Why are bars and clubs considered places to meet people?

[have2fly]

Wow! another great thread about lame social life in the USA.

Thank God, I was actually able to reach high school age back in Ukraine. I was drinking (never wasted, drinking was a social thing) and going to parties and clubs. Let me tell you, "BARS" and "PUBS" are a new thing in Ukraine, about only 10 years ago that they started this Western concept of nightlife. Before, it was only Night Clubs and "CAFE", which is a MUCH bigger difference from a "bar" - cafes in Ukraine are varied from "cheap" - just get a beer and enjoy summer city sitting outside on one of the main streets. Or you could go into a "fancy" cafe with cool DJ playing, amazing interior design, smoke a hookah and order something expensive, like cocktails or shot of Absinth (for those of you who know what that is).

NOW, the biggest amazing difference is that everywhere you go there are people (I mean girls) that WANT and EXPECT and HOPE (!!!) to meet guys while they are sitting at cafes during the day, evening, night, during any day of the week. You just go to the table and ask a girl if a chair next to her is "available". She says "Yes" or "No", but never judging you as a creep or freak, you can EVEN come to join a girl without a smile or with a "sad" face because you had a bad day and you CAN ACTUALLY start a conversation in Russian, saying something like: "Crap, today I got all wet in the rain (had a flat tire, had a tough work day, had to wait in long line), would you have a cup of warm coffee with me?" This is something ALL PUA's (pickup artists) ALWAYS TELL YOU TO AVOID with American girls - looking like a loser, having problems in your life. But with Russian-Ukrainian girls it will look like you are in need of her persona (YES, it is good to look like a "needy" guy sometimes) and she would appreciate feeling important to help you emotionally, you let her feel like a girl, I mean that's what girls are supposed to do - to take part in your life. Winston had a video, where he met girls in McDonalds in Russia and those girls actually waved at him to join them Yes, girls are friendly normal social beings in Russia-Ukraine-Eastern Europe and actually always see a "BENEFIT" of meeting new people. As my parents told me, "you should always welcome meeting new people cuz you may meet a great friend or a great girlfriend". I totally agree with that concept and I was always welcoming making new friends throughout my life. HOW SHOCKED was I when I moved to the USA, where people NOT ONLY escape meeting others, they AVOID anybody and try their best to dump as much shit on you as possible to prove that they are in some ways better than you, to improve their self-worth in their eyes.

So to make it short: Night Clubs and Dance parties are pretty good places to meet people in Ukraine or Russia. I mean that's WHY people actually GO there. Not to prove that they are hot, not to waste time, not to seek a reason to get wasted - girls dress up to attract GUYS and meet them, not just to ditch everyone and then get wasted and get laid with some extremely retarded ugly tattooed white trash douchebag. Also during my high school years we would just go to somebody's house after school (YES, you can just walk to someone's flat, no bus, no car is needed), we would get a few bottles of beer or wine and just drink up cracking jokes, dancing to home stereo with classmate girls and kissing our classmates. No one would really get laid, we were only 14-15-16 years old, but it was so much fun! True relaxation, true happiness. As we got older in high school, girls in our class would kiss us on the cheek in the morning when they came in. I AM SO SO SO freaking happy my high school years were in Ukraine. I heard and seen what kind of crap kids go through in American schools.

Another thing: WTF is wrong with girls' female friends? When you pickup a girl there is always a "friend" who whispers to her "he is going to rape you, let's go". WTF? And it is SO common at all kinds of parties and clubs in the USA. In Ukraine, a Ukrainian girl would tell her female friend to F*CK OFF, cuz it's a private life and she meets who she wants to. In the USA, where everyone is talking about importance of private life, girls get so easily distracted and influenced by some retarded friend, who could be just completely dumb or jealous. OMG, USA, the world of the enslaved and socially degraded.

[Jackal]

Great post, Have2fly!

Another thing: WTF is wrong with girls' female friends? When you pickup a girl there is always a "friend" who whispers to her "he is going to rape you, let's go". WTF? And it is SO common at all kinds of parties and clubs in the USA. In Ukraine, a Ukrainian girl would tell her female friend to F*CK OFF, cuz it's a private life and she meets who she wants to. In the USA, where everyone is talking about importance of private life, girls get so easily distracted and influenced by some retarded friend, who could be just completely dumb or jealous. OMG, USA, the world of the enslaved and socially degraded.

