Problems With Being An Empath

[Pixel--Dude]

Do any of you guys perceive certain disadvantages with being an empath towards others? Or do you unabashedly continue to behave empathic towards others in spite of being let down by so many people?

I'm an empath. I always try to relate to how others might think or feel. I can sometimes be a little judgemental towards some people, but this is a personality flaw I am working on.

The reason I think being an empath could be detrimental in today's society is because often times people are cold and solipsistic and I find that behaving as an empath and holding others to the same standard to which you hold yourself is a mistake. I've learned over the years and adapted to the behaviour of others so that i don't expect too much from others. Friends and ex girlfriends and even family have all let me down before and the reason why it always hurt is because I placed way too much faith and trust in these people. I held them to my own high standards which I outlined in my thread about ethics and morality. (Here: viewtopic.php?style=11&f=32&t=46815)

The problem with being too much of an empath is that it opens you up for people to take advantage of you. Take that relentless troll Mercer (or Rock) when he was posting stuff on here about roping himself I actually wasted my time messaging him to ask if he was doing okay when all along he was just a troll coming here to talk shit and play some kind of pathetic incel character. In retrospect I never should have felt empathy for this pathetic creature. I should have banned him the moment I was made moderator. Especially since @Winston gave me permission to do what I wanted with him.

I think it's important to maintain a healthy balance of empathy alongside a dose of skepticism. There's no reason why I should change who I am and become some heartless twat who doesn't care about others. I still proudly maintain my empathy for others and see this as a rare noble trait in a world filled with cold heartless and selfish human beings. I don't think an empath should hold others to the same standard as themselves. But at the same time there's no reason why you shouldn't give a damn about others. Not saying you should become a support worker or help the homeless or anything like that, but at least feel something for another human being who could be suffering for whatever reason.

Being empathetic towards others isn't a weakness by any means, so long as you have the discernment to understand where empathy should be applicable and when you should turn your back on those who would take advantage of your kindness and mistake it for weakness.

What do you guys think?

@Winston
@Lucas88
@MarcosZeitola
@WilliamSmith
@willymonfrete
@publicduende
@MrMan

[Lucas88]

Do any of you guys perceive certain disadvantages with being an empath towards others?

Yes, I definitely do perceive certain disadvantages to being an empath. I myself am naturally empathic and even consider myself a recovering pathological altruist but, in recent years, I've come to realize that being an empath is an objectively irrational mindset to have in today's society of extreme selfishness and cutthroat competition and so I've made somewhat of an effort to drop the empath thing for the most part while becoming more skeptical of others.

Similar to your case, I too was let down by quite a few people who I considered friends. I soon realized that many people in my life were solely motivated by self-interest and only came to me when they wanted some sort of favor only to swiftly disappear whenever the shoe was on the other foot.

I used to be quite naïve about human nature. I assumed that because I was a kind and empathic person and was always willing to help those around me most other people would be the same but, then after travelling the world a bit more and studying people in greater depth, it became clear to me that far more people than what I'd previously thought were nothing more than selfish cretins out there only for what they can get and even looking to screw over others for material gain should the opportunity arise. I then realized that most people aren't worth helping at all.

Being an empath in this kind of system is wholly irrational. The sole purpose of life under capitalism is to get ahead and outcompete others for wealth and status. A large portion of the population has imbibed that same hypercompetitive mindset wholesale. That's how they see the world and anybody who gets in their path is either an opportunity to exploit or an obstacle. In light of this stark reality, it makes much more sense to see most other people as potential enemies barring a select few. We certainly shouldn't show empathy or perform acts of kindness for ignoble people who don't deserve our empathy and kindness. And, if we're willing to touch the dark side ourselves, we have the option to look to outcompete or even proactively screw over such people. This is arguably the most rational mindset to adopt in today's extremely selfish and cutthroat world.

As empathic souls we do indeed possess a spiritual gift which would otherwise be a blessing in a highly evolved and enlightened society. However, this same spiritual gift is largely counterproductive in this current society of limitless greed and competition and so it behooves us to suppress it to a large degree and restrict it only to select occasions. We as empaths are perhaps on the vanguard of a high-vibrational mode of consciousness - one of an Aquarian nature characterized by empathy, sensitivity and cooperation - but we have arrived too soon and are ill-suited to the low-vibrational world in which we currently find ourselves. That said, I do find it a curious exercise to consciously suppress my empathic nature in order to adapt to a world in which greed and egoism prevail. I don't see it as a self-betrayal but rather as a test of my own versatility.

