I'm a Cuban girl and I can't stand being in the U.S anymore

[BlueEverglades]

You may have seen my posts around but never really know who I am. I am a woman from Cuba, I left at 15 and now I'm 25. The situation in Cuba was really bad when I left and it got even worse. However I'm having problems adapting to U.S culture and find myself very lonely. This forum goes on and on about how lonely men are in America but we women can be as lonely or worse, a total misfit.

1. I find it hard to adapt because I'm required to act mostly like a man, compete with men, and be aggressive, 100% focus on myself like a total selfish %^&%. I'm not like that, all of my family have an introvert calm personality because of our European genes (Spanish, German and french) we like to take things slow, have friends rather than a lot of money and practice spirituality in our lives and this in America is apparently laughable. It's also laughable to live with your parents because living alone all day everyday it's so desirable....(sarcasm)

2. Many American women drink, curse and smoke like sailors and don't find either very appealing. Clubbing and whoring around are the main activities in Miami where I live .I don't have any American friends but I had an American boyfriend for a month and he was very cold and uncaring, we broke up shortly. I go to eat to restaurants alone, art gallerias, museums and nobody ever approaches me. I have a good body and face similar to Vanessa hudgens.. I know how to cook and take care of a home and treat a man with respect, whenever I see a man with a trashy woman holding hands I feel bad inside, like things are backward and there's nothing you can do about it...

3. I just never had the whole corporate America, competitive mindset drilled into my skull as a consequence as I am very much anti-establishment, anti-corporation and anti-mainstain and would go insane working in an office type of job for the rest of my life.

Every career I'm into is considered useless to society ( Literature, arts, nutrition, philosophy, theology, archeology, history) which are exactly the careers that make people think but in a money centered society thinking is not required and business, engineering, long medicine careers are not what I could consider enjoyable. I just hate the idea of a career that defines all I do forever into eternity. I don't feel like coming back to school...

I was dismissed from university because I fell sick of hypothyroidism and hormonal imbalances, eventually my body stopped ovulating for months, I never had such conditions in my home country. My health has suffered here tremendously. I have anxiety attacks when I realize how f***ed up this place really is...even just walking in the street I feel like I am from another time..my walk is slower, I actually look at other people and smile, I care for everyone's well being and yearn for meaningful connections but once again my qualities are not required here so I'm f***ed and hating every moment here, what do you have to say to me? should I move as well? which countries are better for women like me?

[NorthAmericanguy]

You may have seen my posts around but never really know who I am. I am a woman from Cuba, I left at 15 and now I'm 25. The situation in Cuba was really bad when I left and it got even worse. However I'm having problems adapting to U.S culture and find myself very lonely. This forum goes on and on about how lonely men are in America but we women can be as lonely or worse, a total misfit.

1. I find it hard to adapt because I'm required to act mostly like a man, compete with men, and be aggressive, 100% focus on myself like a total selfish %^&%. I'm not like that, all of my family have an introvert calm personality because of our European genes (Spanish, German and french) we like to take things slow, have friends rather than a lot of money and practice spirituality in our lives and this in America is apparently laughable. It's also laughable to live with your parents because living alone all day everyday it's so desirable....(sarcasm)

2. Many American women drink, curse and smoke like sailors and don't find either very appealing. Clubbing and whoring around are the main activities in Miami where I live .I don't have any American friends but I had an American boyfriend for a month and he was very cold and uncaring, we broke up shortly. I go to eat to restaurants alone, art gallerias, museums and nobody ever approaches me. I have a good body and face similar to Vanessa hudgens.. I know how to cook and take care of a home and treat a man with respect, whenever I see a man with a trashy woman holding hands I feel bad inside, like things are backward and there's nothing you can do about it...

3.I just never had the whole corporate America, competitive mindset drilled into my skull as a consequence as I am very much anti-establishment, anti-corporation and anti-mainstain and would go insane working in an office type of job for the rest of my life.

Every career I'm into is considered useless to society ( Literature, arts, nutrition, philosophy, theology, archeology, history) which are exactly the careers that make people think but in a money centered society thinking is not required and business, engineering, long medicine careers are not what I could consider enjoyable. I just hate the idea of a career that defines all I do forever into eternity. I don't feel like coming back to school...