Yes, my best American friend and I also noticed how a pretty American girl almost always travels with an entourage of a couple of fat, ugly, bitchy girls. We coined the term "ho guardians" for these girls. Ho guardians are basically like KGB minders who escort pretty girls around town, and ho guardians are almost as scary as KGB officers.

Bob: Hi, I'm in your Russian Civilization class. Can I buy you a drink?
Lisa: Sure, I--
Ho Guardian 1: Wait a second? Where is he from again?
Bob: New J--
Ho Guardian 2: Oh, my gawd, what ugly shoes he's wearing!
Bob: I--
Ho Guardian 3: Hey, a few guys from the football team just came in! Let's go, Lisa!
Bob: *sigh*

[gsjackson]

The PUA world has another amusing term for these sidekick termagants -- "cock blocks." In my experience, they have become an almost insurmountable problem in the last ten years or so. Very much in the American Puritan tradition articulated by H. L. Mencken -- people who regard it as their solemn duty to make sure no one, nowhere, is having a good time.

I plan on spending much of next summer in Kiev, and it really pumps you up to read have2fly's posts.

[have2fly]

I plan on spending much of next summer in Kiev, and it really pumps you up to read have2fly's posts.

I am glad that I sound inspiring, that's what makes me happy - to see other people happy. You will have a blasty blast in Kiev, I can pretty much guarantee that. All you have to do is be an average looking american guy any age who is just willing to say Hi to girls around you anywhere - shopping malls, cafe's, trolley or bus. Girls will be pleased in 90% of cases to talk to an American as they all think of Hollywood movies and romance from American guy. So just be positive, be a nice guy, give compliments, be honest, be directive, be straightforward and respectful, don't play any games or try to lower her self-esteem as pickup artists advice - I've seen my American friend doing the "game" on Work and Travel student from Ukraine and she ditched him and started crying. Women are actually in 80% very sensitive and genuine in Ukraine and Russia. Are there bitches? Yes. Are there gold-diggers? Yes, in fact there are many. Not every girl over there is sweet-hearted angel who will lick your balls. But I would say about 40% of girls are good looking and good hearted and single, I mean what is the percentage of such girls in the USA? 1-2%? lol

Great post, Have2fly!

Thank you, Jackal. I am really wondering how is your life in Hungary? I sent you a PM and would really appreciate a few words.

Bob: Hi, I'm in your Russian Civilization class. Can I buy you a drink?
Lisa: Sure, I--
Ho Guardian 1: Wait a second? Where is he from again?
Bob: New J--
Ho Guardian 2: Oh, my gawd, what ugly shoes he's wearing!
Bob: I--
Ho Guardian 3: Hey, a few guys from the football team just came in! Let's go, Lisa!
Bob: *sigh*

Totally reminds me of my college experience. Although American chicks would usually give me compliments for Kenneth Cole leather shoes and Armani Gucci shirts and T-shirts, which are not even sold anywhere in the Midwest besides Chicago. But some ho guardians would always find something to whisper to the girl I was talking to and find a reason to take her away from me. Also what cracked me is that I stood out from the crowd of "everyone dressed in hoody-American Eagle", but almost all the time I would be considered gay before girls would talk to me. When they hear an accent, they just ask me a few canned questions, like "Where are you from?" and then leave. Wow, of course I am no white trash listening to country music and I don't brag about myself or football games all the time, I guess intelligent conversations are just not understood by American chicks.

Another thing that just cracks me: during a party in the USA when a girl loses her friend, she will run all over the party trying to find her friend. When she finds her friend, she says something like "I will go, bye" LMFAO? WTF? Who cares if you say bye, you just dumped a conversation with ME, decent guy, who could have become a great boyfriend or friend, or could be freakin' useful to do homework together I mean really I just don't get. What do those girls value? Do they ever grow up? When I asked an American female friend, she said that when American girls get older, they tend to stop being slutty and become more mature. Oh, REALLY? Thank you, I don't need a wife that had hundreds of STD's and few thousand cocks in her vagina before me.
High school sweethearts? Retarded in my opinion. It just seems that neither one of them can find another match and they stick to each other. So lame, so out of choices, so weird and unnatural.