[fschmidt]

Why is sympathy for others a good thing? Is it good to have sympathy for cockroaches? If not, how this is different?

The Old Testament says to love one's neighbor, not all of humanity. Who is one's neighbor? A member of one's group. My group is Arkians, so I have sympathy for Arkians.

Does that mean that I don't give a damn about others? Not quite, I do care in the sense that I wish most of them were dead, much like cockroaches.

[willymonfrete]

As an empath I realize most people are products of pavlovian conditioning and thus don't know nor can do better with what their environment has conditioned them to be.I just hope for a better world and mode of production in which cutthroatness is not rewarded but punished with expulsion from the group.

If someone asks me for food,I buy it for them even though I know it would put a dent in my pocket due to limited funds,simpely because I know hw it is to be hungry growing up.

there are certain things you just cannot change as an empath.

I am lucky that I have a good sister that I have a very intimate relationship with.

[Lucas88]

As an empath I realize most people are products of pavlovian conditioning and thus don't know nor can do better with what their environment has conditioned them to be.I just hope for a better world and mode of production in which cutthroatness is not rewarded but punished with expulsion from the group.

Sometimes I oscillate towards some level of misanthropy due to my bad experiences with a fair few people but ultimately I always come back to the following realization – people with such low-vibrational traits and behaviors are simply acting in accordance with the quality of their own consciousness and therefore have little or no choice in the matter. Conversely, if I am able to behave empathically and manifest high-vibrational traits and behaviors, it is simply because my current quality of consciousness allows for it. Given that our quality of consciousness is largely outside of our immediate control, it makes little sense to harshly judge others for the way they behave.

Usually, whenever I begin to hold misanthropic views about the people around me, I'll encounter one or more random acts of kindness which tell me that there is still some goodness in humanity, even if selfishness and indifference are the default state for most people.

For example, I remember when I was once loitering around a park at night in Valencia and a pizza delivery guy assumed that I was homeless and offered to give me a free pizza. I wasn't homeless. I just like to go out at night because I love the darkness of the night sky and the way it contrasts with the bright lights of the city and so I often go to the park for a stroll at 10 PM or later. That night, the pizza delivery guy called me from afar and asked me if I was hungry while offering me a full pizza. Taken aback, I just laughed and explained to the guy that I wasn't homeless and was just strolling through the park. I thanked him for his concern and the offer of free food but ultimately declined since I wasn't destitute.

Random acts of kindness from total strangers like this one always serve to restore my faith in humanity. They let me know that some people are still kind and decent even amidst a generation of complete egoism and narcissism and without much solidarity.

[kangarunner]

Sometimes I oscillate towards some level of misanthropy due to my bad experiences with a fair few people but ultimately I always come back to the following realization – people with such low-vibrational traits and behaviors are simply acting in accordance with the quality of their own consciousness and therefore have little or no choice in the matter. Conversely, if I am able to behave empathically and manifest high-vibrational traits and behaviors, it is simply because my current quality of consciousness allows for it. Given that our quality of consciousness is largely outside of our immediate control, it makes little sense to harshly judge others for the way they behave.

Usually, whenever I begin to hold misanthropic views about the people around me, I'll encounter one or more random acts of kindness which tell me that there is still some goodness in humanity, even if selfishness and indifference are the default state for most people.

For example, I remember when I was once loitering around a park at night in Valencia and a pizza delivery guy assumed that I was homeless and offered to give me a free pizza. I wasn't homeless. I just like to go out at night because I love the darkness of the night sky and the way it contrasts with the bright lights of the city and so I often go to the park for a stroll at 10 PM or later. That night, the pizza delivery guy called me from afar and asked me if I was hungry while offering me a full pizza. Taken aback, I just laughed and explained to the guy that I wasn't homeless and was just strolling through the park. I thanked him for his concern and the offer of free food but ultimately declined since I wasn't destitute.