I was dismissed from university because I fell sick of hypothyroidism and hormonal imbalances, eventually my body stopped ovulating for months, I never had such conditions in my home country. My health has suffered here tremendously. I have anxiety attacks when I realize how f***ed up this place really is...even just walking in the street I feel like I am from another time..my walk is slower, I actually look at other people and smile, I care for everyone's well being and yearn for meaningful connections but once again my qualities are not required here so I'm f***ed and hating every moment here, what do you have to say to me? should I move as well? which countries are better for women like me?

This was very interesting to read. I feel for you and your situation. I'm in the same boat as you, but I'm closer to NYC so I'm in the thick of it.

About your anxiety attacks and health problems. The only thing I can recommend is exercise (maybe for you salsa dancing) and eating food from an organic market.

[jamesbond]

I go to eat to restaurants alone, art gallerias, museums and nobody ever approaches me. I have a good body and face similar to Vanessa hudgens.

I have a hard time believing guys don't approach you since you said you look like Vanessa Hudgens. Guys in America are very aggressive in pursuing women.

You said you live in Miami, well there 6 single men for every 4 single women in Miami. Girls in Miami are in the drivers seat when it comes to dating, since there are a lot more single men than single women.

Here is a picture of Vanessa Hudgens. Come on, don't tell me guys don't approach you! If you look like her, you must have guys asking you out all the time!

[navigator]

First of all, I commend you for staying true to yourself and not letting America's toxic environment corrupt you. That shows a lot of strength and courage. That is the TRUE definition of a strong-willed woman, as opposed to the phony notions of "empowerment" that the feminists have been throwing around for decades.

I'm not one to pass out compliments like Halloween candy. Most American women don't deserve it. But you sound like a decent, respectful, soulful, and truly independent-minded person based on what you've written. America would be a better place if there were more women like you. Looking like Vanessa Hudgens is an added bonus, but attractiveness means nothing without a pleasant personality behind it.

American men might be reluctant to approach you due to the negative reinforcement they've received from American women over the years. American women can be downright vicious when it comes to rejecting men or showing disinterest. Many men are made to feel like unattractive losers, creeps, monsters, and even potential rapists if they even glance at a woman for a few seconds. This type of negative reinforcement can be psychologically damaging over a sustained period of time, and could explain why American men are afraid to maintain eye contact. These same men probably wouldn't have such hang-ups if they had been fortunate enough to grow up in a less toxic environment.

As someone who hasn't relocated to a foreign country yet, I don't think I would be qualified to provide relocation advice at this time. I am currently in the process of strengthening my credentials so that I have a better chance of landing an opportunity overseas. I am almost finished with this stage and will begin the application process in November. Previously, I was on the fence about living/working overseas, but now I am gung-ho. I do not want to waste any more of my life in this dysfunctional social wasteland, and will continue hopping from country to country until I find a place that's right for me. My starting point will be Latin America because I am attracted to latinas. If that doesn't work out, I will move to another part of the world with some work experience under my belt. At the very least, I'll be able to say that I had some grand adventures that most people stuck in the rat race will never get to experience.

[ladislav]

What a lot of smart immigrants do is stop using America for social benefits as there are very few and switch to what America can give you education-wise and economically.

It's so easy to go to school here and so easy to get a degree. And then when you have a US passport, you can become an overseas expat.

Another easy thing in the US is getting credit. Get involved in real estate or something. Invest and make a plan to create online income. Then, you can go and live anywhere in the world- you can go to, say, Buenos Aires and be at home again with the culture and the people.

While the American social culture sucks ( about as bad if not worse than that of Saudi Arabia) the American business, technology, banking and information cultures are state of the art. That is what you need to plug into. Because all those warm family oriented, romantic places are not gonna give you any help when it comes to all the above.

Very few people here complain about the US business culture. Have you noticed that?

So the deal is- you milk America for what it can give and then you milk other countries for what they can give, too. You learn not to look for water in the desert. You look for oil there.

I was in a similar situation many years ago. So, I combined US degrees using student loans, and the US passport plus Japan and Saudi Arabia for jobs and the Philippines and Latin countries for fun. Because the Philippines or Costa Rica are not gonna give me sh-t when it comes to money or jobs. They serve a different purpose altogether. That si where I go for friendship, family, romance, fun, etc.