[All_That_Is_Man]

I took a survey on another board and most of the men say they met their wives/GFs at bars. I cant believe it.

But who in their right mind would even consider marrying a woman that they met at a nightclub/bar (at least here in America) unless they like badboy leftovers or have reached the rock bottom of desperation.

[Ghost]

...

[gsjackson]

Because the real public and social places have mostly been destroyed. In a society in which suburbia is the residence (hence having to drive everywhere and there's no community) and consumerism is king...well, the only places left to "meet people" are in places where you spend your money on obnoxious places of "entertainment" and drinking.

And now they've put those places off limits by strengthening the drunk-driving laws, and, as you say, you can't get anywhere in the US without driving. These places are impossible to enjoy you become mindless somehow, primarily by getting hammered, but who wants a DUI conviction?

[jamesbond]

Winston,

You have definitley just nailed yet another one of the observations I have made about this society since about 15 years ago... A continued source of confusion and frustration, Never understood why alcohol and bar scene seems to be needed for an active and natural social life here or any chance to meet women outside of work or preexisting social connections. Am so tired of it I don't even want to be in the US social scene. Talk to a random person in public and they'll look at you like a crazy person. So weird. Try to ask a woman on a date who you meet at the store or whatever, and you are a weirdo. About half of my family and fiends from my earlier life actually haveb almost no friends or socail life. Here's to friends and relationshisp abroad or from other cultures and doing the best we can with what we'vce discovered in this life.

Yes, alcohol needs to be a part of every social interaction in the US for some reason. Your right about talking to women in public places, they look at you like you are a crazy person!

In America people don't talk to strangers and the women in the US are paranoid of men. So if strike up a conversation with a woman in a bookstore or grocery store, the woman might think you are a seriel killer and probably won't give you her phone number (even if she likes you).

Bars, clubs and parties are the only socially acceptable places to meet women in the US. You can use online dating but remember men outnumber women in online dating 4 to 1. Welcome to the dating scene in modern day America!

[FreeYourMind]

Because the real public and social places have mostly been destroyed. In a society in which suburbia is the residence (hence having to drive everywhere and there's no community) and consumerism is king...well, the only places left to "meet people" are in places where you spend your money on obnoxious places of "entertainment" and drinking.

And now they've put those places off limits by strengthening the drunk-driving laws, and, as you say, you can't get anywhere in the US without driving. These places are impossible to enjoy you become mindless somehow, primarily by getting hammered, but who wants a DUI conviction?

Nabbing working and middle class folks for DUIs is a huge money maker for local and state governments, and also keeps the booming incarceration industry growing at a rapid pace. The US post-WWII was designed so that people had to drive everywhere for entertainment, but that's become much riskier now, with cops being urged to stop drivers on flimsy pretexts and with DUI roadblocks now standard government fare. It won't be long until automakers will be compelled to put breathalyzers on the ignition of every vehicle they make.

Living on a college campus where you can walk to and from bars and clubs is a helluva lot safer than driving anywhere but that's only an option for a few years (roughly ages 18 to 22).

[Winston]

I don't know if I asked this yet, but what is the appeal of "nightclubs"? I'm talking about places where it's dark with disco lights and loud music. What is so fun about this kind of environment? How is it relaxing or pleasurable? I don't get it. Can someone explain?

First, the loud noise in such places makes it hard to hear other people talking, so how can you have a conversation? It's funny how movies portray nightclubs and discos as places where people can talk and hear each other. lol

Second, the environment is dark with artificial disco lights spinning around. How is that fun, relaxing or pleasurable? It seems like an annoying experience with overstimulation - and very intrusive to one's "inner world". Plus the dark environment makes it hard to see people clearly. And the bright lights and loud music make it hard to think clearly, which subdues your awareness and consciousness.

How is this supposed to be a positive, fun, or relaxing experience? I don't understand the logic in it.

Also, how is drinking alcohol pleasurable? It just makes me feel dizzy, buzzed and lightheaded. I don't get how that is pleasurable enough to be addicting. Can someone explain this logically?

Apparently, I don't follow the "logic" of this world and am alien to it. Why?