Random acts of kindness from total strangers like this one always serve to restore my faith in humanity. They let me know that some people are still kind and decent even amidst a generation of complete egoism and narcissism and without much solidarity.

Well said sir. Yes, we should be kind, decent, and compassionate to those who deserve it. That pizza delivery guy was a good man and the universe or God or karma was there for you at that time.

[Pixel--Dude]

Sometimes I oscillate towards some level of misanthropy due to my bad experiences with a fair few people but ultimately I always come back to the following realization – people with such low-vibrational traits and behaviors are simply acting in accordance with the quality of their own consciousness and therefore have little or no choice in the matter. Conversely, if I am able to behave empathically and manifest high-vibrational traits and behaviors, it is simply because my current quality of consciousness allows for it. Given that our quality of consciousness is largely outside of our immediate control, it makes little sense to harshly judge others for the way they behave.

I am the same. I sometimes become really misanthropic because of the selfish idiocy of other people. NPC serfs and their shitty slave like values and their delusional sense of moral superiority, when in reality they're just selfish self serving assholes just piss me off!

Sometimes I have moments where I think @fschmidt is right and it would be better for these slaves to just be exterminated.

But, such thinking is not really within my nature if I am honest. Much like it isn't in yours either. We may have moments of misanthropy pertuated by bitterness instilled by the stupidity and solipsism of others, but ultimately we are high vibrational souls who have higher, noble values.

Usually, whenever I begin to hold misanthropic views about the people around me, I'll encounter one or more random acts of kindness which tell me that there is still some goodness in humanity, even if selfishness and indifference are the default state for most people.

Is selfishness and indifference really the default state of humanity? Or are humans naturally cooperative? I think capitalism, which pushes this materialist, dog eat dog ethos is partly to blame for people's disconnect. @willymonfrete surely agrees. Look at indigenous tribal communities! They undoubtedly have a better level of social connection than we do in a technologically advanced society.

Random acts of kindness from total strangers like this one always serve to restore my faith in humanity. They let me know that some people are still kind and decent even amidst a generation of complete egoism and narcissism and without much solidarity.

It is always a pleasant surprise when people display rare acts of kindness and altruism. Such occurrences are rare. Most people are cold and heartless and don't value anything other than their own selfish advancement through society. But there are still pockets of real human beings out there who have noble values and are capable of kindness.

[galii]

Sometimes I oscillate towards some level of misanthropy due to my bad experiences with a fair few people but ultimately I always come back to the following realization – people with such low-vibrational traits and behaviors are simply acting in accordance with the quality of their own consciousness and therefore have little or no choice in the matter. Conversely, if I am able to behave empathically and manifest high-vibrational traits and behaviors, it is simply because my current quality of consciousness allows for it. Given that our quality of consciousness is largely outside of our immediate control, it makes little sense to harshly judge others for the way they behave.

I am the same. I sometimes become really misanthropic because of the selfish idiocy of other people. NPC serfs and their shitty slave like values and their delusional sense of moral superiority, when in reality they're just selfish self serving assholes just piss me off!

Sometimes I have moments where I think @fschmidt is right and it would be better for these slaves to just be exterminated.

But, such thinking is not really within my nature if I am honest. Much like it isn't in yours either. We may have moments of misanthropy pertuated by bitterness instilled by the stupidity and solipsism of others, but ultimately we are high vibrational souls who have higher, noble values.

Usually, whenever I begin to hold misanthropic views about the people around me, I'll encounter one or more random acts of kindness which tell me that there is still some goodness in humanity, even if selfishness and indifference are the default state for most people.

Is selfishness and indifference really the default state of humanity? Or are humans naturally cooperative? I think capitalism, which pushes this materialist, dog eat dog ethos is partly to blame for people's disconnect. @willymonfrete surely agrees. Look at indigenous tribal communities! They undoubtedly have a better level of social connection than we do in a technologically advanced society.

Random acts of kindness from total strangers like this one always serve to restore my faith in humanity. They let me know that some people are still kind and decent even amidst a generation of complete egoism and narcissism and without much solidarity.

