Tired of my mother in law's prejudices about my country...

[Caoimhe]

I am European (Belgian) and my husband is American,

I have never really paid attention to the numerous stereotypes about either European or American people. I decided to just see for myself..

I've been traveling back and forth between Belgium and the U.S.A. for quite a few years now. And I've always found everyone here in the U.S.A. very friendly.. to my face..

Afterwards I found out that they often said stuff about me behind my back. I have no idea why. To me that seems strange, 'cause in my country, when you don't feel like smiling.. you just don't and when you don't like something about someone, you don't pretend..

Anyway.. The most retarded thing I have heard in months, was my mother in law who said the stupidest thing ever..

My husband:
"They eat a lot healthier in Belgium, they don't eat as many red meats or junk food over there, they also don't drink as many sodas, they eat a lot more fresh food and vegetables and fruits and drink a lot more water"

mother in law:
"Well probably because they just can't afford it"..


yeah.. if I had 3 hands, I'd be doing a triple face palm.

Seriously.. if we can afford expensive laptops, Ipads, Iphones and blackberries and flatscreen tv-s and stuff, wouldn't you think we'd be able to buy whatever groceries we want :p?

Now, I'm not saying all American ladies are like that!! But my mother in law sure wins the price for oblivious American of the year.. this is only the tip of the iceberg.. the big iceberg of retarded comments about Belgium/Europe.

She also thinks we don't work fulltime jobs so that's why we eat fresh food because we have more time to shop.. Well, I for one always worked a full time job and I only went to the store once a week too! Just like American women! So that is just a poor excuse you say to make yourself believe it's ok to eat garbage.. if you care about yourself you will cook decent food!

Why is it that Americans think that Europe is "poor" and that Everyone wants to come to the "promised land" America? ... Because I really don't.. We have way better health care, better laws, a far superior school system.. I also just like people in my own country better, I can have a decent conversation with a girl in Belgium about all sorts of topics: politics, religion, spirituality, culture, history, art, languages, nature, .. over here all they can talk about is superficial bullshit.

She always makes the weirdest remarks.. The first time I drove a car here she was sitting next to me in panic telling me to "be careful because I might not be used to so much traffic".. are you for real? Belgium probably has the highest density of road traffic in all of Europe.. Arizona is .. deserted.. She has this idea in her head that Europe is some kind of backwards continent where everyone is poor.

I arrived here 4 years ago not being prejudiced.. open to sweep every bad thing I heard about Americans under the table and I wanted to see the best in these people.. but sorry.. I tried.. it's not working..

When I decide to not pour a shitload of sauce over my vegetables because I actually like the taste of my food.. I get funny looks from Americans..

When I decide to wear nice flats to go to the supermarket and a summer dress, I get weird looks from all the other customers because I am not dressed in the typical "sweatpants/sneakers/t-shirt" uniform.. excuse me that I take pride in my appearance!

When I am on the phone with my family members in Belgium and speak Dutch and French I hear giggles because "oh no she speaks a foreign language, let's all be uncomfortable and laugh".

When I cook for my husband which I enjoy because in my country cooking takes up a very important place in our lives, people look at me as the "obedient housewife".. When are American women gonna learn that acknowledging the difference between men and women doesn't make you an obedient opinion-less housewife?

They think they're oh so great and more intelligent and of a higher level than foreign girls because they made themselves look more like men.. I would however like to stress that I DO NOT think all American girls are the same! Because I truly believe that there are girls out there who do not agree with the mainstream attitude of modern American women.

But unfortunately about 80% of the ones I've met over the years do fall under that category.

They believe that I am worth less because I am foreign.. and they think that because I moved to the U.S. I must have come from a poor country and came here for a "better life"

They think they are smarter and always have this smart ass attitude, yet whenever I try to have a decent conversation with a woman here it ends up being about "American Idol" "The Kardashians" or "Dancing with the stars".. I barely even watch tv so whatever..

I speak Dutch, French, English, German and understand a bit of Spanish from traveling.. I have never met an American who knows more than American English, except for my husband who speaks English, Spanish and Dutch (I taught him that last one :p)

I don't really care about how they look, everyone has their own style and that should be the end of it.. but when American women start making fun of the way I dress, which to me is "normal".. I can do the same thing. I feel uncomfortable when I dress the way I usually dress, my mother in law will make comments like "why are you so "dressed up" we are just going to the supermarket", while all I am wearing is a simple jeans skirt with a simple black pair of heels and a button up blouse, something that to me is "every day clothing", and to a lot of other people in Europe it will be too.. Is it really that strange to wear that here for "casual clothing?" My mother in law will raise an eyebrow and look at me funny, almost mocking me..
Sometimes people ask me "could you put an American girl in Europe and pick her out of a crowd?".. and the answer is absolutely yes... pick the sloppiest person you see and I'll bet you 99% chance that it's the American woman..