[ExpeditionSailor]

I don't know if I asked this yet, but what is the appeal of "nightclubs"? I'm talking about places where it's dark with disco lights and loud music. What is so fun about this kind of environment? How is it relaxing or pleasurable? I don't get it. Can someone explain?

First, the loud noise in such places makes it hard to hear other people talking, so how can you have a conversation? It's funny how movies portray nightclubs and discos as places where people can talk and hear each other. lol

Second, the environment is dark with artificial disco lights spinning around. How is that fun, relaxing or pleasurable? It seems like an annoying experience with overstimulation - and very intrusive to one's "inner world". Plus the dark environment makes it hard to see people clearly. And the bright lights and loud music make it hard to think clearly, which subdues your awareness and consciousness.

How is this supposed to be a positive, fun, or relaxing experience? I don't understand the logic in it.

Also, how is drinking alcohol pleasurable? It just makes me feel dizzy, buzzed and lightheaded. I don't get how that is pleasurable enough to be addicting. Can someone explain this logically?

Apparently, I don't follow the "logic" of this world and am alien to it. Why?

Bars are absolutely illogical and pointless. They appeal to people's baser emotions and desires, and not to reason or intellect. They generally tell people it's OK to get stupidly intoxicated in the name of 'having some fun'. But the people having 'fun' don't benefit from being in bars. Many die in car crashes or end up maimed for life after drinking at a bar. Many end up painfully hung over and sick the next day. Many end up with addictions from consuming too much alcohol too often in bars, and these addictions destroy jobs, relationships, wealth and health of not only the drinkers but the people around them. The only people who benefit from this arrangement are bar owners, manufacturers of alcoholic beverages, governments, and advertising agencies who try to make consuming a poison look as attractive as possible.

I personally have a strange relationship with alcohol. In the past, I've found that I could have a single drink one day and feel pleasantly relaxed. On the next, that same drink would cause me to feel dizzy and anxious. For me, alcohol doesn't enhance meals, it dulls my senses to the point where food is less enjoyable. And I don't think I ever recall a time when I experienced real euphoria from an alcoholic drink, so I'm nonplussed as to why people say they get a nice buzz from booze. I've never been drunk, and never felt the inclination to get drunk. Maybe my brain is wired differently from everyone else's. Or maybe I have a f***ed-up liver and it doesn't process alcohol properly, ergo the odd effects.

So now, I stay away from alcohol, period. It's probably just as well, since I have Type 2 diabetes and it doesn't mix well with booze.

[Winston]

Question: Many people say that bars and clubs are not places to meet quality people, implying that low quality people hang out there. Why is that though? What is it about such places that draw low quality people? And in what way are these people low quality exactly? Can anyone define what low quality people are exactly, and why they are drawn to bars and clubs?

I do sense in nightclubs that there is a dark energy, at least on the outside. Inside, you are so distracted by lights, music and dancing that you don't notice. But outside, the vibe coming from within seems to feel dark - as if peace, love, happiness and spirituality don't exist in there. Why is that? Is it my imagination or am I feeling something real?

[eurobrat]

...

[Excalibur]

I have been asking myself the same question, and regardless of the answer, bars and nightclubs are a no-win situation for most males. First, as some of you have already stated, the male to female-ratio is totally skewed toward men being in the overwhelming majority. The atmosphere doesn't allow for a meaningful conversation, and the women there are utterly picky. I think these women visit the bars to boost their self-esteem by rejecting attractive guys one after another, and they are not really interested in getting into a relationship or even dating. (But again, how can you have quality dating in bars if you can't even hear yourself?)

Also see this:
http://gettinglaidisimpossible.blogspot ... clubs.html

[All_That_Is_Man]

I have no problem going to bars, but it's impossible to pick up women there. Unlike men, women don't do ANYTHING independently, so you can bet she is at the bar with her steady boyfriend or her clique of cockblockers. Again, the concept of a "single woman" is a myth in America, so you really don't have a good chance of getting laid at bars the way that TV would have you to believe. I suppose in a college town on the west coast you may have a better chance at a phone number and a few dates from above average chicks; but here in Chicago, you got to settle with morbidly obese, tattooed single mothers who are still picky and entitled. No thanks. Even going overseas and renting a hooker is more ethical than conversing with an American female from Chicago.