It is always a pleasant surprise when people display rare acts of kindness and altruism. Such occurrences are rare. Most people are cold and heartless and don't value anything other than their own selfish advancement through society. But there are still pockets of real human beings out there who have noble values and are capable of kindness.

There is a chance we attract the assholes a bit too. For example if one lives near the Amish people I guess one might find nicer people.

[Pixel--Dude]

Sometimes I oscillate towards some level of misanthropy due to my bad experiences with a fair few people but ultimately I always come back to the following realization – people with such low-vibrational traits and behaviors are simply acting in accordance with the quality of their own consciousness and therefore have little or no choice in the matter. Conversely, if I am able to behave empathically and manifest high-vibrational traits and behaviors, it is simply because my current quality of consciousness allows for it. Given that our quality of consciousness is largely outside of our immediate control, it makes little sense to harshly judge others for the way they behave.

I am the same. I sometimes become really misanthropic because of the selfish idiocy of other people. NPC serfs and their shitty slave like values and their delusional sense of moral superiority, when in reality they're just selfish self serving assholes just piss me off!

Sometimes I have moments where I think @fschmidt is right and it would be better for these slaves to just be exterminated.

But, such thinking is not really within my nature if I am honest. Much like it isn't in yours either. We may have moments of misanthropy pertuated by bitterness instilled by the stupidity and solipsism of others, but ultimately we are high vibrational souls who have higher, noble values.

Usually, whenever I begin to hold misanthropic views about the people around me, I'll encounter one or more random acts of kindness which tell me that there is still some goodness in humanity, even if selfishness and indifference are the default state for most people.

Is selfishness and indifference really the default state of humanity? Or are humans naturally cooperative? I think capitalism, which pushes this materialist, dog eat dog ethos is partly to blame for people's disconnect. @willymonfrete surely agrees. Look at indigenous tribal communities! They undoubtedly have a better level of social connection than we do in a technologically advanced society.

Random acts of kindness from total strangers like this one always serve to restore my faith in humanity. They let me know that some people are still kind and decent even amidst a generation of complete egoism and narcissism and without much solidarity.

It is always a pleasant surprise when people display rare acts of kindness and altruism. Such occurrences are rare. Most people are cold and heartless and don't value anything other than their own selfish advancement through society. But there are still pockets of real human beings out there who have noble values and are capable of kindness.

There is a chance we attract the assholes a bit too. For example if one lives near the Amish people I guess one might find nicer people.

I'm just wondering if this issue is a nature or nurture thing though, @galii are people naturally cold a solipsistic? Or is that a behaviour taught to us through society and the media? People in indigenous tribes don't behave that way.

Say if we take a pregnant woman for example. Let's say her husband dies. She will have to struggle to raise her baby all alone. Even though she might be surrounded by neighbours, none of them will particularly care about her or her baby. But in a tribal community in the amazon, a woman in the same situation will generally get the help she needs from other women in the tribe. They're like one big family. Perhaps when it comes to technology we are more advanced than them, but when it comes to a sense of community maybe they're more advanced than us.

[galii]

Sometimes I oscillate towards some level of misanthropy due to my bad experiences with a fair few people but ultimately I always come back to the following realization – people with such low-vibrational traits and behaviors are simply acting in accordance with the quality of their own consciousness and therefore have little or no choice in the matter. Conversely, if I am able to behave empathically and manifest high-vibrational traits and behaviors, it is simply because my current quality of consciousness allows for it. Given that our quality of consciousness is largely outside of our immediate control, it makes little sense to harshly judge others for the way they behave.

I am the same. I sometimes become really misanthropic because of the selfish idiocy of other people. NPC serfs and their shitty slave like values and their delusional sense of moral superiority, when in reality they're just selfish self serving assholes just piss me off!

Sometimes I have moments where I think @fschmidt is right and it would be better for these slaves to just be exterminated.

But, such thinking is not really within my nature if I am honest. Much like it isn't in yours either. We may have moments of misanthropy pertuated by bitterness instilled by the stupidity and solipsism of others, but ultimately we are high vibrational souls who have higher, noble values.

Usually, whenever I begin to hold misanthropic views about the people around me, I'll encounter one or more random acts of kindness which tell me that there is still some goodness in humanity, even if selfishness and indifference are the default state for most people.

