine that back then my mode of perception was like that of a prehistoric hunter-gatherer or maybe a Steppe Pastoralist warrior.

In occult terms, I was operating solely on the lower three chakras - Muladhara for base material survival, Svadisthana for creativity and sexual desire, and Manipula for personal power - with the latter likely pointing towards the ground causing a very primitive manifestation of consciousness.


Ages 16-21 - Mode of perception: Intellectual, rational, philosophical

From around age 16 onwards, after beginning sixth form college, I began to intensively develop my intellect and then turned my attention inwards. I started to rationally analyze my own life and the world around me, my relationships with others, and causality between the various phenomena of reality. At the same time, I developed empathy for others (previously this faculty was almost completely absent in me) and even started to desire the experience of love rather than just simply raw animalistic sexuality.

I still lifted weights and practiced martial arts but now my appreciation of martial arts had a more intellectual dimension (combat between two trained fighters is akin to chess albeit with physicality). In addition to those things, I also became interested in reading and eventually language learning. However, my intellectual interests were still more on the worldly side of things rather than anything too esoteric (other than occasionally researching paranormal phenomena such as astral projection with the internet and mostly just out of curiosity).

Unfortunately, this period of my life would prove to be considerably harder than the previous one. At around age 17 I entered a really broody phase and would constantly reflect on my own life and society at large and ask myself why I was a social misfit and why I didn't fit in with other people for the most part. At times I became utterly miserable and sank into periods of depression. This higher level of abstract thought often seemed like more of a curse than a blessing. Life before was much more simple.

In occult terms, the Anahata (heart) and Visuddha (throat) chakras became significantly activated and I was now functioning as a rational, empathic and civilized human being.


Ages 22-26 - Mode of perception: Metaphysical

In my early 20s, I started to crave something deeper - something above and beyond me and not just inside me. What I desired was an exploration of the metaphysical and a higher form of spirituality beyond the mundane intellect.

However, being young and foolish, my first experience of any "organized spirituality" was at an Evangelical church in Kobe, Japan; and then a Seventh Day Adventist church in Spain. I attended the latter with my Peruvian ex-girlfriend. Yes, I was into the Christian religion for a while before I got into esotericism and "antisemitic" conspiracy theories. LMAO!

All I can say is that my involvement with religion in my early 20s was absolutely horrible. Not only was I constantly broody and prone to overthinking everything like in my previous intellectual phase, I also started to suffer from extreme anxiety and paranoia thinking that all of my non-believing family and friends were going to burn in hell or be annihilated (SDA theology teaches annihilationism) just because they don't believe in a Jew who was crucified some 2,000 years ago. I became extremely anxious and depressed to the point where I was constantly having panic attacks and feeling miserable almost all the time. Abrahamic religion messed me up real bad to the point where I could no longer function in daily life. That stuff is just outright psychological abuse perpetrated by Jew-indoctrinated scumbags. If anybody, those people deserve to burn in hell.

Fortunately, I got out of that cult before it made me completely schizo and regrouped myself as a more balanced spiritual seeker investigating various esoteric schools and concepts. But still, I continued to suffer from disconnect and world-weariness as I felt like a stranger in the world and struggled with finding meaning in my daily life.


Ages 27-32 - Mode of perception: Integrational and holistic

This was a new golden age in my life. It was a time of great productivity and flourishing as a learned how to harmoniously integrate all of the different aspects of life. I overcame depression through obsessive MMA training, became an avid meditator and developed new metaphysical insights, advanced creatively, enjoyed a fruitful social life, and became a much more balanced human being. For the first time, I was able to integrate the physical, intellectual and metaphysical modes more or less okay. Life is the union of opposites. There are no contradictions but only mutually complementary elements.


Reflection

In retrospect, I was the happiest when I was just a physical and instinctual primitive hunter-gatherer with few or no deep thoughts to complicate life. Although the intellect and metaphysical yearnings arguably bring certain advantages and ultimately lead to a higher level of growth and maturity, they also bring with themselves a lot of pain, suffering and emotional hardships. Metaphorically, such a trajectory is like leaving the shelter and childlike simplicity of the Garden of Eden and entering a world full of thorns only to then reach a state of greater completion and realization at the end of it.