The answer to your predicament is to quilt your world from different countries each one serving its particular purpose in your life.

Google" Five Flags Theory" and "Perpetual Traveler, PT", bite the bullet, suppress your emotions and make a good plan. Be patient as its gonna take a little time for it to come together.

[miss_conduct]

]To the OP: I feel like you must be a clone of me

It feels like these days America is like the Twilight Zone--only way scarier

I wanted to add my own thoughts but you have pretty much nailed it in one post!

[celery2010]

You may have seen my posts around but never really know who I am. I am a woman from Cuba, I left at 15 and now I'm 25. The situation in Cuba was really bad when I left and it got even worse. However I'm having problems adapting to U.S culture and find myself very lonely. This forum goes on and on about how lonely men are in America but we women can be as lonely or worse, a total misfit.

1. I find it hard to adapt because I'm required to act mostly like a man, compete with men, and be aggressive, 100% focus on myself like a total selfish %^&%. I'm not like that, all of my family have an introvert calm personality because of our European genes (Spanish, German and french) we like to take things slow, have friends rather than a lot of money and practice spirituality in our lives and this in America is apparently laughable. It's also laughable to live with your parents because living alone all day everyday it's so desirable....(sarcasm)

2. Many American women drink, curse and smoke like sailors and don't find either very appealing. Clubbing and whoring around are the main activities in Miami where I live .I don't have any American friends but I had an American boyfriend for a month and he was very cold and uncaring, we broke up shortly. I go to eat to restaurants alone, art gallerias, museums and nobody ever approaches me. I have a good body and face similar to Vanessa hudgens.. I know how to cook and take care of a home and treat a man with respect, whenever I see a man with a trashy woman holding hands I feel bad inside, like things are backward and there's nothing you can do about it...

3. I just never had the whole corporate America, competitive mindset drilled into my skull as a consequence as I am very much anti-establishment, anti-corporation and anti-mainstain and would go insane working in an office type of job for the rest of my life.

Every career I'm into is considered useless to society ( Literature, arts, nutrition, philosophy, theology, archeology, history) which are exactly the careers that make people think but in a money centered society thinking is not required and business, engineering, long medicine careers are not what I could consider enjoyable. I just hate the idea of a career that defines all I do forever into eternity. I don't feel like coming back to school...

I was dismissed from university because I fell sick of hypothyroidism and hormonal imbalances, eventually my body stopped ovulating for months, I never had such conditions in my home country. My health has suffered here tremendously. I have anxiety attacks when I realize how f***ed up this place really is...even just walking in the street I feel like I am from another time..my walk is slower, I actually look at other people and smile, I care for everyone's well being and yearn for meaningful connections but once again my qualities are not required here so I'm f***ed and hating every moment here, what do you have to say to me? should I move as well? which countries are better for women like me?

You sound like a very nice, interesting person. I'd recommend the following:

Try to reasonably target where your interest lie. Find some way to sustain yourself working in that field of interest (i'm sorry but money makes the world go round)

Some possible ideas:

Create art and sell it online
Become a jewelry designer (online)
Become musician or blogger
Spend time abroad and blog about it
import/export
open a biz related to or in Latin America
learn graphic design and do it freelance

If you just want to support yourself and not try to be rich, there are indeed a ton of options.

Also if you truly want, those subjects you said interest you are not at all useless. You can start a history/archaelogy blog, write books, speak at events, etc. Honestly, though some of these subjects would require more education, which I recommend you do on your own instead of at a school.

Since you are fluent in Spanish-- I'd also look into Latin American countries. Good luck.

[ladislav]

Many Cuban people moved to Puerto Rico where they can live without visas and many have done very well. You may consider that option.

[Jester]

You may have seen my posts around but never really know who I am. I am a woman from Cuba, I left at 15 and now I'm 25. The situation in Cuba was really bad when I left and it got even worse. However I'm having problems adapting to U.S culture and find myself very lonely. This forum goes on and on about how lonely men are in America but we women can be as lonely or worse, a total misfit.

