Is the U.S. truly the most unfriendly country in the world?

[GoingAwol]

I see people here talking about how socially isolated they are/were in the U.S , but is it really that bad? I've lived in the southern U.S my entire life and my experience has been that people are generally friendly, albeit mostly in a superficial way. I have a lot of acquaintances, but only have a few really close friends. I think it's hard to form real deep friendships here, but it's generally easy to have friendly conversations with random people in my experience. So is the U.S really that bad socially? I have heard nightmare stories about how closed off people in Germany and other Northern European countries are. So HA'ers, Is the U.S. really that bad? is it the most unfriendly country? And if it's not, which country is?

[josephty1]

Deleted

[jamesbond]

US is pretty diverse, as certain big cities like Seattle and Los Angeles and New York are TERRIBLE places socially (Seattle has its own phrase called Seattle Freeze).

Big cities are the worst places to try and meet people in America. Believe me I know, I live in Chicago. As far a regions of the US go, the northeast, the pacific northwest and the west coast are the worst places to try and meet people and make friends from what people have told me.

[MattHanson1990]

US is pretty diverse, as certain big cities like Seattle and Los Angeles and New York are TERRIBLE places socially (Seattle has its own phrase called Seattle Freeze).

Big cities are the worst places to try and meet people in America. Believe me I know, I live in Chicago. As far a regions of the US go, the northeast, the pacific northwest and the west coast are the worst places to try and meet people and make friends from what people have told me.

Some small towns are just as bad as big cities. I live in Los Alamos, which is a small town in the mountains in the northern part of New Mexico, but people here have the big city mentality. And it's just as bad as the west coast. It's all but impossible to meet people and make friends regardless of venue. Even if you walk into a church by yourself here, you're still invisible because people are predisposed into staying in their cliques or with their families.

[Ghost]

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[jamesbond]

Small towns are extremely isolating in the U.S. In many of them, Wal-mart is the only thing "to do" and if you didn't get into a group/clique early on, you get no more chances. I'm talking about towns with typically less than 20,000 people. Add to that having to drive everywhere and living in the suburb of a small town and it's about as isolated as you can get without leaving civilization.

I live in the suburbs of a big city and it feels like I am living on Mars all by myself. Nobody talks to their neighbors or even makes eye contact with other people.

No wonder why so many Americans feel lonely and isolated.

[Winston]

I see people here talking about how socially isolated they are/were in the U.S , but is it really that bad? I've lived in the southern U.S my entire life and my experience has been that people are generally friendly, albeit mostly in a superficial way. I have a lot of acquaintances, but only have a few really close friends. I think it's hard to form real deep friendships here, but it's generally easy to have friendly conversations with random people in my experience. So is the U.S really that bad socially? I have heard nightmare stories about how closed off people in Germany and other Northern European countries are. So HA'ers, Is the U.S. really that bad? is it the most unfriendly country? And if it's not, which country is?

Yes it is. People in the US may make superficial small talk once in a while, but its with the understanding that afterward, you and them will go your own separate ways. In my neighborhood, neighbors may smile and wave and say hi, but they dont invite me over for barbecues or conversations. Everyone keeps their distance and wants to be left alone.

Thus the US is very lonely, isolating and depressing. So what are you contesting?

Whats your definition of friendliness? To me, friendly means social interaction and wanting to get to know people. Its being social and socializing and exchanging contact info, etc. Superficial hellos and waves dont count in my book.

Overall, no human or social connection with others feels empty and meaningless. It makes me feel weak, like a flower dying in the desert. I have no energy to draw from so it feels soul sucking and energy draining. Especially after youve been abroad. And especially if you dont fit into american culture and people. Who here feels connected in america? Who here feels like he fits in in america? Who here feels accepted in america?