.. We are moving back to Belgium though, so it’s not just me.. My husband is actually the one who wants to move. After visiting a few times he is the one who brought the subject up. He wants our children to grow up over there because of the health care system we have there and the school system which is a lot cheaper and of a higher level (I am not just saying this.. any research will tell you the same thing).

ok enough ranting lol..

And for all the American women who now feel like they have to respond, go ahead. I understand your frustration.. I would react the same way if I was born in the U.S.A. and wouldn't know any better. It's not your fault I guess.

[Renata]

Caoimhe they don't sound that bad actually from what you've said... just snooty & snob. Maybe it's the way they say it to you; not sure...???
If their intention is to make you miserable, try not to let them get their way.
I've been through worst, I had my first boyfriend's mom say outright to me she didn't want any brown grand-kids, that was so sad. They were british by the way. Karma is a hell of a thing though; he's happily married but one of his kids is on the autistic spectrum.

[Jackal]

Hello Caoimhe,

You're definitely preaching to the choir here! lol

Yes, most Americans are ignorant dumbasses who know nothing about foreign cultures and who insult anything foreign to cover up their own insecurities and ignorance. The exception might be the few educated Americans who have traveled a lot--but these people can often be very rude in other more subtle ways, however. In my opinion, you're best simply leaving America and ignoring most Americans whom you encounter abroad, so that's great that you plan to move back to Belgium.

I met a few Belgian women in Hungary and they were all quite beautiful. So don't let stupid Americans get you down. Be proud that you come from a more sophisticated country!

[DarkMinxMish]

Hello Caoimhe,

As an American women I can truly say I definitely know women like your mother in law. She sounds like the biggest control freak ever....

she's pretty much trying to run you into the ground, make you feel inferior, and criticize you for all your worth. I am truly sorry you live around such ignorant people.

I understand you come from a different culture with certain standards and you like to keep yourself up. That good! As for the healthy eating ~sighs~ Americans have a long way to go. Some have embraced the old way we use to prepare and grow our food. It's called the slow food movement(mostly natural), but most people have certain stereotypes of the people involved in this. Americans are mostly bombarded with unhealthy products to consume even when we know they are bad, but most don't care.

It's cheaper to consume/buy inferior produce, then say the ingredients for a well prepare home cooked meal.
The government does that on purpose.

Americans are being dumbed down I'm not even gonna lie. Just talking with my friends leaves me shaking my head. Our media is most certainly controlled and funnels the same stupid stories over and over again.
The house burning down, car crashes, the neighbor being robbed, and etc...all have nothing to do with the importance of world events that occur. We know nothing about the outside world unless you actively search for it and so we're claustrophobic in our prison of daily "events" and shows.

All I can say not all Americans dress like slobs, but it is like a uniform for many. You do get weird stares when you dress up if not for something formal, but I could definitely see you getting stares at the grocery store. lol No one dresses up to go to the grocery store.

Even if it's a nice summer dress, but I'm glad it jolts people out of their humdrum like look someone cares!

America is declining in it's dress code....it sucks. I see really nice stuff, but I'll always hesitate, because someone will question you. ~sighs~
This is coming from a girl who rarely wears dresses...but actually likes them.
I think America as a whole is a pretty backwards place sometimes, but it's my country and I would like for it to be better. Not every American is ignorant to the facts. People are waking up it just takes time and all of the crap they were brainwashed with since birth to dissipate.
If we had more experience and contact with the rest of the world; then we'd be far more realistic in our expressions and thoughts of the world around us. We need more perspective.

Also lastly as for the quick fake smile act it does happen. The thing is most Americans have this whole facade of being happy and welcoming. As you know it's bullshit and they do it between each other often. Some people are trained to smile on cue even when they don't like you or are in a shitty mood. Most people aren't authentic with their feelings right off the bat. It takes time to get past all of the fake-ness and still some are always faking. Because sadly they know no other way to be and behind that is just someone without a sense of self. I think in the past people were more truthful and frank. You can see it with the older generation sometimes if they care their sincere about it, but they'll just as easily let you know they don't give a f***.

