Don't listen to victim-blamers

[mattyman]

Here I would like to talk about lack of confidence in lonely and dateless men, and how the environment and external factors play a part, and most importantly of all, the tendency to shame people who's confidence suffers as a result, doing nothing but making them feel worse. I've noticed here on this forum that there are a few lonely dateless guys whose confidence has obviously suffered. It's fantastic that people are still able to be open and honest about how it makes them feel.

If one is shy for instance, or shy around women, my take is that, if all they've ever bloody known all their lives are hostile women, or zero interest and if they've had very isolated lives, as has been discussed en masse, then it's really no wonder.
What bugs me, is that given situations like this, people are blamed for it 100% for factors outside there control without any regard for the interaction with external and internal factors. Besides, what's shaming somebody, or making them feel that they are somehow inferior going to do for them? It seems kind of stupid.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if the US has the worst rates of social anxiety in the world, considering how shallow, judgemental, individualistic and lacking in basic empathy and relatability people are. I'm just glad I don't live there.

Chances are, guys who are shy, or isolated, or more likely shy as a result of being severely isolated, probably see themselves as having zero value, as a tragic side-effect. There are many reasons why this maybe so. If they're in a typical US dating situation, and completely shut out of the game, they may get a false message that they are zero value to women, that they have nothing anyone would want. But what annoys me is that they're shamed and made to feel inferior BECAUSE of that. They are made to feel that they're not good enough. They are made to feel that they are 'beta' (I hate that evolutionary psychobabble) which only reinforces the negative self-image. What the hell is that supposed to achieve?

If one is living in a very isolated situation, and has a poor social life, or even is surrounded by toxic people, you cannot really blame them if they've become wary or defensive result. Shaming them and blaming them 100% without acknowledging or understanding the bigger picture facts of ones life just seems judgemental, shallow and not very nice to be honest. Why undermine someone's sense of worth, and make them feel ashamed of the fact that they're becoming shy?

The important thing is there are many lonely, dateless guys out there, who as a result of their situation have suffered self-worth problems and the like, through not even 50% of their own fault. A lot of the introductory articles to this site talk about this. There is one caveat to it, the feelings such a predicament can evoke are very difficult to discuss openly without coming across (or having the fear there-of) a 'loser', as it can make you feel like you're the only one.

I'm sure some people know all about the phenomenon I'm referring to. I think that it's very, very important for people to be able to share how their feeling without fear of judgement or labelling. If there is anyone on here who has suffered as a result of the above, or needs to get it off their chest, please feel free to share it here, but try not to ruminate about how bad western women are, since that doesn't really help either.

cheers

[lone_yakuza]

.

[zboy1]

Here I would like to talk about lack of confidence in lonely and dateless men, and how the environment and external factors play a part, and most importantly of all, the tendency to shame people who's confidence suffers as a result, doing nothing but making them feel worse. I've noticed here on this forum that there are a few lonely dateless guys whose confidence has obviously suffered. It's fantastic that people are still able to be open and honest about how it makes them feel.

If one is shy for instance, or shy around women, my take is that, if all they've ever bloody known all their lives are hostile women, or zero interest and if they've had very isolated lives, as has been discussed en masse, then it's really no wonder.
What bugs me, is that given situations like this, people are blamed for it 100% for factors outside there control without any regard for the interaction with external and internal factors. Besides, what's shaming somebody, or making them feel that they are somehow inferior going to do for them? It seems kind of stupid.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if the US has the worst rates of social anxiety in the world, considering how shallow, judgemental, individualistic and lacking in basic empathy and relatability people are. I'm just glad I don't live there.

Chances are, guys who are shy, or isolated, or more likely shy as a result of being severely isolated, probably see themselves as having zero value, as a tragic side-effect. There are many reasons why this maybe so. If they're in a typical US dating situation, and completely shut out of the game, they may get a false message that they are zero value to women, that they have nothing anyone would want. But what annoys me is that they're shamed and made to feel inferior BECAUSE of that. They are made to feel that they're not good enough. They are made to feel that they are 'beta' (I hate that evolutionary psychobabble) which only reinforces the negative self-image. What the hell is that supposed to achieve?

If one is living in a very isolated situation, and has a poor social life, or even is surrounded by toxic people, you cannot really blame them if they've become wary or defensive result. Shaming them and blaming them 100% without acknowledging or understanding the bigger picture facts of ones life just seems judgemental, shallow and not very nice to be honest. Why undermine someone's sense of worth, and make them feel ashamed of the fact that they're becoming shy?

The important thing is there are many lonely, dateless guys out there, who as a result of their situation have suffered self-worth problems and the like, through not even 50% of their own fault. A lot of the introductory articles to this site talk about this. There is one caveat to it, the feelings such a predicament can evoke are very difficult to discuss openly without coming across (or having the fear there-of) a 'loser', as it can make you feel like you're the only one.

I'm sure some people know all about the phenomenon I'm referring to. I think that it's very, very important for people to be able to share how their feeling without fear of judgement or labelling. If there is anyone on here who has suffered as a result of the above, or needs to get it off their chest, please feel free to share it here, but try not to ruminate about how bad western women are, since that doesn't really help either.

cheers

+1.

[lozoman]

Amen to this thread!!