Anti-awkwardness rhetoric

[mattyman]

One thing I don't like to see is labelling people by their 'social skills' or level of awkwardness, or the idea that being awkward somehow makes one less valuable as a person.

A lot of people who are in that boat and who have had poor social and dating success because of it, have probably developed their problems as a result of being amongst ass holes and amongst the wrong people.

The main theme here is how awkwardness is widely viewed, particularly among generation Y, particularly among the shallow and narcissistic, since it really irritates me.

Describing awkward behaviours in a shaming and critical manner does not help them, nor is it helpful for them. At best it will make them feel bad about themselves, and encourage them to beat themselves up when they make a mistake.

It's one thing for someone to struggle with feelings of nervousness that get in the way of social interaction, and it's quite another to be told that you're unlikeable, that no-one would want you, that you need to be 'fixed', often by people who don't know what they're talking about nor are able to relate to the specific problem. I personally think that such rhetoric isn't exactly that helpful, however well-meaning, is often misguided.

For people who do feel awkward sometimes, the whole 'avoid appearing awkward at all coast or else people will think you're weird', or the 'don't be quiet and boring' rhetoric causes more anxiety than ease in many. I think that the tyipcal gen-y attitudes to shyness are not very healthy, and in and of themselves are more sources of anxiety for many, than they are of help. This is particularly understandable for those who've dealt with shallow, critical judgemental people in their time.

Everyone gets awkward, to a degree, those who deny it are trying to appear invulnerable, usually born out of a fear of being judged. There seems to be some sense of shame today in admitting to and talking about very basic human vulnerabilities. Maybe it's part of the gen-Y narcissism/anti-humility?

In addition a lot of the various fears behind peoples awkwardness is probably largely a result of this rhetoric.

What is popularly described as 'awkwardness' is nothing but that manifestation of the fight-flight response system kicking-in during social situations that hindered performance: how one would normally be able to perform when at ease.

What annoys me is when that behaviours described as typically awkward, such as appearing visibly tense, are described as 'acting weird'. As a third person, if I hear someone being talked about like that, it makes my blood boil. All such rhetoric does is gives people the thought that 'I must not look nervous', which when someone's in a situation where they're not at ease, and experiences nervousness, AND becomes self-conscious to the fact that they could be visibly like that; they will recall such information, such as how off-putting it will be to others (often over-estimating).

Another thing this post is about, is people who sneer at signs of awkwardness, or who else go out of their way to try to prove otherwise that they're completely invulnerable, and talk down on those who are awkward, or describe typically behaviours in a negative light as if they're going out of their way not to be classified as 'awkward' themselves, which in turn means signs of awkwardness or vulnerability is somehow a terrible thing.

It seems incredible the lengths that people will go to deny such vulnerabilities, or what's more: the lengths they'd go to make themselves feel better than someone who does fit the classical descriptions of 'awkward'. As if it's some crime against humanity? Anyone else noticed this?