Is selfishness and indifference really the default state of humanity? Or are humans naturally cooperative? I think capitalism, which pushes this materialist, dog eat dog ethos is partly to blame for people's disconnect. @willymonfrete surely agrees. Look at indigenous tribal communities! They undoubtedly have a better level of social connection than we do in a technologically advanced society.

Random acts of kindness from total strangers like this one always serve to restore my faith in humanity. They let me know that some people are still kind and decent even amidst a generation of complete egoism and narcissism and without much solidarity.

It is always a pleasant surprise when people display rare acts of kindness and altruism. Such occurrences are rare. Most people are cold and heartless and don't value anything other than their own selfish advancement through society. But there are still pockets of real human beings out there who have noble values and are capable of kindness.

There is a chance we attract the assholes a bit too. For example if one lives near the Amish people I guess one might find nicer people.

I'm just wondering if this issue is a nature or nurture thing though, @galii are people naturally cold a solipsistic? Or is that a behaviour taught to us through society and the media? People in indigenous tribes don't behave that way.

Say if we take a pregnant woman for example. Let's say her husband dies. She will have to struggle to raise her baby all alone. Even though she might be surrounded by neighbours, none of them will particularly care about her or her baby. But in a tribal community in the amazon, a woman in the same situation will generally get the help she needs from other women in the tribe. They're like one big family. Perhaps when it comes to technology we are more advanced than them, but when it comes to a sense of community maybe they're more advanced than us.

On some level nurture is nature. Nature created human culture. Humans are part of nature. The problem with tribes is they do not work at some point. It is also questionable how 'functional' their life was.

Communists like to believe that humans are good but they got corrupted. I think nature does not care about what is 'moral'.

[galii]

Maybe we do not look for love. Otherwise it should be not too hard to get:


https://www.youtube.com/shorts/k4KqCZizoUA
Sweet dog

[Pixel--Dude]

One of the problems with being an empath is that often when people commit transgression against you you will often try to excuse that behaviour or justify it in some way so that it makes sense. Obviously as someone empathic towards others you cannot reconcile or relate to shitty behaviour which is so alien to an empath, so you justify it by thinking stuff like: "Maybe they acted this way because X,Y,Z!" Such rationalisation of shitty behaviour is normal for an empath because they cannot relate to solipsistic ways of thinking.

Lately I've realised that shitty behaviour cannot or should not be justified or rationalised in any way, shape or form. Sometimes, even as an empath you have to realise that someone doesn't necessarily behave badly towards you because they had a bad upbringing, or they have been through a lot, or have had bad relationships with women etc... some people just behave poorly because simply put they are degenerate scum and absolute soulless cunts! There is no reason to apply too much rationalisation here. Accept people are f***ing shit in general and you won't be disappointed when people inevitably let you down.

What do you guys think?
@Lucas88
@Winston
@galii
@fschmidt
@MarcosZeitola
@publicduende
@willymonfrete
@WanderingProtagonist

Have you guys ever been let down by someone you trusted and this pushed you further into misanthropy? Have you ever been betrayed or disappointed and tried to rationalise shitty behaviour or make excuses for people who just, for lack of a better word, turned out to be total cunts whose behaviour cannot be reconciled or rationalised. Share your thoughts.

[yick]

I remember reading a great book by the martial artist, Geoff Thompson which basically changed my life and a lot of it was about this and what he said was that the reason people get disappointed when they give things to people is because they expect a return or that they're owed a return - the secret to giving (money, time, things, advice etc) is NOT to expect the return, you do it because you want to give and it doesn't mean giving everything you have to everyone but when you start to give without expecting a return - life becomes better - you start giving things to people and you forget who and what you gave to but you start getting things back - sometimes by the people you give things to but more often than not - The Universe gives to you and life becomes better.

Thompson states that when you give - not only does that person benefit but you also benefit because you're giving to yourself, the gift of higher self esteem, that you're not an arsehole. Imagine how many depressed people out there are depressed because they're basically arseholes and they get back what they give out? I am not saying that is every depressed person of course but a lot of people are depressed because they wants things without wanting to give back.