1. I find it hard to adapt because I'm required to act mostly like a man, compete with men, and be aggressive, 100% focus on myself like a total selfish %^&%. I'm not like that, all of my family have an introvert calm personality because of our European genes (Spanish, German and french) we like to take things slow, have friends rather than a lot of money and practice spirituality in our lives and this in America is apparently laughable. It's also laughable to live with your parents because living alone all day everyday it's so desirable....(sarcasm)

2. Many American women drink, curse and smoke like sailors and don't find either very appealing. Clubbing and whoring around are the main activities in Miami where I live .I don't have any American friends but I had an American boyfriend for a month and he was very cold and uncaring, we broke up shortly. I go to eat to restaurants alone, art gallerias, museums and nobody ever approaches me. I have a good body and face similar to Vanessa hudgens.. I know how to cook and take care of a home and treat a man with respect, whenever I see a man with a trashy woman holding hands I feel bad inside, like things are backward and there's nothing you can do about it...

3. I just never had the whole corporate America, competitive mindset drilled into my skull as a consequence as I am very much anti-establishment, anti-corporation and anti-mainstain and would go insane working in an office type of job for the rest of my life.

Every career I'm into is considered useless to society ( Literature, arts, nutrition, philosophy, theology, archeology, history) which are exactly the careers that make people think but in a money centered society thinking is not required and business, engineering, long medicine careers are not what I could consider enjoyable. I just hate the idea of a career that defines all I do forever into eternity. I don't feel like coming back to school...

I was dismissed from university because I fell sick of hypothyroidism and hormonal imbalances, eventually my body stopped ovulating for months, I never had such conditions in my home country. My health has suffered here tremendously. I have anxiety attacks when I realize how f***ed up this place really is...even just walking in the street I feel like I am from another time..my walk is slower, I actually look at other people and smile, I care for everyone's well being and yearn for meaningful connections but once again my qualities are not required here so I'm f***ed and hating every moment here, what do you have to say to me? should I move as well? which countries are better for women like me?

Hi Blue, thanks for opening up, and +1 for your courage.

Re women's needs, probably you know there is a Women's Forum here. Perhaps worh a look...

Re living with parents - this is no shame among many immigrant groups. But if your parents are not aggressive socializers, this leaves you stranded here in America. I do understand.

Re health, this is telling you that you CANNOT go on like it is.

Re which countries --you need a place where there are intelligent, cultured men, not infected with sluts'n'thugs culture. So Miami is probably one of the WORST places you could be. Someone suggested Argentina, that seems a possibility - specifically Buenos Aires. Also Spain. Or even France.

Also you could consider relocating to a place that has a surplus of intelligent lonely men, maybe Norway.

Go study or intern at a university in Norway? Or teach English in Argentina?

Expats in general would be a good fit, the 35+ year old kind with good jobs, if not too grizzled from years of wild single life...

***

BTW --

I hate to say it, but you probably should join a gym with a lot of upscale, older single men.. Someplace where corporate lawyers and executives go to work out. You will of course be able to "showcase your wares", but also it's a location more conducive to initiating conversation than a museum. I like museums AND gyms, don't get me wrong. But when I go to a museum alone - maybe once every 10 years - I am in a cerebral or pensive mod, not looking for a hot girl. (Although I will follow your suggestion from now on - )

Try to put yourself out there ALONE (like you are doing) but in a venue where there are single men in packs.

I knew of one thirtyish blonde in Atlanta who finally found a husband by attending polo matches.

Finally, you might consider a matchmaking site or service that will put you in touch with professional types who want marriage. That older guy who wants femininity and traditional values is looking, so you need to be where he is looking. The matchmaking site lets you put your looks out there while still screening for the right kind of guy. If you show a broad age range, i.e. you're open to over-40 guys or even over 50, you will get some interesting people. Obviously plenty of geezers but easy to weed those out. You'renot looking for a sparkling gem of a guy, you're looking for a guy for whom you will be a gem. If he treasures you, you will be happy.

Don't give up. You will give birth to the future.

[Taco]

I was dismissed from university because I fell sick of hypothyroidism and hormonal imbalances, eventually my body stopped ovulating for months, I never had such conditions in my home country. My health has suffered here tremendously. ?

I have thyroid problems too. I suggest you stop drinking tap water as its full of fluoride and chlorine both of which will screw up your thyroid. Also, I would recommend you stop eating anything with wheat in it, you'll feel a lot better.