Now it's all PC and people are tragically fake. At least around others, but when alone people can be quite surprising.
Though on the opposite end if they're not fake, then they're in your face.
Subtlety is getting to be a lost art in my generation...But the little things I see give me hope.


But anyway I wish you and your husband the best and Belgium sounds like a very nice place.

(p.s) I hope this wasn't too bias, but there are also a lot of Americans who defy the stereotypes. America is a big place so I definitely don't want to paint everyone the same in one broad stroke. lol Alright officially finished...^_^

[***JP***]

Well when you move to back to Belgium you will have peace of mind knowing that you won't have to deal with ignorants and closed minded people anymore. If your mother in law went to Belgium at least once she would need to surgically have a doctor remove the shoe from her mouth cause she is gonna be in for a shock when she sees europe is as modern or even more modern than the states. I myself am moving to Europe and not looking back. As an american it's embarrassing that most of my fellow americans love to stereotype about everything that is not the USA. I usually mock my fellow american friends by telling them to pick up a very rare book in america called an atlas. I myself have been mocked lots cause I am moving to Lithuania and most people here in america don't even know that is a country and think it's a province of russia. Smdh.

[Caoimhe]

@Renata: wow, that sounds rude. It's hard to believe that people can be like that.

@Jackal: glad to hear you have met some fellow Belgians and that they left a positive impression

@DarkMinxMish: It's a relief to read that there are indeed American women who want to be different and who are just as frustrated as I am!

@***JP***: a co worker of mine is Lithuanian, I've never been there before but I think it is a very nice country from that I hear from my co worker. It's a shame that some people think like that, and they'd be pleasantly surprised if they'd visit indeed. She will visit us one day though, I'm sure it'll be a shock! "omg you have pavement instead of dirt roads..and cars!" lol

[Contrarian Expatriate]

I think your mother's in law comment about not being able to "afford it" was more a function of the media drumming home the point that Europe is in economic dire straits at the moment. Unemployment is higher in the Euro Zone and things are getting worse (perhaps not in Belgium so much as Greece, Spain, etc.)

Belgium keeps a low-profile in the US due to a variety of reasons. The lady's lack of familiarity is the reason for her ignorance.

One final point is that most Americans have limited information about ethnic minorities also, so they make comments of this nature about us all the time. But be careful, because Belgium has a history that is not exactly open-minded and righteous either.

However, the Belgium Congo and Leopold's exploits there are legendary in their wickedness and ignorance so it goes both ways.

[PeterAndrewNolan]

Caoimhe,
well you should try on when your mother in law thinks her daughter can commit the crimes of perjury, kidnapping, extortion, theft and child abuse and then claim daid criminal daughter is being "abused" by these crimes being put into the public since they were not remedied in the private! LOL!!

A little bit of prejudice? Not much compared with the kidnapping of your children and the theft of your house which most western mother in laws are 110% in favour of as long as it is the daughter who is doing the stealing...and when it is their sons who are criminally victimised? Most women stay silent.

Western mother in laws are garbage, 99.9% of them as they openly support women committing crimes.

In Germany, and I do NOT know about Belgium, women do NOT condone women committing crimes. Perhaps you have a comment on that as a Belgian woman? Do your fellow women condone women committing crimes or would you prefer to see women treated as "equal before the law"?

This is the background...this is the type of thing your US mother in law would CHEER about...a woman criminally victimising her husband....this is why so many US men are marrying into EU countries or further east.

http://www.crimesagainstfathers.com/aus ... fault.aspx

By the way...you Beglians have got the best chocolate in the world...and I particularly like dining in Brussels down in the square where you have the long street of restaurants next to it. Brussels is one of my favourite cities...not at the top but certainly in the top 10.

[***JP***]

@Renata: wow, that sounds rude. It's hard to believe that people can be like that.

@Jackal: glad to hear you have met some fellow Belgians and that they left a positive impression

@DarkMinxMish: It's a relief to read that there are indeed American women who want to be different and who are just as frustrated as I am!

@***JP***: a co worker of mine is Lithuanian, I've never been there before but I think it is a very nice country from that I hear from my co worker. It's a shame that some people think like that, and they'd be pleasantly surprised if they'd visit indeed. She will visit us one day though, I'm sure it'll be a shock! "omg you have pavement instead of dirt roads..and cars!" lol

It is a real shame but as you experienced it's the american mentality. They think they are all alone in the world and that the people in foreign countries are barbarians. That is why I'm at times ashamed to be american cause of this ignorance the people have about other places in the world and why I am moving to Europe myself. I have zero tolerance for ignorant people.