Life is temporary and it is short, you can't take anything with you, The Queen had to leave her wealth, her massive private art collection and her crowns, tiaras and stolen artefacts behind - there is nothing here that you have that is of any real value - it is all lent to you (if it is of any value) only for it to be passed onto someone else when you leave this mortal coil - the one thing you have of real value is your kindness, empathy and decency to others - that's what makes you a stand out as a person, that is the way to happiness and peace of mind.

What people want is to be a wanker and treat people like shit and be happy - that can't happen ever - you have to give those things up and treat people the way you know they ought to be treated, how many people commit suicide (or have drug and alcohol addictions) because they cannot handle the 'inner voice' the 'inner critic' that you can't lie to, you can't make excuses to, whatever shit things you do, it is there to remind you, who isn't interested in your excuses, you can make all the excuses to your gran or your mates down the pub - the inner voice never lets you off, the best way - better than prozac, in fact the only way to combat it - is to do good and don't expect a return and to treat people with decency, kindness and respect and then after awhile, you don't think of any other way of being and sooner or maybe later - you start to feel good about yourself, the inner critic is going to be saying less and less that you're an arsehole and more and more you can have a nice sleep and live a normal life that you're meant to - sure, you can take prozac and be an arsehole to people and that will shut the inner critic up but it's not what I would want.

I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination - sometimes, not often but sometimes, I veer off course and don't treat people the way I should but I am mindful of it and try better or make amends the next time so it is always an ongoing process, but I think life as an empath is the only road really to some kind of mental peace and tranqulity, to give is to get back - it really is, it has made my life loads better.

[Pixel--Dude]

I remember reading a great book by the martial artist, Geoff Thompson which basically changed my life and a lot of it was about this and what he said was that the reason people get disappointed when they give things to people is because they expect a return or that they're owed a return - the secret to giving (money, time, things, advice etc) is NOT to expect the return, you do it because you want to give and it doesn't mean giving everything you have to everyone but when you start to give without expecting a return - life becomes better - you start giving things to people and you forget who and what you gave to but you start getting things back - sometimes by the people you give things to but more often than not - The Universe gives to you and life becomes better.

Thompson states that when you give - not only does that person benefit but you also benefit because you're giving to yourself, the gift of higher self esteem, that you're not an arsehole. Imagine how many depressed people out there are depressed because they're basically arseholes and they get back what they give out? I am not saying that is every depressed person of course but a lot of people are depressed because they wants things without wanting to give back.

Life is temporary and it is short, you can't take anything with you, The Queen had to leave her wealth, her massive private art collection and her crowns, tiaras and stolen artefacts behind - there is nothing here that you have that is of any real value - it is all lent to you (if it is of any value) only for it to be passed onto someone else when you leave this mortal coil - the one thing you have of real value is your kindness, empathy and decency to others - that's what makes you a stand out as a person, that is the way to happiness and peace of mind.

What people want is to be a wanker and treat people like shit and be happy - that can't happen ever - you have to give those things up and treat people the way you know they ought to be treated, how many people commit suicide (or have drug and alcohol addictions) because they cannot handle the 'inner voice' the 'inner critic' that you can't lie to, you can't make excuses to, whatever shit things you do, it is there to remind you, who isn't interested in your excuses, you can make all the excuses to your gran or your mates down the pub - the inner voice never lets you off, the best way - better than prozac, in fact the only way to combat it - is to do good and don't expect a return and to treat people with decency, kindness and respect and then after awhile, you don't think of any other way of being and sooner or maybe later - you start to feel good about yourself, the inner critic is going to be saying less and less that you're an arsehole and more and more you can have a nice sleep and live a normal life that you're meant to - sure, you can take prozac and be an arsehole to people and that will shut the inner critic up but it's not what I would want.

I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination - sometimes, not often but sometimes, I veer off course and don't treat people the way I should but I am mindful of it and try better or make amends the next time so it is always an ongoing process, but I think life as an empath is the only road really to some kind of mental peace and tranqulity, to give is to get back - it really is, it has made my life loads better.