There are some good American guys that will treat you well, but its maybe 1 out 10. You need to choose your friends wisely.

[***JP***]

Many Cuban people moved to Puerto Rico where they can live without visas and many have done very well. You may consider that option.

Puerto Rico is a US Commonwealth so therefor if moving from the US mainland there's no customs to go through. Also Puerto Rico is not different from the US mainland when it comes to people and feminism is just as rampant here as in the mainland.

[HouseMD]

I would really just get out as soon as you can. Chile and Argentina are great places that are safe and have more of a relaxed and friendly pace to life. Don't leave without getting U.S. citizenship if you have not already done so, that passport is solid gold on the road.

Making friends is incredibly difficult as you age. I am in my late 20s, and noticed that once marriage and children stay coming into the picture, people tend to focus on nothing else. They lose the friends they have and generally don't try to make new ones. There is no sense of community and every family is an island.

So far as the men go, I wouldn't worry about finding one here. A serious relationship with a man from the U.S. will likely only serve to shackle you to a country that makes you unhappy. There's over 3 billion men in this world, pick one that is living in a less miserable country.

[Outsider]

e so I'm f***ed and hating every moment here, what do you have to say to me? should I move as well? which countries are better for women like me?

I hate to say this, because we need more like you, but I'd think about moving out if you have the opportunity. You're not happy here. The only way you might be happy here is if you become an ameriskank, and you dont sound like you're the type that would do that.

[Cornfed]

e so I'm f***ed and hating every moment here, what do you have to say to me? should I move as well? which countries are better for women like me?

I hate to say this, because we need more like you, but I'd think about moving out if you have the opportunity. You're not happy here. The only way you might be happy here is if you become an ameriskank, and you dont sound like you're the type that would do that.

Ameriskanks aren't generally happy.

[rudder]

You may have seen my posts around but never really know who I am. I am a woman from Cuba, I left at 15 and now I'm 25. The situation in Cuba was really bad when I left and it got even worse. However I'm having problems adapting to U.S culture and find myself very lonely. This forum goes on and on about how lonely men are in America but we women can be as lonely or worse, a total misfit.

1. I find it hard to adapt because I'm required to act mostly like a man, compete with men, and be aggressive, 100% focus on myself like a total selfish %^&%. I'm not like that, all of my family have an introvert calm personality because of our European genes (Spanish, German and french) we like to take things slow, have friends rather than a lot of money and practice spirituality in our lives and this in America is apparently laughable. It's also laughable to live with your parents because living alone all day everyday it's so desirable....(sarcasm)

2. Many American women drink, curse and smoke like sailors and don't find either very appealing. Clubbing and whoring around are the main activities in Miami where I live .I don't have any American friends but I had an American boyfriend for a month and he was very cold and uncaring, we broke up shortly. I go to eat to restaurants alone, art gallerias, museums and nobody ever approaches me. I have a good body and face similar to Vanessa hudgens.. I know how to cook and take care of a home and treat a man with respect, whenever I see a man with a trashy woman holding hands I feel bad inside, like things are backward and there's nothing you can do about it...

3. I just never had the whole corporate America, competitive mindset drilled into my skull as a consequence as I am very much anti-establishment, anti-corporation and anti-mainstain and would go insane working in an office type of job for the rest of my life.

Every career I'm into is considered useless to society ( Literature, arts, nutrition, philosophy, theology, archeology, history) which are exactly the careers that make people think but in a money centered society thinking is not required and business, engineering, long medicine careers are not what I could consider enjoyable. I just hate the idea of a career that defines all I do forever into eternity. I don't feel like coming back to school...

I was dismissed from university because I fell sick of hypothyroidism and hormonal imbalances, eventually my body stopped ovulating for months, I never had such conditions in my home country. My health has suffered here tremendously. I have anxiety attacks when I realize how f***ed up this place really is...even just walking in the street I feel like I am from another time..my walk is slower, I actually look at other people and smile, I care for everyone's well being and yearn for meaningful connections but once again my qualities are not required here so I'm f***ed and hating every moment here, what do you have to say to me? should I move as well? which countries are better for women like me?

Hola Cubana linda! Ven a juntarte con mi vida y disfrutaremos de la aventura. Ya no te sentiras deprimida.