[davewe]

A great post and you are right on the mark in your points. However there are a few things I would like to point out.

1. Mother in laws as often nasty to American son/daughter in laws as well. It isn't just because you are from Belgium. If you grew up in Detroit she'd say you were different cause Detroit is screwed up. So, some bad mothers in law will just find anything to criticize.
2. Most Americans are ignorant of other countries and cultures and our media fuels it. Last year I took my kids on a vacation to Cancun, Mexico. My ex wife who is a well traveled, sophisticated woman was panicked because her Fox news watching husband told her of all the drug violence in Mexico. When I reminded her we were going to Cancun one of the largest resort areas in the world, not some border town, it did not alleviate her fears. If TV says Mexico is violent, Europe is on the verge of collapse, Asia is filled with little yellow people who only want a green card - well then this must be true
3. People in all countries are predjudiced against "foreigners". It's a universal effect; us vs. them. Observe what people say abroad about Americans. OMG it's terrible, though often true. I have a gf in the Philippines and her family is terrified of an American since we are all immoral, boorish, and want the local girls for sex. OK, they might be right about those things, but the point is I am condemned just based on where I am from not based on my character.

So understand that it is not just your mother in law, and it is not just an American thing. You are the outsider and it may take quite a while before you become "one of us."

[Falcon]

My own parents probably won't be be good in-laws for a Mexican country girl. They had already been irritated at my dating women outside the country, but they aren't as bad as Asian parents are usually stereotyped to be. But like most middle-class East Asian immigrants who have been brain-drained to the U.S., they have adopted American stereotypes of third-world countries and their peoples.

If my Mexican gf were to live with my mother, I am sure it would be living hell for my gf (by then wife), language barrier or not.

[***JP***]

My own parents probably won't be be good in-laws for a Mexican country girl. They had already been irritated at my dating women outside the country, but they aren't as bad as Asian parents are usually stereotyped to be. But like most middle-class East Asian immigrants who have been brain-drained to the U.S., they have adopted American stereotypes of third-world countries and their peoples.

If my Mexican gf were to live with my mother, I am sure it would be living hell for my gf (by then wife), language barrier or not.

Eventually in time they will accept her cause in the end it's not them who determine who you marry. Luckily My parents accept my Lithuanian fiancee and she's pretty much part of the family. It's so sad that fellow americans are so full of anti foreigner sentiment. Don't they realize that in the end we are all foreigners cause if they want to talk about real americans it's not the white americans. The real americans are the Native Americans. The rest of us are descendants of immigrants.

[Blue Murder]

Americans are pretty much the most ignorant out of all Western nations. I mean, these idiots think that you can't be of any colour and from Europe.

If you're black/Asian/Indian but from the UK, forget about it. Some will say it's awesome and unique, but a lot of 'em will think that it's impossible. I find it funny to believe that there's some kind of force field that prevents people of colour from bumpin' uglies and having babies.

So yeah -- Americans are going to think the most asinine, insipid, outlandish things. Despite what that loser Dave said above, it IS an American thing. Not every single American is like that, mind you, but the vast majority.

Move back to Belgium ASAP.

[The_Hero_of_Men]

My own parents probably won't be be good in-laws for a Mexican country girl. They had already been irritated at my dating women outside the country, but they aren't as bad as Asian parents are usually stereotyped to be. But like most middle-class East Asian immigrants who have been brain-drained to the U.S., they have adopted American stereotypes of third-world countries and their peoples.

If my Mexican gf were to live with my mother, I am sure it would be living hell for my gf (by then wife), language barrier or not.

Eventually in time they will accept her cause in the end it's not them who determine who you marry. Luckily My parents accept my Lithuanian fiancee and she's pretty much part of the family. It's so sad that fellow americans are so full of anti foreigner sentiment. Don't they realize that in the end we are all foreigners cause if they want to talk about real americans it's not the white americans. The real americans are the Native Americans. The rest of us are descendants of immigrants.

If you mean Native Americans were the first settlers, then yes. However, even the original Native Americans emigrated from Asia, I believe.

[Blue Murder]

If you mean Native Americans were the first settlers, then yes. However, even the original Native Americans emigrated from Asia, I believe.

Doesn't matter, mate. The point is that they were here first, and so, America is THEIR land. Everyone else came here on boats -- some even by force.