Thanks for sharing this, @yick. I think it's right what you've said here. I agree with a lot of you've shared here. Recently my aunt died and when I was clearing her stuff out of her house I was reflecting on pretty much what you said about the pointlessness of material objects and how meaningless they inevitably become when you die. It kind of puts into perspective how much value material things actually have in the first place. They don't really have any value at all. Especially once we're dead and gone. The only thing that really matters is the memories you leave behind. Those are things truly cherished by those whose lives you were a part of. Through them your memory lives on and this ultimately has more intrinsic value than material possessions which all mostly get tipped when you die, or in the case of a royal they just get shoved behind a glass cabinet.

I know what you mean about not being perfect. I think I am far from perfect. I do try to be a good person, I try to be fair and kind to people and I try to help everyone as much as I can. But sometimes I'm not very mindful and it's only afterwards when that inner critic pipes up that I reflect on bad behaviour and realise what an asshole I've been. The problem isn't that there are no real perfect human beings, we all have the capacity to behave like an asshole, the problem is that most people aren't capable of that inner reflection. They can't analyse their own behaviour and admit to themselves their mistakes or wrongdoings. That's the real problem. Because if you think about it, if a person is incapable of looking inwards and reflecting on their own behaviour, then they will be incapable of seeing things from the perspective of others and this will prevent them from being empathetic towards other people.

Long story short, most people are just cunts and it's better as an empath to just accept that as a fact and then you won't be disappointed when your "investment" isn't returned, as you said. Still, with this in mind it's always best to behave in a way that you think is right, regardless of whether you think you're wasting your time with people.

[yick]

Exactly @Pixel--Dude and when you say...

"I know what you mean about not being perfect. I think I am far from perfect. I do try to be a good person, I try to be fair and kind to people and I try to help everyone as much as I can. But sometimes I'm not very mindful and it's only afterwards when that inner critic pipes up that I reflect on bad behaviour and realise what an asshole I've been."

You're 80% there to be honest, most people don't even get this, they want to be happy but be a twat to people whenever they want and of course, it does the opposite, if you're trying and you're mindful of the need to improve when we do something that isn't up to standard then you're doing better than most - lots of people haven't even evolved to that level which to us is a basic understanding of the path to better mental health and they think a tablet from the doctor or drink or drugs will get us there instead - or at least offer us a temporary relapse.

When people are being an asshole to me - I try and state that they're doing it to themselves and they'll suffer for it and not me - their inner voice will torment them on their wrong doing - I still think of crap things I did as a kid and the inner voice hasn't let me off since and more than likely it never will so it's the same for everyone and the best way to lessen it is be decent and mindful to people - it's hard because we live in this cultural prism of revenge and that you NEED to get revenge and to even the score and the thing is when people do bad or even just crap and wankerish things - they are hurting themselves but if we watch TV or hollywood films then the desire of revenge and the need to seek it is paramount (which is always drummed into us) when really - it isn't - people who hurt me hurt themselves more and if someone is rude to me or is being a wanker - my life still continues to be great!

Lots of people aren't in any way capable of looking inwards at their own behaviour and wonder why their life is bad or going badly wrong but they're not our problem - like you said - most people are cunts or if not - are selfish and prone to cuntish behaviour but the only agency you have in this world is your behaviour and how you react to others behaviour - as Geoff Thompson quoted an Arabic saying in his excellent book 'The Elephant and the Twig' 'The Dog Barks but the Caravan moves on' the dog can bark as much as it wants at the caravan, the caravan isn't going to stop its journey so everyone can get out and bark back at the dog.

Also, it isn't your role on the planet to give to every single Big Issue seller and to every Cancer Research tin rattler who block you on the way out at Tesco - you have to pick and choose who and what you give or can - if you don't want to give to xyz then you don't have to and if someone takes advantage of a kindness you have given then they're the cunt not you're the mug - I never lend money to people - if someone wants to lend a 100 quid off me then I will say 'I can give you 20 quid if you want it and you don't have to pay me back' and if they come back later for another 'loan' I can say yes or no but knowing that I gave them some of what they want the last time usually stops them from asking - but if it is someone I love then I have no problems with giving it but if I can help with some of their problem then I will try my best but I don't seek the return.

You do understand all this and I get it's hard to put it into practical every day life but one day you'll get there totally and life will be so much better.