America is for degenerates and soulless people who only care about money and materialism. Only greedy immigrants come to america. After all what kind of people abandon their culture and family just to make money in america? Thats why even foreigners who move to america tend to be greedy and soulless too. I dont connect with that. Basically, if you have a soul, are intellectual or sensitive, then america isnt for you.

[Winston]

One more important point i forgot to mention:

In the US, the strangers you chat with will usually be older men who are lonely and need an ear to listen to them ramble. Sometimes older women too. Or older couples. They wont be girls or young women who are decent looking. No way.

But in China, Russia, Europe and SE Asia, very often, attractive young women and girls will be the strangers i talk to casually or start up conversations with. I swear. I have many photos as proof.

Thats the BIG DIFFERENCE between the US and abroad. The OP needs to keep that in mind.

Furthermore, some of the girls or young women i casually meet as strangers, will give me their contact info and meet for dinner with me next time. That doesnt usually happen in the US, even if you chat with many strangers. Again, HUGE major difference.

Keep these key differences in mind.

[MattHanson1990]

Small towns are extremely isolating in the U.S. In many of them, Wal-mart is the only thing "to do" and if you didn't get into a group/clique early on, you get no more chances. I'm talking about towns with typically less than 20,000 people. Add to that having to drive everywhere and living in the suburb of a small town and it's about as isolated as you can get without leaving civilization.

Luckily where I live, there is public transportation, and it covers a lot of the area. However, buses arrive every 30 minutes during rush hour and only every hour during the day, with the exception of the downtown connector route which arrives every 20 minutes. Service ends at 7 pm, and there is no service whatsoever on the weekends.

[Ghost]

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[MattHanson1990]

Small towns are extremely isolating in the U.S. In many of them, Wal-mart is the only thing "to do" and if you didn't get into a group/clique early on, you get no more chances. I'm talking about towns with typically less than 20,000 people. Add to that having to drive everywhere and living in the suburb of a small town and it's about as isolated as you can get without leaving civilization.

Luckily where I live, there is public transportation, and it covers a lot of the area. However, buses arrive every 30 minutes during rush hour and only every hour during the day, with the exception of the downtown connector route which arrives every 20 minutes. Service ends at 7 pm, and there is no service whatsoever on the weekends.

Sounds like you're "lucky" then. I have absolutely no public transportation where I live. That's one of the great things I've discovered living abroad. There are more options for transportation, and many of them are cheap. From buses to scooters to subways.

It astounds me how Americans think being forced to drive everywhere is freedom.

Having to drive even for basic stuff became one of my all time biggest pet peeves ever since I came back from living in Mexico for almost a month. Nowadays, driving to do simple things just makes me feel like I've been turned from a human being into a machine or a zombie; it's absolutely soulless.

[onethousandknives]

It depends. I think the biggest issue is, let's say I encounter people from Eastern Europe, or even Asia, they may be cold and closed off somewhat (maybe because they feel shunned by Americans) but the reason they ignore you is more that they don't care you exist. Which is fine. But with Americans, I feel it's different, it's more that people are paranoid and afraid of meeting and connecting with people. So it's not that they're unfriendly per se, but more just afraid. I think it came with the mass shootings, terrorism, serial killer, etc type of scares, that any person who is out of the "norm" could potentially be one of those people, so there's a shunning of anyone not 100% "normal."

The biggest revelation for me though, is meeting foreigners here, and how many of them had very poor social lives. One Indian couple who lived in my apartment said I was the only white person who bothered to talk to them at my apartment complex, and said they had no friends besides other Indians. They invited me for dinner, only neighbor to do so there at my apartment complex. Their apartment was nice, they were reasonably skinny, in their 30s, they had a giant TV, newer cars, good jobs in medical fields, spoke good English, albeit with an accent, but no friends. I had a friend from Sweden come here as well, about 28 years old, good shape, tall, blonde, spoke English well, and had a terrible social life here and no girlfriend and few dates for the 6 months he was here. In Sweden he told me all about his girlfriends, friends, girls, etc, and really said he did not like the social atmosphere at all and that there was nothing to do. I had a friend from Poland in high school, he became a "nerd", got fat, and got bullied here, though when he was in Poland, he was skinny, had a lot of friends, was good at soccer, etc. So in this case, at the very least USA is unfriendly to foreigners who come here seemingly normal and well put together, so what about natives who do not fit the correct mold or form? Then what?

I dunno, I could go on and on about it, but it's... possible. I think another weird exception to USA as well is even with most people being superficially friendly, there's an evil or sadism lurking beneath the surface. With shows like Jackass, Viva La Bam, etc, it shows this side to USA. Maybe I don't know enough about other countries to say this is specific to USA, but there's a lot of just harassing people for simply existing in USA. If you go on youtube, there's videos of people, say, honking at bicyclists repeatedly and following them and harassing them simply for riding a bike and needing to get somewhere. "You're not in a car, you're not like me, I'm gonna bully you and try to force my will on you." Rather than said person driving by and thinking "oh well, that's strange, whatever." There's an intense preoccupation with what OTHERS are doing in America, and the need to control that. So to the OP, maybe this is what's different to the "ice cold" regions of Europe, the need to crush and destroy others who are different or you don't like.

So that type of just random silly harassment is something quite unfriendly about USA, too. Even with theft, I got my bicycle stolen by teenagers, not who wanted something to ride, not who even needed something to take parts off of, but just for someone to ride for a bit and destroy it for no reason. There's weird ideology of thinking violence and cruelty and harassment of others is fun and "cool" in USA, so this doesn't help things as well.

So.... definite maybe.

[IraqVet2003]

One more important point i forgot to mention:

In the US, the strangers you chat with will usually be older men who are lonely and need an ear to listen to them ramble. Sometimes older women too. Or older couples. They wont be girls or young women who are decent looking. No way.

But in China, Russia, Europe and SE Asia, very often, attractive young women and girls will be the strangers i talk to casually or start up conversations with. I swear. I have many photos as proof.

Thats the BIG DIFFERENCE between the US and abroad. The OP needs to keep that in mind.

Furthermore, some of the girls or young women i casually meet as strangers, will give me their contact info and meet for dinner with me next time. That doesnt usually happen in the US, even if you chat with many strangers. Again, HUGE major difference.

Keep these key differences in mind.

Great points Winston!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

[Ghost]

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[Wolfeye]

America is very weird like that. If people approve of you, they usually don't let it show. They also talk & sometimes act in support of things they don't actually support. So someone will secretly root for you, but either stay out of things or jump onto the dog-pile & possibly feel guilty for it.

As far as things go, I think a lot of it has to do with the underlying view that agreement equals defeat & approval would then be seen in the same light. It's not necessarily what EVERYONE thinks, but it's pretty frequent- if usually unannounced. But then, how many things ARE openly stated? Even if they aren't insults, people don't really directly say anything. Fence-riding is a good example. I notice that sometimes it seems someone is just arguing because they think that's how you have a conversation- someone says one thing & the other person disputes it. Not necessarily in a hostile way, but that you've failed at communication if you don't disagree.

These are all kind of "qualitative" things, though. Someone's not sitting there thinking the words "Agreement is defeat," it just kind of sums up that way. A lot of things aren't "mentally articulated" as though someone is talking to someone else in their head- if you knock a steak knife off the counter & slide your feet back quick, you're just sizing up the situation & seeing that the angle of the falling blade lines up with your foot (or realizing that it could). It's not mentally "said out loud" like when you explain things to someone else or they explain something to you. I'm not saying this is a bad thing all the time, but some things are kind of knee-jerk & wordless- which makes it pretty hard for someone to home-in on & adjust if they see that it's going to cause a problem. Might just be that someone doesn't support racially-based unfairness, but they reflexively size things up as "the black guy did it" or "the white guy is racist" & make decisions based on that assessment in spite of the situation actually being different.